REVIEW: Butterfinger Peanut Butter Crisp Bar

If Bart Simpson were still slanging Butterfingers today, he’d most definitely say, “Nobody better lay a finger on my Butterfinger…Peanut Butter Crisp Bar!”

C’mon, you didn’t expect a Butterfinger review without a mention of Bart Simpson, right?!

But Nestle has moved on from Bart Simpson to Backstreet Boys covers with the Peanut Butter Crisp Bar.

Speaking of throwbacks like BSB, the latest version of this Butterfinger innovation is apparently a relaunch with “even more dose of Butterfinger” – whatever that means. However, they’ve added crunchy toffee pieces with the wafer layers and Butterfinger crème.

I think it’s interesting they’re now highlighting peanut butter on-pack because all Butterfingers have peanut butter in the first place. They now also tout that there are no artificial flavors or colors and that added colors are from natural sources. Well then, I don’t want to know what was in my Crisp Bar back in the day.

I bought the Fun Size pack because I was greedy and raiding the Easter chocolate section. I also thought Fun Size would be a good way to portion control. But, I ate three Fun Size Crisp Bars in record time, so I really should have just purchased one 2-ounce package because it comes with three pieces anyway. Ugh.

Visually, my borderline-OCD-self appreciated the perfect machine-laid layers of the wafer and crème. You can see the toffee only sits on the top, so as expected, it doesn’t really translate like it does when eating a non-Crisp Bar. Overall, there’s less crunchety (aka no toffee bits stuck in your teeth) than a regular Butterfinger but there’s still a satisfying crispiness as you can hear loud and clear in the BSB cover video.

It tastes really similar to the Butterfinger Peanut Butter Cups – maintaining that trademark Butterfinger taste but with a smoother finish. The last flavor is the creamy, sweet chocolate coating. But I think it’s less sweet because of the wafer addition and the lack of crystalized toffee sugar-bomb bits. I personally don’t like my chocolate leaving a sickly sweet back-of-throat aftertaste, so I was totally into the chocolate on the bar!

I didn’t expect to, but I really enjoyed these. I even thought to myself – if I was a kid at trick-or-treating age, I’d love to have a jack-o-lantern full of these. Wrong time of year, I know, but that’s how much I enjoyed them.

My only request though: I’d love for Nestle to make a 2 lb Butterfinger Peanut Butter Crisp Bar so I can indulge in my sweet-tooth-Butterfinger dreams. Who’s with me?!

(Nutrition Facts – 2 bars – 200 calories, 100 calories from fat, 11 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 125 milligrams of sodium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 17 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $4.00
Size: 11 oz. Fun Size bag
Purchased at: Kroger
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Perfect machine-laid layers of wafer and Butterfinger crème. Less crunchety but still satisfying. Less sweet than regular Butterfingers.
Cons: Where’s Bart Simpson at? Toffee doesn’t really translate.

REVIEW: Lay’s Southwestern Queso Potato Chips

Lay's Southwestern Queso Potato Chips

I love Tex-Mex – breakfast tacos, fajitas – you name it, I’ll eat it. But, my favorite Tex-Mex invention is hands down: queso.

As part of their annual “Do Us A Flavor” contest push, Lay’s has unleashed another presumably LTO flavor – Southwestern Queso – to get the creative juices flowing. Of course, Lay’s had to be politically correct and name it “Southwestern Queso” but is there really any other kind of delicioso queso like this?! I think not. I am currently living very far away from the “Southwest,” so I was pretty stoked to see something, anything queso.

When I opened the bag, I was surprised that there was no pungent smell invading my olfactory system. In attempts to make up for the flavor not actually tasting like what it’s trying to mimic, a lot of limited edition foods overcompensate with smell or at least I think so. Unfortunately, this notion gave me false hope that the chips would actually taste like queso. Anyways, the smell of these reminded me faintly of BBQ; I couldn’t really pinpoint it immediately.

Lay's Southwestern Queso Potato Chips 2

The chips looked like a normal seasoned chip color – a twinge of orange, but not neon Cheetos orange. Unlike the photo on the bag, they were also speckled with additional seasoning which reminded me of speckling on Lay’s Kettle Cooked Jalapeno Chips. Is it bad that I was surprised that the chip pieces were actually whole? I recall Lay’s being really brittle/always cracked for some reason. But, these whole oval slices looked like they actually came from a spud.

