Author: Louis

QUICK REVIEW: Sonic Footlong Philly Cheesesteak

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Sonic Footlong Philly Cheesesteak

Update: Click here for a review of Sonic’s Extra Long Ultimate Cheesesteak.

What is the Sonic Footlong Philly Cheesesteak?

This month’s order of footlong coney buns must’ve been way over because Sonic is obviously trying to get rid of all that bread before it goes bad. The solution? Throw some chopped steak and melted cheese in there and, Hell, just call it a Philly cheesesteak. Add a reasonable $3.99 price-tag while you’re at it.

How is it?

While not the best Philly cheesesteak you’ll ever have in your life — not even close, bud — it’s still a pretty good attempt by a fast food chain to basically reverse engineer a cult sandwich to fit their own deliciously perverse vision of what a cheesesteak is and should be.

Sonic Footlong Philly Cheesesteak 3

I ordered the Classic option, consisting of grilled steak and onions, “melty” cheese sauce and warm mayo all slapped together, Philly-style, on a footlong coney bun.

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While it might not sound great — it doesn’t look that great either as you unseal it from its paper tomb — it actually is a delicious mess of meat and cheese. But the most surprising development from all this…that mayonnaise here is fan-freaking-tastic. I thought it wouldn’t work but, you know, it really brought the whole sandwich together.

Is there anything else I need to know?

There’s also a “Spicy” variation, containing the grilled meat and onions and the “melty” cheese, but with the extra addition of “zesty” Baja sauce and “spicy” jalapenos. I was intrigued, sure, but if I want to Baja sauce my food, I’m going to make a run for the border and trust the bad hombres at Taco Bell for that. Lo siento, Sonic.

Conclusion:

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Available for an oh-so limited time, the Sonic Footlong Philly Cheesesteak is a tasty little treat that’s worth trying at the very least once. It won’t replace your Geno’s or Pat’s, but what possibly could? Still, it’s one of the better fast food attempts at a Philly cheesesteak around; just ask for a little extra mayo on the side for some lascivious dipping.

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: N/A
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 750 calories, 39 grams of fat, 16 grams of saturated fat, 125 milligrams of cholesterol, 1710 milligrams of sodium, 53 grams of carbohydrates, 1 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, and 46 grams of protein.

QUICK REVIEW: Mtn Dew Ice Cherry

Louis 2 Comments

Mtn Dew Ice Cherry

What is Mtn Dew Ice Cherry?

The latest concoction from Mountain Dew’s burgeoning “Ice” line, Ice Cherry takes everything you love about cherry soda, mixes it with a little of that Mountain Dew magic and then turns up the ice, I suppose. Oh, and it’s clear too, which is a bit weird. Kinda makes you wonder what its larger gameplan is with all this Ice stuff, doesn’t it?

How is it?

Like a cherry Laffy Taffy that’s been your pocket for way too long or an illegal helping of pure ICEE white cherry syrup, Mtn Dew Ice Cherry tastes like a bottle full of melted fake cherries. But that’s not a bad thing, just something you have to take in small doses due to its incredible sweetness.

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With its strong cherry flavor and light carbonation, it might remind some of cherry-flavored Alka-Seltzer. Those people, like me, who’ve been known to drop about five or six tablets in their glass at a time, will love this.

Is there anything else I need to know?

I thought the sugar would be through the roof, but 41 grams doesn’t seem all that bad, does it? This Ice variant contains high fructose corn syrup, acesulfame potassium, and sucralose and no real sugar per se, but all that fake sugar can’t be good for you, can it? Oh well. 41 grams collectively doesn’t seem all that bad.

Conclusion:

Mtn Dew Ice Cherry 3

While not as mind-numbingly delicious as Pitch Black but way better than that DEW.S.A. dreck, Mtn Dew Ice Cherry falls somewhere in-between, leaning a little more on the plus side of the bracket.

Purchased Price: $1.29
Size: 20 oz. bottle
Purchased at: Buy for Less Supermercado
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (20 oz.) 160 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 90 milligrams of sodium, 41 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 41 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, and 91 milligrams of caffeine.

