Author: Louis

REVIEW: Mtn Dew Frost Bite

Louis 3 Comments

Mtn Dew Frost Bite Bottle

What is Mtn Dew Frost Bite?

Given the bottle’s ferocious imagery of an open-mouth great white shark on the label, I was hoping this would be Mtn Dew’s entry into a revolutionary fish-flavored soda game, but, instead, it’s just a “burst of icy refreshment and cool melon.” So, I guess melon.

How is it?

Mtn Dew Frost Bite Closeup

Like most nouveau Mtn Dew flavors, this too has a taste reminiscent of a liquefied Now and Later, which, at least in my opinion, is never a bad thing. And while there is a slight taste of melon — don’t ask me what kind of melon, though — the “blue ice” flavor is extremely prevalent, even if “blue ice” isn’t a flavor found in nature.

But, still, Frost Bite has got a deeply sweet seafaring edge to it that, like the chompers on the non-mountainous mascot, will cut deeply to the bone. Or, given the soda’s oh-so high added sugar content, it might shear the white enamel off with each seriously addictive gulp. If you ever wonder what Powerade Mountain Berry Blast would taste like with a testicular death-grip, look no further.

Is there anything else you need to know?

Available for a limited time, this Mtn Dew flavor is an exclusive flavor to Walmart stores across the country. I bought it instead of toilet paper, mostly because my store was still sold out of it and probably will be for a while.

Conclusion:

Mtn Dew Frost Bite is a downright tawdry yet delicately tasty concoction for landlubbing tongues.

Purchased Price: $1.80
Size: 20 oz. bottle
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 290 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 95 milligrams of sodium, 76 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 76 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Triplelupa

Louis 5 Comments

Taco Bell Triplelupa

The lord God Almighty, sitting on his golden throne in all of his wisdom and glory, gave us the ultimately confusing gift of the Holy Trinity: the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Running a close second, however, is Taco Bell’s latest (and less confounding) present to humanity, the graciously heaven-sent Triplelupa.

A righteous blessing of three flavor favorites, the Triplelupa is a trio of small Chalupas connected into one, each tear-away pocket containing a taste sensation that we’ve all come to know and love over these many years: trademarked nacho cheese, creamy chipotle sauce, and, last but certainly not least, a glorious combination of the two.

Taco Bell Triplelupa Innards

With the Chalupa being arguably the finest offering on Taco Bell’s menu, the Triplelupa is an embarrassment of riches that anyone should be thankful for. It starts with the custom fried outer shell that’s thick yet soft with a hidden crunch that always makes this precious snack into a bountiful meal.

Taco Bell Triplelupa Nacho

But, as you can guess, the filling is truly where it’s at, starting with its world-famous nacho cheese. As expected, the yellow queso combines well with the seasoned meat, lettuce, tomato, and three-cheese blend, crafting near-perfection in two or three bites for this first section.

Taco Bell Triplelupa Chipotle

Additionally, the second nosh with the chipotle sauce does a sanctified job of sending my soul to sing with the angels. The creamy kick of the pepper-infused condiment gives this middle portion a well-deserved morning mass to my tastebuds.

Taco Bell Triplelupa Both

That being said, it’s in this third and final helping where the grand plan of Taco Bell’s Mexican majesty shows itself to scores of hungry patrons just waiting for a sign of extreme essence. Like a miracle, the combined efforts of both the nacho cheese and the chipotle sauce create an unheard and unseen testament to the Triplelupa, crafting a liquid blanket that makes everything feel at peace.

It’s such a delightful combination, I would be remiss if I didn’t admit that I licked the leftover refuse from the wrapper, recycling the lettuce and sauces that spilled out like a human compactor. If it wasn’t raining down so hard right now, I would have desperately walked back to my Taco Bell to order another one of these Triplelupas – maybe two — for my own triumvirate of taste.

Per usual, this thinking outside the bun mentality that birthed the Triplelupa is a tour de sauce, a reckoning and a revelation of Biblical proportions. I urge you and everyone you know to pay your taco tithe of $3.69 and follow the way of this edible trinity. Get thee to a Bell!

Purchased Price: $3.69
Size: N/A
Rating: 10 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 610 calories, 35 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 1110 milligrams of sodium, 52 grams of carbohydrates, 7 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, and 22 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Wendy’s Breakfast Baconator

Louis 8 Comments

Wendy s Breakfast Baconator

What is Wendy’s Breakfast Baconator?

A pre-10 a.m. take on Wendy’s famed Baconator hamburger, this walk-of-shame variation features grilled sausage, American cheese, a flattened egg, and enough Applewood smoked bacon to choke a hog. It’s also topped with a Swiss cheese sauce and served to you with a coffee and a smile.

How is it?

Take what you think you know about breakfast sandwiches and beat it into salty submission. While the Breakfast Baconator might not look as jam-packed as, say, some monstrosity from Carl’s Jr., Wendy’s has somehow managed to pack quite a bit of grotesquely gorgeous morningside taste in its bid for total breakfast domination.

Besides the requisite slab of fried egg and cut of grilled sausage — nicely done, by the way — the two distinctly separate layers of Applewood smoked bacon, while definitely the definition of “too much,” work perfectly for the breakfast sandwich. It might be even better than the lunchtime variety. And while the Swiss cheese sauce was somewhat lighter than expected, the two slices of American cheese make up for it, giving this pile of meat a surprising bite from the dairy.

Is there anything else you need to know?

