Matt, Author at The Impulsive Buy

REVIEW: Brach’s S’mores Candy Corn

August 12, 2013August 25, 2023 Matt 3 Comments

Halloween is right around the corner…if you consider “right around the corner” synonymous with “weeks from now.”

I’ve never been one to come up with a crazy costume idea for Halloween, but this year is going to be different. Instead of donning my traditional “Who Farted?” shirt, my forty-nine friends and I had planned on wearing grayscale jumpsuits of varying intensities. (We were going to be Fifty Shades of Grey.) Then I realized I don’t have forty-nine friends, so I’ve decided to wear no costume at all. (Literally, no costume. I’m going as one of the models in the music video for Robin Thicke’s Blurred Lines.)

I like to hand out candy to trick-or-treaters based on the creativity and originality of their costumes. Last year, I gave king-sized Dove chocolate bars to six middle schoolers dressed as the Village People. Every child that showed up as Psy from Gangnam Style went home with a handful of candy corn, raisins, and pennies.

I spent this morning browsing the aisles at my local Rite Aid in hopes of replenishing my supply of crappy candies. (Shopping seventy-nine days in advance provides ample time for them to become stale.) Next to the Smarties and Bit-O-Honey, I spotted a bag of Brach’s S’mores Candy Corn. Could the addition of s’mores flavoring bring forth a new era of acceptance for this polarizing candy? I had to know! I swiftly grabbed a bag and hurried back home to taste the goods.

As I opened the bag, I instantly noticed the pungent aroma of candy corn wafting through the air. Unlike the traditional variety, the scent of these s’mores flavored candy corn is tinged with the fragrance of chocolate.

Brach’s S’mores Candy Corn comes in the standard shape and size of traditional candy corn. Each candy kernel features three colors: a brown base, a white center, and an orange tip. I assume the brown represents the chocolate flavor, the white represents the marshmallow, and the orange represents…the graham cracker? C’mon, Brach’s. I know that’s the original orange candy corn dye you’re using. Fess up.

Texturally, s’mores candy corn possesses the same waxy form and consistency as its traditional counterpart. When eaten whole, the candy features a sugary chocolate taste strongly reminiscent of chocolate cake frosting. However, chocolate is largely the only flavor experienced; any marshmallow and graham cracker flavors present in the candy corn are imperceptible to the tongue. Nevertheless, the chocolate quality is palatable and sugary sweet in all the right ways.

Hoping to better discern the fusion of flavors, I decided to experience the color components of the s’mores candy corn individually. As expected, the brown section tastes strongly of the aforementioned chocolate cake frosting. In comparison, the white section has a more subtle sweetness with a creamier quality, but its flavor profile lacks any resemblance to marshmallow. Sadly, the orange tip failed to impress with its dearth of flavor, tasting merely of generic sugar.

Unfortunately, Brach’s S’mores Candy Corn suffers from the same fatal flaw that plagues traditional candy corn: eating more than five pieces in a short period of time is disagreeable. Consuming excess amounts of s’mores candy corn leaves a strange scratchy sensation in the back of the throat. Therefore, it’s best not to binge eat this candy corn.

Despite its failure to provide a suitable imitation s’mores flavor, I found Brach’s S’mores Candy Corn to be a unique and satisfying take on traditional candy corn. In moderation, its sugary chocolate flavor was pleasing to the taste buds. Those who bitterly loathe candy corn might be somewhat disappointed in Brach’s product, but I highly recommend s’mores candy corn as a tasty deviation from the norm during the upcoming Halloween season.

Happy Halloween, weeks in advance.

(Nutrition Facts – 19 pieces – 140 calories, 0 calories from fat, 0 grams of total fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 70 milligrams of sodium, 35 grams of total carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 28 grams of sugars, and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Brach’s S’mores Candy Corn
Purchased Price: $1.69
Size: 9 oz. bag
Purchased at: Rite Aid
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Palatable chocolate flavor. Same candy corn texture. Unique deviation from the norm. Halloween, seventy-nine days in advance.
Cons: Marshmallows and graham cracker flavors are imperceptible. Provide scratchy sensation in throat. Way too many kids dressed as Psy.

