The Impulsive Buy

REVIEW: Taco Bell Waffle Taco (Bacon and Sausage)

Marvo / April 2, 2014 / Reviews / 14 Comments

Let’s face it. The only thing most of you care about on Taco Bell’s breakfast menu is their Waffle Taco, because almost everything else consists of the same ingredients in a flour tortilla.

Begin sarcasm.

A flour tortilla taco with bacon, eggs, and cheese! Ooooh! A flour tortilla burrito with sausage, egg, and cheese! Wonderful! Sausage, egg, cheese, and hash browns wrapped in a flour tortilla! Whoa!

End sarcasm.

While Taco Bell’s Waffle Taco also contains scrambled eggs, cheese, and either bacon or sausage, it delivers them in something that is definitely not a flour tortilla — a five-inch round waffle that’s curved like a taco. And all of that comes in a container with the words, “Right now I’m eating a Waffle Taco and you’re not,” which, when holding the box in public, kind of makes me look like an asshole. Thanks, Taco Bell!

You have the option of having your Waffle Taco come with either bacon or a sausage patty. But if you also have the option of eating breakfast somewhere else, I’d take that option because both are horribly disappointing. But if you don’t have that third option, go for the sausage because it’s slightly better tasting than the bacon, which are chewy little bits of pork that have very little bacon flavor.

It’s really frustrating to see Taco Bell go the bacon bits route, but it’s even more frustrating that they didn’t go with a better bacon. Over the past few years, many of the big fast food chains have upgraded their bacon from chewy, almost flavorless slices that don’t deserve to be called bacon to thick, savory, and sometimes crispy slices of Applewood smoked bacon. Those fast food chains are at Bacon 2.0, while Taco Bell settled with Bacon 1.0.

As I mentioned earlier, the sausage patty is slightly better. But that advantage is similar to drowning and drowning while being circled by sharks. While it does spoon very nicely with the curved waffle, it’s not seasoned very well, allowing its flavor to be easily masked by the syrup, which comes in a container that looks small, but contains more than enough sticky stuff to dump on your breakfast taco. There’s nothing special about the syrup’s flavor; it’s just generic pancake syrup. However, I found that the more I used, the greater the number of napkins I needed. This might explain one of the reasons why it comes in a box, instead of a paper wrapper. I guess the box not only helps keep the waffle from laying flat, it’s also a syrup drip catcher.

One of the characteristics that makes a waffle a waffle is its crispy exterior, but this waffle is disappointingly floppy and soft, which Taco Bell will probably claim has never happened before, doesn’t know what’s wrong, and definitely thinks you’re sexy. But I guess it has to be floppy if it’s going to be folded like that. The eggs are fluffish, but are more bland than the bacon and sausage. A little butteriness would’ve helped. As for the cheese…yeah, that’s not going to make a difference.

For something that’s been tested for almost a year, I’m surprised by how bad these Taco Bell Waffle Tacos are. They’re supposed to hit your jaw with the 1-2 combo of sweet and savory, but it’s mostly sweet. Even without the syrup, the savory is seriously missing. I’ll admit, they don’t lack imagination, but they do lack flavor.

(Nutrition Facts – Bacon – 320 calories, 160 calories from fat, 18 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 110 milligrams of cholesterol, 670 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, and 13 grams of protein. Sausage – 370 calories, 210 calories from fat, 23 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 115 milligrams of cholesterol, 550 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, and 12 grams of protein. .)

Item: Taco Bell Waffle Taco (Bacon and Sausage)
Purchased Price: $2.79*
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Taco Bell
Rating: 3 out of 10 (Bacon)
Rating: 4 out of 10 (Sausage)
Pros: Most interesting item on the Taco Bell breakfast menu. Syrup container might be small, but there’s more than enough syrup for one waffle taco. Sausage version is slightly better than the bacon one.
Cons: Soft and floppy waffle; not crispy at all. Sausage and bacon have very little flavor. Eggs could’ve used some butteriness. Mostly sweet, very little savory. Box it comes in makes me feel like a douchebag. Messy.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Wendy’s Asian Cashew Chicken Salad

Kevin / April 1, 2014 / Reviews / 25 Comments

Ah, the fast food salad. Perfect for those on a diet and in a hurry and who aren’t very picky and are already at the restaurant with a group and don’t mind dropping some decent change on some lean meat and a handful of greens.

