Author: Jenna

REVIEW: Domino’s Loaded Tots

Jenna 16 Comments

The only thing I like as much as pizza is non-pizza products from pizza places, so Domino’s new Loaded Tots had me tantalized. There are three topping variants, but I started by pulling off one naked tot, which was standard, but well-executed fare -– salty, starchy, with an impressively crisp exterior and fluffy interior. Onto the true taste test!

Melty 3-Cheese

It was unsettling to see so many pitch-black burnt bits of cheese along the edges, but the majority of the tots were coated in a more palatable shade of white/orange cheese blend. The prominent sharpness of cheddar was accompanied more mellowly by the creaminess of mozzarella and tanginess of provolone, a tasty cheesefest.

In mine, most of the cheese had settled to the bottom and congealed into a thick slab that the tots were resting on top of. This slab apparently also included Alfredo sauce, but I can’t say that the flavor shined through. In any case, the dense bed of solidified cheese actually was a positive for me since it avoided the classic problem of tot toppings falling off and scattering (though it did mean I ended up barbarian-ishly tearing off chunks with my hands rather than eating with a fork as I’d more civilly intended).

Cheddar Bacon

These tots looked very similar to the Melty 3-Cheese, so much so that I wondered if I’d accidentally been given two orders of the same thing. Upon closer examination, I was able to distinguish some fattier bacon strips. But most of the bacon came in the form of crispy bits with a color, size, and shape that were really similar to the dollops of charred melted cheese. (Though there was also an intense bacon-y smell that helped me differentiate.)

The topping – which combined said bacon with our old friends mozzarella and cheddar, as well as a garlic Parmesan sauce – was still quite congealed but more successful at perching atop the tots. Despite not being the most visually distinct, the bacon packed quite a punch taste-wise, giving this flavor a meatier, smokier quality, with some yummy complexity added by the garlic sauce.

Philly Cheesesteak

This variant definitely looked the most photogenic, laden with an even-less-congealed version of the same mozzarella and cheddar combo as the Cheddar Bacon, plus Alfredo sauce, slabs of onion, slices of green pepper, and thin strips of steak that are described on the website as “tender.” I’d agree… but only when it comes to the centers, as the edges of the steak strips were as blackened as the aforementioned burnt cheese edges.

On their own, the ingredients tasted great – the peppers zesty, the onions sweet with a nice zing, the steak rich, and the cheese/sauce mixture as appealing as it was in the other two Loaded Tots. But taken all together, they became oddly indistinguishable to me, with all the elements canceling each other out to result in an amalgamation that was intensely savory but ultimately ambiguous.

These were all equally pretty good, but I still doubt I’d order any of them again. Loaded tots are a nice novel way to combine carbs, cheese, meat, sauce, and vegetables, but come on! If you’re already set on ordering from Domino’s, pizza would be a much more satisfying way to get your flavorful fix.

Purchased Price: $6.99 each
Size: N/A
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (¼ an order) Melty 3-Cheese – 210 calories, 13 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 25 milligrams of cholesterol, 510 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of sugar, and 6 grams of protein. Cheddar Bacon – 240 calories, 16 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 590 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of sugar, and 7 grams of protein. Philly Cheese Steak – 200 calories, 12 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 530 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of sugar, and 6 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Nestle Coffee mate Pop-Tarts Toasted Brown Sugar Cinnamon Creamer

Jenna 1 Comment

Nestle Coffee mate Pop-Tarts Toasted Brown Sugar Cinnamon Creamer Bottle

What is it?

First off, it’s a mouthful to type, though that extremely long name does a pretty good job at describing exactly what you’re in for: a coffee creamer flavored after the best (yes, I said it!) Pop-Tart flavor. The past few years have seen all kinds of novelty coffee creamers – heck, I bought three new ones on my last grocery run alone – but as far as I can tell, this is the first java jaunt for the best toaster pastry (yes, I said that too!). Oh, and like seemingly all my favorite products, it’s available for a limited time only.

