Author: Mark

REVIEW: Little Debbie Easter Carrot Cake Rolls

Mark 7 Comments

Little Debbie Easter Carrot Cake Rolls

A few days after Easter last year, I had a dream that I was walking through Walmart, buying bunny-shaped treats and Little Debbie Carrot Cakes. (Most people dream about flying or being naked. Junk food reviewers dream about grocery stores.) I was disappointed when I woke up and realized that Little Debbie Carrot Cakes did not exist.

So when I learned that Little Debbie Easter Carrot Cake Rolls were a new product this year, it was literally a dream come true.

Little Debbie Easter Carrot Cake Rolls 2

While I was delighted that these carrot cake treats existed, I didn’t have high hopes for them. Over the past year, I have had Little Debbie’s minty St. Patrick’s Day Creme Rolls; Red, White and Blueberry Creme Rolls; and Pumpkin Spice Rolls. I was disappointed, in one way or another, with all three of those flavors.

Additionally, carrot cake is my all-time favorite dessert, but since there are no carrots in the ingredient list, I was skeptical they could pull it off.

Maybe it’s because my expectations were so low, but I was pleasantly surprised.

Though carrots are nowhere on the ingredient label, there are real spices: cinnamon, nutmeg, and ginger. (Aww, why don’t they ever invite clove to the party?) These spices are welcome guests: these rolls do indeed taste like a spice cake.

Little Debbie Easter Carrot Cake Rolls 3

It’s an unwritten rule that carrot cake has to have cream cheese icing. Cream cheese is not on the ingredient list, yet somehow, there is a cream cheese flavor to it! The white drizzle on top and the oily, fluffy filling complement the spice cake very well.

I can’t say it tastes exactly like a carrot cake, but it’s a close enough approximation from an un-gourmet brand like Little Debbie.

Little Debbie Easter Carrot Cake Rolls 4

I know it’s a joke to pretend you’re being healthy by eating carrot cake, but there’s no way to pretend here since there aren’t any veggies. But I did wonder if I could use the creme filling as a carrot dip, instead of ranch.

I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it because the oiliness of the creme was weird on the crunchy carrot texture. However, it’s still better than eating carrots plain, IMO.

This was not the only time I dreamed about a nonexistent seasonal dessert, and if they all could be executed this well, I hope more make it to the real world. Next, I’m hoping for conversation heart ice cream.

(Don’t worry. I dream about flying and being naked, too.)

(Nutrition Facts – 1 roll – 270 calories, 110 calories from fat, 12 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 3 grams of monounsaturated fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 115 milligrams of sodium, 30 milligrams of potassium, 39 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 27 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.)

Purchased Price: $2.19
Size: 13.13 oz. box/6 cake rolls
Purchased at: Dick’s Market
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Uses real spices. Tastes like cream cheese frosting. Better than other Little Debbie rolls. Dreams do come true!
Cons: Doesn’t exactly taste like carrot cake. Little Debbie has never been gourmet. You can’t pretend it’s healthy, because it doesn’t have any carrots.

REVIEW: Peeps Mystery Flavors (2018)

Mark 7 Comments

Peeps Mystery Flavors 2018

UPDATE: Apparently, if you look at the boxes the Mystery Peeps come packed in on store shelves, they’ll tell you what the flavors are. If you want spoilers, here you go (in no particular order).

In college, I studied Early Modern English, which includes the language of the King James Bible. When I read the Old Testament passage that talks about “wizards that peep, and that mutter,” I imagined something like chicks with pointed hats casting spells in a dungeon somewhere.

Peeps Mystery Flavor 2018 2

The Peeping wizards at Just Born have once again conjured up three mystery flavors of Peeps Marshmallows just in time for Easter. All three flavors are as white as Dumbledore’s beard, so there’s no way to tell them apart from each other, other than the packaging.

Peeps Mystery Flavor 1 of 3

The first flavor is familiar, and after a few seconds of chewing, it is obvious: root beer. I’m 90 percent confident on this. It could also be wintergreen since that’s a similar flavor, but root beer seems more likely. It’s not as strongly flavored as, say, a root beer barrel hard candy, but it’s decent. There’s a little whiff of sassafras in the package.

Peeps Mystery Flavor 2 of 3

The second flavor…I’m not so sure about. It has citric acid in the ingredients list, which is not in flavor 1. I want to say it tastes like purple conversation hearts, so grape, but it also tastes like the smell of lemon Lysol. Given my guesses of flavors 1 and 3, I’m going to guess, with 60 percent confidence, they were going for a soda theme and made this lemon-lime (aka Sprite). It’s OK.

Peeps Mystery Flavor 3 of 3

The third flavor is different from the other two, as far as ingredients go. It has fumaric acid (whatever that is) and pectin, and citric acid is higher in the ingredients label than in flavor 2. As a result, it has a slightly spongier texture and a slightly lower sugar content. This one is by far the most fragrant of the three, with a strong scent infiltrating my nostrils.

