Author: Marvo

REVIEW: Burger King Cup Cake Sundae Shake

Marvo 16 Comments

I wanted to use the festive-looking Burger King Cup Cake Sundae Shake as my birthday cupcake replacement, but it probably wouldn’t have been suitable.

Because by the time someone lit the candle and everyone finished singing “Happy Birthday” to me in English and Japanese, while holding sparklers, the candle probably would have melted through the whipped cream and sprinkles and then extinguished itself in the ice cream.

Also, since I wouldn’t have blown out the candle, my wish for either world peace or the 2010 Oxford Dictionary Word of the Year to be “redonkidonkulous” wouldn’t come true.

By the way, “redonkidonkulous” is used to describe how ridiculous it is to use the word “redonkulous” all the time.

Like all fast food milkshakes, the Cup Cake Sundae Shake is high in saturated fat and sugar, which means, if you have children and want to lower their weight and your electricity bill, just get a hamster wheel that your child can fit in, connect it to something that can convert the motion of the wheel into electricity and let the dozens of grams of carbohydrates and sugar power your child as they provide energy for your home by making the hamster wheel move and a brisk, consistent pace.

The milkshake really did taste like a cupcake, thanks to the yellow cake-flavored ice cream. It looked and tasted like I was eating yellow cake batter, except without the possibility of getting salmonella or getting my tongue stuck in a hand mixer. It also almost tastes like egg nog ice cream. The milkshake was really good and brought back memories of those days when my classmates would call me “Cupcake Face,” not because I ate a lot of cupcakes, but because when I put a rain hat my head, it would look like an upside down cupcake, thanks to my chubby cheeks and lack of a hamster wheel for me to get some exercise.

The whipped cream and candy sprinkles didn’t add much flavor, but it did make it look prettier, like normal clothing does with Lady Gaga. The sprinkles did end up getting stuck on my molars, but since I didn’t brush my teeth right after consuming it, I got a little treat about 20 minutes later.

Overall, the Burger King Cup Cake Sundae Shake was a pleasant treat, and if it could hold a candle without melting the dessert, I would blow it out and wish for it to come back again.

(Nutrition Facts – 22 ounces – 680 calories, 25 grams of fat, 17 grams of saturated fat, 1 grams of trans fat, 75 milligrams of cholesterol, 330 milligrams of sodium, 115 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 103 grams of sugar and 10 grams of protein.)

(NOTE: Thanks to TIB reader Nadia for suggesting the Burger King Cup Cake Sundae Shake.)

Item: Burger King Cup Cake Sundae Shake
Price: $2.89
Size: Small
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like a cupcake. Also kind of reminds me of egg nog ice cream. Looks like yellow cake batter. Comes with a fat ass straw. Candy sprinkles made it look pretty. Hamster wheels for children to power your home. Lady Gaga with normal clothes.
Cons: Whipped cream and candy sprinkles didn’t add flavor. Not wise to eat with a value meal from Burger King, unless you love being overweight. Candy sprinkles got stuck in my molars. My head in a rain hat. Lady Gaga with whatever she usually wears. Excessive use of the word “redonkulous.”

REVIEW: TerraCycle/Fashionation M&M’s Candy Wrapper Speakers

Marvo 7 Comments

The company TerraCycle is much like a music producer who has to deal with Britney Spears’ recording sessions, they both take trash and turn it into something that can be marketed and sold. TerraCycle calls what they’re doing “upcycling,” while Britney’s music producers probably like to describe what they do as “panning in a river of diarrhea for gold.”

Some examples of what TerraCycle has done include: Taking discarded Capri Sun drink pouches and turning them into backpacks, using old circuit boards to make picture frames, making pencils out of newspapers and creating pencil cases out of Chips Ahoy packages. One of the company’s latest products is their M&M’s Candy Wrapper Speakers, which they created with a company called Fashionation and can also be found made with potato chip bags.

According to the packaging, these speakers are made with up to 80 percent of recycled materials, which is a lot, but significantly less than what can be found on an album by the cover band Me First and the Gimme Gimmes. The speaker’s box is made out of a big M&M’s Fun Size package and cardboard that looks like it’s been made out of recycled paper. However, I’m not sure how much of the cables and speaker components are made out of reused metals and plastics.

