Margaret, Author at The Impulsive Buy

REVIEW: General Mills Cinnamon Toast Crunch Treats

August 22, 2012December 9, 2021 Margaret 6 Comments

Somewhere on the edges of the globe, nestled between the marshes of Keebler County and Cascadian Farms, rests the town of General Mills. It is in this land of cuckoo birds and marshmallow balloons that a legend resides.

And his name…

Is Wendell.

He looks like a Wendell, doesn’t he?

What with his half-moon spectacles and rotund little nose, Wendell seems unassuming enough, but don’t be fooled. He has connections with the Keebler elves. He landed in General Mills in 1987 with a single dream: to put toast in a bowl, and, after many long nights beside his magical toaster and a cinnamon-related explosion, he got the recipe for Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Back in 2001, he channeled his Cinnamon cereal craze into the smash hit: “Cinnamon Toast Crunch Milk-N-Cereal Bar.” Now, he’s bringing it home in a smaller, portion-friendly treat.

Judging by the cover, Wendell’s stepped away from his toaster to mix up a hearty batch of “yogurt coating.” No lie: this was the very thing that pulled me in to this bar. As a connoisseur of the yogurt-covered pretzel, I can’t resist a yogurt coating, and, indeed, I was elated when I discovered that a yogurt squiggle accompanied the yogurt-dipped foundation of the bar.

I’m thinking these little crisps were made for lunchtime and would fit snuggly in a lunchbox/briefcase/purse/other portable vessel of preference. The list of ingredients seems a mile long, but, in summary, it involves cinnamon, icing, and gooeyness and, as we all know, those are the ingredients involved in sustaining a happy relationship. Had a disagreement with your spouse? Bake something with cinnamon and, instantly, it smells like somebody loves you. Top that baked good with icing? Well, you can just kick back and watch the magic unfold.

Now, before diving into the texture of this bar, I’d like to step back for a brief moment to define the adjective “chewy.” Quaker has obfuscated (word of the day!) this term with their “Chewy” granola bars for years. If a food is “chewy,” it has a certain pull, being both somewhat firm and somewhat sticky. Caramels are chewy. Taffy is chewy. That yummy nougat in Snickers bars is chewy. Stale rice cereal smooshed with uncooked oats? Not chewy, Quaker, not chewy.

Now, these, on the other hand, actually do have a bit of a chew and are a fair amount denser than their Quaker counterparts, which gets them off to a good start. On first bite, they even have a bit of a crisp, but, in the end, this crisp ended on the note of “Stale Cinnamon Toast Crunch,” which was disappointing for a product that had hopes to bounce me over the heart, stars, horseshoes, clovers, and blue moons. The yogurt coating does its best for what this lacks in texture, but alas, fair Wendell, the faint wisps of cinnamon in your bar are no match for this weak consistency and overwhelming taste of corn syrup.

However, on an up note, these do have a bit of whole grain and there was enough of the yogurt to make me smile at the end, making these treats far better than the imagination-crushing, depression-inducing Quaker “Chewy” Granola bars. Nonetheless, next time I have the Cinnamon-Toast-Crunch craving, I’ll probably reach for the bowl and spoon before I nab a treat.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bar – 100 calories, 25 calories from fat, 3 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 100 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, less than 1 gram of protein, and a little vitamins and minerals.)

Other Cinnamon Toast Crunch Treats reviews:
Truly Foody

Item: General Mills Cinnamon Toast Crunch Treats
Purchased Price: $2.84 (on sale)
Size: 1 box/6 bars
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Yogurt coating on the base. Yogurt squiggles. Cinnamon. Wendell. A friendly portion. Whole grain. Lunchboxes. The word “Obfuscate.” Half-moon spectacles. A land filled with marshmallow balloons.
Cons: The texture of stale cereal. Corn syrup overpowers cinnamon. Using the word “chewy” incorrectly. Crushers of the imagination.

REVIEW: Shaun White’s Mintacular Stride Gum

August 9, 2012December 24, 2020 Margaret 6 Comments

Public Service Announcement: a fever is creeping among us.

Its symptoms include staying up far to late with a box of Peanut Butter Crunch, biting at the bit to watch the landing of a back tuck into a needle kick with a full turn, and a spontaneous desire to trade one’s career path for one in a highly competitive world of a sport one has never tried (badminton, bobsledding, competitive handball…the list goes on). Sometimes, these idealistic visions result in actually pursuing said sport for a concentrated period of time. Reports say that attempts by those infected with the fever have resulted in strangers breaking into cartwheels on the sidewalk and poorly executed forehands on multiple tennis courts around the globe.

