Author: Kelley

REVIEW: DiGiorno Pizza & Cookies Supreme Pizza and Nestle Toll House Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough

Kelley 20 Comments

DiGiorno Pizza & Cookies

DiGiorno has always done right by me. Their Supreme Ultimate Toppings could rival a lot of the major pizza delivery joints in texture and toppings. They’ve recently come out with some…interesting new products, putting pizza and a side in the same box. First off, there’s Pizza & Breadsticks. A logical pairing; lots of people like breadsticks dunked in marinara sauce to go with their pie.

Then there’s Pizza & Wyngz. Again, chicken wings are a popular side dish with the pizza crowd. Of course, we can’t ignore the elephant in the room, but I think I’ve pretty much said all I have to say about “Wyngz” in this news post.

And then there’s the third pairing: Pizza & Cookies.

What?

I’m not even sure what to say about that. Pizza and cookies, together at last. It’s just so amazingly random, I can’t even imagine what that marketing meeting was like. The best I can come up with is a conference room filled with bong smoke so thick you couldn’t see your hand in front of your face.

Marketing Guy #1: “Oh, man. I am so fucking stoned right now. This is crazy.”

Marketing Guy #2: “Dude, I know. How long have we been in this room? What time is it? I feel like we’ve been in here for days.”

Marketing Guy #1: “Duuuuude, I know. I’m so fucking hungry. I could totally go for a pizza right now.”

Marketing Guy #2: “I would totally kill a dude for some cookies right now. I would hit the vending machine but I can’t get out of this chair. Have I always been stuck in this chair? Oh man I’m starting to freak out about this chair.”

Marketing Guy #3: “I could totally go for some pizza and cookies right now. That would be so awesome. I would take a bite of pizza, and a bite of cookie. Yeeeaaaah. Awesome. What was this meeting supposed to be about, again?”

Marketing Guy #1: “DUDE. That’s it! We were supposed to come up with some new pizza ideas! What if we put pizza and cookies IN THE SAME BOX?!”

Marketing Guy #3: “Oh my god you are a fucking GENIUS! That’s AWESOME! Dude let me feel your face.”

Marketing Guy #2: “Oh man we could do pizza and chicken wings too! Except instead of wings we’ll call them Wyngz. It’ll blow everyone’s minds.”

I guess everyone at DiGiorno is high all the time because this bizarre idea became a reality. You have your choice of three different pizzas: Cheese, Pepperoni and Supreme. All three come with Nestle Toll House chocolate chip cookie dough. I chose Supreme, because I like lots of toppings, and Supreme has sausage, pepperoni, red peppers, green peppers and onions. All good things.

DiGiorno Pizza & Cookies Pizza

I was interested to see how the pizza and cookies would be packaged. I was not expecting what I saw when I opened the box. At first, I thought the package of cookie dough was laying directly on top of the pizza, raising questions about hygiene, but when I cut through the plastic I saw that the pizza was actually double-wrapped, so there was a layer of plastic between the pizza and the dough. Not exactly environmentally friendly, but at least more hygienic, although I don’t know why they just couldn’t have let the dough package roam free in the box. How much damage can you do to frozen cookie dough? The box weighs over two pounds, I doubt anyone is playing Frisbee golf with this thing. Although…stoners…better safe than sorry, I guess.

I was under the impression that DiGiorno had worked some magic and engineered it so that the pizza and the cookies would cook at the exact same time. I was mistaken. There are two ways to make Pizza & Cookies: the first is “To Enjoy Cookies After Pizza”, which entails preheating your oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit, putting the pizza directly on the center rack, and baking 19-22 minutes. You then break up the scored block of cookie dough on a baking sheet and bake them for 10-12 minutes on the center rack. This makes sense, since you can eat your pizza while you wait for your cookies to be done. After pizza, boom! Warm cookies for dessert. Just don’t be a slow pizza eater.