The speakers fold into 3.25-inch cubes and can be unfolded flat again for easy storage and transportation, but I wouldn’t recommend doing it often because I found it difficult to reinsert the tabs into the slots needed to turn them into cubes. The uncooperative tabs and slots caused me to do a little digging, which caused me to accidental peel some of the M&M’s wrapper. When in cube form, they’re front-heavy, like Morganna The Kissing Bandit, so if you put them on an uneven surface, they might topple forward.

The speakers are attached to a standard 3.5 mm headphone plug, so you can connect it into your iPod, laptop, desktop computer or auto-reverse Walkman cassette player. Because the speakers don’t run on batteries, the plug also powers them.

If you’re an audiophile, or an audiophile poser, these candy wrapper speakers won’t come close to satisfying your hoity-toity tastes. They don’t come with a subwoofer made out of recycled candy wrappers and they aren’t very hi-fi, so they sound as good and treble-y as a cheap AM/FM radio alarm clock.

I connected them to my iPod and they have the ability to fill a small room, but in order to do so I had to turn up the volume on my iPod to at least 75 percent to get a decent amount of decibels, which can be a problem if you don’t remember to turn it down before you plug in your earbuds for some personal listening.

I thought the TerraCycle M&M’s Candy Wrapper Speakers would be a useless novelty, like glow-in-the-dark condoms. But they weren’t bad, considering they’re mostly made out of recycled candy wrappers and cost less than $20. At that price, I don’t feel bad if I have to destroy the speakers when a Britney Spears song comes out of them.

(NOTE: Below is a video demonstrating the speaker’s audio quality.)

(NOTE: Grub Grade has a couple of posts about turning potato chip bags and Capri Sun containers into purses and handbags.)

Item: TerraCycle/Fashionation M&M’s Candy Wrapper Speakers
Price: $16.99
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Radio Shack (or The Shack, if you want to be lame)
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Decent sound for something made partly out of candy wrappers. Sound from them can fill a small room. Made from mostly recycled materials. Foldable and portable. No batteries required. Has a standard 3.5 mm headphone plug.
Cons: Not for audiophiles or audiophile posers. Can be difficult to repeatedly put together. May topple forward on uneven surfaces. Have to turn up the volume on your device in order to get a loud enough sound from the speakers. Using references that are older than some of your readers. Britney Spears.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Mint Fudge Covered Oreo

Marvo 21 Comments

They say every time you reject a Girl Scout’s offer to buy their cookies, you take one step closer to hell.

Because I believe there is some truth to those words, I have yet to decline the saleswomanship of a Girl Scout who comes up to me as I walk out of my favorite grocery store and ask, “Would you like to buy some Girl Scout Cookies?” It’s also hard to decline them because they say staring into the eyes of a Girl Scout is like staring into the eyes of an angel.

But whenever I’m posed the question of whether or not I would like to buy Girl Scout Cookies, an internal quandary occurs. My cold heart says, “Begone Brownie Scout for I wish not to partake in your hedonistic cookies,” but because my heart is connected to my circulatory system and not my digestive system, which my mouth and stomach are a part of, it has no say in the matter when the following words come out of my cookie hole: “Do you have Thin Mints?”

My cold heart feels the way it does because deep down I want to reject every Girl Scout that steps in front of me, just like every girl who rejected me when I needed a date to my Junior Prom. I don’t care if I’m going to end up in hell, because all of my friends are going to be with me. I want to break free from this stranglehold because my wallet cannot take being asked every week if I want to purchase Girl Scout Cookies. But it’s difficult to do so due to the guilt I may bring upon myself from bruising the confidence of a young woman, because I remember the pain of having my ego bruised by the throngs of women who rejected me before bids were due.

But I think I may have found a weapon to help break the chains of guilt and to block the pleas of Girl Scouts — the Limited Edition Mint Fudge Covered Oreos.

Just like German pornstars are comfortable with being covered in bodily fluids, Oreos are no stranger when it comes to being covered in fudge, having been coated with regular fudge and white fudge in the past. The mint fudge used with these Oreo cookies made them taste like Nabisco stole the recipe for Thin Mints, because they taste surprisingly similar. Although, the Mint Fudge Covered Oreo has less of a minty flavor than the Girl Scout Cookie. But nonetheless, these cookies are good enough that they make me want shove my hand in the face of a Girl Scout and say, “Not this year, tween she-devil! Not. This. Year.”

