REVIEW: Dunkin’ Bacon Avocado Tomato Sandwich

As a Millennial, I am contractually obligated to enjoy avocado toast, so the hearty bread-and-avocado combination is very familiar to me. However, this could more accurately be called a Tomato Tomato Tomato Bacon Avocado sandwich because the tomato totally takes over, the avocado under-performs, and the saltiness of the bacon only pokes through occasionally.

The thing is, if you had asked me before trying it what I thought the biggest flaw was likely to be, I would have said, “Not enough bacon.” So either I’m growing wise to the tricks the big snack chains use, or I am clairvoyant.

First, the bread. Dunkin’ uses a very chewy, substantial sourdough bread, and it’s really satisfying to eat. Unfortunately, I found it hard to take bites big enough to encompass the entire sandwich, often eating one slice of bread with the fillings at a time. People with normal-sized heads, as opposed to my tiny pinhead, will likely have better results. All that said, this is a very bread-forward sandwich, but fortunately, I like toasted bread a lot.

Next, the avocado: It’s there. That’s pretty much all I can say about it because the flavor is not very assertive. It’s not flavored like guacamole, so it’s just kind of a subtle goopiness that encompasses the sandwich. The soupy avocado does contrast nicely with the other textures, but you could probably take it out of the sandwich entirely and it wouldn’t change the experience much.

Next, the tomatoes; Oh God, the tomatoes. This thing is loaded to the gunnels with these fairly large, teardrop-shaped slices of oven-roasted tomato, which taste about halfway between sun-dried and regular tomatoes. They are also chewy and don’t split apart easily under your teeth, so you keep ending up with whole pieces in your mouth, where they must be masticated thoroughly before you can continue your sandwich-eating. They taste good, don’t get me wrong, but it’s just a lot at once. Pieces of tomato also escaped out the other half of my sandwich, making a bit of a mess.

This is a pretty messy sandwich, but the sourdough bread is hearty enough to maintain its integrity when moistened, so your hands actually stay pretty clean; it’s your plate that gets messed up.

Finally, there’s the bacon. It’s a nice sensation when you get a crispy, salty piece of bacon standing up to the murky avocado and sweet-and-sour tomatoes, but it’s pretty rare. I think I only got a couple of bites of bacon in my entire sandwich.

Still, even with all my caveats, this was enjoyable. Is it good enough that I’m going to start ordering it instead of my beloved Sausage, Egg and Cheese on a Croissant at DD? Maybe if I’m in the mood for something a little healthier, but I have a feeling the sausage sandwich is going to win that battle most of the time.

Purchased Price: $4.29
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 480 Calories, 18 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 1240 milligrams of sodium, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 64 grams of carbohydrates, 8 grams of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, and 17 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Wendy’s Garlic Fries

Wendy s Garlic Fries Tray

Garlic can be a tricky ingredient to work with. First, you’ve got to peel off all the pieces of that weird, paper-thin husk that never wants to separate, and then you have to try not to lose all the incredibly tiny pieces you get when you mince it, then you have to decide how much of it will complement your dish without blowing out your taste buds. This is kind of a shame because garlic is supposedly very healthy — not just useful for keeping away vampires — and, of course, it’s quite delicious. Now, with Wendy’s Garlic Fries, I can let little Miss Wendy put on a chef’s hat over her little red pigtails and handle all the garlic wrangling herself.

Come to think of it, do you ever wish we knew more about Wendy? I would totally rock a comic strip all about Wendy and how she passes the time waiting for fries to finish cooking. Wendy’s, if you’re listening, I can put together a package of concept sketches at a moment’s notice. I will accept payment in the form of chocolate Frosties. Not vanilla.

Wendy s Garlic Fries First

ANYWAY, the fries come in one of those attractive little covered trays to keep the fries hot, which I appreciate; all fries are better hot, but that is especially true for these, because no one wants cold garlic. The taste begins with a note of parmesan -— not surprising considering that Wendy’s lists three different cheeses in the recipe for the garlic sauce. Then the garlic takes over, and it’s assertive. I kept thinking of garlic knots, but that association actually started working against my enjoyment of the fries.

