Category: General

Let’s be optimistic.

The day will come, perhaps sooner rather than later thanks to one too many Carrot Cake Oreo cookies, when I gasp my last Twix-infused breath and I ascend to the Pearly Gates (I said this was going to be optimistic).

And I will look around and there will be all of my long forgotten, prematurely deceased friends. I will see Fruit Brute playing the harp, little clouds of chocolate Skittles, and of course Elvis, or at least Reese’s Peanut Butter and Banana Crème cups. And the gatekeeper, whom I imagine will look a bit like the guy on the Quisp box, will ask me who I am and what I have done with my life.

My name is Dave, I will tell him. Or was Dave, perhaps. And I will tell him I was the proud father of three lovely little girls, who too often served as my excuses to keep the house full enough of junk food to withstand a sugar apocalypse. I will tell him I spent a lot of time overseas, primarily as an excuse to try weird junk food products in weird places. He may ask what I focused on in life, and I will tell him that, having found enough people were focused on reducing poverty and injustice, I spent my worldly days collecting limited edition junk food.

I am guessing the Quisp gatekeeper may not like that. “Have you no regrets?” I imagine him asking.

I might mention the time I drank an entire case of Krispy Kreme Cheerwine. Or my regrets about not buying a lifetime supply of Banana Split Oreo. Or the time I left a bottle of chestnut Pepsi on a train in Egypt. So many regrets. But I probably will just keep my mouth shut.

And then I imagine the gate swinging open, and the Quisp Overlord saying, “Enter, brave soldier, intrepid explorer of the most remote and frightening seasonal displays at Walmart! You have realized the great secret, that people are, like green apple Twizzlers, limited editions as well, and have lived life as such.”

And that’s why I love limited edition foods. They are like precious little snowflakes, ours to love and cherish for one brief and fleeting moment. Too beautiful to last. They ground you in the present, force you to make the most of the now. Keep your meditation and Zen. If I want to live in the moment, I will savor a Mixed Berry Twinkie.

And, until I am called home by that great cosmic Yummy Mummy in the sky, I want to savor those Mixed Berry Twinkies with you fellow sojourners on the road to enlightenment. I am so honored to join the team!

My name is Jenna, and junk food has always been special to me. Growing up in a household with six competitive kids where one has to hide their snacks as skillfully as possible lest they be forced to literally fight for them has a way of making those snacks feel precious! Fortunately, the energy that I used to put into securing my stash from my siblings (say that five times fast) can now go towards hunting down new and exotic treats in the wild.

I live in New York City, and while there is something slightly surreal about putting down roots in a place where you can find delicacies from every country in the world but not a single Walmart, the noshing opportunities are certainly rife. Rest assured, though, that while I love a good dollar slice as much as the next New Yorker, I’d never dream of turning up my nose at Domino’s, Pizza Hut, or Little Caesars, and in fact can often be found lamenting the fact that I’ve never encountered a genuine New York pie with the option of stuffed crust.

Throughout the years that I’ve followed The Impulsive Buy, it has encouraged my sense of wonder, cheering me up and comforting me with the knowledge that no matter how stressful or boring my daily responsibilities might become, there will always be some exciting new flavor or product just waiting to be found to bring a smile to my face. It has also encouraged the sense of adventure required for actually getting out to track down said flavor or product!

Plus, the reviews have given me countless laughs at the absurdity of each new innovation, a myriad of knowing nods when I get ahead of junk food trends (okay, inexplicable llama theming, I see you), and endless fascinating topics of conversation with my intrigued-but-slightly-concerned friends and family. Just one glance at the cheeky puns, helpful suggestions, and all-around friendly rapport that can be found in any comments section here makes me feel as warm and fuzzy inside as an especially large meal at Taco Bell. So it’s a delicious dream come true to be able to break out of my shell (taco shell?) and contribute to that myself.

My one caveat is that I’m allergic to chocolate – and fun fact, that allergy comes to me by way of my mom, who is ironically named Coco. So while I’ll have to pass on Hershey’s and friends (aside from white chocolate variants, which I fortunately can and will chow down with gusto), I’m ready to dive into any other foodie challenge I can. Since I’m constantly surrounded by writing in my day job as a textbook editor, I’m excited for this opportunity to delve into it in a way that’s a bit less dry and a bit more sweet… or savory… or salty… whoops, now I’m making myself hungry! I can’t wait to share that hunger with all of you.

We’re looking for reviewers!

If you’d like to apply, here’s what you’ll need to send:

1. A review of a new product.
2. Photos of the product you reviewed. (Full resolution versions, please!)
3. A bio that includes why you want to write reviews for The Impulsive Buy.

A Few Notes:

• The new product can be something we’ve already covered on the site.
• It’s a paid gig and it’s per review. The pay is not enough for you to quit your day job, but it’s more than enough to cover the caffeinated beverage you buy to get you through your day job.
• Because sending rejection emails have slowly eaten away at my soul over the years, if you do not hear from me after two weeks from submitting your sample review, consider that as you not being selected. Okay, actually, make it three weeks because it’s in my nature to procrastinate.
• We’re only looking for writers located in the United States.

Please send your review, bio, and photos as separate attachments. Do not embed your photos into your review.