As good as these cookies are, I wish they tasted a little more like an Oreo. The mint flavor seems to have nullified the white vanilla filling. Also, I was disappointed the box contained only 12 cookies. Sure, the fudge causes the cookies to be a little thicker, but the amount of cookies makes me feel like I’m getting jacked.

Girl Scouts may make me feel guilty, but they don’t make me feel like I’m getting screwed.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 cookie – 90 calories, 5 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 65 milligrams of sodium, 40 milligrams of potassium, 13 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein and 4% iron.)

Item: Limited Edition Mint Fudge Covered Oreo
Price: $2.79 (on sale)
Size: 7.5 ounces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Tastes very much like Thin Mints. Allows me to say “hell no” to Girl Scouts. It’s fudgerrific! Has one gram of monounsaturated fat. Staring into the eyes of a Girl Scout is like staring into the eyes of an angel. Breaks the chains of guilt.
Cons: It’s frickin’ limited edition. Couldn’t taste the white filling. Only 12 frickin’ cookies. Contains high fructose corn syrup. Bruising the egos of young women. Bruising the ego of a guy looking for a date to the prom.

REVIEW: Yoplait Smoothie (Triple Berry, Strawberry Banana and Strawberry Mango Pineapple)

Marvo 19 Comments

The Yoplait Smoothie kits, or as I like to call them, Jamba Juice Action Playsets, allow normal folk, like you, me or your children, to walk and blend in the shoes of a Jamba Juice worker.

With a blender, a carton of skim milk and these Yoplait Smoothie kits, you can experience a day in the life of a Jamba Juice Jockey. Learn to yell loud enough so that patrons can hear you over the whirring and crushing of the powerful blenders, but without straining your vocal chords. Practice your blender container top throwing technique so that you can hit the sink each and every time without looking or hitting your fellow employees. Rehearse your speech to Jamba Juice virgins about the differences between the Sixteen, Original and Power sizes. Learn to hold your tongue when someone orders a Power-sized smoothie and not say, “Holy shit, do you REALLY need a Jamba Juice that big?”

Each Yoplait Smoothie package contains frozen chunks of fruit and yogurt, and it comes in three flavors: Triple Berry, Strawberry Banana and Strawberry Mango Pineapple. It doesn’t come in as many flavors as what’s found on a Jamba Juice menu board and you’re going to have to make your own boosts, but that’s as easy as crushing the pills you might have in your medicine cabinet. Crush a Flintstones tablet for a Daily Vitamin Boost, do the same to a No-Doze for an Energy Boost, or a birth control pill if you want to include the discontinued Femme Boost.

Making a Yoplait Smoothie is as simple as getting rid of your illegal drugs by flushing it down the toilet when the cops bust down your door. Just throw everything in there and watch it spin. After a minute or so in the blender, the cup of skim milk and the entire bag of frozen chunks of fruit and yogurt will turn into 16 ounces of smoothie goodness. Although, I must admit it wasn’t entirely smooth since my crappy $30 blender had trouble breaking down the frozen fruits entirely, so there were small bits in my smoothies.

You really can’t go wrong with any of the fruit combinations the Yoplait Smoothie comes in. All of them are quite good and I enjoyed them equally. The Triple Berry, made up of strawberries, blueberries and raspberries, had an almost candy-like flavor with the blueberries and raspberries standing out the most. The Strawberry Banana had a nice balance between the two fruits in it. Finally, the Strawberry Mango Pineapple had a great tropical flavor. While the fruits are tasty, what truly makes these smoothies really delicious are the frozen yogurt pieces, which gives them an added sweetness and flavor. But that shouldn’t be surprising because there are two things Yoplait is good at: cleverly adding a French word to the English vernacular and making tasty yogurt.

Each smoothie does have a very slight artificial sweetener aftertaste, thanks to the sucralose, but again, it’s very slight and you may not even notice it. Also, the Triple Berry has a lot of seeds, but I can’t blame Yoplait for that, only Mother Nature, or the botanists who haven’t been able to make seedless strawberries and raspberries.