REVIEW: Kobi Dogs “Kobi Competition Pack”

August 1, 2013August 25, 2023 Matt 4 Comments

Where were you on the Fourth of July? Were you outside, barbecuing with friends and family? Spending the day at the beach? Illegally purchasing copious amounts of explosive pyrotechnics in hopes of putting together the world’s greatest firework show?

This past Independence Day, I was parked on the sofa, staring mindlessly at the television screen while shoveling fistfuls of Cheetos into my mouth. ESPN was broadcasting the 2013 Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest, where America’s greatest competitive eaters gather to engorge themselves with frankfurters, ingesting frighteningly high amounts of calories.

Though many find the Nathan’s competition to be unpleasant and off-putting, I find it bizarrely fascinating. Nothing screams “AMERICA!” more than a bunch of grown men racing to shove hot dogs down their throats as quickly as possible. This year, Joey “Jaws” Chestnut of San Jose, California set a new official world record with sixty-nine hot dogs consumed in ten minutes.

However, something was missing from this year’s competition.

Nay, someone was missing from this year’s competition!

Since 2010, Japanese competitive eater Takeru Kobayashi has been barred from competing in the Nathan’s event due to contract disputes with Major League Eating. Kobayashi, one of the world’s most famous competitive eaters, is largely credited with popularizing the Nathan’s contest, where his unnatural skill earned him the Mustard Belt six years in a row. As a result of the contract disputes, Kobayashi is presently limited to taking part in competitive eating events not sanctioned by Major League Eating.

However, Kobi hasn’t let this hold him back. Last year, Kobi set a new world record with thirteen grilled cheeses consumed in sixty seconds. He took first place at Wing Bowl XX by devouring an unprecedented 337 buffalo wings. On the Wendy Williams Show, Kobayashi set another record of fourteen Twinkies eaten in one minute. Kobi clearly hasn’t lost his touch.

On this most recent Fourth of July, Takeru Kobayashi revealed his new line of hot dogs, appropriately called “Kobi Dogs.” Next to Oscar Ferdinand Mayer, Takeru Kobayashi is one of the most recognizable names in the hot dog world. It seems almost natural for him to start promoting wieners.

Kobi Dogs, manufactured by Rastelli Direct, are hickory smoked, seasoned with natural spices, and made from “100% source verified Western Beef.” At the moment, they can only be ordered from kobi-dog.com in a “Kobi Competition Pack” of thirty hot dogs. Most people wouldn’t dare to order so many hot dogs, but I’m a chump. Slap Kobi’s name on anything and I’ll buy it.

The Kobi Dogs arrived in a large styrofoam cooler along with a chunk of dry ice. I had imagined an epic cloud of smoke rising forth from the cooler as I opened it, slowly clearing to reveal thirty gold plated hot dogs engraved with the name of Takeru Kobayashi. Naturally, things were nowhere near as epic as I had hoped. The cooler only contained a small cardboard box featuring a sticker of a cartoon Kobi head and the “Kobi Dog” logo.

The cardboard box held two vacuum sealed plastic containers of Kobi Dogs, each housing fifteen hot dogs. Sadly, the containers bore no mark designating them as Kobi Dogs; they were your average, transparent plastic hot dog packages. It’s completely possible that Rastelli Direct packaged up their generic brand of hot dog and relabeled them as Kobi Dogs. (I’ve never tasted Rastelli Direct’s other hot dogs, so I wouldn’t know!)

I feel a little bit cheated, actually. After spending my hard-earned money on thirty hot dogs, I would have liked to see some fancy Kobi packaging or promotional add-ins. Maybe a little card from Kobayashi thanking me for my Kobi Dog purchase? How about a Kobi poster to hang on my bedroom wall? Anything, really!

Nevertheless, holding the Kobi Dogs in my hands made me feel energized, as if I could down all thirty in less than five minutes. Could this be my moment? Was I born to be a competitive eater? It was time to find out.

I tore open the first bag of hot dogs and gave ‘em a whiff. Surprisingly, the seasoning of the hot dogs is evident in their scent even when uncooked. They actually smell pretty appetizing for raw hot dogs! The Kobi Dogs seem to be shaped a little strange, though, having a sort of spiral form. This is most likely due to compression from the packaging.

After cooking a few of the hot dogs, I decided it would be best to experience my first Kobi Dog sans bun and condiments. Too often, hot dogs are rubbery and resistant in texture, but the casing of the Kobi Dog provides the perfect give to the bite, revealing a juicy all-beef interior.

