REVIEW: Turkey Hill Mystery Flavor Frozen Dairy Dessert

Turkey Hill Mystery Flavor Frozen Dairy Dessert Tub

Mystery flavor Doritos in plain silver bags marked only with test numbers. Mystery flavor Mtn Dew VooDEW that creeps around for Halloween. That one time Oreo made a mystery flavor that turned out to be Fruity Pebbles with a chocolate cookie. These are some of the many notable mysteries in junk food history, and to kick off the new year, we have a game-changing mystery on our hands — mystery ice cream.

Never, in all my years of scooping, have I heard of a mystery flavor ice cream. For 2022, Turkey Hill invites customers to grab this 48-ounce container of its finest frozen dairy dessert, scan the QR code (or visit www.turkeyhill.com/mysteryflavor), and try their hand at solving the creamy puzzle for a chance to win free Turkey Hill ice cream for life. If you want to go down this rabbit hole yourself, it’s time to turn away because detective Sean has arrived, and it’s spoiler season.

Technically this isn’t ice cream. Due to its lower milk fat content, it’s considered frozen dairy dessert, but I’ll refer to it as ice cream in this review because that’s how most people view it. Since it’s lower fat and far lighter than anything with any premium tag attached, the texture is a bit airy and fluffy. Although fluffed out, it has a decently lush mouthfeel, with a smooth creaminess that intensifies the more it tempers. Sometimes frozen dairy desserts have a wateriness and lack any depth of flavor, but that’s not the case here, and I’m pleasantly surprised.

So what IS the flavor?

Turkey Hill Mystery Flavor Frozen Dairy Dessert Top

It’s a bit of a letdown. It’s a white base with a blueberry swirl, and that’s it. When I say “white base,” I mean that it’s kind of hard to nail down because it’s not jumping out with anything notable. Again, it has a pretty decent mouthfeel that reminds me of something richer than it is, like cream cheese or even cheesecake, but it isn’t too tangy. It’s also not floral like a proper vanilla bean, so the base flavor lacks character beyond its surprising texture.

Turkey Hill Mystery Flavor Frozen Dairy Dessert Top 2

The swirl is just okay. Slightly tart with a fruit-meets-candy blueberry taste that reminds me a bit of Pop-Tarts without going fully processed. My issue with the swirl isn’t in the taste though, it’s in the quantity and texture. There isn’t nearly enough of it, both in terms of density and actual thickness, to bring any real textural character to the decent but un-exciting base. There are some denser pockets towards the middle of the container, but in those thicker slabs, a more noticeable iciness comes through, a common problem with fruity swirls that take away from the smoothness.

Turkey Hill Mystery Flavor Frozen Dairy Dessert Middle

So the answer to the mystery is — blueberry? Maybe blueberry cheesecake? Blueberries and cream? Having only one swirl is a massive missed opportunity from Turkey Hill to make something more complex and fun. Add in a graham cracker swirl and a slightly more complex base and this could be a fantastic low cal Blueberry Cheesecake. Amplify the vanilla and add in a regular crust or streusel swirl and it’s an excellent Blueberry Pie a La Mode. But as it stands? It’s a really fun idea that falls flat to deliver on the excitement it promised via the cool and mysterious magnifying glass on the carton.

Turkey Hill Mystery Flavor Frozen Dairy Dessert Scoop

Update 3/16/22: The mystery has been revealed. Turkey Hill announced that the mystery flavor is…Blueberry Pancake.

DISCLOSURE: I received a free product sample from Turkey Hill. Doing so did not influence my review.

Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 48 ounces
Purchased at: Received from Turkey Hill
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2/3 cup, 90g) 150 calories, 3.5 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 95 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 21 grams of total sugars, and 3 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Popeyes Chocolate Chip Cookie

Popeyes Chocolate Chip Cookie Wrapper

What is Popeyes Chocolate Chip Cookie?

As the smoke finally clears from the drawn-out and bloated chicken sandwich wars that it started, Popeyes has set its sight on something many of its competitors already offer — chocolate chip cookies. Chick-fil-A, Wendy’s, McDonald’s, and even KFC, all who were challenged by Popeyes’ titan of a chicken sandwich in 2019, have all offered cookies for years, and this time it’s Popeyes showing up fashionably late to the party.

How is it?

