REVIEW: Pringles Tortillas (Truly Original, Nacho Cheese, and Southwestern Ranch)

Pringles Tortillas (Truly Original, Nacho Cheese, and Southwestern Ranch)

I’d like to introduce you to the new Pringles Tortillas.

If you’re a junk food nerd, you’re probably pushing up your glasses with your pointer finger and saying, “TECHNICALLY, Pringles Tortillas aren’t the first tortilla Pringles…DUH!”

Yes, junk food nerd, you are correct. Torengos are the original tortilla Pringles, although they were their own brand and later brought under the Pringles label. They were triangular like most tortilla chips, concave to make them dip friendly, and had a uniform shape so they could be stacked, like Pringles.

Update: It turns out there were Pringles Tortilla Crisps before Torengos. Hat tip to commenter CulinaryZerg.

These new Pringles Tortillas aren’t triangular, but they are shaped like the potato crisps we all know and occasionally use to make it look like we have duck bills. They also come in the same cans some of us get our hands stuck in and are available in three flavors: Truly Original, Nacho Cheese, and Southwestern Ranch.

(Although, if you’re a junk food nerd, you might be saying, “TECHNICALLY, there are four, if you count the Walmart exclusive flavor, Zesty Salsa and they’re not the same cans since Pringles now come in taller cans…DUH!”)

Pringles Tortillas Truly Original

Truly Original Pringles Tortillas truly taste like triangular tortilla chips from a bag, although they’re not as crunchy and perhaps not as thick. If you truly stare at an individual crisp, you’ll see there are randomly scattered small holes. Because of them, you might be wondering if Truly Original Pringles Tortillas can truly handle something like truly chunky salsa. But don’t worry, much like my excessive use of the word “truly” in this paragraph, your concern in unnecessary because I was able to easily glide every crisp through a small bowl of salsa without any breakage.

Pringles Tortillas Truly Original Salsa

I liked Truly Original Pringles Tortillas, but I ate my way through the can slower than the other flavors. If I love a Pringles flavor, this is what happens: I’ll feel shame after realizing I ate half the can in one sitting, but then shake that off and eat more. I didn’t experience that with these plain tortilla crisps, not even when I ate them with salsa. By the way, the tortilla crisps’ shape does well as a salsa scooper.

Pringles Tortillas Nacho Cheese

As for the Nacho Cheese flavor, let me ask you the following question, “Do you love Doritos, but wish your tongue didn’t look like you’ve been licking Sesame Street’s Ernie every time you ate some?” If so, Nacho Cheese Pringles Tortillas might be perfect for you because they taste exactly like Nacho Cheese Doritos, but don’t turn any of your body parts into a different color. They have a flavor intensity that’s higher than a Taco Bell Nacho Cheese Doritos Locos Taco shell, but noticeably lower than Nacho Cheese Doritos. This is due to the fact they’re seasoned on one side only.

Pringles Tortillas Southwestern Ranch

Since the Nacho Cheese Pringles Tortillas taste similar to Nacho Cheese Doritos, I wasn’t surprised to find out the Southwestern Ranch Pringles Tortillas taste like Cool Ranch Doritos. But just like the nacho cheese variety, they were less intense than the Doritos.

Unlike the Truly Original Pringles Tortillas, I found myself feeling shame after eating half the can of the Nacho Cheese Pringles Tortillas in one sitting and half the can of the Southwestern Ranch Pringles Tortillas in another sitting. And in both instances, I shook off the shame and ate more. So, yes, I very much enjoyed both varieties.

However, if I want a crunchy snack that tastes like Nacho Cheese and Cool Ranch Doritos, I’m not going to buy these Pringles Tortillas, I’m going to purchase Nacho Cheese and Cool Ranch Doritos. I like it when the seasoning accumulates on my fingertips, leaving sort of a savory digestif. Plus, the Doritos are healthier (I know. It’s weird seeing “Doritos” and “healthier” in the same sentence). They have half the saturated fat and lower sodium numbers than Pringles Tortillas.

