Category: Spotted on Shelves

Pops (or Corn Pops for you purists) is one of the sagging elder statesmen in the world of breakfast cereals, along with other old farts like grumpy Apple Jacks and senile Frosted Flakes. Throughout its 50-plus year history, the only thing that has been modified about Pops is its name, which has changed more times than Lew Alcindor, but significantly less times than Prince.

Until now, there has never been a cereal spin-off of Pops, unlike Frosted Flakes, which has spread itself so thin that it has spawned way too many bastard cereals that get discontinued. Perhaps with the introduction of the new Kellogg’s Pops Chocolate Peanut Butter, it will finally make me say, “Oooh, I gotta have my Pops,” except without sarcasm, like I usually do when they have to eat those plain yellow balls.

Another cereal recently brought out by Kellogg’s is the new Froot Loops Smoothie, which includes yogurt-covered pieces of Froot Loops mixed with the usual multi-colored fruity rings of sugary goodness, which I recently found out don’t count towards the 3-5 servings of fruit and vegetables I should eat each day.

I’m actually looking forward to Froot Loops Smoothie because it will expand my choices of fruity cereals to eat for breakfast and to use for my cereal necklace making business.

Experts recommend that we drink at least eight glasses of water every day. Of course, drinking those eight glasses can help your complexion, aid weight loss, and at times, makes you think about wearing adult diapers to reduce the number of times you have to walk to the restroom each day.

Perhaps the hardest part about drinking eight glasses of water every day is the water itself. Water is the beverage equivalent of the CBS Evening News with Katie Couric — its content is very important, but it’s pretty boring.

Occasionally, I need to force myself to drink water, due to it being unexciting. When the situation arises, I like to think of water either as 7-Up without the carbonation and lemon-lime flavor; vodka without the fun, allergic reaction and blurted out secrets that I promised friends I would keep to myself; or tears from an angel.

I’m kind of exciting about the new PUR Flavor Options, which can possibly turn ordinary filtered tap water into something that’s the water equivalent of Canada’s Naked News — something different, refreshing and with a little bit of flavor. You can add as much or as little fruit flavor to your PUR filtered water with a push of a button.

PUR Flavor Options are available in a pitcher or faucet mount and comes in three flavors: raspberry, strawberry and peach. They contain no calories, sugars or dyes. PUR Flavor Options pitchers retail for $29.99, the faucet mounts at $49.99 and the flavor cartridges, which are sold in two-packs, retail for $9.99.

[Site:] Pur Flavor Options

I’ve never had a Clamato in my life, but I’m going to assume that the new Clamato Energia energy drink is possibly the worst energy drink idea EVER.

Sure, it’s got the usual ginseng, guarana, and taurine found in other energy drinks, but the reconstituted tomato juice concentrate mixed with reconstituted dried clam broth in the Clamato itself makes it as appealing as combing the armpit hairs of a juiced up Eastern European female bodybuilder with a voice that sounds like James Earl Jones.

Of course, being the masochistic bastard that I am, I would totally try the Clamato Energia…and possibly comb the armpit hairs of an Eastern European female bodybuilder on steroids. Although I’m allergic to shellfish, so drinking one may cause me to get hives or pass out.

Perhaps one of the more frightening things about the Clamato Energia is the possibility that it might be a gateway drink to even worse beverages, such as anything that contestants on Fear Factor would drink for $50,000 or an O’Doul’s.

[Via:] TIB reader Poncho
[Site:] Clamato

Gatorade, Powerade, and now Accelerade.

Apparently everyone back in the day at Gatorade wasn’t drinking Gatorade to replenish their fluids, because their dehydration prevented them from realizing they should’ve patented the suffix -ade. They would be richer than they are right now, because they could’ve gotten some major royalties from the other -ades.

So what makes Accelerade different than the other -ades?

According to its website, it’s the first sports drink to contain carbohydrates and protein in a patented 4:1 ratio, which is just the right amount of protein to optimize the absorption of fluid. Patented, eh? It seems like Accelerade has been drinking the Accelerade.

The 4:1 ratio of carbs to protein may seem fine for dehydration, but such a high ratio of carbs might upset Dr. Atkins so much that he’ll release another Atkins diet book from beyond the grave, sort of like what Tupac has done with his last several albums.

Accelerade comes in four flavors: Citrus Grapefruit, Peach Mango, Fruit Punch and Mountain Berry. They’re available at participating 7-Eleven stores, but none of the 7-Elevens I buy my high fructose corn syrup-filled products from has them in stock.

[Site:] Accelerade

Remember when Palmolive dishwashing soap was advertised to soften hands while you did the dishes? That was pretty much the extent of multitasking dishwashing detergents. All the others were just one trick ponies, because they were only good for washing dishes.

However, that has changed a little thanks to the new Dawn Simple Pleasures, which has an air freshener in the base of the bottle to help keep your kitchen smelling fresh and grease fighting Dawn detergent on top to give your kids a chore to do to teach them about responsibility, while you sit on the couch and watch TV.

Waterproof beads in the bottom compartment release appealing scents that cover your bad cooking or the flatulence caused by your bad cooking. It comes in three scents: Apple & Pear, Water Lily & Jasmine, and Lemon & Tangerine

I could see the Dawn Simple Pleasures as a bachelor’s dream, covering the stank caused by a few weeks worth of dishes in the sink. Of course, the bachelor’s rule of dishwashing is, “If it don’t stink, just leave it in the sink.” But thanks to the Dawn Simple Pleasures and its stank covering abilities, the rule may not need apply anymore or it may need a slight rewrite.

Perhaps, “If your plates have roaches scuttlin’, then it’s time to do some scrubbin’.”

[Site:] Dawn