REVIEW: KFC Hot Honey Chicken

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KFC Hot Honey Chicken

With an adorable new Colonel mascot in the form of a sweet ol’ honeybear, the indubitably fine, mostly Southern kinfolk at Kentucky Fried Chicken (or Kitchen Fresh Chicken, if you do so prefer) continue their sauce-filled fried chicken domination of America with the tasty-enough Honey Hot flavor now on the KFC dinner table.

Ordering a three-piece Extra Crispy Tenders Meal complete with mashed potatoes, a biscuit, and one lonesome lil’ pickle slice, the Honey Hot variety is the stickiest mess of a sauce yet, soaking everything in its vicinity with a mouth-watering, eye-stinging clarity. The red-staining bit of generic honey was drenched all over the chicken tenders, seeping to a peppery puddle underneath them, creating a delicious dipping sauce as that famous KFC crust stayed undoubtedly firm and harmonically crunchy.

By the second try, I twirled my chicken tender in the settled sauce to get a little more of that Hot Honey taste. Like a Kentucky Fried shock to the system, the sweetness is almost immediate, cooling your taste buds with the much-loved taste of nothin’ but honey. Give it a few seconds though, because that hot comes rushing down the track like a peppery freight train, doing itself a grand service of providing a nice little burn that goes down easy enough.

But, even better, even with more sauce to soak it in, the extra crunchy skin continues to stay remarkably extra crunchy while the sauce manages to get deep into the tasty sinews and musculature of the beast, making almost an edible massage oil that, greasy bite by greasy bite, holds up with a tightly tangy fervor.

With plenty of the Honey Hot drainage left on my plate — even though the delicious Extra Crispy Tenders were a thing of dusty memory now — I used my remaining biscuit to selfishly sop up the sauce, to great effect. The pepper had made a suspended section unto itself in the sweet goop, giving me a nice headrush as I ate a thick, sticky sliver on my breadstuff. You’ve got to sell this stuff as a dipper, KFC!

Feel free to take a sip or two of water, just in case though, but not because of the heat, mind you. Once the sweet has passed and the hot is long gone, you better prepare to get a mildly weird aftertaste that is best described as taking a shot of soy sauce, swishing it around and swallowing it deep. It’s not a bad thing, just generally surprising and a little off-putting. Though great if you love soy sauce shooters.

Aftertaste aside, this might be KFC’s best chicken experiment yet, finally finding the perfect balance of one thing that people routinely screw up so often and so royally: the sweetness of the honey and the heat of the pepper. Cómpralo ya!

(Nutrition Facts – 570 calories, 36 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 75 milligrams of cholesterol, 1460 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, and 30 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $5.49
Size: 3 Extra Crispy Chicken Tenders
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Perfect balance of sweet and heat. Doesn’t make the chicken crust soggy.
Cons: Alarming “soy sauce” aftertaste.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Chipotle Triple Double Crunchwrap

Louis 2 Comments

Taco Bell Chipotle Triple Double Crunchwrap

If you thought that last month’s Double Cheesy Gordita Crunch was one filling S.O.B., the Triple Double Crunchwrap is back to prove you woefully wrong, and this time, it’s got some seriously sassy backup in the form of a seriously spicy chipotle sauce.

I hope you have some of that Baja Blast waiting off to the side, son.

The infamous disc-like shape of the Crunchwrap effortlessly holds the best and brightest of Taco Bell’s menu in an easy-to-transport carrying case, barely containing plenty of cheese, plenty of meat, and plenty of chipotle. It’s a monstrosity, a real two-hander judiciously wrapped in a mostly-bulging tightly-pressed tortilla, ready to carnalistically explode in a flame of intense flavor.

Once again, the patented Taco Bell nacho cheese sauce takes full control here, mixing most hedonistically with the heated chipotle sauce, bringing an unexpected twinge of sweet hurt to the proceedings, a small controlled burn that only a culinary arsonist could ever truly love. Without a doubt, the cheese and the chipotle are the true crossover stars here, mostly thanks to those unsung taco artists back in the kitchen doing an excellent job of laying it on thick and heavy.