Yes, Olympic fever is among us and it races through the pulse of six continents (poor Antarctica…) every two-and-a-half years, mercilessly infecting the homes of millions and accounting for 73 percent of all trampoline-related accidents.

If you find yourself experiencing symptoms of Olympic fever, please know there is a cure. It involves a ratio of 87 percent hope, 12 percent time, and 1 percent mint.

Thus, it is with great relief that I find Stride bringing a new minty flavor (sponsored by an Olympian, no less) in our nation’s time of great need.

Mint can do spectacular things. I used to bring a pack of mints in to every standardized test to chew on during breaks between the math and literature sections. It unquestionably provided me with the endurance to fill in all those tiny bubbles and, thus, I credit mint for allowing me to pursue a solid 1/3 of my academic career. Supposedly, there are over 6,700 different species of mint, and Stride is hot on the trail in mint innovation, hoping to bring out the latest and greatest in its new Shaun-White-sponsored “Mintacular” flavor they’re pulling out in a few months.

As evidence by my stash of Costco-sized packs of Stride Spearmint 2.0, I believe that Stride can make a solid piece of gum, but what of this latest sorbitol-and-glycerin-infused innovation?

It’s a pleasant little white rectangle the color of the snow just before you race down the double black diamond at 84 miles per hour.

Now, to the chew test: prefaced with the name, “Mintacular,” I braced myself for a plunge of the sinuses, one of those overwhelming 10-second shocks of peppermint-infused pain that some gums hurtle upon the unsuspecting consumers only to rip the flavor away after 3 chews. I am grateful to announce that a) Mintacular lasts longer than three chews and b) doesn’t pull a merciless chimney sweep on the sinuses. (Thank you, Stride, for sparing my nostrils.)

Quite to my surprise, Mintacular’s mint is quite subtle, holding a similar taste to those little soft dinner mints that grandma would leave out on the counter after dinner. There’s even a bit of a bright (verging on fruity…is that a hint of watermelon?) spark that blends with the mint. If “Level of Mintiness” were on the same scale they use to measure snowboarding slopes, I would say this is an intermediate blue square (or red if one is using the European slope scales). The fruitiness can somewhat mask the mint qualities, which is a bit of a bummer for the mint-lover in my heart.

However, I’m thinking if I were skiing down a mountain, defying physics in sub-zero temperatures, perhaps this more subtle mint might be a good choice as I wouldn’t need a “cold burst of minty freshness” if I’m already clomping around in -2 degrees Fahrenheit weather. For my regular gum-chewing habits, it’s a bit too gentle on mint flavor, but I appreciate it for its unobtrusive nature. It’s quite akin to the experience of looking out on untouched snow as it falls from the sky at 6:00 a.m.

And it lasts a long time without tasting like a car tire. In the spirit of the gum’s Olympic sponsor, I chewed as I watched my Olympic coverage. The taste of this little bugger lasted through a full two gymnastic routines, a commercial break, at least two legs of the running trials, and a personal celebration dance. And fear not, avid chewer, for even after the flavor dwindles away like a cowboy into the sunset, you may chew on as this little noble piece of gum stays soft for a fair amount of time.

I have a fairly high standard of mint and Mintacular proved itself to be a pleasant contender, and, while it may not replace the ol’ reliable Spearmint, if Mintacular sticks around, I’m sure I’ll be chewing it as I witness Shaun White flip something amazing in the halfpipe.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 piece – less than 5 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 1 gram of carbohydrates, 1 gram of sugar alcohol, and less than 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Shaun White’s Mintacular Stride Gum
Purchased Price: $1.00
Size: 1 pack/14 sticks
Purchased at: A new products show
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Long chewing time. Doesn’t get rubbery. Sugar-free. Grandma’s bowl of after-dinner mints. Watching the Olympic Games. Looking out on untouched snow. Imagining yourself as an Olympic snowboarder with the wind whooshing in your face as you dart-and-weave through pines while trying not to crash into Sasquatch.
Cons: Melon flavor muddles the mint a bit too much. Antarctica has never competed in the Olympic Games. Trying to snowboard in -2 degrees Fahrenheit weather. Standardized tests.

