Author: Joe

QUICK REVIEW: Burger King Cinnamon Toast Crunch Shake

Joe 1 Comment

Burger King Cinnamon Toast Crunch Shake

Having retired from gracing the cover of cereal boxes, Chef Wendell has teamed up with the brilliant minds behind the cereal-flavored shake line at Burger King to bring us the Cinnamon Toast Crunch Shake.

Wendell’s cinnamon sugar stained hands are all over the latest offering, combining what Burger King describes as cinnamon cereal-flavored syrup and cinnamon toast crunch pieces with vanilla soft serve.

Outwardly, it dons the unassuming guise of a ho-hum vanilla shake, but just as with many superhero origin stories, it’s what’s on the inside that counts. The first sip will blast even the most underdeveloped taste buds into sugary oblivion, but a warm cinnamon aftershock is definitely in play as well. This thing screams Cinnamon Toast Crunch and that beloved flavor is uniform and omnipresent.

Burger King Cinnamon Toast Crunch Shake 2

As much as I praise the shake for capturing the essence of its namesake, there are some missteps. Unsurprisingly, the cereal pieces do not fare as well as one would like. There was some crunchiness to be found, but overall, they were more soggy than not. This being the first semi-watery shake I’ve received from BK may have hastened the demise of my poor cereal bits.

For breakfast cereal junkies, and especially CTC lovers, this is a dream come true. But, while excellent in flavor, this cereal turned dairy delight hits hard and lingers, possibly even to a cloying extent for those sans adamantium pancreases forged by the cereal fueled Saturday morning cartoon bingeing of their youth.

Burger King Cinnamon Toast Crunch Shake 3

Because of those shortcomings, I cannot objectively give this a higher score. Personally though, this is everything I wanted it to be; a decadent portal to the halcyon days of color changing Ninja Turtle bowls filled with sugary goodness.

Purchased Price: $3.29
Size: N/A
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Large) 780 calories, 19 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 570 milligrams of sodium, 137 grams of carbohydrates, 113 grams of sugar, and 16 grams of protein.

QUICK REVIEW: Dairy Queen Royal Reese’s Brownie Blizzard

Joe 4 Comments

Dairy Queen Royal Reese s Brownie Blizzard

In the interest of full disclosure:

  • The true answer to The Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything is not 42, it is in fact, peanut butter.
  • Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are the George Washington of the Candy Mount Rushmore.
  • Brownies make cake their bitch.

That should put in perspective how excited I was for the latest Royal Blizzard, and why I hope you heed my warning. Dairy Queen took the awesome Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Blizzard, tossed in average brownie pieces, and added a glob of what I can only imagine Mr. Peanut’s excrement must taste like — an incredibly cheap, artificial tasting peanut butter that is salty enough to make a 60’s Star Trek salt vampire reach for a glass of water.

The Blizzard certainly makes a good first impression with both peanut butter cups and brownie pieces giving you their best come hither from the top of the vanilla soft serve. When isolated, the brownie has a slight fudgy quality but is unremarkable in every way.

Dairy Queen Royal Reese s Brownie Blizzard 2

The Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are perfection incarnate as always, but the peanut butter core is nothing like the uniform comet shape shown online. Instead, a glob of the creamed legume rested just beneath the surface. This ended up being a blessing in disguise as, to put it bluntly, the poor distribution prevented it from entirely ruining the rest of the treat. A Reese’s-only bite is outstanding, but that entirely defeats the purpose of this Royal Blizzard.

Dairy Queen Royal Reese s Brownie Blizzard 3

Be aware that while this is the October 2017 Blizzard of The Month, it has been consistently on the menu for a few months now. Regardless, don’t waste your time or extra pocket change on this one, just go with the classic Reese’s only Blizzard and BYOPB (and who doesn’t?) if you really want to add a core.

Purchased Price: $3.79
Size: Small
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Small) 850 calories, 370 calories from fat, 41 grams of fat, 17 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 560 milligrams of sodium, 105 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 83 grams of sugar, and 19 grams of protein.

QUICK REVIEW: Dairy Queen Pumpkin Pie Blizzard

Joe 4 Comments

Dairy Queen Pumpkin Pie Blizzard

While I love all things fall, I am not amongst the crowd that mainlines PSL by day and does lines of pumpkin spice out of a hollowed out Jack-o’-lantern by night. That said, I do consider pumpkin pie itself to be a pillar of the season.

Dairy Queen seems to agree as the Pumpkin Pie Blizzard rises from the most sincere DQ pumpkin patch around this time every year. Having enjoyed this Blizzard in the past did not diminish my delight at the sight of a spice covered mountain of whipped cream thrusting far above the confines of its container.

This isn’t merely the subconscious overcompensation of the Blizzardista though, as a spoonful of the plentiful whipped cream, pie filling, and crust is integral to capturing the flavor of the genuine article.

The first bite immediately and boldly declares that this is pumpkin pie ice cream. It’s not as deep or as true to the flavor as I find in the likes of Talenti’s Pumpkin Pie Gelato for example, but that is comparing apples to pumpkins and this Blizzard more than captures the essence of its namesake. The only trick this treat plays is leaving the cinnamon notes more ghostly than corporeal, especially when the crust comes into play.

