Author: Taylor

REVIEW: Limited Edition Holiday Sprinkles Cookie Crisp Cereal

Taylor 1 Comment

Limited Edition Holiday Sprinkles Cookie Crisp

As a child, I was restricted from the consumption of two things: Mountain Dew and sugary cereal. I was always incredibly jealous of the other kids that were tearing the shit out of their mouths with Cap’n Crunch. Because, you know, it’s delicious and life is unfair. Fortunately for me, my childhood deprivation transcended into my adulthood in the form of me reaching for Oat Bran instead of sugar coma inducing cereals.

Thanks, Mom. 

On the occasion, albeit rare, that I would be able to enjoy anything other than regular Cheerios, Cookie Crisp was a favorite of mine. There was something so perfectly harmonious about being able to have cookies and milk for breakfast. That, my friends, is living the dream as a 7-year-old. Not only did you feel like you were pulling a fast one over your parents by having a traditional after-dinner snack before 10AM, but you always had the urge to say the iconic commercial slogan, “Cooookkiiiieee Crisp.”

If you didn’t just say it out loud, you know you said it in your head. No judgements.

Limited Edition Holiday Sprinkles Cookie Crisp Dry

Limited Edition Holiday Sprinkles Cookie Crisp should really just be called Sugar Cookie Crisp because that is the overwhelming flavor coming from this product. Unfortunately, it lacks any multi-level flavor composition other than a slight fruity undertone which reminds me of the milk left behind in a bowl of Trix.

Limited Edition Holiday Sprinkles Cookie Crisp In Milk

Limited Edition Holiday Sprinkles Cookie Crisp Milk

The “Holiday Sprinkles” hold absolutely no purpose other than creating an aesthetically pleasing bowl of leftover 2% milk. Another positive is that the cereal is made with mostly corn-based products allowing the cereal to maintain its crunchy texture, even after taking a milk bath. Because who really enjoys soggy cereal?

Crazy people, that’s who.

All in all, if you’re craving cookies and milk for breakfast (assuming you over indulged in your favorite alcoholic beverage the night before, because I have never met an adult that actually wants cookies for breakfast that wasn’t hung over), do yourself a favor and walk straight past the cereal aisle. Go buy a gallon of milk and some Betty Crocker Sugar Cookies and write me a thank you letter telling me how much better of an idea that is than cereal.

Be right back. I’m going to go get some Mountain Dew and Betty Crocker Sugar Cookies because I am 25 now and can do what I want.

Sorry, Mom.

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup (without milk) – 100 calories (without milk) 140 calories (with 1/2 cup skim milk), 1 gram of fat, 0 grams saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 90 milligrams of sodium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein..)

Item: Limited Edition Holiday Sprinkles Cookie Crisp
Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: 11.25 oz. box
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like sugar cookies. Living the dream as a 7-year-old. Holds texture in milk. Milk looks fancy once cereal is gone. Being an “adult” and doing what I want. “Cooookkiiiieee Crisp” slogan will live on forever. Being hung over and eating cookies for breakfast.
Cons: Eating healthy cereal instead of sugary cereal. Lacks multi-level flavor composition. Boring. Cap’n Crunch ruins mouths. Being hung over and eating cookies for breakfast.

REVIEW: Talenti Pumpkin Pie Gelato

Taylor 9 Comments

Talenti Pumpkin Pie Gelato

In a world where everything flavored pumpkin, or pumpkin spice, is disbursed to the masses before the first autumn leaf even has a fighting chance to touch the ground, I figured finding Talenti’s Pumpkin Pie Gelato would be a piece of cake…ha-ha…get it? Cake? Instead of ……oh, nevermind.

I started browsing for this fairytale gelato flavor mid-to-late September. To my surprise, it was nowhere to be found.* But how could this be? Every other item you pick up in any grocery store during pre-fall is conjoined with some sort of natural or artificial pumpkin flavor. Pumpkin spice yogurt? Aisle 3. Pumpkin spice gum? You got it. Pumpkin pie vodka? You betcha (and totally trying it). Talenti Pumpkin Pie Gelato? No dice.

C’mon, Talenti, step up your game! There was even a Durex Pumpkin Spice Condom hoax before your pumpkin pie flavor hit the shelves. To say I was a little frustrated is an understatement.

I can honestly say I’ve never, in my life, searched for or used the word “gelato” as much as I did during two weeks when I was looking for it. I became a gelato crackhead, calling stores day and night begging and pleading that they go check their frozen food section for this mythical product. Some were pleasant, some scoffed at me, replying with “It’s obviously seasonal – it won’t be out for weeks.”

“Are you shitting me? There are pumpkin pickles** on Aisle 12!”

Pfft. And I’m the crazy one.

Fast forward to now. There I am, strolling through Safeway with some Bausch & Lomb Eyewash in my hand, when suddenly, the gates of heaven opened and a light shined down over a cold case end cap. There it was – Talenti Pumpkin Pie Gelato – and there I was, staring back with a look of disbelief. I finally found you.

They say when you stop looking for love, it will find you.

