Category: Reviews

REVIEW: Panda Express Hot Ones Blazing Bourbon Chicken

Marvo 6 Comments

Panda Express calls its new Hot Ones Blazing Bourbon Chicken the spiciest dish the chain has ever offered, thanks to its sauce being made with the Hot Ones’ infamous Last Dap Apollo Hot Sauce.

While it does have a good tongue-poking amount of heat, I can’t say I’m 100 percent sure it’s the spiciest ever because there might’ve been a Panda Express entree that was so devastatingly hot that my mind and mouth wiped any memory about it. While I’m not sure it burns the most, it does make up for the mild Hot Orange Chicken from a few months ago.

The limited time entree features crispy boneless chicken bites, onions, bell peppers, and chili peppers in an extra spicy and sweet bourbon sauce that’s sprinkled with sesame seeds. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Panda Express knows how to make a great sweet and savory sauce, and that’s the case with Blazing Bourbon Chicken.

But let’s start with the heat. If you’re expecting a reaction that’s similar to the ones on the Hot Ones talk show, where celebrities have their sweat, tear, or salivary glands, or any combination of the three get forced into bodily fluid production overdrive, your glands need not worry, if you likey the spicy. After finishing off a small a la carte container of the chicken, the top of my head and the back of my neck were sweating a bit. But it’s not as blazing as I expected it to be with a sauce made from the Apollo Hot Sauce, and, despite the sweating, I didn’t feel compelled to extinguish the burn in my mouth. But that’s not a bad thing because the heat doesn’t overwhelm the great tasting bourbon-flavored coating.

As for that wonderful sauce, I get a hint of bourbon flavor, but for the most part, I notice a level of umami that reminds me of soy sauce and a sweetness that could be from honey or brown sugar. I’ve never had the Last Dab before, so I can’t say if I taste it here, but my brave taste buds don’t notice anything that could be considered the flavor of a hot pepper, just the spiciness from one. Speaking of peppers, the vegetables in the entree bring a different crisp texture than the chicken’s coating, and they help temper the sauce’s heat. The chili peppers, surprisingly, didn’t seem to elevate the dish’s burn.

Panda Express’ Hot Ones Blazing Bourbon Chicken has the right amounts of savoriness, sweetness, and spiciness. It’s so good that I could see myself swapping it with my beloved Orange Chicken a few times while it’s on the menu.

Purchased Price: $5.40
Size: Small container
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (5.5 oz serving) 400 calories, 5 grams of saturated fat, 40 grams of carbohydrates, and 14 grams of protein.

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REVIEW: Dairy Queen French Silk Pie Blizzard

Denis 2 Comments

My wife rarely reads my reviews, so I’m going to roll the dice and hope she doesn’t see the following statement: If I could marry a member of the pie family, I would get on bended knee and offer a glistening strawberry ring pop to French silk pie so that we could be together forever

I’m not even a big pie person, but there’s something about that smooth, chocolatey goodness that just gets me. So, I was quite interested in trying Dairy Queen’s new-ish French Silk Pie Blizzard, which is part of the Fall Blizzard menu. It was apparently introduced in 2004 and has been available at various times since, but we’ve never reviewed it. It’s quite possible—even likely—that I’ve had it in the past and forgot, considering I don’t even remember what I ate for lunch today, and I had to check my phone to determine the day of the week. So it’s new to me.

I knew I would probably like this Blizzard, but the question was whether I would love it. The list of components was promising: choco chunks, pie pieces, and cocoa fudge with whipped topping. But despite my high hopes, let’s just say this Blizzard is more like a friend rather than marriage material. The chocolate flavor is great, and even a bit silky, at least as silky as you can get for ice cream, and the whipped topping always makes a Blizzard better.

My issue is the pie crust. I’m not sure if my local DQ got a bad batch, but the crust pieces were very crunchy, almost with the consistency of an animal cracker. There was very little of the crumbliness I associate with pie crust, and the pieces were monstrous, with a few being about the size of two Cinnamon Toast Crust pieces fused together. And the flavor was more like a cookie than pie crust.