Garlic knots are usually soaked with oil — or at least that’s how my local pizza joints prepare them. So the knots are, above all, moist; these fries were not. Even though the garlic seasoning (with some cheese seasoning included in the mix) was plentiful, I felt like I was missing the moisture of a garlic knot, or even of a slice of pizza, another food where I generally consume garlic as part of the experience.

Wendy s Garlic Fries Second

Puzzled and sure I must be missing something, I tried the fries another day. This time, the fries were thoroughly enrobed in the sauce, and the whole thing worked the way it was meant to: with copious amounts of grease. I’m glad that these are good, but it’s obviously not such a great thing that I had to come back and order them again to get a version that was prepared properly.

If anything, I would like a version of these that’s even more greasy, sending these things into Garlic Knot Nirvana (Knotvana?). What would really be amazing would be if Five Guys came out with a version of garlic fries, because the chain’s substantial fries are often already greasy with all the peanut oil they’re fried in. Is it weird that I’m complaining that a fast food item isn’t greasy enough? I’m not the only one who actually likes greasy fries, right?

I asked my husband about this as he was enjoying his own order of garlic fries.

He said, “Yes, (munch) you are the only one (munch) who likes greasy fries. You are a freak.”

These new fries are winners. Just make sure you pick them up on the right day.

Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: n/a
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 450 calories, 30 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 730 milligrams of sodium, 41 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Entenmann’s Cake Truffles

Entenmann s Cake Truffles Box

What are they?

Not content with simply occupying an entire endcap in seemingly every supermarket on Earth, Entenmann’s is taking steps into the more luxurious side of the snack food aisle with these “decadent” chocolate cake truffles.

How are they?

First, I love Entenmann’s; I have since I was a child. That said, I don’t buy their products too often because I find it really hard to exercise portion control with them. Their crumb-topped donuts are God-tier and their chocolate-iced cakes are a chocoholic’s delight. Then there’re those little chewy chocolate chip cookies… yeah, Entenmann’s stuff always makes me want to eat the entire carton. Given my portioning problems, the idea of cake truffles that bundle the company’s cake experience into conveniently-sized balls of sugary bliss that don’t break the calorie bank is appealing.

Entenmann s Cake Truffles Top

Fresh out of the package, they smell exactly like an Entenmann’s iced fudge cake. Under the thin layer of chocolate icing is a really dense chocolate cake — so dense, in fact, that it may be the confection’s greatest shortfall. I know that these are supposed to be like a chocolate-flavored punch to the face, but the interior texture just doesn’t tempt my tongue. When I eat a piece of an Entenmann’s iced fudge cake, I enjoy the contrast between the thick icing and the loose crumb of the fluffy cake. I’m really missing that here.

Entenmann s Cake Truffles Split

However, the portion control aspect might be very appealing to some chocoholics: two of these balls come to a not-that-heavy 260 calories, and polishing off two of them is relatively satisfying. Of course, you defeat the purpose of portion control when you finish off the entire box (not that I would know or anything).

Anything else you need to know?

There are two varieties, Chocolate Delight and Cookies & Cream. Now I wish I’d picked up the latter because, from the pictures on Entenmann’s website, they look like they have more textural contrast.

Conclusion:

These could be very useful if you’re a chocolate-lover watching your caloric intake, but when I really want to indulge, I usually want a big slice of cake, not…little chocolate golf balls.

Purchased Price: $6.89
Size: 9.1 oz
Purchased at: King Kullen
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2 pieces) 260 calories, 12 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 140 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 23 grams of sugar, 2 grams of fiber, and 3 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Cherry Bliss Freeze

Taco Bell Cherry Bliss Freeze Cup

What is it?

Taco Bell’s new Cherry Bliss Freeze is for the kind of people who steal all the red Jolly Ranchers out of the bag. You know who you are.

How is it?

As big a sugar fiend as I am, I’m not a huge consumer of sugary drinks. I don’t dislike them, but my reasoning is that if I have a limited calorie allotment for treats, then I’d rather have my fun in the form of cake, or maybe a sundae, as opposed to a liquid. That said, I was excited to try the Cherry Bliss Freeze because it gave me an excuse to do something unusual for me. I also prefer black cherry soda on the rare occasions when I have soda, so I’m already something of a cherry fan.