How is it?

SWEET. I guess that’s a given, but I feel the sweetness of a brown sugar cinnamon Pop-Tart is mellower, balanced out both by the underlying toasty, almost nutty notes of the frosting and filling and the comforting blandness of the pastry itself. When the flavor is transposed into a liquid, there are no such layers.

Nestle Coffee mate Pop-Tarts Toasted Brown Sugar Cinnamon Creamer Closeup in a Shot Glass

Sipped directly from a shot glass seeing its first use since my college days, there was a lovely warmth and complexity to said sweetness that sets this somewhat apart from your run-of-the-mill creamer, though it tasted more caramelly to me than brown sugar-y or cinnamon-y. But paired with coffee, I initially couldn’t detect that intriguing nuance at all. It didn’t taste much different than any other cup of joe I’d previously imbued with a wacky creamer. So for science – and because this blog is the last place where I should be ashamed of my sweet tooth – I doubled the amount of creamer. The brown sugar cinnamon flavor finally started to shine, and it was delicious!

Nestle Coffee mate Pop-Tarts Toasted Brown Sugar Cinnamon Creamer Back of Bottle That Describes its flavor

Anything else you need to know?

After removing the large lid to open the seal, I had difficulty screwing it back on completely, leading to a sizable leak when I made my first pour. I’m pretty clumsy though, so your mileage may vary!

Conclusion:

I had to ride a bus for an hour to find this creamer, and while I wouldn’t necessarily beseech you to do the same, if you can grab it more easily, it’s definitely worth checking out.

Purchased Price: $3.98
Size: 32 fl oz
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 tbsp) 35 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 5 milligrams of sodium, 5 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Van Leeuwen Limited Edition Glass Onion Ice Cream

Jenna 5 Comments

“I think it tastes like a garlic bagel with cream cheese,” whispered the conspiratorial cashier as I purchased my pint of Van Leeuwen’s new limited edition Glass Onion ice cream. Fittingly for a mystery film tie-in, this ice cream is a mystery flavor, but the genre that was more on my mind was horror. Rest assured, though, that this flavor’s name is not a red herring — it assaults you with an overwhelming odor of onion as soon as you peel open the pint.

Pushing onwards to investigate the scene of what some might call a food crime, I noted the ice cream base seemed to be vanilla, streaked with a viscous dark brown swirl. Before my first spoonful even made it to my mouth, I was impressed by its soft-but-not-airy, velvety-but-not-heavy texture that hinted at high quality.

If I had to sum the taste up in one word (other than “HUH?”), it would be “complex.” The foremost flavor was undeniably — and unsurprisingly — the prominent and dominant onion, which seemed to originate from the gooey, gluey swirl and was potent with a faintly acrid aftertaste that was welcome amidst the decadent vanilla’s silky sweetness. I couldn’t quite pinpoint the rest of the swirl’s unusual (or onionusual) taste, but it seemed to have notes of both sweet and savory, which made me guess that it involved sea salt caramel. I was genuinely shocked and delighted when, after I’d finally gotten acclimated to this strange but also strangely addictive flavor, a scoop of what had been heretofore smooth suddenly also included a brittle chunk of… something.

I’m betting that this mysterious mix-in was intentionally hidden deeper in the pint to add an element of surprise. I detected some sugariness and crispiness that made me think of honeycomb, and also made me eager to find another of these pieces. But as my ice cream rapidly melted, I encountered no more of the cryptic crispies, only a series of increasingly oversaturated patches of swirl that tasted like straight-up onion powder, but with odd, extremely intense notes of tartness and acidity that reminded me of balsamic vinegar. Once the vanilla ice cream had become too soupy to be an adequate counterbalance, the omnipresent onion just became overpoweringly gross. On that low note, I headed to Google so I could more thoroughly curse the culprit behind this fetid frenzy of flavors.