While I’m eating the marshmallow, I really can’t place the flavor. I know I’ve had it somewhere, but all I can taste is a summer day at the amusement park. Minutes after I have swallowed, the residual flavor tastes like Dr Pepper. Even though Dr Pepper is what I taste eventually, it’s not what I taste while the Peep is actually in my mouth, so I’m not sure. My guess is cherry cola, but I’m only 50 percent confident. I’m 30 percent confident on Dr Pepper (or whatever they call it to avoid trademark issues), and I’m 20 percent clueless.

All of them are pleasant enough flavors and a nice change from the original, but I doubt I would buy them if they made them regular flavors. They’re not very memorable. Flavor 1 is the best of the three. My final verdict on the flavors: root beer, lemon-lime soda, and cherry cola.

But guessing was harder than I expected. If I get them wrong, will the Peeping wizards revoke my reviewer’s license?

And when I told my dad I was reviewing mystery-flavored Peeps, he thought I said Listerine-flavored. There’s an idea for next year, Just Born!

(Nutrition Facts – 4 chicks – Flavors #1 and #2 – 110 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 24 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein. Flavor #3 – 100 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 23 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.)

Purchased Price: $1.24 each
Size: 3 oz./10 chicks
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10 (#1 of 3)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (#2 of 3)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (#3 of 3)
Pros: Root beer is obvious and the best of the three. Pleasant enough flavors. They keep you guessing. It’s nice that they’re doing something fun with an otherwise boring treat.
Cons: It’s frustrating when you can’t guess! Not memorable flavors. Nutrition facts are not identical. Peeping wizards revoking your reviewer’s license.

REVIEW: Pepperidge Farm Milano Strawberry Chocolate Cookies

Mark 1 Comment

Pepperidge Farm Milano Strawberry Chocolate Cookies

When I heard Pepperidge Farm was making a new strawberry chocolate Milano, I was sure it was for Valentine’s Day. Red velvet and strawberry are the kings of amorous flavors (recently, at least), and the timing’s right.

But the packaging gives no indication that the Milano Strawberry Chocolate Cookies are a limited edition or Valentine version. All there is is a little yellow “NEW!” banner on the front. This new cookie joins the Pepperidge Farm lineup in a rather unobtrusive manner.

The cookie portion is a typical Milano -— crunchy, simple wafers bolstered by its semisweet chocolate. Pepperidge Farm would have you call this “Strawberry Chocolate,” but the small font on the front indicates that it’s actually “Strawberry Flavored.”

What’s new is a light pink layer next to the chocolate, colored by beet juice and annatto extract. It’s a nice fruity flavor that reminds me of strawberry milk. As the “Flavored” on the package indicates, there is no actual strawberry in the ingredients, but there are no artificial flavors, only natural flavors. I don’t know enough about food science to know if that means anything.

The strawberry chocolate cookie does exactly what it sets out to do. I taste the strawberry, but it’s not overwhelming, and the flavor works. I really have no complaints.

At the same time, however, I don’t have any particular accolades. The flavor doesn’t amaze me with its goodness. I wouldn’t say it’s better or worse than other Milanos, just a little bit different. The back of the package says, “Milano: Irresistible. So why resist?” These may or may not be irresistible; that’s a personal preference. But if you replace “resistible” with “remarkable,” it’s spot on.

(Oh, you’re telling me the word is “unremarkable,” not “irremarkable”? Fine. So be it.)

Pepperidge Farm Milano Strawberry Chocolate Cookies 2

Just for the heck of it, I cut up some strawberries and ate them with the cookies. Doing so neither detracted from nor added to the treats; the cookie dominated over the fruit in my mouth.

I like these cookies; however, I feel like they fill the role I play at a party: no one would miss me if I weren’t there, but at least I’m not annoying.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 130 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 35 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 9 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.)

Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: 7 oz. package
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Yummy variation on the classic cookie. Tastes like strawberry milk. Nothing to complain about.
Cons: Nothing spectacular. Doesn’t use real strawberries. Unremarkable.

REVIEW: Triple Chocolate M&M’s

Mark 2 Comments

Triple Chocolate M M s

I have long imagined Valentine’s Day as the pink, wintry sequel to Halloween.

Both are holidays primarily geared at giving candy to children. Both are “major” holidays where you still have to go to work. Both are gatekeepers of larger eerie/thankful/merry and loving/lucky/springlike holiday seasons.

Four months ago, I was unimpressed with Cookies & Screeem M&M’s, which were a white chocolate center inside a dark chocolate layer.

