REVIEW: Oscar Mayer Ice Dog Sandwich

1 OscarMayer Ice Dog Pkg

When French’s recently announced they were dropping a >mustard ice cream for National Mustard Day, it clearly sent shockwaves through the processed-food industry, because the very next day, Oscar Mayer waded into the turgid waters of inedible-sounding treats with its own concoction.

“The Ice Dog Sandwich” consists of a cookie “bun,” hot dog sweet cream ice cream with candied hot dog bits, and spicy dijon gelato – handed out at the newly-white Wienermobile.

I would normally assume that Oscar Mayer was trying to bite into French’s publicity with the suspiciously-timed release, but 13 days seems like a tight turnaround to make enough product, repaint the ride, and get it to NYC. Coincidence? I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt.

2 Oscar Mayer Ice Dog Mobile

Having just sampled two versions of French’s ice cream, I was revved and ready when that White-Walker-phallus truck pulled up steps away from the public restrooms of Bryant Park. Coincidence? Probably.

3 Oscar Mayer Ice Dog Wrapper

The standard paper hot dog trays, foil wrappers with logo stickers were underwhelming. French’s had branded cups, decorations, and napkins. Just sayin’. But I was fascinated by the ingredients list on the back – celery juice? Cherry powder?

4 Oscar Mayer Ice Dog Ingredients

The sandwich didn’t look like the advance photos. It was half the thickness and none of the color. The pink candied meat bits were the only way to tell the hot dog side from the mustard side.

5 Oscar Mayer Ice Dog Sandwich Split

Image on left via Oscar Mayer

I was not a fan of the cookie bun. Flavor-wise, it was a decent sugar cookie, but the texture was like a wet blondie. It didn’t hold a candle to the lovely Coolhaus pretzel cookie at French’s truck.
The spicy dijon gelato tasted exactly like what I expected when I tried the French’s ice cream – tangy, strong, and extremely mustardy. I didn’t like it at all. It didn’t mesh well with the hot dog ice cream, which was delightful.

Yes, I’ll say it again – the delightful hot dog ice cream. Its flavor was mostly vanilla (like French’s) but with meaty/savory hints when you got to the candied hot dog bits. It felt like a spin on ice cream with bacon. I would eat it again, but not in this combination.

Proving that we should all stay in our lanes, Oscar Mayer’s Hot Dog Ice Cream, French’s Mustard Ice Cream, and Coolhaus’ Pretzel Cookies would be an amazing trio.

Now, where is my Pizza Sorbet?

Purchased Price: Free
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Received at Oscar Mayer Ice Dog mobile
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Hot Dog Ice Cream alone – 9 out of 10)
Nutrition Facts: Not available.

REVIEW: Zombie Skittles

Zombie Skittles

What are Zombie Skittles?

This year’s new Halloween Skittles mix includes five fruit flavors: petrifying citrus punch (orange), mummified melon (green), chilling black cherry (purple), boogeyman blackberry (blue), and blood red berry (red). But lurking among all these colors is a “rotten zombie” flavor, so you can eat a zombie before it eats you. It’s like Russian roulette for your taste buds.

How are they?

Zombie Skittles Closeup

All the fruit flavors are lovely. Melon might be my new favorite Skittles flavor; black cherry is a nice alternative to typical cherry flavors; citrus, red berry, and blackberry are what you would expect.

But I know you came here for the zombie flavor.

It’s truly repulsive.

It starts out tasting like rotting fruit, and then it transitions to a somewhat meaty flavor, which is horrifying when you think about it. This flavor stops me in my tracks, and I almost want to laugh because it’s so bad.

Is there anything else you need to know?

Zombie Skittles Spoons

It’s easy enough to power through the zombie flavor (or spit it out), so it doesn’t entirely spoil the candy-eating experience. My educated estimate for the ratio of zombie to fruit is approximately 1:9, so most of them are safe.

That said, there is genuine relief when you get a fruity one.

Conclusion:

I probably will not buy these, nor will I be sad if they don’t come back next year. But they do exactly what they mean to do, and they’re a weirdly fun novelty candy. They would be great at a Halloween party.

DISCLOSURE: I received a free sample of the product. Doing so did not influence my review in any way.

Purchased Price: Free
Size: 3.6 oz. bag
Purchased at: Received from Mars
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 oz/28 g/27 pieces) 110 calories, 1 gram of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 5 milligrams of sodium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 21 grams of total sugar, 21 grams of added sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Gatorade BOLT24

Gatorade BOLT24

Update 5/5/21: We also tried the Restore varieties! Click here to read our review.

What does the 24 in Gatorade’s BOLT24 mean?