REVIEW: Pepperidge Farm Goldfish Grahams Cookies & Cream

July 27, 2012January 14, 2021 Margaret 6 Comments

There was a time in American history in which tyranny and mayhem ran rampant. A time in which deception and little known, yet long-lasting, wars raged.

Yes, dear readers, there was a time when Pepperidge Farm did not exist.

It was during this time that children acted like princes and ruthless animal crackers trampled the land, stampeding under sofa cushions. It was a time of lawlessness, indeed. Some say residents were forced to flee from their homes, holding tight to their boxes of graham crackers, crumbs flinging willy-nilly as they fled from snack thieves.

The consumers that remained scoured Aisle 9, looking for the one snack that could satisfy an empty pocket of the soul. A pocket that could only be filled by a fish-shaped cracker. And thus, the Goldfish was born.

Since then, the snack battles have subsided as the Goldfish has brought joy in the form of an unassuming, aquatic-inspired treat, and it is in the spirit of this great joy that I grabbed this new Cookies & Cream Graham incarnation of the “snack that smiles back.”

Undoubtedly, Goldfish hold a steady place in the world of American snack history, yet with great familiarity comes great responsibility. Coming from one who has experienced the full line of Goldfish, how do these Cookies and Cream grahams stack up to their ancestors?

Let’s rip open this bag and find out:

These are of the standard goldfish-cracker size and it looks like they put both chocolate and vanilla cookies in the mix, both of which are fairly equally distributed through the bag.

And no doubt these fishies are jolly little crackers. I mean, just look at that smile.

What a happy-dappy little freshwater fish. Happiness is contagious and these little buggers spread it. Happiness alone earns these a full point before I even taste.

And now, to dig in to the goods.

(Complete, unrestrained Goldfish consumption ensues.)

Yum.

In terms of texture, these grahams offer a unique riff off their cheddar cracker cousins. Unlike the crisp features inherent in a Goldfish cracker, the Goldfish graham is an undertaking that highlights the crunchy benefits of density, with the chocolate being slightly more compact than its vanilla counterpart. The chocolate is also the stronger of the two flavors, strutting in with a solid merit of dark chocolate, while the vanilla adds a subtle contrast. If this were an orchestra, the chocolate bangs the bass drum while the vanilla comes in like a violin, softening the chocolate with a hint of shortbread.

Now, it must be noted that one very important element is missing here in the Cookies & Cream Goldfish: cream. Where would this cream be on such a small cookie? I do not know. Perhaps in the center of the graham? Perhaps in the form of a mini cream-filled sandwich? I can’t say for sure, but it seems to have gone astray in the process of research and development and I mourn its absence.

Of course, I could say the vanilla is meant to highlight a “cream,” quality as it adds a lighter, daintier flavor, yet it does not provide the texture contrast that I had so hoped for. Perhaps these are not so much suited “Cookies and Cream” as they are “Chocolate and Vanilla.” Nothing bad about that. Simply different than one might have anticipated.

A peculiar sugar sprinkle seems to reside on the outside of each maritime morsel. After three tastings, I have yet to discover this coating’s function in the realm of taste, although it does add a certain sparkle, which leads me to believe it was intended to help support Goldfish expression. I imagine that, being an inanimate cracker, Goldfish have a difficult time finding opportunities to express themselves. I am pleased to find Pepperidge Farm is taking this into account by equipping Goldfish with a fashion-forward glimmer on their outer graham.

I’m also relieved to find that this thin canopy of glammed-up sparkly coating won’t send me bouncity-bouncing down the highway in a crazed sugar rush. These have only 9 grams of sugar and oodles of whole grain per serving. Oh, did I mention there are 35 graham fishies in one serving? That’s a solid handful (two handfuls for the humans with small hands).

Even without the cream, these are good little grahams. They celebrate diversity within the Goldfish culture and are easily munchable, although, if eaten in rapid abundance, the chocolate can be a bit aggressive on the taste buds (and this is coming from a chocolate fiend).

If you’re brave (and I know you are…), you might consider mixing these with cheddar and pretzel goldfish. It will be a bit of sweet-and-salty fish-shaped magic that goes well with ice cream and provides hours of creative nourishment.

