Author: Vin

REVIEW: Häagen-Dazs Artisan Collection Spiced Pecan Turtle Ice Cream

Vin 24 Comments

Haagen-Dazs Artisan Collection Spiced Pecan Turtle Ice Cream

I just want to preface this review by telling you that I pronounce the word “pea-can,” and not the snooty, actual pronunciation “puh-con.” I’d be totally misrepresenting myself if I didn’t let you know that up front. Clearly, I’m not very cultured, so the idea of trying this new fancy pants ice cream flavor intrigues me…and kinda scares me.

Let’s be real, despite Magnum’s best attempts, Häagen-Dazs is our most pretentious ice cream brand. What with their “look at me” umlaut and their “look at me again” hyphen. Their name doesn’t even translate to anything, it just sounds Danish and important. Now they’re adding everyone’s favorite buzzword “Artisan” to the mix? We’re talking “high-quality ingredients handmade by a worker in a skilled trade” here people.

Enter Spiced Pecan Turtle Ice Cream.

Haagen-Dazs Artisan Collection Spiced Pecan Turtle Ice Cream Topless

The base ice cream looks, smells and tastes like any run of the mill chocolate ice cream you’re used to, so don’t get your hopes up there. The revelation you’re looking for comes in the form of the featured chocolate, caramel, and pecan clusters. This is where you leave boring ol’ chocolate ice cream behind, and enter a new world of perfectly textured spicy bites.

Unlike some ice creams riddled with molar threatening chunks, the outer chocolate coating of each cluster acts as a barrier to somehow keep the inner pecan soft and fresh. This was a welcome surprise and easily the best part of the ice cream for me. Size and appearance wise, they reminded me a lot of Buncha Crunch, just without a bunch of crunch. A crunch would actually ruin the experience.

The clusters are also where spice flavor really pops. Said flavor is inspired by Christopher Elbow’s artisanal chocolate – fannnn-cy! Apparently Mr. Elbow is very famous for peculiar chocolate creations and not his curveball as his name would suggest. 

Haagen-Dazs Artisan Collection Spiced Pecan Turtle Ice Cream Closeup

Turtles are an underrated flavor combination in my opinion (and an underrated animal for that matter) but I’m not sure they needed a “spice” element. The spice itself does have a little kick to it, which is an odd sensation to taste in an ice cream. The aftertaste lingers in the back of your mouth after you chomp down on the clusters, and I wasn’t a fan.  I got the hint of caramel, but only for a second before that weird heat took over. I guess “sweet and spicy” is trying to sneak its way into the niche market “sweet and salty” has recently carved out. I think it’s gonna have a harder time catching on.

Even after looking at all the ingredients, I’m not positive what this mystery “spice” is.  It could be cinnamon? Maybe ginger? This ice cream does taste a little “gingerbready” if you will. Will you? I know you won’t.

Well then, let me do my due diligence and research Christopher Elbow a little more because this will bother me all day. After some digging, the spice(s) appears to be…ancho and chipotle peppers with some cinnamon to boot. Well there it is, with the inclusion of “chipotle” we’ve hit max buzzword capacity. That explains the heat element. Here’s your chance to have peppers in your ice cream. Color me intrigued.

So is this worth trying? I’m gonna go ahead and say sure, give it a shot. While it’s basically just a strange spin on regular chocolate ice cream, it’s unique enough to try for yourself. Will I ever buy it again? Probably not, but I’m not mad that I did. If nothing else, I felt important while I held this pint of Häagen-Dazs. You shoulda seen the look the cute checkout girl gave me when I told her I only eat the finest artisanal ice creams. It was somewhere between “Who cares” and “Security!”

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – 310 calories, 19 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 75 milligrams of cholesterol, 125 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 24 grams of sugar, 5 grams of protein, 8% vitamin A, 0% calcium, and 8% iron.)

Item: Häagen-Dazs Artisan Collection Spiced Pecan Turtle Ice Cream
Purchased Price: $3.49 (on sale)
Size: 14 oz.
Purchased at: Stop & Shop
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Unique flavor. Umlauts. Artisanal snacking. Fancy pants. Boring ol’ chocolate ice cream. Cute checkout girl. I like turtles.
(Puh-)Cons: Utter spice confusion. Christopher Elbow squandering his name. Odd aftertaste. Boring ol’ chocolate ice cream.

ANNOUNCEMENT: New Impulsive Buy Reviewer Vin

Vin 9 Comments

Allow me to reintroduce myself. My name is Hov’.

Ah jeez, sorry about that. I’m using speech-to-text to write this bio and it just picked up the Jay-Z song I was listening to.

My name is actually Vin. Vincent, if you’re my mother. Vince, if you’re my old baseball coaches. Vinny, if you’re everyone else, despite me never once introducing myself that way. You guys can call me whatever you like, just try to keep it PG…and don’t call me Vinny.

I grew up in the NY/NJ/Conneticut Tri-state area, which as we all know, is a hotbed for great culinary…things. I have a way with words as you’ll soon find out. I was born in Brooklyn, and relocated to the Jersey Shore where I’ve remained ever since. Throw all your preconceived notions out the door; the Jersey Shore is everything like the show of the same name.

While I’ve been frequenting the East Coast’s…nay, the country’s best delis and pizza places since I was a baby, I appreciate all foods equally. I’ll get a deluxe Italian at New York’s top delicatessen, then hit Subway for a cardboard and shredded lettuce footlong on the drive home. I can eat a slice of pepperoni at a place called Nunzio’s then turn around and slam an entire thin crust from Domino’s without so much as a peep. Hell, I’ll even eat a Peep, and those things are made of memory foam and sand.

I absolutely love to cook. I also absolutely love to lie. Store bought, processed foods are my everything. I anticipate the release of new Doritos flavors like expectant parents anticipate their first born. A nutritionist once saw my cart at the supermarket and ran out of the place in hysterics. She hasn’t been seen since. Come home Carolyn, your family misses you.

But, seriously, I love to write, and I love to eat. I have an impeccable palate and my taste buds are insured for $2 million by Lloyd’s of London, so you can trust my reviews. I promise to try my best and steer you in the right direction when it comes to what snack impulses to respond to.