I assume it’s 24 hours because of the following quote from Gatorade PR (bold emphasis is mine), “With this launch, Gatorade’s commitment to fueling athletic performance goes beyond the field, supporting athletes’ athletic lifestyle around the clock by providing advanced, all-day hydration.”

So BOLT24 could be consumed before, during, or after working out. Or you could drink it while chillin’ at some kid’s birthday party you crashed at 3:29 p.m., watching the sun dip below the horizon on a clear day to let you know when its time to take your pants off and exhale at 6:43 p.m., binge-watching a show on Netflix about the cooking techniques of nomadic tribes of Northeastern Asia at 11:41 p.m., or listening to your favorite gardening podcast while pulling out weeds in your marijuana garden at 10:21 a.m.

BOLT24 is a lower calorie sports drink, 80 calories per 16.9-ounce bottle to be exact, and provides 100 percent of the daily value of vitamins A, C, B3, B5, and B6. It contains no artificial sweeteners or flavors. And, because it’s Gatorade, it has to have electrolytes, which it gets from watermelon and sea salt. The line launched with three flavors Mixed Berry, Tropical Mango, and Watermelon Strawberry.

Cane sugar (yum) and stevia (blech) are the sweeteners used in BOLT24. I didn’t know there was stevia until I looked at the labels after taking swigs of all the flavors. It surprised me when I found out because products I’ve tried with stevia ALWAYS end up in the trash or placed aside for a food bank donation soon after consuming it because the sweetener makes everything taste off or bitter (Hi Zevia!).

Well, that’s now almost always because I bought a 12-pack of BOLT24 from Amazon and all of it is going down my throat while binge-watching an anime on Netflix about Yakuza members being turned into female pop idols at 7:23 p.m. or watching the sun rise above the horizon on a clear day to let me know when its time to put on my pants and inhale at 5:56 a.m. While I may not taste the stevia, I imagine others might notice it more than I do.

Gatorade BOLT24 Tropical Mango

Gatorade BOLT24 Watermelon Strawberry

Gatorade BOLT24 Mixed Berry

All three BOLT24 varieties are excellent flavors, although they all have the exact same color (thanks lycopene!) and they’re ones we’ve seen before from Gatorade in other lines. But if I had to rank them I’d pick Tropical Mango first, followed by Watermelon Strawberry, and then Mixed Berry.

Tropical Mango has a pleasant aroma that’s noticeably more mango. The same can be said about its flavor, but I do taste a bit of pineapple. Watermelon Strawberry it smells like strawberry candy, and its flavor leans more towards strawberry than watermelon. It also has a slight tang from the strawberry. Finally, Mixed Berry pretty much smells and tastes like a fruit punch.

There’s a lot to like about BOLT24 — great flavors, no artificial sweeteners, no artificial flavors, electrolytes, lower sugar content than regular Gatorade, and all those vitamins. I do wish they came in bigger bottles, but I understand why they don’t. Imagine lugging around a 32-ounce bottle while frolicking in a field of daisies at 1:39 p.m.

Purchased Price: $19.99
Size: 16.9 oz. 12-pack assorted flavors
Purchased at: Amazon
Rating: 9 out of 10 (Tropical Mango), 8 out of 10 (Watermelon Strawberry), 7 out of 10 (Mixed Berry)
Nutrition Facts: (16.9 oz. bottle) 80 calories, 0 grams of fat, 230 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 19 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Pillsbury Churro Toaster Strudel

Pillsbury Churro Toaster Strudel

What is the Pillsbury Churro Toaster Strudel?

A marriage between the theme park treat and a fancy Pop-Tart, aka Toaster Strudel. As always, these require some manual labor, first figuring out how to separate and then open the icing packet, and then put it on the pastry. Then the race is on to finish the Toaster Strudel before the icing liquifies from the heat.

How is it?

Pillsbury Churro Toaster Strudel Art

Underwhelming, much like my attempt to recreate the pastry art pictured on the box. These really aren’t bad, but they really aren’t churro flavored either. I had to ask my taste buds to dig down deep to find even a hint of anything resembling churro or cinnamon flavor. The best way I can describe the filling is nondescript sweet, warm goo.

Pillsbury Churro Toaster Strudel Closeup

Pillsbury Churro Toaster Strudel Uncooked

Looking at the photo on the box, it seemed to show something extra going on with the pastry crust—either cinnamon mixed in or perhaps little flakes of churro pieces. But I couldn’t distinguish anything different about the crust compared to a regular Toaster Strudel. The icing was chocolatey, as promised, with almost a pudding taste rather than a standard chocolate sauce. If someone had given me this without any hint as to the flavor, I’m not sure I would have guessed churro.

Is there anything else you need to know?