As I expected, the spices used in the seasoning of the hot dog are immediately evident in its flavor. The flavor seems very salty with subtle pepper undertones. The hot dogs are all beef, but after significant chewing, seem to have a flavor slightly reminiscent of pork. Although I failed to detect the “hickory smoked” flavoring, the seasoning fittingly complements the flavor of the beef. To be honest, I can’t recall ever having tasted a hot dog as well seasoned as the Kobi Dog.

Next, I chose to experience a Kobi Dog fit for the man himself. During his Reddit Ask Me Anything, Takeru Kobayashi stated that his favorite toppings for a hot dog are “Basic mustard and ketchup. It’s not just for the taste, but it’s so pop looking having the red and yellow stripe on it.”

Sadly, when combined with a bun, mustard, and ketchup, the flavors of the Kobi Dog are dulled. The seasonings of the hot dog seem lost to the strong combination of mustard and ketchup. The condiments blend to drown out the Kobi Dog’s flavor profile and make it seem as if I’m eating just another run-of-the-mill hot dog.

The Kobi Dog excels in flavor when consumed without condiments, truly impressing with its well-seasoned flavor profile. Sadly, the hot dog’s favorable qualities become masked by the addition of ketchup and mustard. If I could order less than thirty hot dogs at a time, I might consider purchasing Kobi Dogs in the future, but the lack of creative packaging and add-ins fail to make the Kobi Dog seem like a value.

For a product so specifically tied to one person, more incentive needs to be added for the purchase of thirty hot dogs to seem worthwhile. Here’s a recommendation: bundle the hot dogs with a limited edition Takeru Kobayashi action figure, complete with a miniature “Free Kobi” shirt. Now that would be a deal!

And for those wondering, I was unable to eat all thirty in less than five minutes. I guess I’ll never be a professional wiener face-stuffer.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 hot dog – 195 calories, 135 calories from fat, 16 grams of fat, 7.2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 34 milligrams of cholesterol, 450 milligrams of sodium, 4 grams of total carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 1.5 grams of sugars, and 7.5 grams of protein.)

Item: Kobi Dogs “Kobi Competition Pack”
Purchased Price: $19.99 (plus shipping)
Size: 60 oz. (30 hot dogs)
Purchased at: kobi-dog.com
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Well seasoned. Good texture. Flavorful and juicy. Televised hot dog eating competitions.
Cons: Must purchase packs of thirty hot dogs. Condiments drown out flavor of hot dog. No add-ins or creative packaging. Contract disputes. Failing to eat thirty hot dogs in less than five minutes.

REVIEW: Starbucks Shaken Iced Peach Green Tea Lemonade

July 24, 2013August 25, 2023 Matt 19 Comments

Starbucks’ new Shaken Iced Peach Green Tea Lemonade can’t decide what it wants to be. Is it iced tea? No. Is it green tea? No. Is it a peach drink? No. Is it lemonade? No. It’s all of these.

Well, I’ve got news for you, Starbucks. You can’t just combine a bunch of drinks together and expect anyone but your hipster clientele to purchase it. A good beverage takes a considerable amount of forethought. Who do you think you are? Arnold Palmer?

Since you insist on combining all of these drinks, I have high expectations for your concoction. This Iced Peach Green Tea Lemonade better be superior to each of its individual components.

As I entered my local Starbucks, the throng of hipsters seated throughout the store looked up from their MacBooks and stared. (They can smell fear. They know I’m not one of them!) Ignoring their death-glares, I approached the counter and placed my order for a tall Iced Peach Green Tea Lemonade. Amidst the acoustic/indie/jazz music playing over the speakers, I watched the barista expertly shake together green tea, lemonade, peach syrup, and ice. (Perhaps Starbucks is now training their employees with Shake Weights.)

The first thing I noticed upon receiving my beverage was its color. Aside from having an unnecessarily long name, the Iced Peach Green Tea Lemonade has a yellow-orange hue to it, reminiscent of watered down apple juice.

Its flavor starts out slightly floral, soon evolving into the taste of a common, plain green tea. The lemonade provides a light sweetness, not the overwhelming acidity which many lemonades possess. Unfortunately, I found the taste to be somewhat disappointing. I expected the peach syrup to provide a strong fruity flavor, but the peach remains a subtle addition to the beverage; the green tea and lemonade combination drowns out the peach flavoring.

