Author: Kelley

Here are some quick reviews of new-ish yogurt we’re too lazy to write full reviews for:

Quaker Müller Greek Corner Lowfat Yogurt with Blackberry & Raspberry Review

Purchased Price: $1.00 (on sale)
Size: 5.3 oz. container
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Berry portion was like a thick, delicious jam. Big chunks of real fruit. Blackberry and raspberry make a great tart combo. Tartness goes great with tangy Greek yogurt.
Cons: Seeds got stuck in my teeth. Would have worked just as well as a “fruit on the bottom” yogurt. May be too tart for someone looking for a sweet yogurt. Yogurt was pretty boring without the fruit.
Nutrition Facts: 140 calories, 15 calories from fat, 2 grams of total fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 75 milligrams of sodium, 23 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 18 grams of sugar, 9 grams of protein, and 25% calcium.
Other reviews: Crazy Food Dude, I Ate A Pie

Chobani Greek Yogurt Flip Key Lime Crumble Review

Purchased Price: $1.25 (on sale)
Size: 5.3 oz. container
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Lime yogurt is a nice balance of tart and sweet. Graham crumbles add texture. Graham flavor mixes well with lime yogurt for key lime pie effect. Crumbles don’t get immediately soggy.
Cons: Some graham crumbles were less crunchy and more hard. White chocolate chips disappear under the other flavors and add nothing. Too many graham crumbs instead of crumbles. Fun concept but flawed execution.
Nutrition Facts: 180 calories, 45 calories from fat, 5 grams of total fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of total carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 18 grams of sugar, 11 grams of protein, 2% vitamin A, 4% vitamin C, 15% calcium.
Other reviews: Crazy Food Dude

Dannon Oikos Dips French Onion Yogurt Dip Review

Purchased Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Size: 12 oz. container
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Greek yogurt adds some twang. Has texture of dip as opposed to dipping a chip in yogurt. Healthier than some other big-brand pre-made french onion dips. Little onion bits add to French onion dip feel. Has a nice hint of garlic.
Cons: Greek yogurt just can’t replace sour cream as a good French onion dip base. Could have used stronger onion flavor. Yogurt left an odd taste for a dip. Seriously missed the sour cream flavor.
Nutrition Facts: 2 tablespoons – 25 calories, 10 calories from fat, 1 gram of total fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 30 milligrams of potassium, 2 grams of total carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 1 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 4% calcium.

I find it odd that Fruttare would choose to call these “Dessert Bars”.

I usually do what food packaging tells me to do (once I pop, I don’t stop; I will, indeed, take it to the XTREME), but I have a thing about preconceived notions in regards to when I should be eating certain foods. I’ll order buffalo chicken strips for breakfast at Denny’s. I’ll even get a fourthmeal from somewhere other than Taco Bell.

To me, frozen treats are an “anytime food”. What’s wrong with a Klondike bar at 2pm? Otter Pop as a quick sugar fix in the morning? Sure, why not?

That said, Fruttare trying to tell me that their Fruit and Milk Bars are for dessert use only might as well be a dare to eat five of them for breakfast. In fact, their two major components – those being fruit and milk, if you haven’t gathered that yet – are like, 1/2 of what childhood commercials have told me is a complete breakfast. Just grab some toast and a bowl of Lucky Charms to go along with it and you’re set.

But, enough babbling about semantics. According to Fruttare, their Fruit and Milk Bars are “the first nationally available line of its kind”. While a super-quick Google search does not dispute that, things like frozen yogurt bars are rising in the ranks of frozen treats, so we’ll see how Fruttare’s take on frozen fruit+dairy holds up.

Fruttare Strawberry and Milk Frozen Fruit and Milk Dessert Bar

I figured that if there was something that was going to be fundamentally flawed about these Fruit and Milk bars, it would come out in the Strawberry flavor. I like strawberries. I like milk. I like strawberry milk. I like strawberry ice cream. What could go wrong? She asks, ominously.

The answer to that is nothing, really. Right off the bat, I noticed that Fruttare Fruit and Milk bars are much firmer than Fruttare’s Ice Bars, which makes sense, because, well…milk.

The Fruit and Milk bars lack the tartness of yogurt, but have a nice, smooth texture. Strawberry and Milk had an excellent balance of milky flavor and authentic strawberry taste, complete with real strawberry chunks that were just the right size.

There were no inherent flaws with the Strawberry and Milk Dessert Bar. I found it to be an enjoyable frozen treat that wasn’t too sweet and had great fruit flavor.