Like the smell test, I couldn’t really immediately identify what I was tasting. I kept thinking BBQ but realized the prevailing taste was another Lay’s favorite: Sour Cream & Onion. But, the aftertaste was like Cheddar & Sour Cream. So, the extra tang initially reminded me of eating spoiled cream cheese (don’t ask haha). After a handful of chips, I was surprised that I was picking up on a little heat as well. But, it wasn’t too spicy.

Lay’s, what about this tastes like my beloved queso?

Lay's Southwestern Queso Potato Chips 3

After my tastebuds were saturated in salt and artificial flavoring, I concluded that it wasn’t good but wasn’t terrible for a chip. But, don’t you dare try to tell me that this is queso-flavored. It’s like Lay’s took all their popular existing flavors and blended it into one like Frankenstein’s monster.

If I were naming the flavor I’d name it: Cheddar, Sour Cream & Onion with a little bit of Hot ‘n Spicy BBQ. After this disappointment, I took a peek at the ingredient list. Lay’s attempted to make it look like they tried with “Southwestern Queso Seasoning”, red and green bell pepper extract, paprika extracts and even blue cheese. Either R&D really sucked or this “Southwestern Queso Seasoning” is the Franken-creation I previously mentioned.

I keep telling myself that some Tex-Mex is better than no Tex-Mex, but Lay’s Southwestern Queso flavor is a really hard sell.

(Nutrition Facts – 15 chips – 150 calories, 10 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 15 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein..)

Purchased Price: $2.98
Size: 9.5 oz. bag
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: No pungent smell. Whole chips that look like they actually came from a spud! Some Tex-Mex is better than no Tex-Mex?
Cons: What about this tastes like my beloved queso? Extra tang initially reminded me of eating spoiled cream cheese. It’s like Lay’s took all their popular existing flavors and blended it into one like Frankenstein’s monster.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Cap’n Crunch’s Blueberry Pancake Crunch Cereal

Limited Edition Cap'n Crunch's Blueberry Pancake Crunch Cereal

I have fond childhood memories of the Cap’n, but like many childhood heroes, he’s faded into irrelevance for the adult me. But, Quaker Oat’s latest innovation, Cap’n Crunch’s Blueberry Pancake Crunch drops the Cap’n right back into my consideration set! I should’ve guessed that this limited edition cereal would be delicious because there was only one left on the shelf. It was a lone box nestled all the way in the back, so I had to contort myself to even reach it.

The age-old debate: do you pour milk or cereal first? If you answered milk, you’re a monster. My vote is always cereal first, so you can taste the cereal in its untainted form. Plus, you have better control of the milk to cereal ratio. Tangent aside – as I poured the cereal out, pretty teal blue and cream corn/oat cereal orbs tumbled out. The pretty teal orbs reminded me of little Saturns; maybe the Cap’n is at the helm of a new spaceship because this cereal is out of this world. Ha – get it? Too much? Fine.

To complement the pretty coloring (yay, blue 1), there was a rich, sweet syrupy smell. No, not like the finest Canadian maple syrup, but more like Aunt Jemima high fructose corn syrup syrup. I say that in the most endearing, nostalgic way possible. I grew up with Aunt Jemima and kid-me loved that syrup. But, we all know, Aunt Jemima doesn’t have anything on Canadian maple syrup. So, if this nostalgia factor doesn’t resonate with you, I could see how this artificial smell would be off-putting.

Limited Edition Cap'n Crunch's Blueberry Pancake Crunch Cereal 2

I proceeded to try each of the three orbs by themselves. First up was the teal blue one – it didn’t register until the aftertaste that this was supposed to be the blueberry. The initial taste was very much a generic, sugary cereal. I was worried that once these hit milk, it would dye the milk blue and it would be like drinking liquidated Smurfs. Yuck.