Circumstances aligned themselves in favor of me liking the CBF: I got it on an unseasonably warm day, and I was feeling pretty thirsty by the time I got it home. It was actually hard to wait long enough to take a photo, because I was that parched.

Taco Bell Cherry Bliss Freeze Top

My first sip, all I could think about was Luden’s Cough Drops. Apparently, they’ve rebranded as Throat Drops because they were never actually cough drops, or something, but you probably know what I’m talking about. The more I sipped, the more it started to taste like fruit punch. Apparently, Taco Bell uses the flavors of strawberry, raspberry, and blackberry in this freeze, so it stands to reason that it would taste like a mix. The final impression it left me with is liquified Cherry Starburst. I think those of us who are into cherry-flavored products will approve of that.

As you would expect, this thing is incredibly sweet. I actually liked it more toward the second half of the drink, as the ice started to melt and the water diluted the flavor a little bit.

Anything else you need to know?

Taco Bell’s promotional images for this depict it as red and purple in color, but what I received was pink. Was this a mistake, or is something else going on here?

Conclusion:

If you like cherry-flavored things, you’re not going to do much better than this.

Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: Small
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 180 calories, 0 grams of fat, 70 milligrams of sodium, 47 grams of carbohydrates, 45 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dairy Queen Heath Brownie Caramel Cupfection

Dairy Queen Heath Caramel Brownie Cupfection Top

It’s pretty unusual for me to order something where I have no clue what it is. However, when I ordered the new Heath Brownie Caramel Cupfection at Dairy Queen, I didn’t know what I was getting.

Well, that’s not entirely true. I knew that it would have ice cream and at least the ingredients listed in the title, but I didn’t know much beyond that. Was it a shake? A sundae? What in God’s name is a “Cupfection?”

My treat was served on one of those ubiquitous little cardboard drink trays that DQ uses for ice cream and drinks, and it looked basically like a shake with abundant toppings. “Okay,” I thought, “So a ‘cupfection’ is just a fancy name for a shake; I can handle this.” Seeing all the different layers on top and the pure white soft-serve on the bottom, I assumed I was supposed to mix it all up, which sounded fun. However, I soon realized there is no mixing this thing up because there is an entire freakin’ brownie sitting on top of the treat, and you need to fully consume the brownie before you can access most of the ice cream. I had originally assumed that the “brownie” in the title must refer to small chunks in the mix, but oh, no: this thing is massive.

Dairy Queen Heath Caramel Brownie Cupfection Brownie Dig In

In addition to the brownie, this thing also has a river of caramel and Heath bar pieces. The only time I see Heath bars available in any form is as an optional ice cream topping that I never order, so I didn’t know what they tasted like, and to be honest, I still don’t. Their flavor is totally overpowered by everything else that’s going on here. What the Heath bar pieces do is provide a highly satisfying crunch that serves as a contrast to the abundant, sticky caramel and the chocolatey gooeyness of the brownie.

I started to feel a little sick about two-thirds of the way through, but for some reason, I felt compelled to finish it, maybe to prove my mettle as a dessert eater? I’m not sure what I thought I was accomplishing, but I did eat the whole thing and then felt sick for about two hours afterwards. Do I regret it? Not really; it was nice to have a sugary treat that completely satisfied my gargantuan sweet tooth, which is never truly content with more reasonable portions.

DQ’s website says that this thing has 760 calories, and I frankly think that’s a lie. I know what a 1,000-calorie-plus treat tastes like, and that’s what this thing tasted like. Maybe I got a larger brownie than usual, but 760 just sounds small for this brownie-laden monstrosity. I guess we’ll never know.

If reading this makes you Cupfection-curious, be aware that there’s also a Brownie and Oreo Cupfection that comes with marshmallow topping and chocolate sauce. The caramel was such a prominent part of the experience that I’m genuinely curious what a version without caramel would taste like. But I won’t find out for a while because I don’t trust myself to order one of these again. I guess I could always get one and split it with my husband, but let’s be honest, I’d just promise certain favors until he gave in and let me eat his half too.

Purchased Price: $5.59
Size: n/a
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 760 calories, 29 grams of fat, 14 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 117 grams of carbohydrates, 390 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of fiber, 90 grams of sugar, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, and 11 grams of protein.