If there’s a flaw to this flavor, it’s that it’s almost too pedestrian. It tastes like Fruttare took any major brand of strawberry ice cream and put it on a stick. While this results in tastiness, it doesn’t exactly break any major ground in the world of frozen milk-based foods, unless you count the stick, I guess.

Fruttare Peach and Milk Frozen Fruit and Milk Dessert Bar

I remember that, as a kid, we always had a box of Quaker Instant Oatmeal Fruit and Cream Variety Pack in the house. The berry flavors always went quickly, and then it was a fight between my brother and I to see who could grab the Peaches and Cream first, leaving the loser with Bananas and Cream, which would usually languish in the box until my mother demanded that someone eat it before a new box could be bought.

Peaches and cream seem to be made for each other, at least, according to some R&B group I’ve never heard of and the lotion section of Bath & Body Works, which also taught me long ago that I’m allergic to anything that smells good. Seriously, I can’t walk past a B&BW in the mall without sneezing about five times.

In a surprising twist, I found that I enjoyed Peach and Milk even more than Strawberry and Milk. These bars have a great peach flavor without being too cloyingly sweet or overpowering, which I just now decided should be called “Canned Fruit Cocktail Syndrome”.

The peach and milk worked together like best friends, punctuated by real peach chunks that were the perfect size, neither so small they are just mush or so big that you feel like you’re chewing through your Dessert Bar.

I also found Peach and Milk to be refreshing, which is an unexpected sensation, given that I don’t exactly imagine myself reaching for milk when I’m looking to cool down. Peach and Milk would be a great treat in the steamy Georgian summer as you sit on the swing on your front porch.

That’s just a suggested serving. You don’t need to be in Georgia or have a swing – or a front porch, in fact – to enjoy a Fruttare Peach and Milk Dessert Bar. Or have it for dessert, dammit.

Fruttare Banana and Milk Frozen Fruit and Milk Dessert Bar

The only artificially banana-flavored food I can tolerate are banana Runts, and that’s only because the shape of them is fun in my mouth. I mean that literally, so take your minds out of the damn gutter.

I think my dislike of artificial banana started as a very young child at the dentist’s office. For some reason, they thought banana would be a great flavor choice for that goo they smeared on my gums before they shot me full of Novocaine using a syringe that looked like it belonged to Dr. Killjoy. Dentistry has moved beyond that these days, but not by much, and the traumatic artificial banana memories remain. Traumananatic. Banatraumatic? Eh, nevermind.

I found the Fruttare Banana and Milk Bar to be an interesting mix of good and bad. It had a weird flavor combination of real and fake banana. I found the banana flavor to be too strong – the bar had a nice, smooth texture, but I wasn’t really able to enjoy it because there was so much banana flavoring crammed in there that it overwhelmed the milk part of the bar.

There was also a large disparity between the banana chunks. Some were tiny pieces of mush with no flavor distinguishable from the rest of the bar, while others were nice-sized chunks that gave a welcome burst of real banana flavor and the texture of real fruit.

Given the flavors so far, I was disappointed by the Banana and Milk Dessert Bar. If you really like bananas and don’t mind having some artificial flavor in the mix, then I’d call this a perfectly acceptable frozen treat. I personally found the fruit flavoring too aggressive and was a little put off by the small mushy chunks.

Fruttare Coconut and Milk Frozen Fruit and Milk Dessert Bar

Coconuts in water and milk form have become quite popular, especially among people who enjoy following health crazes. If you believe all the hype, I’m pretty sure coconuts cure cancer, gout, restless leg syndrome, and that thing that’s been growing on your back that you’re afraid to see a doctor about.

Coconuts are also popular among people who like to voluntarily strand themselves on deserted islands, like Les Stroud, Bear Grylls, the Mythbusters, that hippy guy from Dual Survival who never wears shoes and constantly regrets it, every single person on the 26 seasons of Survivor, and Myke Hawke, who has the best name on television but doesn’t seem to realize it.

Oh right, and centuries of indigenous people around the world. Coconuts are popular. I think you get the idea.

Taking all of that into account, it seems natural that coconuts and milk would work well together in Dessert Bar form. And they did, for the most part.

Right off the bat, I noticed the Coconut and Milk Bar was much firmer than the other Dessert Bars. This might be because there seems to be a ton of coconut jammed in there.