Triple Chocolate M M s 2

Now, just in time for Valentine’s Day, Mars has stuffed not two but three kinds of chocolate inside a candy shell. Triple Chocolate M&M’s have a milk chocolate center, a white chocolate layer, and a dark chocolate layer, all inside the iconic shell. I guess this is their idea of cramming an entire heart-shaped box of chocolates into one small morsel.

The first thing I noticed about the packaging was the corniness of the picture. Ladies, if a man proposes to you with a ring with half a pink M&M on it, turn him down. You can do better. For one thing, that ring will turn your finger green…after it turns it pink and brown.

Fortunately, these red, pink, and purple candies are better than their spooky predecessor. First of all, they don’t have the chemical flavor of the black food coloring. Additionally, Mars made the right move by putting their flagship milk chocolate —- the flavor they used to call “Plain” -— in the center. Milk chocolate is the star of the show.

Triple Chocolate M M s 3

Don’t give a standing ovation to the white and dark supporting cast, however. I can taste their presence only minimally. If I let an M&M dissolve in my mouth, I can detect the different layers’ textures, but only because I know they’re there. Overall, the M&M is a conglomeration of generic sweetness. If someone snuck in an occasional oversized “Plain” milk chocolate M&M, I probably would never notice.

They’re a tasty candy, and I don’t think anyone will ever turn them down. It’s cool they got all three kinds of chocolate inside, but the flavor isn’t as noticeable or innovative as you would hope.

I would prefer it if the Walmart-exclusive Strawberry Milk Chocolate variety from 2016 was brought back as the St. Valentine’s Day variety, but Triple Chocolate is better than the Walmart-exclusive White Cheesecake. I would be glad if they brought these back next year, but wouldn’t miss them if they didn’t.

(Nutrition Facts – 1.5 oz. – 200 calories, 90 fat calories, 9 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 25 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 26 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: 9.9 oz. bag
Purchased at: Lee’s MarketPlace
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Cool that they got three kinds of chocolate in one. Milk chocolate takes center stage. A yummy candy. Better than Cookies & Screeem.
Cons: It’s hard to detect the dark and white chocolates. Less flavorful, and less Valentine’s-y, than the strawberry flavor of 2016. Ridiculous packaging.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Hot & Spicy Cinnamon Oreo Cookies

Mark 19 Comments

Limited Edition Hot Spicy Cinnamon Oreo Cookies

I have never met an Oreo I didn’t like.

That said, not all Oreos hit the mark. Some of them taste too artificial, and some of the special flavors are too similar to the regular ones. I had lots of questions going into the Hot & Spicy Cinnamon Oreo. Would it taste like cinnamon candy? Would the cinnamon clash with the chocolate cookie? So many possible outcomes!

It has always bothered me that the serving size for Oreo cookies is only two cookies. Let’s be honest: nobody is ever going to eat only two of them, especially since there are at least three ways of eating them.

Limited Edition Hot Spicy Cinnamon Oreo Cookies 3

The first way I wanted to eat it was by isolating the red creme. How’d they do with making it taste like cinnamon candy as promised on the package? They nailed it! It tastes just like Red Hots/cinnamon bears/your favorite cinnamon candy of choice, but with the flavor of Oreo creme mixed in. I wouldn’t call it hot, though it might be too spicy for the smallest children. The texture is the same grainy goo of most Oreo cookies.

The second way I wanted to try it was the boring way: just biting directly into it. This would be a chance for it to mess up: would the cocoa cookie clash with the cinnamon candy–flavored creme? Nope! The cinnamon shines through without overpowering the cookie. We’re two for two.

But how about the third and best way to eat milk’s favorite cookie?

Limited Edition Hot Spicy Cinnamon Oreo Cookies 4

As much as I liked the cookies dry, they’re even better in milk. The cinnamon is more flavorful, yet still not overbearing, in a dipped cookie. I wondered if the cinnamon would clash with the milk, but it doesn’t.

I had thought these would be a good April Fool’s Day prank. You could buy a package of the plain Winter Oreos with the red creme, then replace them with cinnamon and trick your friends. But now that I’ve tried them, I realize that would be a benevolent prank, because the Hot & Spicy Cinnamon Oreo Cookies are better than the original.

Limited Edition Hot Spicy Cinnamon Oreo Cookies 2

At the risk of giving you high expectations and then having them dashed when you try them yourselves, I will say this: these are the best Oreos I have had. They are also the best cinnamon-flavored product I have had.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 140 calories, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 85 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 13 grams of total sugars, 13 grams of added sugars, and less than 1 gram of protein.)

Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: 10.7 oz package
Purchased at: Lee’s MarketPlace
Rating: 10 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like cinnamon candy, but it doesn’t clash with the chocolate cookie. Tastes better with milk. The best Oreo I have had. The best cinnamon treat I have had.
Cons: Serving size is only two cookies. I might have made your expectations too high. I fear that people won’t buy these and they will be discontinued.