If you fall into that flower-like Venn diagram of compromise, it means you’ve probably made some questionable decisions in your life to get to this place (Or you’re just a mom with kids… which means you’ve definitely made some questionable decisions. Bam! Pow! Splat!). Anyway, Wendy’s wants your sad money, so they rolled out this new thing, the Asian Cashew Chicken Salad.

It’s topped with chicken, edamame, red bell peppers, cucumbers, cashews and *takes deep breath* Marzetti Simply Dressed Light Spicy Asian Chili Vinaigrette dressing *ends deep breath*. Woo whee. That dressing name is so long it looks like a Panic! at the Disco song title, or a Jaden Smith tweet. Plus, it comes in packets and you put it on yourself (Cardio for the day!). It has a light peanut-y balsamic flavor and an escalating spice that initially lets the rest of the ingredients breathe a bit.

The chicken is pretty good—standard grilled fast food chicken, salty and warm. The red bell peppers taste like red bell peppers. Cucumbers are cucumbers. The edamame has burnt spots, because it’s “fire roasted” but there is no roast flavor in them and they kind of sit there helping out a little bit, attempting to round out the taste. The various lettuce mix is fine, crunchy and cold. The pieces of cashew come in their own baggy, as to not get soggy.

Here is where things get difficult. A salad with so many “heavy” items as this one has the problem of construction. You dump your own dressing. You dump your own cashews. There are never enough cashews. Sometimes Wendy’s might slip you two packets of dressing. Sometimes one. Your mileage may vary. What if you put all the dressing in one corner of the salad? You’re screwed.

It’s tough to collect a bit of slippery soybean, lettuce, cashew and bell pepper in one bite on a plastic fork. When that happens, it’s a good salad. But that mostly does not happen. It would be a different story if all the ingredients were individually bright (they’re not), and if the dressing pulled all the components together into a unified front (it doesn’t). The dressing progressively gets spicier and the subtle peanut flavoring gets overpowered at a point, losing any semblance of depth. With all the fork dancing around the plate scooping up the toppings to make perfect bites, the second half of the meal is straight up spicy lettuce.

The Asian Cashew Chicken Salad is actually very low in calories, but also costs a pretty penny. You must be shelling out for that diet. Weird, some of the fattest people I know are Asian (E. Honda, Sammo Hung, Totoro). All in all, it’s not bad, but it’s not great either. But when the planets align and Hanukkah lands on Thanksgiving again, and we are put in a position of purchasing a fast food salad, it’s a solidly okay bet.

So this might be the best it gets as far as fast food salads go, Moms With Kids. Then one day your kids will be at Wendy’s 3000 ordering a Western Cashew Chicken Salad. (Ingredients are the same but Future China now owns the planet.) But maybe it doesn’t have to be this way. Break the cycle. Go with a Baconator and a side of chili next time. Enjoy your life. Love yourself.

(Nutrition Facts – Full Size – 380 calories, 120 calories from fat, 13 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 90 milligrams of cholesterol, 970 milligrams of sodium, 1130 milligrams of potassium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 18 grams of sugar, 6 grams of fiber, and 36 grams of protein.)

Item: Wendy’s Asian Cashew Chicken Salad
Purchased Price: $6.29
Size: Full size (half size available)
Purchased at: Wendy’s
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Chicken is decent. When all components are in one bite, tastes pretty good.
Cons: Hard to get even distribution with ingredients. Back half of meal is just spice in mouth. Pretty expensive.

Fast Food Wendy's

REVIEW: Sriracha Pringles (Walmart Exclusive Flavor)

Trevor / April 1, 2014 / Reviews / 11 Comments

I couldn’t tell you the last time I had Pringles. I used to munch on them quite a bit when I was younger, but once Baked Lay’s came out I was extremely loyal to them, and me and the ol’ Prings just drifted apart.