Wendy s Breakfast Baconator 2

With so much bacon — I counted eight strips on mine — the salt in this sandwich is mouth-puckeringly strong. I say skip the hash browns and order an extra cup of coffee instead. You’ll need it way more, even after the Breakfast Baconator is a belching memory.

Conclusion:

Calorically rich in its Applewood smoked goodness, it really is a perfect-enough fast food breakfast and quite obviously the cornerstone of Wendy’s burgeoning breakfast menu, which, at least in my part of the country, could be considered fightin’ words. I mean, have you seen those Honey Butter Chicken Biscuits?

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: N/A
?Rating: 8 out of 10
?Nutrition Facts: 730 calories, 50 grams of fat, 19 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 280 milligrams of cholesterol, 1750 milligrams of sodium, 36 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 7 grams of total sugars, and 34 grams of protein

REVIEW: Sonic Totchos

Louis 5 Comments

Sonic Tatchos

Looking down at the empty tray that once held Sonic’s latest foodstuff, the Totchos, I feel mostly disappointment where satisfaction really should be. Sure, its tater tots are a tried and true fast food go-to, and the melted cheddar cheese is always tops, but while the name is quite clever, the execution is lazy at best.

Totchos, in case you haven’t figured it out yet, is a combination of tots and nachos. Sonic has taken said tater tots and covered them with, of course, gloopy cheese, something called “Baja sauce,” bits of diced onion, and slices of jalapeno. That’s all well and good, but then they absentmindedly threw on a few squares of bacon.

I had to look online to make sure this wasn’t a mistake.

Sonic Tatchos 3

Needless to say, at least for me, it was somewhat distasteful to find bacon, a very un-nacho-like meat, on my cheesy tots. I prefer a pork product with a far more Mexican bent like, say, chorizo. But, still, this is what I was given, so I forged ahead with this ignoble experiment and gave the Totchos the old intento universitario.

As the cheese began to solidify quickly, I stirred my fork around the messy meal and realized it’s basically Sonic’s Cheesy Tots – sans its always delightful chili and with a scant scoop of Baja sauce in its place. You can’t go wrong with Sonic’s Cheesy Tots.

Sonic Tatchos 2

Tasting a few well-covered potato portions, the addition of onions and jalapeno is always novel, and the Baja sauce, though mild as a San Francisco breeze, did add a delightful tang when mixed with the nacho cheese. But what hurts these Totchos, sadly, are the salty cuts of bacon that give an unlikable taste for me, especially when mixed with all the other well-assembled parts.

Maybe order them without the bacon next time?

Ultimately disappointing, there are so many things Sonic could have done to make these Totchos a true nacho reality, like sour cream or even strands of chicken would’ve done alright by me. But, instead, this is what we got and it’ll have to do until they decide to head back to the test kitchen for more Totcho combinations.

Purchased Price: $3.29
Size: Medium
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 550 calories, 36 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 25 milligrams of cholesterol, 1670 milligrams of sodium, 48 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 10 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Buffalo Chicken Nacho Fries

Louis

Taco Bell Buffalo Chicken Nacho Fries 1

For the most part, I like fries about as much as any other typical fast food fan probably does. But, you know, even I have to begrudgingly admit that maybe it’s time to take a break from them and turn that fryer off for a few months.

Of course, just as I think that those beautiful bastards at Taco Bell’s research and development labs go and craft this new “Mexico on the Hudson” flavor for all the fry-eaters of the world to not only enjoy, but reflect on.

With the hard-charging heat of New York’s Buffalo sauce spilling forth on the stampeding herd of Taco Bell’s famous fries — and its companion burrito, natch — it’s such a tangy stroke of corporate genius you have to wonder why it hasn’t happened before, causing a culture clash that is far more related, like distant cousins, than previously thought.

Taco Bell Buffalo Chicken Nacho Fries

Outright, the clear-cut “winner winner, Buffalo chicken dinner” is the fantastic Buffalo Chicken Nacho Fries. It comes with a nice portion of shredded chicken and the usual accouterments, such as pico de gallo, reduced fat sour cream, and nacho cheese sauce over Taco Bell’s seasoned fries. But it’s the liberal dowsing of Buffalo sauce that gives the platter a mostly loving kick in the metaphorical junk.

It was definitely a bit of culinary violence that the Bell needed, especially before its fries became a little too staid for their own good —- something I’m sure we all can agree on. That being said, the next time I order these, I’d love to add a squirt or two of the Spicy Ranch, perhaps for a bit of heated resistance.

Taco Bell Buffalo Chicken Nacho Fries Burrito

With that said, the sauce isn’t as powerful in the Buffalo Chicken Nacho Fries Burrito, but that’s not to say it’s entirely bad either. It’s just…different.

While it could’ve been a fluke in my home Bell’s kitchen, my burrito, loaded with the same items as the fries but wrapped in a loose tortilla, must have had far less of the Buffalo sauce because it wasn’t as “in your face” as the fries.

It still works well though, with the scant Buffalo sauce instead enhancing the burrito and its taste instead of utterly dominating it. I can understand if people would disagree with me about this, but, especially after the stomach-enflaming fires of the fries, that was a somewhat cooling snack, a coda on the whole Buffalo sauce phenomenon.

Who knew it would be Taco Bell, of all places, to deliver it.

Purchased Price: $2.99 each
Size: N/A
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: Buffalo Chicken Nacho Fries – 490 calories, 32 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 55 milligrams of cholesterol, 1080 milligrams of sodium, 40 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 12 grams of protein. Buffalo Chicken Nacho Fries Burrito – 510 calories, 26 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 1190 milligrams of sodium, 53 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, and 16 grams of protein.