But if you enjoy the possibility of getting your hand stuck in a Pringles can, demand snack shape uniformity, and want a nacho cheese tortilla snack that doesn’t make your tongue and fingers look like they stroked The Muppet Show’s Scooter, these Pringles Tortillas are for you.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 oz. – Truly Original – 150 calories, 80 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 160 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein. Nacho Cheese – 150 calories, 70 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 240 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein. Southwestern Ranch – 150 calories, 70 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 260 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Pringles Tortillas (Truly Original, Nacho Cheese, and Southwestern Ranch)
Purchased Price: $1.98
Size: 6.07 oz. (Truly Original)
Size: 6.42 oz. (Nacho Cheese & Southwestern Ranch)
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Truly Original)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Nacho Cheese)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Southwestern Ranch)
Pros: Nacho Cheese and Southwestern Ranch taste like Nacho Cheese and Cool Ranch Doritos. Truly Original is tough enough to handle chunky salsa. Healthier than Nacho Cheese and Cool Ranch Doritos.
Cons: Truly Original is not as addictive as the other two flavor. Nacho Cheese and Southwestern Ranch taste like Nacho Cheese and Cool Ranch Doritos. I miss the buildup of seasoning on my fingertips. Licking a Muppet. The shame of eating half a can of Pringles in one sitting.

REVIEW: Sun-Maid Peppermint Yogurt Raisins

Sun-Maid Peppermint Yogurt Raisins

These Sun-Maid Peppermint Yogurt Raisins sound odd and gross, although not as odd as grape-flavored yogurt raisins or hot yoga studio gross. The combination of peppermint and raisins just doesn’t sit well with me.

They even look weird and resemble items I wouldn’t put into my mouth, like dinosaur eggs, uncooked Rocky Mountain oysters, unicorn droppings, magicless magic beans, and the head of Garbage Pail Kid Acne Annie.

When I first learned about the Sun-Maid Peppermint Yogurt Raisins, I pooh-poohed it as a gimmick that finally allowed Sun-Maid to dive into the deluge of peppermint products this time of year, and I had no intention of reviewing them.

However, after coming face-to-face with them at Target, my curiosity nudged me toward purchasing a bag. It wasn’t an easy decision, like trying to decide whether to ride a horse or a unicorn, but, as you can see, I ended up buying a bag, mostly on the hopes that these peppermint-flavored yogurt raisins would taste horrible.

Fortunately for my tongue, they didn’t. Unfortunately for your desire to imagine me gagging and your reading enjoyment, they didn’t.

“Candy cane” AND “peppermint flavor” are listed among the ingredients which make it sound like these peppermint yogurt raisins have a strong winterfresh flavor that’ll help freshen your breath before swapping spit with someone. However, it’s a mild mint that’s at a level somewhere between a Mint Mentos and peppermint gum that’s been chewed on for 15 minutes. The “candy cane” ingredient also makes it seem like there are crunchy candy bits in the soft yogurt coating, but my teeth’s enamel assure you there aren’t any.

Sun-Maid Peppermint Yogurt Raisins Closeup

I’m not going to say they’re good because I don’t want to give the person who handles the Sun-Maid Twitter account the satisfaction of being smug and replying at me, “@theimpulsivebuy I told you so.” What I will say is that they’re not awful; finishing all ten mini boxes in the bag won’t be difficult; and the partially hydrogenated palm kernel oil used in the yogurt coating bothers me more than the peppermint and raisin combo, but they’re still odd.

So are these Sun-Maid Peppermint Yogurt Raisins the sign that companies have taken peppermint-flavored products too far? No, because I believe that moment happened last year when Pringles decided to produce a white chocolate peppermint potato crisp. So congratulations, Sun-Maid, for not being the company that caused peppermint to jump the shark.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 box – 60 calories, 20 calories from fat, 2 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 10 milligrams of sodium, 75 milligrams of potassium, 10 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 10 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, and 2% calcium.)