The next up was the semi-teal orbs – these looked like an accident, like the teal orbs brushed up on the cream ones and transferred some color. But, the box does show various shades of teal so maybe it’s intentional. It did, though, have a slightly different aftertaste. I imagined this is the equivalent of a blueberry buried in the pancake batter.

The final orb was the cream colored one. I was guessing this was supposed to be the pancake part of it. It just tasted sweet, nothing to write home about.

Limited Edition Cap'n Crunch's Blueberry Pancake Crunch Cereal 3

Then, I ate them all together. I liked the subtle complexity of the cereal. Don’t get me wrong, the Blueberry Pancake Crunch clearly isn’t some fantastic molecular gastronomy or anything. Heck, if you blindfolded me, I probably would have a 50 percent chance of guessing that it was blueberry pancake-flavored.

If you add milk, it decreases my chances of guessing to about 5 percent. The milk somehow really washes out the flavor instead of enhancing it like I hoped. I was glad that the teal didn’t come off and dye the milk blue, though! But, honestly for a $3 box of sweetened corn and oat, I’m not complaining.

By the way, National Blueberry Pancake Day was on January 28th so pick up a box and have a belated celebration with me!

(Nutrition Facts – 1 Cup – 110 calories, 10 calories from fat, 1 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 125 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 13 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein..)

Purchased Price: $2.98
Size: 15.4 oz. box
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Making the cap’n relevant again! No liquidated smurfs (a.k.a blue milk). Pretty teal orbs.
Cons: High Fructose Corn Syrup smell can be off-putting for some. Eating it with milk (which is the whole point of cereal) really washes out the flavors.

REVIEW: Doritos Blazin’ Buffalo & Ranch

Doritos Blazin' Buffalo & Ranch

Doritos Blazin’ Buffalo & Ranch is like a ghosting ex-boyfriend/girlfriend – the one that keeps popping in and out of your life at inopportune moments.

It all started back on that fateful day several years ago when the baby blue packaging caught my eye. I thought to myself, “Wow, who dares rock baby blue that’s not Lay’s Sea Salt & Vinegar. Bold, I like it.”

After just one taste I was hooked, but just as quickly as it appeared, Blazin’ Buffalo & Ranch disappeared. And, it clearly had many mistresses because everyone has been looking. There’s even a petition going around to try to lock Blazin’ Buffalo & Ranch in permanently. Other chips have come and gone in my life, like Doritos JACKED Ranch Dipped Hot Wings Chips, but it just isn’t the same.

But, hindsight is always 20/20 – memories of past relationships always seem a little rosier than they actually were. And that’s exactly how I felt when we were finally reunited. Overall, I don’t think Frito Lay/Doritos did anything differently, I just grew up.

I spotted the baby blue bag at the way, way bottom of the towering chips shelf. As I crouched down to pick it up, my heart skipped a beat. Ugh, why now?! Just as I was getting over Doritos and moving onto other better-for-me options.

Doritos Blazin' Buffalo & Ranch 2

On the outside, it looked the same – that same baby blue. Packaging off, it looked better than I remembered. Unlike its previous seasoning splotches, the chips were generously coated with red seasoning. It made it look very similar to its brother, the Nacho Cheese flavor.

The first crunch was like sweet, sweet revenge. But, I quickly realized it really just tasted like Cool Ranch Doritos. As I continued enjoying, I got a small kick reminiscent of Doritos Salsa Verde.

But that’s about it.

Buffalo flavor? Non-existent.

Blazin’? Nope.

There was a spicy afterglow but again no more than the kick from Doritos’ other “spicy” flavors.

Doritos Blazin' Buffalo & Ranch 3

Of course, I should’ve also suspected that the generous seasoning would leave a mess after. My fingers were covered in red powder like I had been hanging out with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. After cleaning my fingers off, I proceeded to chug 16 ounces of water at record speed. It tasted extra salty even though the sodium contents are about in-line with other Doritos flavors. Odd.

Doritos Blazin’ Buffalo & Ranch, it’s been real but I won’t be signing the petition to get you permanent status any time soon. There are plenty of other fish – or in this case, chips – in the sea.

