REVIEW: Taco Bell Vanilla Creme Limonada Freeze

I am a big fan of citrus flavors. I start my morning with lime-flavored Greek yogurt, have a mandarin orange with lunch, and often cap off the day with a lemon or lime-flavored Outshine popsicle for dessert. Last week, I ate a whole slice of Key Lime Cheesecake at The Cheesecake Factory, after a full dinner, and my in-laws looked at me like I was a monster who had just stomped all over Tokyo. “I can’t believe you finished that whole thing,” my mother-in-law said with something akin to awe.

Citrus and cake together? Believe it. Don’t get me wrong, I felt sick for the rest of the night, but it was worth it.

So, I was excited to try one of Taco Bell’s new Limonada Freezes. However, I was a little confused: typically, “limonada” is the Mexican version of lemonade that uses limes instead of lemons. According to Taco Bell’s press release, this limonada uses lemon and not lime, which I find a little disappointing. Taco Bell, inauthentic? You don’t say. Personally, I like lime more than lemon (you’ll notice I pigged out on the Key Lime cake and not the Lemon Meringue at CF), so I wondered if this would hurt my impression of the product.

Honestly? It doesn’t really matter because you can’t taste it either way.

My first sip reminded me strongly of cream soda, and it was quite tasty and addictive; I sucked down half that drink in record time. I kept looking for the citrus, and though I believe it is there, especially in the aftertaste, it’s overpowered by the vanilla cream flavor. What it’s really missing is the lip-puckering shot of sourness that lemonade usually provides. There’s none of that sensation of the sweet fighting with the sour you get from good lemonade.

I have to note that I didn’t allow the icy parts of the drink to melt; I stirred them up with my straw and drank up the icy slurry that way. In other words, I was enjoying the drink so much that I couldn’t even wait for the bottom portion to melt into liquid before I polished it off. It’s extremely sweet, but that’s what you’re looking for when you order a Freeze.

So Taco Bell has created an excellent summertime beverage for fans of cream soda, but calling it a limonada (or a lemonade) is a bit of a stretch. However, Taco Bell is also offering regular and strawberry versions of the Limonada Freeze, so if you’re looking for that sweet/sour punch, the Bell has got you covered.

I’m still kind of annoyed that we didn’t get a true lime-based limonada, but I guess I’ll just drown my sorrows in more cake.

Purchased Price: $3.79
Size: Regular (16 oz)
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 190 calories, 1 gram of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 95 milligrams of sodium, 47 grams of carbohydrate, 0 grams of fiber, 45 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein

REVIEW: Burger King Chicken Philly Royal Crispy Wrap

After a less-than-stellar experience with the last Philly-themed BK item I tried, I didn’t have very high hopes for the Burger King Chicken Philly Royal Crispy Wrap. However, I tried to keep an open mind, and I’m glad I did because this was pretty good.

When I got the wrap home and removed it from the paper, a bit of the Royal Sauce and veggies had leaked out, but not enough to make a mess. I tasted the veggies outside of the wrap, and my palate was immediately dominated by the fire-roasted red pepper. It’s a really sweet pepper flavor, and it pops nicely in your mouth against the slight tang of BK’s Royal Sauce.

As I dived into the wrap proper, the red pepper kept dominating everything but the chicken. I tried to taste for the onions, but they were also sweet, so they didn’t stand out much. I had the same experience the last time I ate a BK Philly item, where the Royal Sauce and the Swiss Cheese pretty much blurred together into one gloppy entity, mildly pleasant but unremarkable.

It might sound bad that the red pepper was so dominant, but I happen to love sweet peppers, so this was a good choice for me. The textural contrast between the tortilla, the creamy sauce, and the breaded chicken added another dimension to the Philly-themed experience.

This is also a surprisingly filling item. I got the wrap without any fries or a drink, and I figured I would probably need to eat something else at home to complete my lunch, but this wrap filled me up completely. Getting a lunch that leaves you feeling full and satisfied for $2.99 is pretty nice, although I should note that I’m a fairly small person; bigger eaters will probably want to get two of them. C’mon, spend that $6; it’s still not a bad deal.

I don’t really know why Burger King is so hung up on this “Philly” trend, but if it makes me a tasty lunch, I’m a happy camper. This is nothing earth-shaking, but it has a job and does it well. Add two points to the score if you happen to love roasted red peppers beyond all reason.