Again, the chocolate part was wonderful. The cocoa fudge flavor did a perfect job of transforming the vanilla soft serve into chocolatey bliss, and the choco chunks brought an added layer of texture and taste. But the crust pieces just put a damper on the whole thing.

So I like you, French Silk Pie Blizzard, but I’m sorry to say that I don’t want to marry you. But we can still be friends. And yes, it is you, not me.

Purchased Price: $4.99
Size: Small
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 730 calories, 33 grams of fat, 20 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 310 milligrams of sodium, 98 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 76 grams of sugar, and 14 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dairy Queen Caramel Java Chip Blizzard

Marvo 2 Comments

I’m 10 percent sure Dairy Queen Caramel Java Chip Blizzard has no caffeine. But I’m 100 percent sure it has coffee, choco-espresso crunch pieces, and caramel topping blended with soft serve because I copied and pasted most of this sentence from the Dairy Queen app. Looking through the ingredients of the dessert that I’m 10 percent sure children should eat, I noticed instant coffee and coffee concentrate. Okay, I’m eight percent sure now.

As you can guess from the photo above, my Blizzard was not served upside down. But it didn’t help that I took a short outdoor walk from the Dairy Queen to someplace with enough light to take decent photos, which ended up being the sitting area of a Starbucks inside a Target. The heat and humidity probably caused more melting. (Yes, I bought something from the Starbucks.)

But sitting next to those baristas was helpful because doing so made me realize that I probably got more coffee flavor in my mouth by breathing in the air at a Starbucks inside a Target than I did from the Caramel Java Chip Blizzard.

Those choco-espresso crunch pieces aren’t chocolate-covered espresso beans. Instead, they’re coffee-flavored rice crisps in a chocolatey coating, and the way they crunch reminds me more of Buncha Crunch candy than cocoa-coated espresso beans. Mine had a lot of them, enough that every spoonful had one. But the java flavor isn’t robust even with so many of them. With the first few spoonfuls, I could notice it, but at some point, that faded, and I mostly tasted the coating with a slight dark chocolate bitterness.

Much like the choco-espresso crunch pieces, the caramel topping mixed with the soft serve makes itself known with every spoonful, and I wonder if its buttery sweetness contributed to the lack of java flavor. Also, I didn’t taste any coffee when eating the caramel-enhanced soft serve on its own. However, the chocolate and caramel combination is good, and the crispy crunch from those chocolatey pieces is delightful.

Despite eating a small order, I still don’t know if Dairy Queen’s Caramel Java Chip Blizzard contains caffeine. However, ordering and drinking a Starbucks cold brew while eating the Blizzard and writing this review probably prevented me from finding out. But what I do know is that this needs more coffee flavor. It’s so weak that I could convince the Starbucks baristas in front of me that this is a Choco Caramel Blizzard.

Purchased Price: $6.89*
Size: Small
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 630 calories, 22 grams of fat, 16 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 260 milligrams of sodium, 95 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 76 grams of sugar, and 13 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Reese’s Chocolate Lava Big Cup

Julie Leave a comment

Reese’s is still following an ooey-gooey train of thought.

Succeeding last year’s Caramel Big Cup, the brand’s new Chocolate Lava Big Cup takes its inspiration from decadent desserts with molten chocolate centers. Available in standard or King-size packages, the candy pairs classic Reese’s peanut butter with a layer of chocolate-y filling at the base. You get all the satisfaction of watching chocolate flood from your dessert without paying restaurant prices.

Luckily, the chocolate isn’t thin enough to totally drain the Big Cup, filling the wrapper with liquid chocolate like the world’s flimsiest, sweetest shot glass. Still, when I cut into my Chocolate Lava Big Cup, I had to hurry. Mine had already sprung a slight leak at the edge, and while the chocolate doesn’t “flood,” it certainly runs. (Just like I did in the store when I saw those guys who try to get you to switch your cell carrier. This isn’t a joke; I dropped my chocolate as I fled. I am to blame for the damaged Big Cup. Although the chocolate walls and base of the cup are thin, do not blame the chocolate engineers for my mess.)