After Lay’s recently changed Baked Lay’s to the abominable Oven Baked Lay’s, my one true chip love was taken away from me. But now I was free, back on the chip market! Sorry Baked Lay’s, but you knew what this was…

When I caught wind of sriracha-flavored Pringles, it was the perfect chip rebound for me. Man do I love that rooster sauce. It’s spicy, but not too spicy, and it has nice tanginess with a hint of garlic. It really is a great sauce.

Before I could take the new chip plunge though, I had to get over a few Pringles-related issues of mine. First off, I don’t understand why they put so much effort into trying to be so rebellious and different by being in a tube instead of a bag. It’s kind of like those people who stop listening to an indie band once it is discovered by the masses. Secondly, their advertising campaign from the old days was full of lies. Once you pop you can’t stop? I can confidently say I popped and then willfully stopped many times in my youth. They’re just chips after all, not meth.

Sriracha was too much to turn down though, and I castaway my feelings and made the drive to Walmart – the only place they are sold – to pick up a can. The bad news about this is the closest Walmart is 30 minutes away. The good news is I found Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole in the five-dollar DVD bin. I didn’t even have to dig. It was right on top! Gotta appreciate the small miracles in life.

After finding the bargain of the year I made my way to the snacks section to grab the Pringles. I found them almost instantly, and this is because the odd dragon on the can really makes them stand out. What’s going on with this thing? It has three antennae or chopsticks or legs, I don’t know what the hell they are, but they protrude from the dragon and each one holds a chili pepper, a bottle of sriracha sauce and a sriracha-flavored Pringle, respectively. I wonder if a real dragon would carry those around? Odd indeed.

It looks like a Pokémon that didn’t make it past the drawing board. Srirachamon, go! I bet an intern at Nintendo drew it up, got laughed at and subsequently fired, and it was stored away until the people at Pringles somehow got their hands on it. Definitely wouldn’t have found a spot on my badass Pokémon roster.

I somehow got over my amazement with Srirachamon and popped open the can. Immediately I noticed there was no distinct smell of sriracha, and I got nervous Pringles had let me down again. This would not be the case at all. The chips do a surprisingly good job of capturing the sriracha essence and it comes pretty close to tasting like the actual sauce. It’s not spot on, but it’s close enough to where if you were blindfolded – by choice, hopefully – and ate one, you’d say, “Hey, that kind of tastes like sriracha.”

It’s not all kittens and rainbows though.

The flavor of the chip is solely dependent on how much powder is sprinkled on it. Some have hardly any, and they just taste like plain Pringles, which are just sort of bleah. While the sriracha flavor is good, there’s an almost instant vinegar aftertaste. It’s not terrible, but at the same time I wish the sriracha flavor would linger just a bit more. The other drawback is that if you sit down and eat 20 or 30 in a row like I did, some spiciness will remain upon your lips for a few minutes. Yes, I am being a bit of a nitpicking pansy with that last one, but damn it, it is an uncomfortable feeling!

If you’re a fellow sriracha fan, these are definitely worth trying. Not the greatest by any means, but not bad either.

Can we get back to the can for a minute? God I hate it! The more chips you eat, the harder it gets to reach down into the can to grab more. I mean, unless you have tiny hobbit hands, you have to tip the can down and wait for them to fall within your reach, and sometimes there are broken chips and crumbs fall out of the can and make a mess. It’s like the can is punishing me for being gluttonous. Yeah, Pringles cans are kind of jerks.

(Nutrition Facts – 15 crisps – 150 calories, 80 calories from fat, 9 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 280 milligrams of sodium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, 1 grams of protein, and 6% vitamin C.)

Item: Sriracha Pringles
Purchased Price: $1.50
Size: 5.96 oz.
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Chips did a good job of capturing sriracha flavor. Owls of Ga’Hoole DVD for five bucks. Learning to give second chances.
Cons: Flavor doesn’t linger long enough. Vinegary aftertaste. Srirachamon. Tube frustration. Spice lingers on my sensitive pansy lips.