Purchased Price: $2.99
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 360 calories, 20 grams of fat, 6.1 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 2,000 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 15.3 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Burger King Philly Melt

I’m a fan of melts in general. Creamy, indulgent cheese smothering an unctuous protein, all wrapped in a warm cocoon of toasted bread, is hard for a tummy-focused girl like me to resist. While my favorite melt of all time is the tuna melt (Let’s hear it! Tuna Fish Protein Supremacy!), I like a good patty melt once in a while, too. Unfortunately, the latest offering from a certain corpulent monarch, the Burger King Philly Melt, is not all that great.

According to BK, the sandwich features two Whopper Jr. patties topped with peppers, onions, Swiss cheese, and Savory Royal Sauce on Toasted Bread. However, there are a couple of problems here.

First, the bread is the biggest disappointment. It looks like the top is toasted to buttery perfection, but looks are deceiving here. The bread has virtually none of the texture of toasted bread and not much flavor; the look is just for aesthetics. I don’t know if they somehow failed to toast it or just toasted it very lightly, but it’s not quite right. Considering how dominant the cheese is here, having that contrasting, crisper texture would have added a lot to the experience.

Second, the Swiss cheese and the “Savory Royal Sauce” blur together to the point that I didn’t realize they were two separate entities. The overall flavor of Swiss is nice, and while it’s mild, it overpowers the sauce.

The peppers and onions were too soggy to add much texture, but to be fair, I did have to wait until I got home to eat the sandwich; maybe if you get the Philly Melt fresh off the line, the veggies will be a little crisper. I could experiment with this, but to be honest, I don’t feel curious enough to order it again. Flavor-wise, the vegetables break up the wall of cheese a little with a fresher flavor, but it’s fairly subtle; the onions don’t taste caramelized, and the green pepper is neutral as can be. Maybe the flavors would have been stronger if the pieces had been chopped larger, especially the green pepper, but as it stands, they don’t add as much as one would hope.

Obviously, the big draw here is the cheese, and in that department, Burger King delivered. The Swiss flavor is pleasantly mild, and having every bite enrobed in the cheese sauce gives you your money’s worth. They may not have nailed the Philly Melt, but they got the key component right. The only problem with the cheese is that, because it’s so mild compared to the beef, the taste of the flame-grilled patties is very prominent.

Burger King may have reached for the moon with the Philly Melt, but they didn’t land among the stars. They did, however, hit a low-altitude asteroid cluster, so it’s not all bad news. If you love patty melts, this will probably not be an incarnation that will knock your socks off. But taking a pleasant, veritable swim in a pool of liquified Swiss cheese is enjoyable enough that it’s worth a shot.

Purchased Price: $5.49
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 590 calories, 38 grams of fat, 16.1 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 100 milligrams of cholesterol, 970 milligrams of sodium, 35 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 7 grams of sugar, and 28.3 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Starbucks Chocolate Java Mint Frappuccino

Mint can be a tough flavor to nail. It’s nearly always refreshing, but too much of it tends to become reminiscent of toothpaste. This is the downfall of a lot of mint chocolate ice creams. It’s not impossible though. Wendy’s did a great job with its Peppermint Frosty during the holidays last year. It somehow managed to perfectly replicate the taste of an Andes mint, despite the fact that the Frosty contained no chocolate. I’m still wondering what foul sorcery Wendy’s used to pull THAT off.

But enough about Frosties. We are here for Starbucks’ new Chocolate Java Mint Frappuccino today. Frappuccinos are too indulgent for me to consume on a regular basis, so I was excited to have the opportunity to drink one with zero guilt…well, minimal guilt. Normally I prefer my fancy coffee drinks without whipped cream and sprinkles, but here that’s a big part of the experience, so I had the whole Megillah. I hope you appreciate the way I’m gallantly falling onto the sword for all of you here.

I had this twice. The first time I got it, the barista didn’t add the mocha to the drink, and it was an assault of pure mintiness. I didn’t realize a component had been left off, so I thought it was supposed to taste like that, totally chocolate-deficient and toothpaste flavor-adjacent. I was prepared to give it a 5 out of 10, but then we realized the drink had been made incorrectly, so I bought another one at a different Starbucks. This time, I watched the barista make it. You better believe I watched her squeeze that mocha bottle.