It turns out that this is vanilla ice cream with Greek yogurt, bourbon caramelized onion jam, and – yes!!!! – crystallized honeycomb candy (I guess I just got an extremely sparse batch). Like any satisfying mystery, the clues are all clear in hindsight: I can see now how the Greek yogurt was what provided that inexplicable tartness, while the swirl’s ambiguous flavor profile and consistency do, in retrospect, seem quite jammy, and hey, I at least get some partial credit for picking up on an element of caramel, right?

I’d like to end this review by quoting another beloved piece of cinema: Shrek, where the metaphor “Onions have layers” is used to remind us that even weird things are always more nuanced than they appear. Much like onions (and ogres), Glass Onion ice cream certainly does have layers, but I can understand why some might not want to experience them. Now that I’ve cracked the case, I can’t see any reason to ever revisit this product myself. Hopefully the movie fares better!

Purchased Price: $10.50
Size: 14 oz
Purchased at: Van Leeuwen
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2/3 cup) 250 calories, 14 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 85 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 24 grams of sugar (including 18 grams of added sugar), and 4 grams of protein.

REVIEW: White Chocolate Strawberry Shake M&M’s

Jenna 3 Comments

I must admit that my relationship with these new White Chocolate Strawberry Shake M&M’s – whose rosy, heart-filled packaging seems tailor-made for Valentine’s Day – began with a bit of a shock. In my state of simultaneous and equally intense hunger and excitement, I may have forgotten to actually look closely at the bag, which clearly shows the three M&M colors that less impatient consumers can expect, before ripping it open. So I was baffled to see a sea of green in addition to the more strawberry-centric reds and pinks.

Of course, I’d already spent a not-insignificant portion of my own green to secure this bag (this flavor doesn’t seem to be widely available yet, so in my eagerness to review, I purchased – and, sure, overpaid for – these from a third-party seller on Walmart.com), so a little confusing coloration wasn’t going to deter me. Plus, I guess you could argue that the green represents the stem of the strawberry? Alternatively, maybe it was just an excuse to get that glamorous green M&M mascot on the packaging, and that’s fair!

Anyway, the aforementioned frenzied bag tearing released a welcome cloud of sweet smells into my room, appropriately strawberry-y but with a strongly saccharine underlying note that seemed ever so slightly artificial, a tell-tale sign of white chocolate’s presence. I reached into the generously filled bag to start my taste test and was immediately amused that the size and shape seemed to vary for each individual piece, from “normal M&M that just put on some weight during the holidays” to “Noticeably Larger and Chunkier” to “DOWNRIGHT SPHERICAL.”

So, how do these sometimes mysteriously colored, pleasantly fragrant, and appealingly rotund M&M’s actually taste? Anyone fearing that the “White Chocolate Strawberry Milkshake” name was just a ploy to re-release an old flavor under a fresher title (2016’s White Strawberry Shortcake might come to mind) can rest assured that they actually live up to the moniker quite well.

The “milkshake” element promises a creaminess that is certainly delivered, with the white chocolate providing a lovely, rich, just-short-of-being-too-sweet base for the strawberry flavor, a mellow, floral fruitiness that is identifiable but not overpowering. Sure, this means that the general taste skews a tad more milkshake than it does strawberry, but with my (some might say controversial) love of white chocolate, that wasn’t a problem for me. I can see others begging to differ, but hey, we’re here on a blog that reviews junk food, not fruit! I particularly enjoyed the texture too – you know that oddly satisfying snap when you break through an M&M’s candy shell and sink your teeth into the smooth, rich chocolate within? Since these are so hefty, that moment is gloriously amplified.

The recommended serving size is 16 pieces, and if all my praise-singing thus far isn’t enough of a testament to how tasty they are, I should also let you know that in the course of reviewing I consumed significantly more than that without even realizing. Pringles talks a big game with its “Once you pop, you can’t stop,” but I think these are addictive enough to merit their own rhymey slogan too. “Once you M&M, you won’t condemn”? … Okay, it’s a work in progress. One I won’t mind brainstorming over just a few more handfuls!