Although the beverage is pleasant, it falls short of being spectacular. Its flavors might blend without clashing, but their combination seems largely unmemorable. It’s mediocre at best; I’ve purchased canned half-and-half iced tea lemonade drinks that taste superior for much less of a price.

Furthermore, a stronger peach flavor was needed for the addition of the peach syrup to be seen as worthwhile. For these reasons, I can’t say I’ll be purchasing the Iced Peach Green Tea Lemonade again. Starbucks has added yet another drink to their menu which fails to impress.

(Nutrition Facts – 12 oz (tall) – 100 calories, 0 calories from fat, 0 grams of total fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of total carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 24 grams of sugars, and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Starbucks Shaken Iced Peach Green Tea Lemonade
Purchased Price: $2.55
Size: Tall (12 oz)
Purchased at: Starbucks
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Lightly sweet, not acidic. Flavors blend without clashing. Baristas using Shake Weights.
Cons: Peach taste is lost to green tea and lemonade flavors. Not memorable. Being stared down by hipsters.

REVIEW: Ben & Jerry’s Truffle Trifecta Ice Cream

June 28, 2013December 24, 2020 Matt

Ben & Jerry's Truffle Trifecta Ice Cream

Kudos to you, Ben & Jerry’s. You’ve finally listened to the countless haute cuisine chefs who have surely written to you pleading for the creation of an ice cream featuring truffles.

For years, we’ve been limited to having our truffles shaved over expensive pastas and accompanying the finest foie gras, but we can now experience the combination the culinary world has been waiting for: chocolate ice cream and fungus. I can only imagine how many truffle hogs the Ben & Jerry’s company must have needed to create this new flavor.

…Wait, what’s that you say? Hold up, hold up, hold up. The truffles inside of this ice cream are not the sporocarps of an ascomycete fungus? They’re made of…ch-chocolate?

*clears throat*

Ahem, I knew that. I was just testing you. Pffft.

Ben & Jerry’s new flavor, Truffle Trifecta, features standard chocolate ice cream mixed with three different varieties of chocolate truffle: marshmallow, fudge, and caramel. You can find the flavor stocked at Walgreens stores, where it is being sold exclusively. When you venture to your local Walgreens to pick up a carton, you’ll probably be just as disappointed as I was when you realize that the store walls are not actually green.

Ben & Jerry's Truffle Trifecta Bowl

Upon opening the pint of Truffle Trifecta, you’ll find your usual chocolate ice cream base. The scent, which was nothing more than that of your everyday run-of-the-mill chocolate ice cream, left me wondering if the flavor would even bring anything new to the table.

After experiencing my first few spoonfuls of Truffle Trifecta, I tried to isolate the flavors of the truffles from the ice cream, but had little success. Although there seems to be a balanced ratio of truffles to ice cream, the truffles seem to be largely overpowered by the chocolate ice cream base.

Furthermore, I had trouble identifying which of the three truffle varieties I was tasting in each spoonful. The disappointingly subtle flavors only seemed to show up as a sort of aftertaste once the chocolate ice cream’s sweetness had worn off.

Ben & Jerry's Truffle Trifecta Truffle Size

Each truffle is approximately the size of a dime and shaped similar to a miniature Reese’s cup. Hoping to more fully experience their flavors, I dug out a multitude of truffles from the chocolate ice cream, acting like a crazed chocolate truffle prospector in an ice cream gold mine.

The caramel truffle was spot-on: the perfect mix of gooey and sweet. Although the marshmallow truffle was a bit creamier than what I would normally expect from anything marshmallow flavored, it was delectable nonetheless. Unfortunately, the chocolate truffle reminded me of the cheap, stale chocolate you find inside of your grandma’s candy jar. You know, the kind that’s been sitting there for years. Nobody wants old people chocolate in their ice cream.

Overall, the truffles found scattered about Ben & Jerry’s Truffle Trifecta are pleasing in taste, but their flavors are too strongly masked by the rich chocolate ice cream base. Truffle Trifecta is by no means a bad ice cream, but the flavors fail to mix in such a way to spotlight the addition of the truffles.