These Goldfish hearken back to a simpler time. A time in which one could sit at a table and color for hours while wearing a wonky crown built of paper maché and drinking from a juice box with a bendy straw, and, like the memory of a fond love affair, these hints of the past always highlight the good. The happy times. The thing that, despite all the goofs and flaws and fumbles, brings you back and begging for more. Will these Cookies and Cream Goldfish, with their vanilla-chocolate-happy crunch, send me back for another bag? I’m not sure, but I do believe they’re good enough to try, offering a simple, modest snack for the quiet child in all of us.

(Warning: opening Goldfish bag may inspire spontaneous desire to craft.)

(Nutrition Facts – 35 pieces – 140 calories, 45 calories from fat, 5 grams of fat, 1.5 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 125 milligrams of sodium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, Less than 1 gram of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein)

Item: Pepperidge Farm Goldfish Grahams Cookies & Cream
Purchased Price: $1.89 (on sale)
Size: 6.6 ounces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Variety. Crunch. Vanilla like a violin. Fashion-forward. Spontaneous whims to craft. Whole grain. Pairing with ice cream. Equal distribution of vanilla and chocolate. Coloring books. Drinking juice with a bendy straw.
Cons: Absence of cream. Tyrannical chocolate Goldfish. Sugary coating without a taste. Life before Pepperidge Farm. Being trampled by an animal cracker.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Festival Fun Frosted Vanilla I-Scream Cone Pop-Tarts

July 19, 2012August 14, 2023 Margaret 7 Comments

The festival: a landmark of summertime reinforcing the laws of physics with every flash-flinging ride you wind past, and, while all the balloon animals and fluffy teddy bears make it seem like a locale reserved for docile featherweights, don’t be fooled: festivals are not for the thin-skinned.

Indeed, danger lurks behind every fried goodie and clinkity-clink coaster that threatens to hurl your body straight over the Kansas plains. That is part of what makes the festival so exciting: the subliminal notion that you could die at any moment.

Yes, dear venturers, the festival is a place where only the bold dare step, and these Festival Fun Frosted Vanilla I-Scream Cone Pop-Tarts are no different. These treats are not for the faint of heart. If you cower at the Kellogg, find yourself trembling at the thought of being sucked into a sugary shadow, then shoo! Be off with ye, oh crybabies! Oh sippers of chamomile tea! May you live a long and boring life.

Now that I have narrowed you down to the brave lunatics before me, quick! To the toaster!

Ah, yes, the toaster. The very appliance inspiring that 1987 champion of childhood animation, The Brave Little Toaster. It was there that I came to understand the value of endurance and grasped the reality that the car crusher in the junkyard is really alive, has googly eyes, and wants to eat my kitchen tools. Most importantly, I learned that small appliances can do amazing feats, and, while my toaster may not be able to fling itself over a mountain, it can sure transform a Pop-Tart, so I am going to toast this bugger on medium-low.

While we await our toaster pastry’s toasted goodness, let us observe a moment of silence to reflect on the values taught to us by The Brave Little Toaster.

(…I hope you are being silent right now, brave venturer…)

Okay! Moment of reflection complete!

And thus, here we have the magic of the toasted I-Scream Pop-Tart in all its rectangle glory.

Inside the crust rests the vanilla filling, which is ample in quantity. While it is meant to mimic the likes of vanilla ice cream, it maintains more of a gooey marshmallow consistency and holds a taste similar to that of Betty Crocker vanilla icing, which makes it hard to not smile when consuming. This flavor would threaten to overwhelm my taste buds if it were not for the milk-chocolatey icing, which adds a nice splash of cocoa flavor that both juxtaposes (word of the day) and balances the vanilla.

The pastry crust is crunchy and cracker-like without a distinguishing taste, acting more like a textural canvas to contrast the oozy vanilla filling. My first thought was that it would have been nice to shake up the crust and perhaps made it thin and crisp like a waffle cone, yet that would then pose the question: is it still be a Pop-Tart without the signature thick crust? Or does it morph into a completely different beast? A pastry with a new identity? I don’t know, but I could foresee such a conundrum causing an existential crisis amongst the community of toaster pastries. Thank you, Pop-Tarts, for tactfully avoiding such a catastrophe of pastry identity by keeping the crust the same.

And there are sprinkles! Rainbow sprinkles! The sprinkles are arranged on the frosting with all the logic of a tourist’s map, which would explain why so many tourists get lost every year (a growing problem in many cities). While it may not work for tourists’ maps, the random sprinkling of rainbow happiness adds a bit of visual joy, and I discovered that they don’t burn when you put them in the toaster, a question I’d never wondered, but am relieved to find out.