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The top layer of lettuce and tomatoes are a veritable bed of much-needed greens for vitamins and minerals, but are quickly forgotten when the hidden action that lies in Taco Bell’s always provocative seasoned beef is devoured. Spread across two hard tostada shells and wrapped in the aforementioned pressed tortilla with a good bit of reduced-fat sour cream here and there in the folds, this might be the Bell’s best creation yet.

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An exciting improvement to the original Triple Double Crunchwrap — which is back on the menu too — this chipotle variation is not just another random notch on Taco Bell’s belt, but instead, a welcomed, spicier take on some of their best menu items, with only one real minor drawback. This thing is so massive and filling that you’re not going to have room in you for anything else, except for that Baja Blast.

Is it too much of a good thing? Perhaps, but I’ll take it anyway. Sure, they may be going back to the well two (or three) times over, but each new additional ingredient, no matter how small, proves that Taco Bell keeps on knocking it out of the border ballpark with every ingenious turn of the tortilla. Cómpralo ya!

(Nutrition Facts – 770 calories, 38 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 gram of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 1650 milligrams of sodium, 86 grams of carbohydrates, 9 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, and 8 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $3.49
Size: N/A
Rating: 10 out of 10
Pros: Ingenious move. Absolutely huge. Great oral burn.
Cons: No need to order other items other than a Baja Blast.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Double Cheesy Gordita Crunch

Louis 4 Comments

Taco Bell Double Cheesy Gordita Crunch

After months of waiting — those Nacho Fries can only take me so far, guys — our buenos amigos at Taco Bell are finally back with a new menu item that weighs blissfully heavy, both on the stomach and soul.

It’s called the Double Cheesy Gordita Crunch — not to be confused with the Cheesy Gordita Crunch or the Doritos Cheesy Gordita Crunch, natch — and it is, basically, a whole tasty crunchy taco with spicy ranch sauce, gently placed inside a hot Gordita, layered lovingly with their quintessential three-cheese blend and, get this, a whole ‘nother layer of that spicy ground beef.

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I mean, c’mon: it’s always great to have a Taco Bell taco and a Taco Bell gordita separately on most trivial days, but to have both, combined, completely slathered with a whole heck of meat and cheese, it’s starting to look like we’ve entered a whole new realm of Border-based deliciousness in the fast food Tex-Mex market. I’m kinda surprised the Bell hasn’t come up with this winning concept sooner.

A glorious mix of startlingly crunchy and indefatigably soft, the Double Cheesy Gordita Crunch is a beautiful mix of the best of what the Bell has to offer, all in one treat. The cheesy portion is hot and gooey, the meat area is the right amount of spicy heat and the breads — both taco shell and Gordita tarp — are fresh and delicious, the perfect placeholders. The addition of a spritz of some unexpected spicy ranch only doubles down with the nice bonus of a slight kick, playing very well with the other flavors.

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The Double Cheesy Gordita Crunch, besides being quite tasty is, additionally, packed with so much of that good stuff, that it actually creates one of TB’s thickest items in quite a while. Come hungry when you try one; once you get to the halfway point, you’ll start to question whether you can go any further but, like a true culinary warrior, you must go on, you must continue, you must finish that Double Cheesy Gordita Crunch, son.

You see, and this would be my one issue, the afternoon I ordered this item, I got the five dollar box, thinking it was no big deal, that I would finish it in mere minutes as I had done in the past, numerous times with numerous Taco Bell items. Boy, was I wrong.

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So, I guess what I’m saying is skip the five dollar box, because unless you’re a competitive eater in training, it’s just way too much food for one person. Go for the single Double Cheesy Gordita Crunch and wallow in comparative élan. There’s always more tomorrow. Much more. Cómpralo ya!

(Nutrition Facts – 570 calories, 32 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 70 milligrams of cholesterol, 1110 milligrams of sodium, 44 grams of carbohydrates, 7 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, and 25 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $3.49
Size: N/A
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Combines the two best products on menu. Huge portions.
Cons: Have to eat fresh—do not refrigerate and microwave.