Dairy Queen Pumpkin Pie Blizzard 3

I don’t know what dark pact DQ made to prevent the pie crust pieces from becoming soggy, but it was worth every drop of blood. While lacking a tad in flavor, they remain uniformly crunchy and plentiful from the first bite to the last and add a needed textural contrast.

Dairy Queen Pumpkin Pie Blizzard 2

Despite not being my favorite Blizzard, I find myself looking forward to Dairy Queen’s take on pumpkin pie as a herald of fall while the weather still warrants a frozen dessert. If your homemade recipe is more haunted house prop than delicious seasonal staple, the Pumpkin Pie Blizzard is a worthy dairy-based alternative.

Purchased Price: $0.99* (regular $2.89)
Size: Mini
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Mini) 360 calories, 120 calories from fat, 14 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 52 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 41 grams of sugar, and 7 grams of protein.

*I only paid $0.99 for mine due to DQ’s BOGO of equal or lesser value for $0.99 deal.

QUICK REVIEW: Dairy Queen’s Best Chocolate Cake Blizzard

Joe 12 Comments

Dairy Queen s Best Chocolate Cake Blizzard

Chocolate. Ice cream. Cake.

I’m not going out on much of a limb in declaring these to be some of the best things in life. Dairy Queen apparently agrees as they have dubbed September’s Blizzard of the Month, Best Chocolate Cake. The not so humbly named treat combines chocolate cake pieces with white icing and chocolate chunks nestled inside of cocoa fudge blended vanilla soft serve.

The site of chocolate islands awash in a turbulent sea of fudge-tinged ice cream invited me to become a willing castaway. Diving in, the cocoa fudge and chocolate chunks melded into a divine experience rich enough to make Count Chocula blush. Unfortunately, things took a turn for the worse as soon as my spoon included one of the titular cake pieces. See, the thing about a Blizzard unabashedly named Best Chocolate Cake is that it needs to wow you with, you guessed it, the chocolate cake.

Dairy Queen s Best Chocolate Cake Blizzard 2

Instead of the promised white icing rich chocolate cake, my taste buds were met with a dull, lifeless dry husk. While providing a coarser texture than the smooth chocolate chunks and creamy base, it failed to deliver on any semblance of the word “best.” Instead, I found myself wishing that they were left out entirely. They felt like speed bumps in the middle of a chocolatey superhighway.

If the white icing exists then it lends nothing to the cake as it is completely overwhelmed by the, admittedly fantastic, chocolate flavor from the other elements. Worse yet, the cake pieces seemed to sink to the bottom and hamper the delayed gratification of the last mix-in laden bites that are typically my favorite part.

Dairy Queen s Best Chocolate Cake Blizzard 3

Cake misstep aside, I very much enjoyed the Blizzard overall. If you can look past the ill-chosen moniker, the chocolate highs were more than enough to offset the dry cake lows. I hope to see the cocoa fudge and chocolate chunks play a role in future offerings sans cake pieces which are, in fact, not the best.

Purchased Price: $3.59
Size: Small
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Small) 830 calories, 350 calories from fat, 39 grams of fat, 18 grams of saturated fat, 1 grams of trans fat, 60 milligrams of cholesterol, 310 milligrams of sodium, 111 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 89 grams of sugar, and 15 grams of protein.

ANNOUNCEMENT: Introducing TIB’s DQ Blizzard Reviewer, Joe

Joe 7 Comments

A wise man once said, “It’s dangerous to go alone.” Well, I presume it was a wise man. After all, how could an enigmatic cave hermit thrusting a deadly weapon into the hands of a child be anything other than a fount of wisdom? I believe the historical ranking of the wizened sages goes:

  1. Confucius
  2. Socrates
  3. Nameless, child endangering cave hermit

I however, offer something much more valuable than a mere warning and a trinket. I offer knowledge and foresight into the world of Dairy Queen Blizzards. I shall bear the enviable burden of sampling every new Blizzard Treat of the Month, along with returning offerings, and sharing my thoughts with you, my friend. I will be your guide in addition to arming you with the red plastic spoon plucked from the frozen sheath of your inverted delight.

To that end, let me tell you a little about myself. Because I transition with the grace of a rancor in a pottery shop, I was sired in an Illinoisan shire before spending many years aboard a Navy destroyer on a quest to cast the Onion Ring into the depths of Davy John’s Locker.

Hmmm, maybe I need to read those books again…

I leveled up upon returning home by earning a business degree and entering a career in the thrill-a-minute world of costing and pricing analysis . Much like actual hobbits, I spend many hours in the kitchen to indulge my sweet tooth and many more hours in the gym because of it. Eye roll-inducing puns put an impish grin on my face, and I love all things chocolate, peanut butter, and ketchup. The eagle-eyed amongst you may note that one of those things is not like the other, but that’s okay as it will have nothing to do with Blizzards…probably.

Enough about me though as I’m really here for you, dear reader. I hope that my tales will be illuminating or at the very least entertaining. I look forward to learning more about you as I share my exploits into a very cold and tasty world. Blizzards are coming, and the drive-thru is long and full of terrors.