To apply, please email everything to theimpulsivebuy@gmail.com with “Grimace is a taste bud?” in the subject line. We will stop accepting applicants on Wednesday, October 20, 2021 at 6:00 pm Hawaii Standard Time.

If you have any questions, please feel free to email me.

Thank you.

Marvo

Editor

Over the years, we’ve received products from many brands to review. When they send it, sometimes it’s just the product, but other times it comes with other things that are not edible unless you’re a goat. These items include branded swag or cute/neat stuff that ties in with the product. Well, that stuff has accumulated in my office, and I don’t plan on using most of it, so I’m giving it away in the form of three mystery boxes that three lucky TIB readers can win.

Off the top of my head, some of the brands include Ben & Jerry’s, Chex, and Sour Patch Kids. Some specific items included among the three boxes are a bluetooth speaker, socks, sunglasses, drink cozies, a sparkly bag, a selfie stick, and a t-shirt. Oh, I almost forgot one of the more exciting items, a white plastic bowl.

If the idea of winning a white plastic bowl excites you, then you should totally enter our Accumulated Swag Mystery Box Giveaway.

RULES:

To enter this prize drawing for an Accumulated Swag Mystery Box, leave a comment with THIS post, and that comment MUST include the word “jambalaya.”

Don’t forget to fill out the email field because we’ll be emailing the three randomly selected winners for their mailing addresses.

We will stop accepting entries on Friday, August 27, 2021 at 6:00 p.m. Hawaii Standard Time. Only one comment allowed per person, and it’s only open to U.S. residents.

JUST A FEW OF NOTES:

If you post a comment and it doesn’t show up, it ended up in our comment spam folder for some strange reason. There’s no need to attempt to post another comment. I’ll be pulling those out of the comment spam vortex regularly.

Do not leave your comment using the blue REPLY button at the bottom of other comments. Please scroll all the way down to the section above the blue POST COMMENT button. That’s where you should leave your comment. You might think it’s a lot of scrolling, but it’ll be totally worth it if you win that white plastic bowl.

What’s in the boxes are random, and what box the winners receive will be random.

Good luck!

FINE PRINT:

The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you emails regarding an order you did not purchase. The Impulsive Buy also promises your mailing address will not be used to send you used Oral-B electric toothbrush heads. Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail, damaged mail, or you not having a use for a white plastic bowl.

First off, I apologize for the disappearance of Spotted and Fast Food News posts on the site. I will explain here why they’ve stopped and what the future holds for them.

The main reason why is because I’ve been helping to take care of my son, who celebrated his first birthday recently. My wife works full-time during the day. So while she’s at her job and I have a position that allows for A LOT of flexibility (because I’m the boss), I’m watching over our son, which has been super awesome because I’ve been able to see him grow. Okay, poop ending up in the front of his diaper because he did his business while sitting is definitely the opposite of super awesome. But helping him learn how to stand, teaching him to say dada before mama, and adding verses to “Baby Shark” that involve non-relatives has been fun (also, including things on Old MacDonald’s farm that aren’t animals is fun, like a fax machine).

Over the past few months, I’ve been trying to figure out how to do everything for the site AND take care of our son. What I’ve learned is that it’s extremely difficult. I tried it, but I was burning out. So I decided I needed to be selective with what I do for the site.

The good news is that I’m going to continue doing Spotted posts. The bad news is that I’m 95 percent sure there won’t be Fast Food News posts anymore.

When I stopped doing Fast Food News, I felt less stressed and overwhelmed. So, instead of doing them, the plan is to put more effort into getting fast food reviews up as fast as possible, hence the reason why we’ve recently brought on more writers to help. That way, the reviews serve two purposes — it lets you know about the product and how it is. Besides, there are sites out there that do a better job at covering fast food news than we ever did, like Brand Eating, Chewboom, and Fast Food Post.

Now let’s talk about Spotted posts. Back in April, I decided not to post photos taken in stores to encourage folks to get quickly in and out when shopping. Instead, I asked readers if they happen to spot something new, and it’s something they plan on buying, to take a photo of it at home. I did it because I just want everyone to be safe during these times.

As you can guess, the number of photo contributions decreased, which was helpful as I tried to figure out how to balance work and life. But at some point, I thought, “I’m not getting too many photos to use. And most of the photos I do get are of products that we’re going to review anyway. So why not put a pause on Spotted and let those reviews we do serve two purposes like with the fast food reviews.” So that’s what I did for almost two months, and to be honest, it felt great to focus on reviews and my son. Reviews are my favorite thing to do on the site, and my son is my favorite child. Granted, he’s the only kid my wife and I have.

Now I know it may not seem like it recently, but my second favorite thing to do on the site is doing Spotted posts. I miss doing them. Also, all the emails, tweets, and comments I’ve been getting asking what’s up with Spotted posts have nudged me to start up again. So I’m going to continue with posting, but only using photos taken outside of the store, until further notice because, well, you know.

I apologize to those who have followed this rule whose photos I haven’t posted. I would also like to say I’m sorry to those readers who come here for the Spotted posts and haven’t seen diddly squat for almost two months. I promise I’ll be getting things back on track. So please continue to send in your photos that were safely taken at home, at work, in your car, or while walking to your car from the store.

Love,
Marvo

P.S. – Despite the changes, I’m still trying to get a handle on the whole work-life balance thing. But then again, aren’t we all?