The same can be said for gelato.

Talenti Pumpkin Pie Gelato topview

If I were solely to base my opinion of this product just by appearance, by the illuminated orange of your traditional pumpkin pie compared to the appearance of the dull beige color of the gelato, I’d say, “forget it, save your money, move on and nothing to see here people.” But that’s not what we’re all here for, now is it? Thankfully so.

Talenti Pumpkin Pie Gelato spoonful

My first spoonful in I was completely overwhelmed with “This is gooooooodddddd!” (I’m not kidding – I said it that exact way to my roommate as I shoveled it into my face.)

The prominent flavor that really smacks me in the face is a heavy hand of gingerbread. Which throws me off a bit. I have never really thought of a traditional pumpkin pie having a gingerbread flavor. I attribute this flavor to the cinnamon and nutmeg. I am not mad about it.

One thing that really surprised me were the chunks of “crust” folded into the gelato. PIE CRUST?!

Well played, Talenti, Well played.

I can’t think of anything more that I enjoy about a piece of pumpkin pie, than the crust. The pieces have a chewy texture with a nice buttery undertone, which compliment the pumpkin spices perfectly. I don’t know exactly what the pieces are made of – probably flour and brown sugar – but they definitely add to the overall experience of a “pumpkin pie” flavor.

Talenti Pumpkin Pie Gelato spoonful_close

Once my childlike excitement for pie crust pieces subsided, and after a few more spoonfuls, the alleged star of the show finally arrived. Welcome to my tastes buds, Pumpkin, you delicious little bastard, you.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are pumpkin undertones to this product but by no means does it taste solely like pumpkin. The spices overwhelm the pumpkin, but it’s there if you dig really deep inside your senses. I mean, it IS a “pumpkin pie” flavor, not a “pumpkin” flavor.

And that’s exactly what you get. It tastes eerily similar to pumpkin pie filling. If you’re one to enjoy a nice slice of pumpkin pie after your holiday feast, you will undoubtedly love this product. If I could take a pint of this and dump it out into a store bought crust while drowning it in Reddi-wip without the fear of being judged, I’d jump on that wagon in a heart beat.

I secretly hope someone puts me in charge of bringing a pumpkin pie to Thanksgiving this year because I can’t bake a damn and my family won’t know to be specific and say, “Not the gelato variety.”

Taylor – 1
Family – 0

*I live in Oregon – nobody ever thinks to include Oregon in things. We’re like the last kid picked for a dodgeball game.

**Pumpkin pickles are not a thing. That would be disgusting. Dramatic effect FTW.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – 220 calories, 11 grams of fat, 7 grams saturated fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 55 milligrams of sodium, 30 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 29 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.)

Item: Talenti Pumpkin Pie Gelato
Purchased Price: $4.49
Size: 1 pint
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Delicious. Tastes like pumpkin pie filling. PIE CRUST PIECES!!!! Pumpkin pie spices give it a gingerbread taste. Pulling a fast one over my family members.
Cons: Searching for two weeks to find it. Being a gelato crackhead for two weeks. Actual pumpkin flavor isn’t prominent. Pumpkin pie spices give it too much of a gingerbread taste that I don’t generally feel relates to a traditional pumpkin pie. Not being able to bake my own pumpkin pie.

ANNOUNCEMENT: New Impulsive Buy Writer Taylor

Taylor 11 Comments

Before I delve into my introduction I would like to preface with: I am addicted to Taco Bell.

I have been an addict to the Bell for about a year now — thanks in large part to vodka on the weekends. Let’s be real. We all know that out of the $450 million* Taco Bell brings in a year, much of that come from drunk customers. Can I get an amen?

I look at this opportunity with The Impulsive Buy as my savior. Not only for allowing me another creative outlet such as writing, but also an interventional** tool to replace my high-fat, high-sodium rich diet of Taco Bell with other high-fat, high-sodium rich foods. Just trying to expand my horizons.

I’m Taylor, an Oregon native who grew up in an extremely small town that I’m sure none of you have heard of. So, I’ll save you the agony of hearing me bitch about it like I have pressed upon so many people for 25 years now. Moving on.

I moved to Portland about six years ago to enroll in a Graphic Design program where I poured my blood, sweat and tears into a portfolio I haven’t since touched. But hey, I have that really cool piece of paper that I spent 40K+ to obtain! Currently, I work for a major Grocery Corporation that has subsidiary companies all over the United States. I have become exceptionally good at stapling.

And Googling.

Life has not yet handed me anything that requires a massive amount of attention, like a husband or child (I am thankful for the absence of both of those, right now, so hold up on feeling sorry for me) so when I am not busy mastering the art of stapling 75 pages with one single swipe and click, I am usually adventuring with friends and/or my dog, Forrest, the most mellow Labrador you will ever meet. I am looking forward to spending more of my free time feeding you my two cents on whether or not a product is worth your hard earned money.

Let’s Eat!

Taylor

*I am not a reputable source for Taco Bell’s profit margins.

**“Interventional” is a word that means something completely different than what I have intended it for, but it sounds better, so there.