Author: Mike

REVIEW: Yoplait Go-Gurt Mystery Flavor

Mike 9 Comments

Yoplait has introduced a mystery flavor Go-Gurt. A staple of school lunches everywhere, I applaud Yoplait’s efforts to add some mystery and wonder for kids who bring home lunches. Why should kids who line up for the cafeteria’s Tuna Surprise be the only ones to question what they’re really eating?

Yogurt is so ubiquitous on supermarket shelves these days that younger readers may not know how much of a fringe food it once was. The only person who knew about it was your granola-eating aunt, who maybe smelled a bit weird. These days she’s busy brewing her own CBD-infused kombucha. It certainly wasn’t something kids would want to eat.

However, load it with sugar, artificial flavoring, and put it in a fun delivery mechanism, and kids will love it! And parents will think it’s a healthy treat. Which is all to say that Go-Gurt was an innovative product when it was first introduced.

I haven’t seen a tube of yogurt in my lunch since grade school, so I don’t know what to expect from this. The white color doesn’t aid me in guessing the mystery flavor, which is frustrating because I’m going to need all the help I can get. I squeeze some out onto a spoon and am surprised to see that there’s enough modified corn starch and gelatin to keep its tubular shape. I take a taste and ponder the mystery.

Mint cotton candy?

Gosh, I’m bad at this. It’s not a typical fruity flavor, so I’m at a loss for a few moments, then it hits me: bubblegum! My pack-a-week gum habit saves me! It’s odd to have a flavor so specific to one product in another, but I’m fairly sure of my guess. I’m also sure that it doesn’t work as a yogurt. There’s not enough tang to balance out the taste, so it seems flat.

These days the market is crowded with a multitude of yogurt options, from Greek to Icelandic to Bulgarian, and even kids varieties tend to claim they’re organic, or with less sugar, or naturally flavored, or something. I’m a bit confused but also impressed that the full sugar Franken-yogurt of my childhood has lasted this long. But then again, what is yogurt but milk persevering?

I tried the Strawberry flavor as well, which tasted more like the yogurt I remember. Go-Gurt is a solid product, but the bubblegum(?) flavor doesn’t work as a yogurt flavor.

Purchased Price: $3.96
Size: 32 oz box (16 tubes)
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (3 tubes) 150 calories, 1 gram of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 75 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 22 grams of sugar, 18 grams of added sugar, and 6 gram of protein.

Click here to read our previous mystery flavor product reviews.

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Peach Cobbler Pop-Tarts

Mike 4 Comments

Kellogg s Peach Cobbler Pop Tarts Box

What are Kellogg’s Peach Cobbler Pop-Tarts?

Kellogg’s has released several dessert-themed Pop-Tart flavors this summer: Banana Crème Pie, Lemon Crème Pie, and these Peach Cobbler ones. Can these convenient pastries capture the essence of their homemade counterparts, or do I still need to find a baker to trade their creations for my bad junk food takes?

How are they?

Kellogg s Peach Cobbler Pop Tarts Toasted

These appear as a typical frosted Pop-Tart, with light orange frosting and small tan dots representing cobbler topping. They’re the only hint that these are cobbler-flavored because, in reality, these are simply peach Pop-Tarts. Though, that doesn’t sound as interesting, does it?

Kellogg s Peach Cobbler Pop Tarts Filling

Unfortunately, the peach flavor is very artificial tasting. I’m reminded of Peach Crush soda and Peach Jolly Ranchers. I don’t really expect a Pop-Tart to taste like real fruit, but artificial peach can be one of those flavors that tastes nothing like the real thing, and it doesn’t work for something that’s supposed to taste like a real fruit cobbler.

Anything else you need to know?

The back packaging illustrates four ways to enjoy its contents, so I decided to give them each a try.

Straight from the Foil – Like melted peach ring candy poured into semi-baked pie crust.

Toasted – I wonder what percentage of Pop-Tarts are consumed toasted vs untoasted. Very few, I imagine. That’s a shame because I’ve always found them much improved by the process. A bit of browning adds the depth of flavor missing in the uncooked counterpart, which is particularly welcome here. It’s as close as we’re going to get to a golden brown and delicious cobbler topping.