*made with partially hydrogenated oils

Item: Sun-Maid Peppermint Yogurt Raisins
Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: 10 mini boxes
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Not awful. Edible. Pleasant mild mint flavor. Riding a unicorn.
Cons: Peppermint and raisin combination is still odd. They look like things I wouldn’t put into my mouth. Use of partially hydrogenated oil bothers me. Yogurt coating negates any health benefit from the raisins. Riding a boring horse.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Donuts Red Velvet Latte

Dunkin' Donuts Red Velvet Latte

I’m a man who likes my coffee black, espresso sans milk and if I need to spike it with anything, bourbon will do over the Irish cream. Putting sugar in my coffee is like stamping the head of a penis on my forehead. I really do not like that.

What I really like…In fact, what I really love is red velvet cake and I’m particular about it. The cream cheese frosting is everything to me. A tad savory and not too sweet is a hard act to juggle (like tastefully mushroom stamping someone on the forehead). It’s a perfect combination of taste and sight as the red cake, contrasted with the ivory frosting, draws most people’s attention.

Red velvet cake is like carrot cake’s more complicated poetry writing sister who wears black horn-rimmed glasses and still listens to Bikini Kill. The ingredients are not as mosaic as carrot cake because it’s simply a chocolate cake with red dye. Yet it is deceptively simple because the flavors evoke an umami-like profile, mostly in thanks to the cream cheese frosting.

But drinking a red velvet cake? The flavored coffee drinks and lattes are blurring the lines since a lot of them taste like variations of milkshake flavors. I don’t know…maybe if you like those so much, you really don’t enjoy coffee.

Ah…Who am I to judge? Yet, I don’t think you do because the coffee/espresso flavors are often buried underneath that heavy syrup. It makes me sad because it’s the same as drowning a ribeye in steak sauce or when the priest guy got buried in The Omen (1976 version, damn it still haunts me).

It’s like when people tell me they love whiskey and then say there’s a great honey or an apple pie variant. Why don’t you just tell me to “do my mom in the garage” instead? With all due respect, it’s gross.

I don’t want my whiskey flavored any more than my coffee and I’m not sure I want to consume a red velvet cake that requires no chewing.

However, not to be outdone by Starbucks, Dunkin’ Donuts is really trying to make a dent with its own lattes. Some hit, others miss as miserable as Spike Lee’s version of Oldboy. Honestly, have you seen that dreck?

Needless to say, I was a bit more repulsed when I heard Dunkin’ Donuts created a Red Velvet Latte but my senses were dulled by Sharlto Copley’s manic and awful acting, I needed some sort of stimulus so I can feel again. I haven’t seen this over the top acting since Dominic West’s “Jigsaw” in Punisher War Zone (Best line, “I don’t speak vampire” to some Russian thugs).

It also doesn’t help the coffee looked like the remnants of a liver that was soaking in milk to mellow that “nickel” flavor. You ever see that stuff? It looks like eraser remnants mixed with milk.

Despite the pinkish brown color of the coffee, the wafting scent of a deep roasted espresso was enticing. It permeated the air around me and I thought, “This ain’t so bad.” The temperature radiating nicely in my hand was at the Goldilocks zone of just right. Dunkin’ Donuts seems to be pretty consistent on the hot temperatures of their coffees. I have to give them big ups for that.

Upon my first sip, I was surprised at the subtle flavor of the cream cheese frosting. It was shockingly yummy. It was followed by mellow yet rich milk chocolatey tones that washed away the frosting taste.

Although pleasant, I enjoyed that the cream cheese frosting flavor does not linger. However, what does hang around like a clingy in-law is the overwhelming sweetness of the coffee. Most drinks such as these, whether it’s from Starbucks or your local coffee house, falls victim to the gummy sugary dreck that chokes the coffee with no remorse.