Like all Pop-Tarts of yore, it is quite sweet and would be better suited for the evening snack than the hearty breakfast. The list of ingredients is a lengthy one, predominantly of the sugar variety. I was a bit disheartened to discover that Pop-Tarts are still mingling around with the hydrogenated oil crowd, but hey, nothing’s perfect, and they do pack a walloping eight vitamins and minerals in there somewhere.

If there’s one final lesson to glean from The Brave Little Toaster, it’s that friendship is magic. Since there are two to a Pop-Tart package, these toaster pastries inspire sharing and will grant you friends beyond the realm Little Toaster’s town could’ve ever imagined, so rip open that aluminum package and share with a pal, or, since these are “I-Scream” Pop-Tarts, haul out the pint of Ben and Jerry’s and smoosh them into an ice cream sandwich.

In the midst of the lights and flashes and winky-dink rides, festivals celebrate the spirit of straightforward innovation, and these Festival Fun Frosted Vanilla I-Scream Pop-Tarts embody that very spirit. While they’re admittedly not revolutionary to the Pop-Tart world, they dare to be simple, a risk perhaps more valiant than going with the wispy trends of high-end vanilla beans and exclusive Verona chocolates. In the midst of an ever-expanding food empire, Pop-Tarts remain humble and they honor that identity here in the form of a chocolate-vanilla square, and that, in and of itself, is worthy of celebration. So break out the toasters, brave venturers, and celebrate.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 pastry – 190 calories, 4 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 1.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 220 milligrams of sodium, 37 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 16 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Limited Edition Frosted Vanilla I-Scream Cone Pop-Tarts
Purchased Price: $2.49
Size: 14.1 ounces/8 pastries
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Lots of chocolate icing. Variety of textures. Sprinkles. Humility. Eight vitamins and minerals. The hope of a Ben and Jerry’s ice cream sandwich. The Brave Little Toaster.. Friendship is magic.
Cons: Hydrogenated oils. Vanilla frosting filling in the guise of ice cream. The threat of overwhelming vanilla flavor. Toaster pastry existential crisis. Nightmares of evil junkyard car crushers.

ANNOUNCEMENT: New Impulsive Buy Reviewer Margaret

July 19, 2012December 24, 2020 Margaret 5 Comments

Hi, foodies, funny people, and other reading humans! I’m Margaret, a new reviewer here, ready to help row the ship on this 3-hour tour into the charmed world of processed foods.

While I hail from Nashville, TN, I recently moved up to New York, where I’m working the midnight oil in hopes to attain my Master’s in Dramatic Writing at NYU. In this fair Manhattan, I’ve discovered the salted aroma of the street cart falafel, the joys of having an abundant supply of freshly made pickles, and the certain uninhibited celebration of variety in the supermarket aisles. It is with this celebration in mind that I step a hopeful foot into the door of The Impulsive Buy.

During my childhood, I started living on a solid quantity of peanut butter, waffles, and Cheetos, and I’ve lived a happy life ever since. As a result, I’m an active supporter of yummy food. I appreciate a good cereal and am a master in the art of making the grilled cheese. I’ve got quite a sweet tooth. And a salty tooth. And a crunchy tooth. I must warn you: I’m not a fan of mushy canned vegetables (my apologies to the Green Giant).

But wait…what’s that you say? The canned vegetable industry doesn’t seem to be inundated with a demand for new products?

Whew. That’s a relief.

Other than that, I’m an equal opportunity taster, open to try a bit of anything once and give a sound assessment on its yumminess.

So, with my left hand rested atop the great cookbook of Julia Child and my right hand raised to the sky, I promise to help row this TIB boat into the aisles of supermarket mysteries to assess the bounty of products, be they new, old, or yet-to-be-discovered, highlighting the buried goods and tossing out a fair warning for those swashbugglin’ wannabes that I’d be watchin’ with a wary eye. So set the sail and hoist the mainstay! We’re heading out to the supermarket.

Author: Margaret

REVIEW: General Mills Cinnamon Toast Crunch Treats

REVIEW: Shaun White’s Mintacular Stride Gum

REVIEW: Pepperidge Farm Goldfish Grahams Cookies & Cream

REVIEW: Limited Edition Festival Fun Frosted Vanilla I-Scream Cone Pop-Tarts

ANNOUNCEMENT: New Impulsive Buy Reviewer Margaret

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