(Nutrition Facts – 11 chips – 150 calories, 70 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 1 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 1 grams of dietary fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $2.50
Size: 10 oz. bag
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Well-seasoned compared to previous batches – beyond that, Frito Lay/Doritos kept it true to the original.
Cons: Really just tastes like Cool Ranch + Salsa Verde. No buffalo flavor. Not blazin’. Messy – fingers covered in red powder.

REVIEW: Trader Joe’s Dark Chocolate Commendation Bar

Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Commendation Bar

I am convinced the LTO product mastermind(s) at Trader Joe’s is Willy Wonka. That’s the only way I can explain the Chocolate Commendation Bar. Like Trader Joe’s current name variations, like Trader Giotto’s, I’m going to call these masterminds Trader Insane-But-Fan-Effing-Tastic’s.

Okay, maybe Wonka Joe’s has a better ring to it.

While most food companies are focused on smaller portions, Wonka Joe’s decided to flip the script for the holidays and make their existing one-pound bar over 300 percent larger. Why not 100 percent or 200 percent? Because Wonka Joe’s knows that in ‘MURICA, you go big or you go home. After all, “a little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.

Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Commendation Bar 2

At a solid 4 pounds 6.4 ounces, the Commendation Bar sounds more like something on a birth certificate, than a shelf. Apparently Wonka Joe’s considered naming this chocolate baby Super Size Chocolate Bars, Wicked Lahge Chocolate Bahs, or You’ve Gotta Be Kidding Me With The Size of These Things Chocolate Bars, but ended up with Commendation Bar because it was worth celebrating. WTF? That’s like picking out names like Apple, Khaleesi, or Sparrow, but going with James.

Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Commendation Bar 3

Name nuances aside, here are my creds for tackling this four-pound beast: the one-pound chocolate bars are a staple on my shopping list. One time when I was purchasing said chocolate bar, the cashier asked if I was going to eat it all by myself. I looked at him indignantly, said “yes, of course,” and proceeded to go home to eat it all in one sitting. So, you can only imagine what the cashier was thinking this time with a four-pound chocolate bar. And, you can probably imagine that I thought I could tackle this bar in one sitting. Boy, was I wrong.

Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Commendation Bar 4

I picked the dark chocolate bar (61 percent cacao) over the milk chocolate (31 percent cacao) because I don’t like my chocolate too sweet. My typical one-pound bar of choice is the dark chocolate with almonds so I stayed in the dark chocolate family.

Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Commendation Bar 5

Opening the bar was like Christmas morning. The bar had 32 perfect rectangles with 11 vertical lines going through each, all wrapped up in silver foil. Given the amount of one-pound bars I consume, I consider myself pretty good at breaking off rows of chocolate but it took me forever to break off a single row on this one. I even smacked the bar on the floor a couple of times and it only dented the surface. A single rectangle was the size of my palm – at least this Commendation Bar is a really good value!

As indicated by the difficulty of breaking the chocolate, it was really hard to eat. I had to angle it sideways and bite like an Olympian biting a gold medal with their molars. Taste-wise, it was just like the one-pound dark chocolate bar – smooth with a perfect balance of bitter and sweet.

Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Commendation Bar 6

One rectangle down, 31 more rectangles to go. I began thinking that instead of a commendation, it was condemnation like the infamous chocolate fudge cake scene in the movie Maltida. I was Bruce Bogtrotter gnawing away at the chocolate bar with my molars. Trunchbull? My own gluttony.

Unlike Bruce, I couldn’t finish the entire bar. I shamefully only finished a single row or four rectangles. Yikes, at this rate, I’ll be eating this bar until next December. Overall, I am impressed that Wonka Joe’s nails quality and quantity.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 square – 330 calories, 200 calories from fat, 22 grams of fat, 13 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 490 milligrams of Potassium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 7 grams of dietary fiber, 22 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $14.99
Size: 70.5 oz. bar
Purchased at: Trader Joe’s
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Willy Wonka (aka Trader Joe’s LTO product mastermind(s)) had to have been behind this. Good value. Smooth with a perfect balance of bitter and sweet. Nails quality and quantity.
Cons: Really hard to break off – smacking the bar on the floor risks cracking your floors and not the bar itself. Secretly a condemnation bar if you try to eat the whole thing in one sitting.