The chocolate lava is a sticky, syrupy chocolate filling that oozes from the cup. In theory, it reminds me of the syrup you stir into boring milk to make chocolate milk or the drizzle some restaurants use in copious amounts to make desserts look fancier.

Unlike either of those syrups, though, the Reese’s chocolate lava filling just doesn’t have very much flavor. It is sweet, but not terribly sweet. It isn’t fudgy. It isn’t dark or bitter. The flavor is like sweetened cocoa, but the chocolate lava’s texture has a greater effect on the cup than the taste does. The chocolate’s gooeyness lends the Big Cup a kind of messy luxuriousness that’s more about the eating experience than the overall flavor.

The Reese’s peanut butter filling is sublime, as usual, but it overshadows the chocolate filling in both volume and flavor. I said the same thing about the Caramel Big Cup, but that product’s guest-starring ingredient tasted great independent of its context. The lava here isn’t flavorful enough to complement the peanut butter or stand (or ooze, as the case may be) on its own two feet.

While the Reese’s Chocolate Lava Big Cup makes a fun eating experience for anyone who likes a little extra gooeyness in their desserts, it wasn’t a showstopper for me.

Purchased Price: $2.28
Size: 2.8 oz (79 g) King Size package
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (per 1 cup) 190 calories, 10 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 115 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 22 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Dunkalatte

Jenna 4 Comments

Fall is famous for many things: sweater weather, back-to-school season, and the extreme prevalence of pumpkin spice. But for me, the most important thing it brings is a new fall menu from Dunkin’. And while this menu always welcomes returning favorites (refer to my note about pumpkin spice), this year, I had my eye on something new and a little more unique: the Dunkalatte.

I have to behonest, it first caught my attention because I had no idea what this drink actually was. Skimming Dunkin’s latest press release revealed some answers—but also more questions. Okay, this thing is a “coffee milk latte,” but… isn’t “coffee” plus “milk” literally the definition of a latte? What could it possibly mean to put all three of those words together in a row?

Luckily, the press release anticipated my confusion and went on to educate me that “coffee milk,” apparently, is none other than the official state beverage of Rhode Island. More specifically, it is… exactly what it sounds like. A combination of milk with coffee flavoring! Long story short, Dunkin’s new offering combines coffee milk with espresso for a drink that they promise will be extra smooth and creamy. Consider my curiosity piqued!

And my desire reached a fever pitch when I strolled into my local Dunkin and was met by a sign boasting a psychedelic coffee-colored swirl adorned with the bold claim that this product “Tastes like a melty milkshake.” I’m usually a hot coffee girl, but this statement seemed like it would be best tested by the iced variant, and hey, I’m not one to ever turn down anything related to milkshakes.

I must admit that this Dunkin’ order started the same way I start all of my Dunkin’ orders—by horribly underestimating how large its “large” is. Yes, I wanted a caffeine boost to help with my early morning, but I didn’t need quite that much! Luckily, my Dunkalatte was so delicious that I was ultimately grateful for its comically oversized proportions.

As was promised, this thing was indeed noticeably creamier than a usual latte. Iced coffee can quickly become watery, but the richness of the coffee milk base here prevented that effectively, with the pleasant result that my massive beverage went down just as smoothly after an hour on the train as my first sip did immediately after departing Dunkin’s doors. It was wonderfully sweet (I think the mellow flavor of the coffee milk masked the harshness of the espresso, which was a big plus for a Frappuccino fiend like me: the coffee flavor is certainly still there, it’s just not as in-your-face), and the texture felt thicker than a regular latte. All in all, Dunkin’ sure wasn’t kidding: “melty milkshake” is an extremely accurate depiction. But don’t worry, that won’t impact your caffeine fix—despite its dessert-like nature, this Dunkalatte definitely still delivered a buzz.

If you’re able to look past this drink’s vague name, you’ll discover something that will perk you up while also tasting indulgently incredible. Plus, it introduced me to the concept of state beverages, so please excuse me while I dive back down that rabbit hole!

Purchased Price: $5.43
Size: Large
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 410 calories, 13 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 350 milligrams of sodium, 60 grams of carbohydrates, 58 grams of sugar, and 15 grams of protein.