What set Popeyes’ chicken sandwich apart from the rest was its hand-breaded freshness. While I know it’s a fast food sandwich, it still felt like a step above the price point and an experience that lived up to and exceeded the hype.

Popeyes Chocolate Chip Cookie Top

It’s with that mindset that I was immediately let down when handed a chocolate chip cookie inside of a cellophane bag, clearly not baked on-site and far from fresh.

Popeyes Chocolate Chip Cookie Split

Maybe my expectations for Popeyes are too high, but this cookie tastes about as generic and nondescript as you can imagine. The base has a typical brown sugar and vanilla flavor with a less than desirable amount of semi-sweet chocolate chips throughout. It’s a bit dry and crumbly, not stale per se but a far cry from the soft and fresh texture of a place like Subway. This cookie isn’t awful, but for such a late entrant into the cookie space, it’s wholly unremarkable.

Anything else you need to know?

Popeyes Chocolate Chip Cookie Bottom

Did this cookie come from Safeway? Costco? KFC? If I didn’t walk into Popeyes and buy it with my own two hands, I would never be able to tell — it’s the definition of underwhelming and basic.

Conclusion:

For a chain that delivers an apple pie with a legitimately crispy crunchy fried outer shell and pulled off freshly fried chocolate-filled beignets, this cookie feels like the definition of an afterthought and not one worthy of capping off a meal that starts with Popeyes’ fantastic sandwich.

Purchased Price: 79 cents
Size: One Cookie
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 cookie) 190 calories, 08grams of fat, 5 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 25 milligrams of cholesterol, 130 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 17 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Bang Whole Lotta Chocolata

Bang Whole Lotta Chocolata Can

What is Bang Whole Lotta Chocolata?

After cranking out over 30 different flavors of highly caffeinated bubbly drinks, including varieties like Candy Apple Crisp, Sour Heads, and Rainbow Unicorn, Bang has taken on the one flavor I’m pretty sure I never wanted to drink — chocolate. Okay, okay, yes, chocolate milkshakes are great, but a clear-colored, sugar-free carbonated drink with 300 milligrams of caffeine marketed to gym rats? This is a doozy.

How is it?

It is…not good.

I’ve had most Bang flavors and absolutely consider myself a fan of the brand, but this is up there (down there?) with the worst of ‘em. I went into this experience with a lot of optimism, and my first sip wasn’t awful, but the more I drank it, the less I enjoyed what was coming out of the ice cold tall can.

Bang Whole Lotta Chocolata Pour

The most prominent and expected flavor is artificial chocolate, very similar to the classic cheap taste of a Tootsie Roll. After the chocolate comes a bit of creaminess, like a cream soda, and then a bizarre touch of sour on the finish. The libation gets perpetually more confusing and less appetizing as the sips go on. Sadly, there is no redemption arc in store for this villain of a drink.

Bang Whole Lotta Chocolata Glass

Anything else you need to know?

In the aftertaste, especially when assisted by a little burp, I tasted something bitter and hoppy like in an IPA beer. Toss that into the equation with the chocolate, cream, and sour, and this beverage is beyond confusing. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone told me there was booze in this.

Conclusion:

I’ve had a chocolate Coke at a restaurant when the bartender was doing his best to channel a 1950s soda jerk, and I’d like to think this is what Bang was trying to achieve this release, but sadly, this ain’t it. Whole Lotta Chocolata isn’t un-drinkable or repulsive, but it’s a whole lotta something I never want to buy again.

Purchased Price: $1.99
Size: 16 fl oz can
Purchased at: Lucky
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 can) 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 40 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Reese’s Potato Chips Big Cup

Reese s Potato Chips Big Cup Wrapper

It’s that time of the year when Reese’s shapes frenetically go from footballs to pumpkins to trees in the blink of an eye. But shapes aren’t the only trick Reese’s have up its sugar-coated sleeve.

When it’s not sculpting its iconic blend of sweet peanut butter and milk chocolate into different but strikingly similar oblong shapes, it does something else with equal authority — stuffing its plus-sized cups with new goodies. Last autumn, we Hershey-heads were gifted Reese’s Big Cup with Pretzels, and this fall, it’s upping the sweet and salty ante with the Reese’s Potato Chips Big Cup.