The latte was akin to an over the top CGI action film where “bullet time” is used so much, it bores or annoys you to death (i.e. The God-awful Underworld series). With each subsequent sip, the sweetness was magnified to the point I got those awful “tingles” in my cheeks. It’s too bad because I was hoping to like this drink.

I would definitely recommend trying it since you have to experience “sipping” on cream cheese frosting, but the novelty wears off immediately due to the heavy handed sweetness that encompasses the entire latte. If Dunkin’ Donuts would dial the sweetness back, I would order this again. Besides, there are other coffee drinks I would rather inflict on myself before this one.

(Nutrition Facts – small with skim milk – 180 calories, 5 calories from fat, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 120 milligrams of sodium, 36 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 35 grams of sugars, and 8 grams of protein)

Item: Dunkin’ Donuts Red Velvet Latte
Purchased Price: $2.29
Size: Small (10 oz.)
Purchased at: Dunkin’ Donuts
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Cream cheese flavors are subtle and nice. The roasted espresso smell is there. Original movies are mostly better. Milk-chocolate taste is rich yet mellow. Sharlto Copley in The A-Team.
Cons: Too damned sweet. The pinkish brown color is disgusting. Remakes of foreign films mostly suck. You’ll get a better experience eating a red velvet cake and downing it with coffee. Sharlto Copley in Oldboy.

QUICK REVIEW: Old El Paso Chicken Burritos Frozen Entree

Old El Paso Meal for Two Chicken Burritos

Purchased Price: $6.99 (on sale)
Size: 2 burritos/20 oz.
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Decent sized frozen burritos (6″ x 2.5″ x 1.5″). Lots of beans, rice, and corn. Salsa verde has a very mild kick and decent flavor. Each burrito is prepared in its own nifty steaming bag. Thank goodness for hot sauce.
Cons: Tastes like other frozen burritos I’ve had. Pricey for two decent-sized burritos. After microwaving, the tortilla on the bottom of the burrito is dried out and tough. Not a lot of chicken (I’m lucky a chunk ended up in the picture below). Didn’t notice any cheese. Most bites were beans and rice. Some Pace salsa would’ve made it taste better.

Old El Paso Meal for Two Chicken Burritos Closeup

Nutrition Facts: 1 burrito – 480 calories, 150 calories from fat, 17 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 1050 milligrams of sodium, 59 grams of carbohydrates, 6 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, 23 grams of protein, 10% vitamin A, 15% calcium, 35% vitamin C, and 30% iron.

A delicious blend of all white meat chicken, rice, beans, roasted onions and corn, Colby and Monterey Jack cheeses smothered in our own salsa verde. All wrapped in a tasty flour tortilla. It’s a meal you know and love made with authentic Old El Paso flair that defies frozen.

REVIEW: Kellogg’s S’mores Krave Cereal

Kellogg's S'mores Krave Cereal

This time of the year, as the thermometer plummets and stuffing your hands in your crotch becomes an essential component of keeping warm, it’s customary to crave traditional warm foods like chili, roasted root vegetables, and a whole host of things capable of giving your tongue a third-degree burn.

Also capable of giving your tongue a third-degree burn: s’mores. Granted, the combination of chocolate, graham cracker, and marshmallow isn’t exactly associated with comfort food for the winter, but cereal companies need something to sell us after the post Thanksgiving and Christmas blitz of all things pumpkin and gingerbread. Might as well be hot sounding, right?

I have absolutely no problem with this concept. In fact, I happen to practice a strict doctrine of non-discrimination when it comes to empty carbohydrates and the seasons, and applaud Kellogg’s attempts to do the same. I speak, of course, of S’more Krave Cereal. The new cereal has jumped the gun in invading grocery stores in front of the new cereal blitz we see each January, replacing the classic also-ran Smorz cereal that’s been slowly disappearing from shelves. It’s a sad day in my household when one cereal dies, but in the case of Smorz, I won’t be mourning too long.