Frozen – Freezing these adds an interesting textural experience. They don’t freeze solid, but get chewy. The peach filling turns gummy-like, and the cold numbs the artificial flavor.

Kellogg s Peach Cobbler Pop Tarts Sandwich

Stacked Stuffed – The packaging suggests “stacking” Pop-Tarts, which I take to mean to eat two at the same time. But that’s dumb. The obvious use case for two toaster pastries is to “stuff” them with something and make a Pop-Tart sandwich. Vanilla ice cream seemed the obvious choice for a cobbler-themed pastry, and I wasn’t disappointed. The creaminess rounds out the peach flavor. Plus, I mean…ice cream.

Conclusion:

Peach Cobbler Pop-tarts are too artificial tasting to be enjoyed straight out of the foil. But simply taking the time to toast them, or freeze them, or uhh… plop a hunk of ice cream on them yields a satisfying treat.

Purchased Price: $2.29
Size: 13.5 oz box/8 pastries
Purchased at: Woodman’s Markets
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts (2 pastries) 380 calories, 10 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 340 milligrams of sodium, 69 grams of carbohydrates, 1 grams of fiber, 28 grams of sugar including 27 grams added sugar, and 4 gram of protein.

REVIEW: Post Birthday Cake Pebbles Cereal

Mike 11 Comments

Post Birthday Cake Pebbles Box

What is Post Birthday Cake Pebbles?

Post Consumer Brands has released Birthday Cake Pebbles, a new version of the Flintstones’ favorite breakfast cereal in honor of its 50(million?)th birthday. Fruity and Cocoa Pebbles have stood the test of time, but will these live up to the legacy?

How is it?

Post Birthday Cake Pebbles Bowl

I pour the multi-colored flakes into my stoneware bowl and add a splash of whole milk. I’ve had many birthday-flavored snacks over the years, but I’m still not any closer to knowing what birthdays actually taste like.

Some are bright and lemony, some are a buttery vanilla, and others just have confetti sprinkles thrown on them. Classic Pebbles have a vivid fruity flavor, whereas this Birthday variant is more subdued. I’m reminded of the toasted flavor of Rice Krispies, though these are much sweeter and have that ineffable essence of birthday.

Post Birthday Cake Pebbles Spoon

With that said, they’re so easy to eat! The “Bliss Point” (look it up) of this cereal was perfectly calculated by food scientists because I couldn’t stop shoveling them into my mouth. My carefully measured suggested serving-sized 39-gram bowl was gone in about 30 seconds, and my second free pour serving didn’t last much longer.

One drawback of all the Pebbles family of cereals is that they get soggy almost immediately upon contact with milk, though these didn’t last long enough for that to be a problem.

Anything else you need to know?

I was one of those weird kids who liked “grown up” cereals, so I was more likely to have Basic 4 in my bowl than Fruity Pebbles. This has only gotten worse as I’ve grown older; I mostly eat Original Fiber One these days. And I like it. At this rate, I expect I’ll be eating literal pebbles during my old age for the mineral content.

Conclusion:

I normally don’t like super sweet sugar bomb cereals, so the slightly muted birthday cake flavor, while still being plenty sweet for kids, was perfect for my bran-eating self.

Purchased Price: $2.89
Size: 10 oz box
Purchased at: Woodman’s Market
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 150 calories, 1 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 15 grams of sugar including 15 grams of added sugars, and 2 gram of protein.

REVIEW: Dr Pepper Zero Sugar

Mike 38 Comments

Dr Pepper Zero Sugar Bottle

What is Dr Pepper Zero Sugar?

Keurig Dr Pepper has released a new sugar-free formulation of its iconic soft drink. Using a combination of aspartame and acesulfame potassium, Dr Pepper Zero Sugar is being described as an addition to the aspartame-only Diet Dr Pepper, rather than a replacement.

How is it?

Dr Pepper famously has 23 unique flavors, and you can find lists on the internet that purport to reveal them all. I don’t know how accurate these are (carrot, really?), but as a frequent Diet Dr Pepper drinker, I’m very familiar with what they create.