Purchased Price: $6.25
Size: 7.44 oz bag
Purchased at: Walmart.com
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (16 pieces) 140 calories, 7 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 25 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 18 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.

REVIEW: Wendy’s Italian Mozzarella Chicken Sandwich

Jenna 24 Comments

Wendy s Italian Mozzarella Chicken Sandwich Whole

Wendy’s is typically not the fast food place that comes to mind when I think of Italian food, but with its new Italian Mozzarella Chicken Sandwich, it must be trying to change that. I was pleasantly surprised by its heft. That’s because it consists of essentially two patties – the to-be-expected breaded chicken breast and a circular slab of fried mozzarella that is just as substantial as the meat. A slathering of marinara coats the top of the fried mozzarella, while clinging to its bottom is an additional slice of cheese (Asiago, to quote Wendy’s website, though mine was so melted that I assumed it was just surplus mozzarella oozing out from the fried hunk, and its taste didn’t do anything to make me question that assumption). Of course, there’s the bread, which, thanks again to the site, I know to describe as a “garlic knot bun.”

Wendy s Italian Mozzarella Chicken Sandwich Bun

Unfortunately, that bun did not work for me. Flecked with ambiguous dark splotches and appearing a little jaundiced, it read more “multigrain” than “garlic.” Of course, we’ve all been taught not to judge a book by its cover, so I was willing to put my preconceived notions aside… until one bite showed me that my preconceived notions were a lot kinder than my post-conceived ones. The bun tasted stale and had an unpleasant gritty texture; the outside was as dry and flaky as it looked, and the inside was disappointingly airy. It felt like eating cardboard and tasted like, well, eating seasoned cardboard.

Wendy s Italian Mozzarella Chicken Sandwich Sauce

Tackling this sandwich from the top down brings me to some more bad news -– the sauce, about which my first thought was, “Did they accidentally give me buffalo sauce?” It was simply nothing like the rich, tomatoey red sauce I know, love, and was (quite reasonably!) expecting. This was something much harsher, tangy and vinegary, and plain weird. At least there wasn’t THAT much of it.

Wendy s Italian Mozzarella Chicken Sandwich Mozz Patty

Thankfully, I can take off my Debbie Downer hat to talk about the fried mozzarella. The cheese was mild and melty, and while I must admit it had a strange, slightly sour aftertaste, since this is fried mozzarella, I must also add plenty of points for the perfect crunch with which the crisp breading gave way to the satisfyingly soft, luscious center.

Wendy s Italian Mozzarella Chicken Sandwich Chicken

The chicken gets a rave review from me as well. Joyously juicy, thoroughly thick, and fully flavorful, it looked, tasted, and felt like a giant chicken nugget, and I consider that to be a massive compliment.

Taking into consideration all the ingredients together, chowing down on this tall tower of meat and mozzarella felt pretty epic, mostly because the tastes of the chicken and cheese held their own admirably against the less lovely elements. There’s a lot going on with this sandwich, and I wish that all of it was equally good, but with the bummer bun and sad sauce, it’s only the hearty fillings that win my chomp of approval.

But then I thought that maybe this would be better eaten like a high school cafeteria chicken parmesan, ditching the bun and digging into chicken patty topped with the fried mozzarella and a smattering of sauce with a fork and knife. But then I realized that even a smattering of sauce would still be too unappealing. Maybe next time I’ll just order nuggets, find some other takeout joint offering a side of mozzarella sticks, and mash them together in peace. Maybe you should too.

Purchased Price: $7.19
Size: N/A
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 780 calories, 31 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 105 milligrams of cholesterol, 2310 milligrams of sodium, 81 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of sugar, 4 grams of fiber, and 45 grams of protein.