The second method, however, makes less sense, but I chose it because I felt it had the most potential for disaster. “To Enjoy Cookies With Pizza” – again, I would call this the “stoner method,” but the fact of the matter is this is the more complicated of the two methods and I’m pretty sure somebody stoned would just choose to microwave a Hot Pocket instead.

“To Enjoy Cookies With Pizza”: Same preheat, but this time you place the pizza on the lower of the two middle oven racks. Bake it for 9 minutes, then put the baking sheet of cooking on the upper of the two middle oven racks. You are then instructed to stagger the two so the pizza is not directly below the cookies. Bake both for an additional 10-12 minutes and enjoy your pizza and cookies together.

DiGiorno Pizza & Cookies Chocolate Chip Cookies

The pizza didn’t give off much of a smell as it cooked, but once the cookies were put in, my apartment was filled with the warm, inviting smell of chocolate chip cookies baking. It reminded me of my parents’ house around the holidays. I’m not a sweets fan, so I’ve never actually baked anything in my oven, but it was a delicious, nostalgic aroma.

Both the pizza and the cookies came out just right. The range of quality in frozen pizzas is pretty extreme; you can pick up a Totino’s Party Pizza for around a buck and it will taste like a cardboard disk with meat droppings on top, or you can get a California Pizza Kitchen frozen pizza, which is generally full of flavor, has a good texture, and costs around seven dollars. DiGiorno falls on the higher end of frozen pizzas, depending on which variety you get. My Supreme pizza was quite tasty, with plentiful toppings that offered up acceptable levels of flavor, and a surprisingly crispy crust. As a frozen pizza, it was completely satisfying.

The chocolate chip cookies came out golden brown and, of course, smelling delicious. Straight out of the oven, they were warm and tasty, with a delicious soft center that was unexpected and just the right crunch around the edges. They came out just like if you’d baked a batch of Nestle Toll House chocolate cookies by themselves.

I honestly thought that, besides being a ridiculous premise, cooking pizza and cookies in an oven together would not go well. I figured the pizza, the cookies, or both would come out burnt or undercooked, or there would be some sort of disturbing flavor transfer. Instead, I got a well-cooked pizza, tasty Toll House cookies, and an apartment that smelled like my mom was doing her Christmas baking. I still think the whole pizza/cookie combo is silly and completely random, but at least DiGiorno’s Pizza & Cookies managed to get the final product right, even if the execution itself is clunky.

One other thing I thought was amusing: the box says there’s five servings of pizza, but 12 servings of chocolate chip cookies. I don’t think this will be a problem, however; stoners aren’t exactly picky about suggested serving sizes.

(Nutrition Facts – DiGiorno Supreme Pizza -1/5 pizza – 360 calories, 150 calories from fat, 17 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 1.5 gram of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 840 milligrams of sodium, 38 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 4 grams of sugars, 14 grams of protein, 6% vitamin A, 4% vitamin C, 20% calcium and 6% iron. Nestle Toll House Chocolate Chip Cookies – 1 cookie – 90 calories, 40 calories from fat, 4.5 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 12 grams of carbohydrates, <1 gram of dietary fiber, 7 grams of sugars, less than 1 gram of protein.)

Item: DiGiorno Pizza & Cookies Supreme Pizza and Nestle Toll House Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough
Price: $5.99 (on sale; regular price $7.49)
Size: 1 pizza and 12 cookies (2 lb. 1.4 oz. Total weight)
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Pizza had crispy crust and generous toppings. DiGiorno’s marketing team tripping balls. Cookies were golden and soft inside. My apartment smelling like the holidays. Perfect baking times.
Cons: Pizza and cookies in the same box what the hell. “Wyngz.” Execution of baking both was clunky. Frisbee golf. Pizza-to-cookies ratio was skewed.

NEWS: Papa Murphy’s Introduces S’Mores Dessert Pizza Just in Time for Valentine’s Day and Camping in the Snow

Kelley 3 Comments

Happy Valentine's Day!