This item is smokin’ hot brand new, yet the packaging has a retro quality that I find really attractive. It lures me in with its nostalgic charm. Although as a bonafide sweet and salty junky, I didn’t need to be sold in the slightest to pick these up the second I saw them.

Reese s Potato Chips Big Cup Pair

I’m not sure if there’s a plan to release these in normal-sized cups or minis in the future, but starting with the Big Cup was the right decision. I’ve found the mix-ins, whether they’re Reese’s Pieces, cookies, or pretzels, can get lost in the smaller variety but get the proper chance to shine with the extra space the Big Cup provides. That’s definitely the case here.

Reese s Potato Chips Big Cup Innards

The potato chips provide an immediate and intense crunch, with a touch of pleasant greasiness and punchy saltiness that takes the already salty candy to new heights. It’s still more sweet than it is salty, but the toothy chomp of the crispy ridged chips sets off pockets of legitimate salt that aren’t part of the normal smooth peanut butter equation. The salt gets tempered by the milk chocolate, and while it’s saltier than your average PB cup, it’s still well balanced with the sweetness. It’s delicious and addictive. I want this in the novelty sized holiday half-pound cups!

Reese s Potato Chips Big Cup Single

If I had to fault this Big Cup in any way, it’s in the lack of identifiable potato chip flavor. While they’re not as common as chocolate-covered pretzels, chocolate-covered chips are awesome. And as strong as the sweet and salty experience is in this Big Cup, I would have loved for that classic starchy potato taste to come through. I’m not all that surprised, though. Peanut butter has such a dominant flavor, but that cheap greasiness DOES poke through over the fatty PB, so it’s still distinctly different from any prior offerings, even the pretzel. Fortunately, the lack of vegetal potato taste also doesn’t bog down the experience too much. It’s just keeping it from being perfect.

Purchased Price: $1.99
Size: 2.6 oz
Purchased at: Walgreens
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 cup – 36 grams) 180 calories, 11 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 150 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 18 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Smartfood Cinnamon Sugar Doughnut Popcorn

Smartfood Cinnamon Sugar Doughnut Popcorn Bag

What is Smartfood Cinnamon Sugar Doughnut Popcorn?

Smartfood welcomes fall with a limited time cinnamon sugar doughnut-flavored popcorn.

How is it?

I had a sinking suspicion that this popcorn was last year’s Christmas themed-Snickerdoodle Smartfood with a new name and an earlier release date — and I was 100% correct. This red and shiny bag of delight tastes identical to 2020’s green and shiny bag of delight, and I love it just as much as I loved it last year; if anything, it might be slightly better.

Smartfood Cinnamon Sugar Doughnut Popcorn Pour

The doughnut dust is slightly sweet and buttery with a rich and aromatic cinnamon taste that perfectly fits next to a popcorn kernel’s earthy crunch. The pieces are uniformly coated and have a fresh snap to them, with the cinnamon sugar flavor really bursting through on each bite.

Although this is Smartfood’s second doughnut release, it’s important to note that this is not a coated corn adjacent to caramel corn (the glaze in the Krispy Kreme version) but simply a powder, like Smartfood’s classic White Cheddar.

Anything else you need to know?

Smartfood Cinnamon Sugar Doughnut Popcorn Closeup

I brought this up in a short review on Instagram last year, but no one else seemed to notice: this popcorn seasoning is Cheetos Sweetos dust. I knew instantly because I ADORE Sweetos and could recognize that sweet cinnamon-y cheetle anywhere (I’ve had over ten bags since their inception), and this year I was able to confirm it. For the first time ever, Cheetos’ Bag of Bones is available in Cinnamon Sugar (aka spooky Sweetos), and the ingredients check out – brown sugar, spices (including cinnamon), buttermilk, and molasses – they’re the same.

Conclusion:

Smartfood cinnamon sugar-flavored popcorn, whether it’s supposed to taste like a doughnut or cookie, is absolutely delicious. It’s a higher volume and lower calorie way to get my Sweetos fix, and while it may not have the same oily fatty airy crunch of a puffed Cheeto, it has the satisfying salty snap of popcorn, and I’m already trying to hunt down my next bag.

Purchased Price: $1.99
Size: 2 oz bag
Purchased at: ampm
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2 1/2 cups – 28 grams) 150 calories, 8 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 140 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.