The result? What a difference some chocolate makes, although I think we all kinda knew that already. With the chocolate, the drink still had some of the refreshing quality of mint, but it was tempered by the earthy, indulgent flavor of the chocolate. If anything, this incarnation of the drink leaned too far in the chocolate direction, which I say with the caveat that I don’t think “too much chocolate” can be considered a downside.

The Frappuccino chips did their thing and added little pops of a different chocolate flavor, and while I only was able to eat the Chocolate Mint Cookie Sprinkles at the finish, they were delightful little bits of cookie goodness. The one drawback this drink had was that neither time did I really get the taste of coffee. I tasted it in a few sips the first time, then the second time, my palate was so overloaded with the other components that I couldn’t taste coffee at all. A lot of people may not care, but I like my Frappuccinos to taste like coffee.

Hot days are coming, and this drink will probably make a lot of Starbucks customers very happy with its ability to be both cooling and just a little bit sinful. Personally, though, I’m getting a plain Coffee Frappuccino next time: I’m just missing the “Java” that was supposed to be in the Chocolate Java Mint.

Purchased Price: $4.95
Size: Tall
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 340 calories, 14 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 210 milligrams of sodium, 50 grams of carbohydrates, 47 grams of sugar, 5 grams of protein, and 75 milligrams of caffeine.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Butter Pecan Crunch Frozen Coffee

Remember years ago when Dunkin’ used to have a drink called the Coffee Coolatta? Remember how it was the perfect level of sweetness, with just enough pure coffee flavor to scratch that itch for the real stuff without ever descending into bitterness?

If you don’t remember, you may be familiar with Dunkin’s Frozen Coffee, the drink it introduced to replace the Coffee Coolatta in 2017. In theory, Frozen Coffee has a more pronounced coffee flavor and is supposed to be an all-around better concoction. However, I just tried one on a whim a few weeks ago and found the coffee taste too sharp (and I’m someone who often drinks black coffee), while the whole thing danced just below the level of being sickeningly sweet. Maybe I got a bad batch, but it was just too much of a good thing. I appreciate what Dunkin’ was trying to do, but I miss my Coolatta something fierce.

Now, with the Butter Pecan Crunch Frozen Coffee, is it time for me to make peace with this new reality? According to Dunkin’, the drink has Frozen Coffee, Butter Pecan Swirl syrup, and Cocoa Caramel Sprinkles. The beverage is topped with whipped cream, caramel drizzle, and “even more” Cocoa Caramel sprinkles. I didn’t really taste the sprinkles in the drink itself, however.

At first, the drink had that pronounced coffee flavor that I didn’t enjoy with my previous Frozen Coffee. “I knew I couldn’t trust this blasted Frozen Coffee!” I thought, dejected. But as I sipped, something began to happen; the gentle sweetness of the Butter Pecan Swirl syrup tempered the flavor, creating a more mild, almost original Coolatta-like flavor. The flavor addition definitely had some butteriness, but I didn’t really get a nuttiness. I think the overall sweetness might have overwhelmed my palette to the point that I couldn’t really taste anything subtle.

Overall, I liked this so much that I slurped it down really fast and got a stomachache; hey, it’s hard to be a sweets fan with limited tummy real estate. The consequence of this though is that the whipped cream didn’t have time to melt that much, so I was drinking pure whipped cream through a straw by the end. While sucking up the whipped cream, I got the sprinkles, representing the “crunch” in the title.

I don’t know if it would have been a significantly different experience if I consumed it more slowly; maybe if the whipped cream had more time to melt, I would have got the sprinkles in the drink, making for a more “crunchy” treat. However, the Frozen Coffee itself is pretty dense; it’s not like waiting for your whipped cream to melt into a latte, where it can easily disappear into the drink and mix with it. I would say that I’m going to buy it again to investigate this melting theory, but let’s be honest: if I repurchase it, I’ll just shove it all into my face really fast again.

While I personally could do without the whipped topping and just enjoy the drink itself, this is a delightful indulgence. Even so, I still want the original Coffee Coolatta back. Is that so wrong?

Purchased Price: $4.09
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 630 calories, 22 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 70 milligrams of cholesterol, 250 milligrams of sodium, 103 grams of carbohydrates, 97 grams of sugar, and 6 grams of protein.