I was largely unfamiliar with Papa Murphy’s until I heard about their new S’mores Dessert Pizza. Apparently their whole schtick is “Take ‘N’ Bake” – essentially, they assemble the pizza for you, then you take it home and bake it in your own oven whenever you’re ready. Their website is sadly lacking on information about this. When exactly is “whenever you’re ready?” In a few hours? Days? The year 2014?

A friend of mine loves Papa Murphy’s and provided me with some information. Apparently it’s best to bake it immediately, but you can leave it in the fridge for up to 24 hours and it’ll still be good. After that, there is a quality decline. This is all secondhand information, but she’s frequented Papa Murphy’s enough that I trust her judgment. She also informed me that the pizza does come with baking instructions. I figured they did, but enjoyed entertaining the idea of Papa Murphy’s leaving you in the wind, being forced to guess on cooking times and temperatures.

Now that we’ve solved that mystery, let’s get to the pizza. From the mouth of Papa: “Our new Smores Dessert Pizza is the gooey goodness of real Hershey’s Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips, lightly toasted Mini Marshmallows and a delicious Crisp Topping.”

There’s no listed price, but I’ve heard their pies are pretty cheap, so if you and your honey are broke, you can get a regular Papa Murphy’s pizza and a S’mores Dessert Pizza and have a pizza-filled Valentine’s Day. What better way to say “I love you” than by cooking a pizza topped with a traditional camping treat? It’s a subtle way of telling your loved one, “If you don’t find a job soon we may be camping outside permanently!”

Update: According to jima99 on Twitter the pizza is “just $3 and about the size of a normal small pizza.”

REVIEW: Lean Pockets Pretzel Bread Sandwiches Grilled Chicken Jalapeño Cheddar

Kelley 15 Comments

Lean Pockets Pretzel Bread Sandwiches Grilled Chicken Jalapeno Cheddar Box

I’ve always generally regarded Hot Pockets as the fast and easy food favored by stoners and people who pee into empty Mountain Dew bottles so they don’t have to leave their computer chair and risk missing part of their guild’s raid.

On the other hand, I’ve always regarded Lean Pockets as the fast and easy food favored by cubicle monkeys who don’t really care what they eat during their 30 minute lunch break but would like to at least pretend whatever bland food they cram down their maw is mildly healthy. Added bonus: no utensils required.

Lean Pockets has introduced several different products throughout the years in an attempt to keep your taste buds a little less bored as you sit in the break room trying to ignore the loud smacking sounds coming from the sweaty guy in accounting sitting across from you at the table. There’s Stuffed Quesadillas, Culinary Creations, Seasoned Crusts, and now Pretzel Bread Sandwiches.

From Lean Pockets’ website: “Why dip a soft pretzel when you can stuff it? Premium meats, veggies, and cheese wrapped in warm, soft pretzel bread. Hello, amazing!”

I can’t ever imagine calling any Lean Pockets product “amazing”, but hey. They seem pretty proud of themselves. I won’t burst their bubble until I’ve tried it. I find the stuffing over dipping a soft pretzel angle interesting. I imagine what they’re going for here is something along these lines: “Hey, you like Auntie Anne’s pretzels at the mall, right? Enjoy dipping them in those little cups of sauce? Well, you’re at work, and the mall is too far away, so you’re going to have to settle for this enjoy this amazing Pretzel Bread Sandwich!”

It’s a thin premise, but I’ll go with it. The Pretzel Bread Sandwiches currently come in two flavors: Grilled Chicken Jalapeño Cheddar and Roasted Turkey with Bacon and Reduced Fat Cheese. I went with the former because I’m a tool and I still think I can find a fast or frozen food that actually delivers on the Jalapeño heat. The latter seems kind of all over the place: turkey is always considered the healthy white meat, the cheese is reduced fat, and yet there’s bacon, generally considered delicious but nowhere near healthy. I prefer my lunches less…schizophrenic.