Unlike the other Fruit and Milk Bars, Coconut and Milk had coconut shavings instead of chunks. I think this was a good choice by Fruttare, since coconuts tend to be more comfortable in shaved form.

Every bite of this bar had coconut shavings in it, so much so that after the milk part melted away, you were left with a little ball of coconut chaw. Luckily, coconut chaw is much tastier than tobacco chaw, and there is no spittoon required to consume these Dessert Bars.

Of all the Dessert Bars, Coconut and Milk most closely matched the tropical feel of their box. The coconut flavor and texture were definitely prominent, but the milk helped to smooth things out.

I have mixed feelings on the amount of coconut contained in these Dessert Bars, however. While it was a little bizarre to be left with some coconuts shavings to chew after the milk part melted away, but if you’re a coconut lover, this part might appeal to your tropical island fantasies.

I was surprised to find that Fruttare’s Fruit and Milk Dessert Bars had such different personalities, which makes me feel like one of those people who believe identical twins are practically the same person. Each bar had its own characteristics, and for the most part, they worked out. Seeing as how these are the first Fruit and Milk Bars available in the US, Fruttare did a pretty good job in breaking new ground.

(Nutrition Facts — 1 bar – Strawberry – 110 calories, 25 calories from fat, 3 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 45 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, less than one gram of fiber, 16 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein, 10% vitamin C, and 4% calcium. Peach – 110 calories, 25 calories from fat, 3 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 45 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 17 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein, 10% vitamin C, and 4% calcium. Banana – 120 calories, 30 calories from fat, 3.5 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 50 milligrams of sodium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, 18 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein, 6% calcium. Coconut – 140 calories, 45 calories from fat, 5 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 65 milligrams of sodium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 18 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, and 16% calcium.)

Item: Fruttare Frozen Fruit and Milk Dessert Bars (Strawberry, Peach, Banana, and Coconut)
Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 4 bars per box
Purchased at: Received samples from Fruttare
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Strawberry)
Rating: 9 out of 10 (Peach)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Banana)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Coconut)
Pros: Strawberry and Peach had perfectly-sized fruit chunks. First Fruit and Milk Bars in the US. Peach was surprisingly refreshing. Banana had some larger chunks that were authentic. Coconut was very tropical. Milk went smoothly with the fruits. Myke Hawke’s name.
Cons: Strawberry was pretty ordinary. Calling them Dessert Bars is dumb. Banana and some artificial flavor and mushy chunks. Being allergic to things that smell good. Banana flavor overwhelmed milk flavor. Coconut might have too much coconut for some. “Chaw”.

Fruttare. Ever since I got these fruit bars, I’ve been pronouncing it like it rhymes with “Atari”, but I really have no idea. Frut-arrr? Frut-are-aye? Fru-tar-eh?

Turns out it’s the last one, which I find disappointing, because I’d already written a poem about fruit bars and obsolete video games. The world will never witness my genius.

I found this out from a commercial, in which a group of young, attractive people head out for a trip to a deserted cabin. The door falls to pieces when one of the guys turns the doorknob, revealing a dirty, disgusting, abandoned interior. You’d think somebody would have had the foresight to check the place out before they left.

That’s okay though, because they have Fruttare bars! They all go cavorting in the nearby lake without a care in the world. Not seen: all the unprotected sex that leads to the part where they’re murdered by an axe-wielding maniac.

That’s okay though, because they have Fruttare bars!

According to their website, Fruttare frozen fruit bars have existed in 15 countries outside the United States since 2011, when they debuted in Pakistan. When I think fruit bars, Pakistan is not exactly my first pick as a point of origin, but hey.

All the Fruttare Ice Bar boxes have the same general design: a chalkboard surrounded by a wooden frame with just a hint of leaves and sky poking out above. It’s a simple but effective format – just looking at the boxes, I felt like I was on a white, sandy beach, reading a handwritten sign standing just outside a bamboo snack bar.

Okay, I didn’t really feel that way, but I got where they were going with it, and found it soothing. And I got to learn a little Spanish in the process!

Fruttare Fruit Ice Bars come in four flavors, and I’m going to look at all four today, so let’s get this fruit train rolling. Toot toot.

Fruttare Orange Ice Bar

Having never experienced a Fruttare product before, I wasn’t sure what to expect. For some reason, my mouth was leaning towards Orange, even though my taste buds are generally geared more towards Strawberry. I guess I figured Orange would be a neutral testing ground.