No dice, Ben & Jerry’s. Maybe you should have tried the whole fungus ice cream idea.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – 280 calories, 150 calories from fat, 17 grams of total fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 50 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 27 grams of sugars, and 4 grams of protein.)

Other Ben & Jerry’s Truffle Trifecta reviews:
On Second Scoop

Item: Ben & Jerry’s Truffle Trifecta Ice Cream
Purchased Price: $4.99
Size: 1 pint
Purchased at: Walgreens
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Three different truffle varieties. Tasty chocolate truffles. Chocolate truffle prospectors.
Cons: Chocolate ice cream base is too overpowering. Hard to distinguish between truffles inside ice cream. Not a fungus ice cream.

REVIEW: Skippy Natural Peanut Butter Spread with Dark Chocolate

June 6, 2013August 14, 2023 Matt 16 Comments

Are you allergic to peanuts? Are you also allergic to chocolate? If so, I regret to inform you that Skippy has just released a new product that you won’t be able to eat. It’s the new Skippy Natural Peanut Butter Spread with Dark Chocolate! (Aren’t you excited, Mr. Allergies?)

Actually, I wish I was a bit more excited myself. In all honesty, the peanut butter and chocolate combination has been done countless times in the past, and I just don’t see a reason to go nuts (get it?) over a new peanut butter chocolate combination spread.

Skippy better blow my mind with this one. Truthfully, I’m expecting this to taste like a spreadable Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. (My PB & Choc standards are set high, I know.)

Opening up the jar, we find a dark, creamy substance reminiscent in color of Ferrero’s Nutella, though not quite as dark. In fact, the label even informs me that this peanut butter contains sixty percent less sugar than Nutella. (Could it be anywhere as addictive as Nutella, though? Does it contain sixty percent less crystal meth?)

Before I even had the chance to slather my upper lip in peanut butter like some peanut-crazed version of Clarice Starling during the autopsy scene of The Silence of the Lambs, I noticed the strong scent of this Skippy peanut butter. Wow, it smells exactly like a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. Surprising, right?

First, I tasted the peanut butter straight, digging out of the jar using only a spoon. When eaten alone, the peanut butter tastes remarkably similar to Reese’s Pieces and less like a Reese’s Cup. The chocolate and peanut butter flavors mix together into a thick, creamy, and tasty spread.

Next, I decided to dip anything I could find into the peanut butter. Cookies. Cakes. Fruits. Small animals. Homeless people. You name it, I dipped it. (I must say, dipping a homeless person into the peanut butter was a bit difficult. I only managed to fit Stinky Greg’s hand inside of the jar before he shanked me.)

Most of what I dipped (aside from Stinky Greg) tasted great along with the peanut butter. At first, the chocolate taste shines through and really complements the peanut butter. Because it’s a bit less thick compared to Nutella, it also spreads pretty well.

Unfortunately, as I ate more and more of this peanut butter, it seemed to lose its chocolatey taste, and the peanut flavor of the spread became most prevalent in each bite. For this reason, I found the prolonged taste to be disappointing. Furthermore, I failed to notice that this peanut butter is mixed with dark chocolate and not regular milk chocolate. Dark chocolate has a distinct sort of cocoa sweetness, which was definitely unidentifiable in this peanut butter spread. I can’t really say that Skippy has impressed me with this one.

Skippy Natural Peanut Butter Spread with Dark Chocolate provides a pleasant chocolate and peanut butter taste, but its chocolate flavor slowly becomes masked the more it is eaten. Although the spread is enjoyable, I find it largely unmemorable. I recommend Skippy Natural Peanut Butter Spread with Dark Chocolate to hardcore fans of the peanut and chocolate combination who might be able to overlook its flaws.

Just don’t try dipping any homeless people into it.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 Tbsp – 200 calories, 130 calories from fat, 14 grams of total fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 120 milligrams of sodium, 12 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 8 grams of sugars, and 6 grams of protein.)

Item: Skippy Natural Peanut Butter Spread with Dark Chocolate
Purchased Price: $3.04
Size: 15 oz.
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Pleasant mixture of peanut and chocolate flavors. Tastes similar to Reese’s Pieces. Impersonating characters from The Silence of the Lambs.
Cons:Seems to lose chocolate flavor as more is eaten. Chocolate doesn’t taste like dark chocolate. Being shanked by Stinky Greg.