Chips Pringles

ANNOUNCEMENT: Meet Impulsive Buy Writer Trevor

Trevor / April 1, 2014 / Announcement / 12 Comments

A few years ago, while sitting inattentively in one of the more boring college classes I took, I somehow happened upon The Impulsive Buy. I can’t remember the review that I read, but it made me laugh my ass off. Being in class I tried to stifle the laughter, but that just made me start to cry, prompting the teacher to ask if I was OK. In that awkward moment I told myself, “One day I’ll write for that site.” Well, that day has arrived.

I’m Trevor, and I’m honored to be the newest contributor to join the ranks of the TIB crew.

Some boring background on me: I grew up in Rochester, NY, where I lived for all of my life. I went to college in the area and graduated last year. I have my B.S. in journalism, and have written for a few newspapers and a magazine in the past.

I moved to the middle of nowhere in Missouri to take a reporting job at a weekly newspaper. It’s been quite the culture shock for me. Not just in moving away from everybody I know, but also leaving Wegmans, the greatest supermarket chain in the world behind. I now do my shopping at a combination of the local crapmarket (I can’t justify calling it super after shopping at Wegmans), Dollar General and the Walmart that’s 30 minutes outside of town. Suffice it to say, I’ve been humbled.

The silver lining in my relocation is the different fast food restaurants out here. I nearly fainted when I saw a Sonic Drive-In. There wasn’t one anywhere near where I lived in New York, but of course we were still shown the commercials everyday, resulting in quite a few cases of Sonic blue balls. Good thing I wont have to worry about that anymore! There’s also Hardee’s and Steak ‘n Shake, and I’m fully expecting to give into these new temptations regularly and gain some pounds while I’m out here.

Now for the fun stuff: I have a longtime fascination with Paul Bunyan, and this manifests itself in the form of lame jokes that I want to turn into a comic strip one day. I also want to make a graphic novel about the Gorton’s Fisherman, but I’m keeping that under wraps for a while. Spies and such, you know? Can’t be too careful these days.

I had my first pint of Ben & Jerry’s when I was in second grade, and I still cite the moment as when I lost my virginity. One of my favorite hobbies is having a few too many drinks and then binging on junk food and drunk texts. Damn my lack of self control.

Ice cream, fast food, and chips are the nexus of my snacking universe. I also enjoy trying meals you can easily pop in the oven or microwave. I cook a little bit myself, but I have OCD and a crippling fear of stove tops as a result, so I’m limited to grilling and baking.

Being a journalist, you, the TIB reader should be assured that I will ask the tough questions, and I plan on always getting to the bottom of things! Well, the bottom of the bags and cartons at least.

All that being said, I’m very much looking forward to reviewing some new products for you!

QUICK REVIEW: Nabisco Sea Salt Wheat Thins Popped

Marvo / April 1, 2014 / Reviews / 5 Comments

Purchased Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Size: 4.5 oz. bag
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: If you love the flavor and crunch of Popchips, you’ll enjoy these. Serving size (27 chips) is kind of crazy, but in a good way because you could mindlessly pop these in your mouth one after another and then stop yourself because you think you’ve overindulged, but then figure out you haven’t reached one serving yet. Low fat. Just 130 calories per serving.
Cons: If you’re hoping for the flavor of Wheat Thins, you’ll be disappointed; it tastes nothing like Wheat Thins. Tastes too much like potato Popchips (dried potatoes are the second ingredient listed). If I want Popchips, I’ll go buy some damn Popchips. Doesn’t have the hearty Wheat Thins crunch. Lacks the perfect square shape to make it possible to play Wheat Thins football with them.

Nutrition Facts: 27 chips – 130 calories, 25 calories from fat, 3 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 2 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 230 milligrams of sodium, 125 milligrams of potassium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 8% vitamin C, and 4% iron.

Crackers Wheat Thins