Kellogg's S'mores Krave Cereal Box Closeup

With box art featuring what one imagines to be a completely unrealistic marketing image of chocolate and marshmallow bursting forth from an oversized graham cereal biscuit, I naturally assumed Krave’s rendition of the classic campfire dessert would be far superior to Smorz. And in case it wasn’t, well, at least there’s always the trusty S’mores Pop-Tart.

Frequent readers may know I have something of an infatuation with that initial moment when you open up a cereal box and are greeted by that wonderfully processed yet always nostalgic smell of unadulterated empty carbs and “natural and artificial” flavor. I wouldn’t go so far to label it a fetish, but I won’t hold it against you if you call it weird. I also won’t hold it against you if you find Krave S’mores to smell something like dog food dessert, if such a thing exists. That’s because it does smell off, and this is coming from the guy who would make Lucky Charms into a cologne if he could.

Notwithstanding this highly questionable aroma, each biscuit is engrained (ha, food group pun!) with a sturdy shell of graham flour which yields a crunchier bite than the standard Krave pieces. I like the initial dry crunch of each biscuit, but the graham flavor leaves a lot to be desired. If, like me, you enjoy a bit of honey crunch in your graham (think Golden Grahams) you’ll be disappointed. It’s more whole-grainy graham than anything else, and not really sweet.

Kellogg's S'mores Krave Cereal Innards

The filling, on the other hand, tastes just like the insides of a S’mores Pop-Tart, with the welcomed addition of a slightly toasted flavor and viscosity you almost never see in cereals. The filling tastes and feels like a slightly melted marshmallow and milk chocolate square; in other words, a s’more.

If eating dozens of little S’mores Pop-Tarts for breakfast sound too good to be true, it is. See, the sheer logistical realities of Krave’s filling-to-shell ratio make delivering flavor in a single biscuit almost as impossible as lighting a fire in Siberia with nothing but two twigs and a prayer. I’m not saying it’s inconceivable, but the inconsistent filling ratio makes getting said s’more flavor really only possible by stuffing numerous biscuits in your mouth at one time.

Kellogg's S'mores Krave Cereal In Milk

However, there’s an enjoyable sweet fudgy quality to the biscuits in milk, but the biscuits do lose their toasted marshmallow and graham flavor. They also don’t leave very good end-milk, as the sturdy graham coating refuses to allow any of the scant chocolate and marshmallow filling to populate the lake of greying 2%.

Nevertheless, one could do much worse in attempting to recreate a s’more, especially this time of the year. Far be it for me to freeze my ass off trying to light a fire outside with nothing but two sticks and a prayer, it’s sometimes more practical to get one’s summertime dessert fix from the convenience of a cereal box than the genuine article.

While giving up my proverbial smoldering marshmallow on a cicada poop-laced twig is unfortunate, I must say that as a dry snack, I find S’mores Krave to be one of the more complete recreations of s’mores in prepackaged breakfast form to date. While I’d like the graham flavor to be more honey laced, crunchy, and basically like Golden Grahams, the truth is that it stills tastes better than the edgy crusts of a Pop-Tart. Not only that, but the filling more than makes up for the graham element.

Just be prepared to throw suggested serving sizes out the window, because to get the real flavor of s’mores, you’ll want to eat a lot of it, straight from the box.

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup or 31 grams – 120 calories, 30 calories from fat, 3.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 105 milligrams of sodium, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 3 gram of dietary fiber, 10 grams of sugars, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Kellogg’s S’mores Krave Cereal
Purchased Price: $2.98
Size: 11 oz. box
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Authentic milk chocolate and toasted marshmallow flavor is breaking new ground for cereals. Crunchier than regular Krave. Better “crust” than S’mores Pop-Tarts. Doesn’t involve starting a fire in the snow. Actually kind of healthy when you think about it.
Cons: Graham flavor lags behind Golden Grahams. No honey glaze. Filling is really, really, really scarce in a single biscuit. Smells like dog food. Questionable winter warming strategies.