I was pleased to find that the texture of Fruttare Orange Ice Bar was more “smooshy”, for lack of a better term, like a Dole Fruit Bar, and less frozen solid like a Popsicle. It was easy to bite into, but also didn’t start melting down my hand within the first five seconds of unwrapping it, which was a good combination.

Calling them Ice Bars is a bit of a misnomer – when I think ice bar, I think something like an Otter Pop. Fruttare Ice Bars are much more of a Fruit Bar. I am genuinely not fond of artificial orange flavoring, and I was pleased to find that Fruttare’s Orange Bars tasted like…well, oranges.

Along with the smooshy texture and authentic orange flavor, there was just a hint of pulpiness to the bar that only added to the authenticity. In fact, orange pulp is listed as one of the ingredients.

I was completely pleased with Fruttare Orange Ice Bars and considered this a sign of good things to come.

Naranja is Spanish for orange – both the fruit and the flavor. Just like in English! I already knew that one from high school.

Fruttare Lime Ice Bar

Lime was the flavor I was most looking forward to, and after my experience with Orange, my anticipation was only heightened. I’ll try to save my Lime Rant for another time, but to sum it up, I hate that green apple has replaced lime as the green go-to flavor.

Not in Fruttare’s world, though. On that white sandy beach with the clear blue ocean, you can get a lime for your Corona, a lime to go with your shot of tequila, and a Lime Ice Bar to cool you down.

Fruttare doesn’t even mess with food coloring – there’s no neon green here. It’s just pure lime, all the time.

The Lime bar had pretty much the same consistency as the Orange bar – easy to bite into, but firm enough that it wasn’t falling off the stick.

I would also vote Lime as the #1 Fruttare Ice Bar flavor to refresh you on a hot summer day. The lime taste was distinct and there was a great balance of citrusy tartness and real-sugar sweetness. There was just a hint of bitterness as an aftertaste, which sounds off-putting, but it somehow worked to make the Lime bar even better. I attribute this to the small amount of lemon pulp in the bar.

I was afraid my high expectations for the Fruttare Lime Ice Bar would lead to disappointment, but the frozen treat was just as good as I’d hoped it would be.

Limón is Spanish for lime. Since I’ve eaten about a dozen “con limón” snack items, I am well familiar with the term.

Fruttare Strawberry Ice Bar

It was obvious upon first glance that Strawberry was a little different than Orange or Lime – you could see real strawberry pieces throughout the bar. This is not uncommon for a strawberry fruit bar, but it was a welcome sign nonetheless. I like strawberry fruit bars, and I like them with real strawberry fruit chunks.

What’s interesting about Fruttare Strawberry, as opposed to the previous two flavors, was the texture. It was distinctly creamy – definitely not something you’d expect out of an “Ice Bar”.

It was even more malleable than Orange and Lime – almost too much so. While I loved the creamy strawberry flavor punctuated by perfectly-sized frozen strawberry pieces, it did go kind of melty on me. Lucky for it, it was so delicious that I was able to finish it right before it wound up on my shirt.

Again, it was interesting to experience the textural differences between Strawberry and the Orange and Lime Ice Bars. And again, the ingredients list may hold a clue as to why – one of the major ingredients was strawberry puree, which may attribute to both the creaminess and the softer composition.

I’d give points off Fruttare Strawberry Ice Bars for being a little too soft, but with its just-right strawberry chunks and great taste, I doubt the bar would last long enough to start melting all over your hand. Or keyboard.

In Spanish, strawberry is called fresa. That one’s new to me! I learned something from a box of Ice Bars!

Fruttare Mango Ice Bar

Here we come to our last and most tropical flavor – Mango Ice Bars.

I was in for a surprise once again when I unwrapped a Mango bar – it was shaped quite differently than the other Ice Bars. Comparing the boxes, this was no strange accident – as you can clearly see, Fruttare did this on purpose. Why? I have no clue.

The texture was another difference. It was somewhere in between the semi-firmness of Orange and Lime and the creaminess of Strawberry. I’d call it “smooth and firm”. It took every ounce of restraint not to follow that up with “That’s what she said.” Of course, now I just said it, so…

Anyways, the Mango Ice Bar continued the Fruttare tradition of tasting authentically like the fruit it was supposed to taste like. In this case, however, I felt like it was almost too authentic. The mango was so strong that it was almost cloying to my taste buds.

It’s odd to say that I wish Fruttare had toned down the flavor of the very fruit it used to make their Ice Bar, but that’s how I felt. Perhaps it’s a personal preference – I’ve always found that the tropical fruits are most enjoyable in smaller doses. I think maybe it’s that mangoes are already very sweet, and the added sugar might have been overkill.

