Category: Spotted on Shelves

Experts recommend that we drink at least eight glasses of water every day. Of course, drinking those eight glasses can help your complexion, aid weight loss, and at times, makes you think about wearing adult diapers to reduce the number of times you have to walk to the restroom each day.

Perhaps the hardest part about drinking eight glasses of water every day is the water itself. Water is the beverage equivalent of the CBS Evening News with Katie Couric — its content is very important, but it’s pretty boring.

Occasionally, I need to force myself to drink water, due to it being unexciting. When the situation arises, I like to think of water either as 7-Up without the carbonation and lemon-lime flavor; vodka without the fun, allergic reaction and blurted out secrets that I promised friends I would keep to myself; or tears from an angel.

I’m kind of exciting about the new PUR Flavor Options, which can possibly turn ordinary filtered tap water into something that’s the water equivalent of Canada’s Naked News — something different, refreshing and with a little bit of flavor. You can add as much or as little fruit flavor to your PUR filtered water with a push of a button.

PUR Flavor Options are available in a pitcher or faucet mount and comes in three flavors: raspberry, strawberry and peach. They contain no calories, sugars or dyes. PUR Flavor Options pitchers retail for $29.99, the faucet mounts at $49.99 and the flavor cartridges, which are sold in two-packs, retail for $9.99.

[Site:] Pur Flavor Options

I’ve never had a Clamato in my life, but I’m going to assume that the new Clamato Energia energy drink is possibly the worst energy drink idea EVER.

Sure, it’s got the usual ginseng, guarana, and taurine found in other energy drinks, but the reconstituted tomato juice concentrate mixed with reconstituted dried clam broth in the Clamato itself makes it as appealing as combing the armpit hairs of a juiced up Eastern European female bodybuilder with a voice that sounds like James Earl Jones.

Of course, being the masochistic bastard that I am, I would totally try the Clamato Energia…and possibly comb the armpit hairs of an Eastern European female bodybuilder on steroids. Although I’m allergic to shellfish, so drinking one may cause me to get hives or pass out.

Perhaps one of the more frightening things about the Clamato Energia is the possibility that it might be a gateway drink to even worse beverages, such as anything that contestants on Fear Factor would drink for $50,000 or an O’Doul’s.

[Via:] TIB reader Poncho
[Site:] Clamato

Gatorade, Powerade, and now Accelerade.

Apparently everyone back in the day at Gatorade wasn’t drinking Gatorade to replenish their fluids, because their dehydration prevented them from realizing they should’ve patented the suffix -ade. They would be richer than they are right now, because they could’ve gotten some major royalties from the other -ades.

So what makes Accelerade different than the other -ades?

According to its website, it’s the first sports drink to contain carbohydrates and protein in a patented 4:1 ratio, which is just the right amount of protein to optimize the absorption of fluid. Patented, eh? It seems like Accelerade has been drinking the Accelerade.

The 4:1 ratio of carbs to protein may seem fine for dehydration, but such a high ratio of carbs might upset Dr. Atkins so much that he’ll release another Atkins diet book from beyond the grave, sort of like what Tupac has done with his last several albums.

Accelerade comes in four flavors: Citrus Grapefruit, Peach Mango, Fruit Punch and Mountain Berry. They’re available at participating 7-Eleven stores, but none of the 7-Elevens I buy my high fructose corn syrup-filled products from has them in stock.

[Site:] Accelerade

Remember when Palmolive dishwashing soap was advertised to soften hands while you did the dishes? That was pretty much the extent of multitasking dishwashing detergents. All the others were just one trick ponies, because they were only good for washing dishes.

However, that has changed a little thanks to the new Dawn Simple Pleasures, which has an air freshener in the base of the bottle to help keep your kitchen smelling fresh and grease fighting Dawn detergent on top to give your kids a chore to do to teach them about responsibility, while you sit on the couch and watch TV.

Waterproof beads in the bottom compartment release appealing scents that cover your bad cooking or the flatulence caused by your bad cooking. It comes in three scents: Apple & Pear, Water Lily & Jasmine, and Lemon & Tangerine

I could see the Dawn Simple Pleasures as a bachelor’s dream, covering the stank caused by a few weeks worth of dishes in the sink. Of course, the bachelor’s rule of dishwashing is, “If it don’t stink, just leave it in the sink.” But thanks to the Dawn Simple Pleasures and its stank covering abilities, the rule may not need apply anymore or it may need a slight rewrite.

Perhaps, “If your plates have roaches scuttlin’, then it’s time to do some scrubbin’.”

[Site:] Dawn

Just like beer and film noir, soy milk is an acquired taste. Those who drink it, do so for a variety of reasons. Some drink it because their lactose intolerant. Others drink it for soy’s health benefits or because they’re vegan. I drink it because a carton of it makes me look cool at the grocery store and it helps balance my vodka consumption.

Perhaps the most popular brand of soy milk is Silk. Recently I noticed that they came out with Silk Plus Fiber and Silk Plus Omega-3 DHA, each of which provides extra health benefits along with the usual benefits of eating soy products. I’ll only focus on the Silk Plus Fiber because “Silk Soy Milk + Omega-3 DHA = Crazy Nutritious” doesn’t flow very well as blog post title.

According to studies that I wasn’t asked to be a part of, most Americans only consume about half of the 25 grams of fiber per day recommended. If I was asked to participate in those studies, I would’ve easily brought the curve down, because apparently there is very little fiber in potato chips, energy drinks, and glazed donuts.

Silk Plus Fiber contains five grams of fiber per 8-ounce serving. which is five times more than regular Silk Soy Milk. Fiber in your diet is important because it helps with digestion, has been shown to lower your cholesterol, and I read somewhere on the internet that it also helps keep vampires away.

Of course, if I wanted to, I could drink an entire half-gallon carton and consume 40 grams of fiber in one sitting with a funnel and some tubing. But my prior experience of eating too many prunes in an hour has taught me that it definitely wouldn’t be a good idea. Unless I enjoy lounging in my bathroom with my pants around my ankles for an extended period of time that ends up with me forced to look at the same Crate & Barrel catalog over and over again.

[Site:] Silk Soy Plus