You can get drunk off these! OK, actually you can’t, but they do contain chocolate liquor. Sadly, it’s the very last ingredient listed (after the always delicious locust bean gum), so you are fine to eat a few of these and hop behind the wheel. Just don’t go swimming for 30 minutes.

Pillsbury Churro Toaster Strudel Mascot

On another completely random subject, if you are ever in San Antonio, you can find some delicious churros in the Market Square, along with what is likely one of the only churro mascots in the world. Just don’t give him one of these Toaster Strudels.

Conclusion:

If I was in a rush one morning and grabbed one of these without looking at the box, I would probably be satisfied and go off to work contemplating new ways to waste time while being paid. But I was expecting some kind of churro flavor, and this one misses the mark on that.

Purchased Price: $2.06
Size: 11.7 oz box (6 pastries)
Purchased at: H-E-B
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (for 2 pastries with icing) 370 calories, 14 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 390 milligrams of sodium, 56 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 18 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Burger King Impossible Whopper

Burger King Impossible Whopper

I was a vegetarian in college.

I didn’t have any moral reasons for it, I just figured it was an easier way to lose weight and keep my vitals on the up and up. Plus, there was a vegetarian in my psychology class I was smitten with, and I reckoned that had to score me a couple of extra points.

Well, as was my torrid collegiate romance with Becky Schopenhauer, my dietary dalliance with vegetarianism was short-lived. One of the things people don’t tell you about going full veggie is just how expensive it is, and when a four-pack of MorningStar Farms veggie patties costs twice as much as two eight packs of Earl Campbell Hot Link sausages — and you’re a broke communications major — the economics become pretty obvious.

Yet all these years later, every now and then I still get a hankering for a good black bean burger. And while a lot of the more upscale burger joints have their own default veggie alternatives, finding soy patties at the larger fast food chains — your McDonald’s, your Wendy’s, your Steak n’ Shakes, etc. — is usually a lost cause.

Burger King Impossible Whopper 2

Sure, a few chains have experimented with meatless options a la Beyond Meat, but nothing on the scale of Burger King with its newfangled Impossible Whopper, which, as the name suggests, is the fast food leviathan’s signature item, albeit with the all-beef patty eschewed for an Impossible Foods-branded faux burger.

Without getting too scientific here, the secret ingredient in the Impossible Whopper patty is this stuff called leghemoglobin, which is a genetically-modified soy derivative that supposedly provides consumers the most meat-like meatless taste on the market.

Sure, sure, all of this pre-publicity puffery is fine and dandy, but I’m here to give it to you straight. So, is the Burger King Impossible Whopper truly the revolutionary product it claims to be?

Well, not really, but that’s not to say it isn’t a decent fast food burger.

Burger King Impossible Whopper Toppings

First things first, the patty itself is just too small. It’s maybe half the girth of the standard Whopper patty, and instead of being plump and juicy, this newfangled Impossible Whopper tastes more charred and salty. The patty itself, though, does have a pretty solid smoky flavor to it, and the mouthfeel of the product isn’t as chewy as you may expect. It doesn’t quite capture the “real” beef Whopper taste, but it gets closer to it than you’d think.

Burger King Impossible Whopper Tomato

And that’s thanks, in no small part, to the rest of the sandwich. It’s pretty amazing how all of the accoutrements — the lettuce, mayonnaise, and tomatoes — gel together to provide an idiosyncratic Whopper taste, despite the lack of a “true” Whopper patty whatsoever. You might have some reservations about the Impossible Whopper, but holistically, it tastes remarkably like its object of emulation.

Despite all of the hoopla over this meatless menu item, it seems a little odd to me that so few have noted that, for years, Burger King has already been serving what is effectively a “veggie Whopper.”

The weird thing is, the overall product reminds me of Burger King’s previous meatless burger, which utilized a MorningStar Farms Garden Veggie patty. Whatever gustatory quirks may be there, it appears are sizzled out in BK’s grilling process — so ultimately, you wind up with an Impossible patty that tastes just a tad too crispy, and a little too generic, for its own good.

Still, it’s an altogether pleasing product that ought to make vegetarians on the prowl for something a tad more filling than a garden salad pretty happy, although I just can’t see it turning long-time, omnivorous Whopper-fanatics into staunch vegans anytime soon.

Regardless, I’m pulling for the Impossible Whopper to be successful, if only to inspire competing burger chains to try their hands at the pseudo-burger fad. I mean, let’s face it — who doesn’t want to live in a world where Arby’s releases its own vegan-friendly Meat Mountain Sandwich a couple of years down the road?

Purchased Price: $5.29
Size: N/A
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 630 calories; 34 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 1,080 milligrams of sodium, 58 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar and 25 grams of protein.