I certainly can’t say Fruttare missed the mark on mango, because, once again, the flavor was spot-on, and mangoes were one of the main ingredients. Even the texture was similar to the fruit; I’m going to use the words “firm” and “smooth” again. And cringe, because I have the mind of a 15-year-old boy.

By the way, “mango” is mango in Spanish. Boriiiiiiiing.

Overall, it was hard to find any low points in Fruttare’s Ice Bars. They use simple, authentic ingredients, are a fat-free, low-calorie snack, and each bar provides at least 15 percent of your daily recommendation of vitamin C, depending on the flavor. After eating all these bars, I feel like my immune system could take on an army of snotty toddlers. Additionally, I could make a pretty sweet popsicle stick house.

Disclosure: The author received free Fruttare samples from the folks at Unilever.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bar – Orange – 70 calories, 0 grams of total fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 14 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, and 35% vitamin C. Lime – 70 calories, 0 grams of total fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 13 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, and 25% vitamin C. Strawberry 60 calories, 0 grams of total fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 11 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, and 25% vitamin C. Mango – 60 calories, 0 grams of total fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 11 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 4% vitamin A, and 15% vitamin C.)

Item: Fruttare Ice Bars (Orange, Lime, Strawberry and Mango)
Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 6 bars per box
Purchased at: Received sample from Fruttare
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Orange)
Rating: 9 out of 10 (Lime)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Strawberry)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Mango)
Pros: Authentic fruit ingredients. Learning how to pronounce “Fruttare”. Nonfat and low-calorie frozen treat. Box design makes me feel like I’m on a tropical beach. While each bar had a different texture, they were appropriate for their respective flavors.
Cons: Should be called “Fruit Bars” instead of “Ice Bars”. Axe-wielding maniacs. Strawberry bar was a little too soft. Snotty toddlers. Mango bar was too mango. Realizing I have a very poor grasp on popsicle stick architecture.

Here are some quick reviews of limited edition Pringles we’re too lazy to write full reviews for:

Item: Pringles Frank’s RedHot Original
Purchased Price: $1.50
Size: 5.96 oz. can
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Actually tastes like Frank’s RedHot Sauce. Had a strong, lip-puckering vinegar presence. Frank’s RedHot Pepper Cayenne Pepper Sauce Power listed high-up as an actual ingredient. Hot sauce flavor was not too overpowering.
Cons: Oddly uneven flavor powder distribution. Would have liked less lip-burning and more mouth-spicing. Bright red powder will stain your fingers. Vinegar may be too strong for some.
Nutrition Facts: 1 ounce (approximately 15 crisps) – 150 calories, 80 calories from fat, 9 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 330 milligrams of sodium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 1 gram of sugar, 1 gram of protein, and 6% vitamin C.
Other Pringles Frank’s RedHot Original reviews: Junk Food Guy, Chip Review

Item: Pringles Chile y Limón
Purchased Price: $1.50
Size: 5.96 oz. can
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Had a nice chile flavor, not just heat. Chile, vinegar and lime flavors played well together. The heat that was present was well-balanced.
Cons: Lime flavor was a bit too strong for my taste. Chile should have been more dominant. Ingredients are vague (“spice”, “natural flavor”). Please stop staining my fingers with bright red powder.
Nutrition Facts: 1 ounce (approximately 15 crisps) – 150 calories, 80 calories from fat, 9 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 220 milligrams of sodium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 1 gram of sugar, 1 gram of protein, 2% calcium, and 6% vitamin C.
Other Pringles Chile y Limón reviews: Junk Food Guy, Fatguy Food Blog, Spoil Your Dinner

Item: Pringles Salsa de Chile Habanero
Purchased Price: $1.50
Size: 5.96 oz. can
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Habanero heat sneaks up on you, then punches you in the back of the throat. Faint tomato/garlic flavor hits first, which is nice. Legitimately hot potato crisp.
Cons: Salsa flavor is not that pronounced. Habanero may be too hot for some. You may sweat or breathe heavily if you eat these in public. More bright red finger staining.
Nutrition Facts: 1 ounce (approximately 15 crisps) – 150 calories, 80 calories from fat, 9 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 140 milligrams of sodium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 1 gram of sugar, 1 gram of protein, and 6% vitamin C.
Other reviews: Chip Review, Junk Food Guy, Spoil Your Dinner