What the Lean Pockets website has to say about Grilled Chicken Jalapeño Cheddar: “You can’t have a soft pretzel without the spice of tangy Jalapeño cheddar. And why not add grilled white meat chicken while you’re at it? (Oh wait, we did all that.)”

Many people would probably disagree with the first sentence. There are lots of different dipping options for soft pretzels. Lucky for Lean Pockets, I agree with them on that point. “Why not” is a bit of a slippery slope…”Why not add the chewing gum I found on the bottom of my shoe last week? Why not add the nuts and bolts I found under the bread-baking machine?” Okay, I’m being a little outrageous. But that’s what makes slippery slopes fun!

Lean Pockets Pretzel Bread Sandwiches Grilled Chicken Jalapeno Cheddar Frozen

The Pretzel Bread Sandwiches come with the classic crisping sleeve. One sandwich takes 2 minutes and 15 seconds to cook in the microwave. The sandwich seemed a little small to make a full lunch. In frozen form, you can see the large crystals of salt on the sandwich, a staple of soft pretzels. After being cooked, the salt crystals melt into the crust. I was surprised to see that the crust was indeed golden brown. The smell was exactly like that of a soft pretzel you’d get at the mall or maybe a stadium. I was surprised at how fragrant and authentic it smelled.

Lean Pockets Pretzel Bread Sandwiches Grilled Chicken Jalapeno Cheddar Inside

I was disappointed when I cut the Lean Pocket open, however. It looked like a bunch of pale mush. I decided to butterfly one of the halves to really get a good look inside. There were some bits of red and green pepper, but it still didn’t look that encouraging.

I have to say, had these ingredients been inside a regular Lean Pocket pouch, my general review of the sandwich would have been “Hey, there’s actually some heat from the Jalapeños in here. The cheese is creamy. Otherwise, blandsville.” The chicken was completely flavorless and basically just acted like filler. The cheese was your typical Hot/Lean Pocket cheese, creamy but generally flavorless. What actually made these Lean Pockets stand out was the pretzel shell. It tasted just like a soft pretzel, salty and flavorful. I hate to agree with such a silly premise, but having a pretzel shell that really tasted like a pretzel made the cheese and the Jalapeños taste a lot like a pretzel dipped in Jalapeño cheddar sauce. The chicken could’ve just disappeared; even the texture of it was mushy enough to be barely noticeable.

I would have classified the Lean Pockets Pretzel Bread Sandwiches Grilled Chicken Jalapeño Cheddar as just another bland but acceptable lunch option, but the pretzel shell and the Jalapeños really saved the day. The peppers aren’t hot enough that you’d need a glass of milk, but they make themselves known with the perfect amount of heat. The texture of the cheese works with the pretzel, which makes its lack of flavor more forgivable. The sandwich was a bit small and chicken itself could disappear and I never would have noticed, but overall these Pretzel Bread Sandwiches are a step above the usual boring Lean Pockets fare. It’s a small step, but a step nonetheless.

On a side note, I happened to look at a Hot Pockets review I wrote a while back and found something interesting — Lean Pockets Pretzel Sandwiches Grilled Chicken Jalapeño Cheddar has more calories, fat, saturated fat, cholesterol (over 200% more) and sodium than the Hot Pocket SideShots, and both boxes are nine ounces. That doesn’t seem very lean to me.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 piece – 280 calories, 80 calories from fat, 9 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 890 milligrams of sodium, 35 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 2 grams of sugar, 13 grams of protein, 10% vitamin A, 15% calcium and 10% iron.)

Item: Lean Pockets Pretzel Bread Sandwiches Grilled Chicken Jalapeño Cheddar
Price: $1.99 (on sale; normally $2.50)
Size: 2 sandwiches
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Delicious, soft pretzel shell. Fun with slippery slopes. Perfect Jalapeño heat. The word “blandsville.” Fast and easy to make.
Cons: Mushy, flavorless chicken. Food-smacking co-workers. Bland cheese. Unhygienic computer gamers. Not exactly “lean” Pockets.