Overall, the Yoplait Smoothie kits are easy to make, delicious and reasonably priced if you compare them with what you get at Jamba Juice. I see myself buying them on a regular basis so that I can have smoothie goodness whenever I want. And if I consume enough of them, I’ll have the skills to work at a Jamba Juice.

(Nutrition Facts – 8 ounces prepared – Triple Berry – 110 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 20 milligrams of sodium, 14 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 10 grams of sugar and 1 gram of protein. Strawberry Banana – 110 calories, 1 gram of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 15 milligrams of sodium, 14 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 9 grams of sugar and 1 gram of protein. Strawberry Mango Pineapple – 110 calories, 1 gram of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 15 milligrams of sodium, 14 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 11 grams of sugar and 1 grams of protein.)

Item: Yoplait Smoothie (Triple Berry, Strawberry Banana and Strawberry Mango Pineapple)
Price: $3.00 each
Size: 7.6 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 9 out of 10 (for all flavors)
Pros: All flavors are delicious. Easy to make. Yogurt contains live and active cultures. Contains one serving of fruit. Has significantly less sugar than Jamba Juice smoothies. Reasonably priced.
Cons: Cheap ass blenders might have trouble blending it. Very slight artificial sweetener aftertaste. Triple Berry flavor has a lot of seeds. Turbo-sized Jamba Juice. Femme Boost no longer available at Jamba Juice.

REVIEW: Hormel Chili ‘n Spuds Chili Meals

Marvo 17 Comments

When the apocalypse happens and survivors are fighting over food, the Hormel Chili ‘n Spuds Chili Meal is probably one of the products they will be brawling over, along with cans of SpaghettO’s and creamed corn.

It’ll be more valuable than gold, silver and platinum combined, because during the apocalypse, they will all lose their value since they’re not edible and the Cash4Gold building was destroyed. The Chili ‘n Spuds Meal will be valuable because it doesn’t need to be refrigerated and has a decent shelf life.

It’s a microwaveable meal that takes 90 seconds to heat up, but since electricity will probably be non-existent in a post-apocalyptic world, there will be no way to power a microwave, unless someone jerry-rigs a way to create electricity from despair.

Fortunately, the sealed meal can also be prepared by boiling it water…or urine, if water is hard to come by because the only source of it is being hoarded by a group of survivors with more guns than you do. Of course, once you get your water (or urine), you’ll need to obtain fire, which will be extremely easy thanks to the never ending supply of burning carnage around you.

The Hormel Chili ‘n Spuds Chili Meal is not pretty looking, but it’s definitely better than your other options, which will probably be creamed corn or the cooked flesh of your fellow humans. It tastes a lot like a canned chili I’ve had in the past. The sauce has a smidgen of spice, but it’s kind of bland and lacks any tomato flavor. But still, it’s better than a can of creamed corn.

The meat chunks are tender and so are the potato cubes, but the starch doesn’t add much flavor. Instead they just provide a different texture and some carbohydrates, which will give you the necessary energy to help you run away from whatever zombified creature that finds you. It’s also bean-less chili, so you’ll less likely to produce the gastronomical leaks that make it easy for the zombified to locate you.

If I was living in a post-apocalyptic world, I would totally kill someone with a can of creamed corn for the Hormel Chili ‘n Spuds Chili Meal. But since I don’t, I wouldn’t kill anyone for it, nor would I send my gold chains to Cash4Gold so that I can have the three dollars necessary to buy another tray of this shelf stable chili.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 tray – 250 calories, 7 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 760 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, 14 grams of protein, 15% vitamin A, 4% calcium, 2% vitamin C and 10% iron.)

Item: Hormel Chili ‘n Spuds Chili Meals
Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Size: 10 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like canned chili, if you like canned chili. Has a little spice. Meat and potatoes are tender. Can be either microwaved or boiled. Bean-less chili. Spuds provide the carbohydrates necessary to help you run away from zombies. Fire.
Cons: Tastes like canned chili, if you despise canned chili. Kind of pricey for what you get. Chili sauce was kind of bland. Contains MSG. High in sodium. Being forced to eat human flesh. Living in a post-apocalyptic world with zombies.