Dr Pepper Zero Sugar Closeup

I pour Dr Pepper Zero Sugar into a glass and take a sip. It tastes like the Diet Dr Pepper that I’m familiar with. Yet, I think a more direct comparison will be fruitful.

One result of spending way too much thinking about junk food is that I’ve realized how susceptible to marketing I am. I prefer Coca-Cola over Pepsi partially because of its comfortable, timeless-seeming aesthetic, as opposed to Pepsi’s aggressively cool Generation Next campaign from my childhood. I still think of a Subway sandwich as a healthy option.

Dr Pepper Zero Sugar Compare

I choose Diet Dr Pepper from the work vending machine because it tastes more like regular Dr Pepper. But does it, really? To test this, I grabbed the original, diet, and zero sugar versions to try them side-by-side. It’s a Dr Pepper Challenge, if you will.

I haven’t had a regular Dr Pepper or any full-sugar soda in years, so I taste it first to establish a baseline. It’s very similar to the Zero Sugar version, with a more syrupy consistency and more intense sweetness. I move onto the diet one and am surprised by the difference. The mouthfeel is thinner and the sweetness has a flatness with a slightly chemical flavor that I’ve never noticed before. It does not taste like regular Dr Pepper. This is very concerning to me. Are my opinions so subject to media influence? Am I captive to corporate forces larger than I can conceive? I resample Dr Pepper Zero Sugar to confirm that it tastes more like regular Dr Pepper, and am convinced that it more faithfully replicates the original.

Conclusion:

Dr Pepper Zero Sugar has opened my eyes to the truth. Diet Dr Pepper does not taste more like regular Dr Pepper, but this version does. Well played, Doctor, though you can still expect a malpractice lawsuit for all the quarters I’ve fed into the cafeteria soda machine.

Purchased Price: $1.99
Size: 2 Liter
Purchased at: Piggly Wiggly
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (12 fl oz) 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 60 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 0 gram of protein.

REVIEW: Good Humor Viennetta (2021)

Mike 22 Comments

Good Humor Viennetta Box

What is the Good Humor Viennetta?

After an absence of almost 30 years, Good Humor has reintroduced the Vanilla Viennetta to American grocery store shelves. Back in the ’90s, you couldn’t watch an episode of Murphy Brown without seeing a commercial featuring a sophisticated dinner party with a Breyers Viennetta served in elegant crystal champagne coupes. It was the classy ice cream dessert for people who knew the difference between a champagne flute and champagne coupe.

How is it?

Good Humor Viennetta Whole

The rectangular ice cream cake looks exactly as I remember, with layered waves of ice cream interlaced with thin chocolate ribbons. I feel the chocolate crack as I slice into it and then lay a slice onto my plate. I’m impressed the thinness of the chocolate layers allows the portion to retain integrity.

Good Humor Viennetta Cross

I fondly remember the times my parents decided to get something a little special for dessert and picked up a Viennetta. Nostalgia firmly in place, I take a bite.

It’s ok.

Good Humor Viennetta Chocolate

The vanilla ice cream (frozen dairy dessert according to the packaging) is pleasingly light and soft, but has an unremarkable flavor. The thin chocolate layers provide a delicate texture to the dessert, but leaves a waxy residue in my mouth. Overall, this is a disappointment.

Anything else you need to know?

Here’s something I didn’t know until I watched an old Viennetta commercial on YouTube: this product used to be produced by Breyers, and was said to be made with premium ice cream, not the current frozen dairy dessert. Perhaps my memories aren’t at fault, and this version of Viennetta is a poor knockoff? Does this mean that my pair of light up sneakers really were just as cool as I remember?

Conclusion:

If nothing else, Good Humor’s Viennetta is a testament to marketing and design. At its core, the dessert is nothing more than mediocre ice cream laced with waxy chocolate ribbons. But it looks very fancy, and a very effective marketing campaign 30 years ago means there’s a generation of people who will want to try it.

Purchased Price: $5.49
Size: 21.9 fl oz (650 ml)
Purchased at: Pick ‘N Save
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1/6 cake/54 grams) 130 calories, 7 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 15 milligrams of sodium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 11 grams of sugar (including 9 grams added sugars), and 1 gram of protein.