NEWS: Carl’s Jr. Introduces Hand-Breaded Chicken Tender Wrappers, Shocks the World with Their Ingenuity

Kelley 3 Comments

Carl, Day 81 of 365

I’m sorry, what was this news post about again? Was it McDonald’s Snack Wraps? Or Wendy’s Chicken Go Wrap? Was it KFC’s Toasted Wrap, or maybe El Pollo Loco’s Grilled Chicken Tortilla Roll? No, can’t be those, they both appear to be defunct now.

Oh, wait, I remember now. Carl’s Jr. is launching their new Hand-Breaded Chicken Tender Wrappers. Hardee’s, the east coast/midwest/southern equivalent of Carl’s Jr., launched these late last year, but now the west coast gets to have a taste. As I illustrated in the paragraph above, chicken wraps are certainly nothing new, but if you’re a big fan of their Hand-Breaded Chicken Tenders, then you might enjoy having them in a form that won’t grease up your fingers.

From Carl’s Jr.’s website: “Perfect as a quick snack or part of a meal, Hand-Breaded Chicken Tenderâ„¢ Wrappers feature a delicious Hand-Breaded Chicken Tender rolled in a flour tortilla with shredded lettuce and cheese, then topped with your choice of Buttermilk Ranch, Honey Mustard, or Sweet & Bold BBQ sauce.”

That wraps it up nicely, har har. With your choice of three dipping sauces included in the wrap, you can enjoy your Chicken Tenders sauced up and on-the-go. No more worrying about grease on your steering wheel or balancing the dip cup in your lap! Nobody wants a ranch crotch.

You can get a single Wrapper for $1.29 or as a combo with two Wrappers, fries, and a drink for $4.99. Prices vary by location.

The Ranch Wrapper has 360 calories, 210 calories from fat, 23 grams of total fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 850 milligrams of sodium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 1 gram of sugars, and 16 grams of protein.

The Honey Mustard Wrapper has 320 calories, 170 calories from fat, 18 grams of total fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 760 milligrams of sodium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 2 grams of sugars, and 16 grams of protein.

The BBQ Wrapper has 290 calories, 120 calories from fat, 13 grams of total fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 910 milligrams of sodium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 4 grams of sugars, and 16 grams of protein.

NEWS: Häagen-Dazs Confuses Your Fork and Spoon with New Limited Edition Caramel Apple Pie Ice Cream

Kelley

Have I entered some Bizarro world where, instead of ice cream on top of my pie, there’s pie in my ice cream?! What craziness is this? Should I use a fork or a spoon? I’m so confused! Wait, I just had an idea. It’s so wacky, it just might work. May I present for your consideration: the spork.

Okay, so it’s really not that crazy, and you’ll probably be safe with just a spoon. Häagen Dazs has stuck desserts into their ice cream before, like banana split. This seems to be their first foray into pie territory, however. Caramel Apple Pie is a limited edition flavor, although there’s no indication on Häagen Dazs’ website of how long it will be around, so you better hurry up and get some because it could be gone TOMORROW. (It will probably not be gone tomorrow.)

Häagen-Dazs describes caramel apple pie as such: “A classic à la mode dessert blended together to create an all-in-one indulgence. Smooth apple ice cream with a hint of cinnamon is delicately swirled with diced fresh apples, flakey pie crust, and rich caramel.”

Yep, that sounds like a pie in an ice cream, all right. Single ladies, rejoice – the next time you get dumped by a guy who was obviously a jerk and all wrong for you anyway, all you need is a spoon and a pint of Häagen Dazs Caramel Apple Pie. No more messing with plates, pie cutters and ice cream scoops.

Caramel Apple Pie contains real sugar, real apples and no trans fat, so you can pretend you’re eating something not completely unhealthy as sit on your couch crying and watching You’ve Got Mail for the 7,000 time.

A half cup of the Häagen-Dazs Caramel Apple Pie ice cream has 250 calories, 14 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 110 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 24 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein, 10% vitamin A and 8% calcium.