REVIEW: Cap’n Crunch’s Sprinkled Donut Crunch Cereal

Cap'n Crunch's Sprinkled Donut Crunch Cereal

I’ve never been one for conspiracy theories. But in the case of the abrupt discontinuation of one of cerealdom’s most flawlessly engineered constructs of sugar and corn, I’ve never been able to accept the company line anymore than most Americans buy that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone in 1963.

I speak, of course, of Sprinkle Spangles. Officially, any General Mills exec worth his 10 essential vitamins and minerals will dismiss the cereal’s dismissal to it having just run its course at the breakfast table. But, unofficially, whispers persist as to the real reasons why a cereal so great, so unquestionably yummy, was abruptly yanked off shelves.

Some say General Mills was threatened by government health officials who feared an escalation of childhood obesity; others claim wheat farmers cut off shipments to General Mills’ factories over fears the corn-based cereal sales would render their crops obsolete. Still other experts, namely me, have advanced that it was Dom DeLuise who sabotaged the cereal’s continuance.

Acting out because of selfish demands for more money as the cereal’s spokesman, DeLuise’s refusal to make more commercials left General Mills with no choice but to discontinue the cereal or risk the ire of the Hollywood backlash.

Whatever the real reason, we all suffered, and have never quite found a replacement.

Until now. Cap’n Crunch’s Sprinkled Donut Crunch is the proud successor to Sprinkle Spangles we have all waited for.

The aroma alone is almost ethereal, insofar as you might assign such a joyful and otherworldly adjective to a sprinkle coated oat and corn flour ring. More intense in confectionary goodness than even Post’s recent Sugar Cookie Pebbles, this smell makes me want to plunge my nostrils into the plastic sleeve and risk asphyxiation in the name of breakfast. Cooler minds prevailed, but just barely.

Cap'n Crunch's Sprinkled Donut Crunch Cereal Dry

Holding a single donut cereal piece in my finger and examining it with the kind of scrutiny usually reserved for rare diamonds, I’m impressed with the size of the donut rounds. These aren’t Cheerios; fatter, larger, and with that slightly fried texture that makes Waffle Crisp so addictive, the donuts have a heft and body to them usually not seen in ringed cereals. They’re also sprouting more sprinkles than a cupcake designed by an overzealous three-year-old baking prodigy.

Popping one of the pieces into my mouth, I allow the sweet taste to dissolve slowly. There’s definitely a strong note of Funfetti mixed with Birthday Cake Goldfish in each ring, but the flavor is aided by a none-too-cloying aftertaste of baked corn, oats and coconut oil that is unmistakably the taste of Cap’n Crunch. Crunching down, you’re met with the familiar shredding sensation that marks the original Cap’n Crunch, expect in this case, you’re also greeted by tiny explosive shards of pure confectionary firepower. Dare I use a nautical analogy in complete deference to ongoing controversy about the Cap’n’s actual naval accomplishments, but these sprinkles deliver a veritable broadside.

Cap'n Crunch's Sprinkled Donut Crunch Cereal Wet

Normally I would not advocate breeching the hull of the Cap’n’s vessel, but in this instance, taking on water milk only improves the cereal. Having misplaced the keys to my time machine I can’t compare the taste exactly to Sprinkle Spangles, but milk turns the sprinkles into a kind of donut glaze with just enough richness to make each spoonful seem downright dessertish. An especially telling byproduct of this glazed effect is that the milk slowly takes on multicolored form, with pools of red and green developing on the side of the bowl. Restraint isn’t easy, but should you find yourself willing to marinate the still crunchy donut rings in the milk for an extended period of time, you’ll find yourself rewarded with a flavor that echoes a barrage of donuts, snickerdoodles, and yes, our long lost Sprinkle Spangles.

Cap’n Crunch’s Sprinkled Donut Crunch is not, by any means, an accurate representation of a glazed and sprinkled donut. But you know what? Go grab a sprinkled donut from most stores and tell me it’s not better than just “pretty good.” The truth is this latest galleon in the Cap’n’s arsenal is so much more than its name alludes to, capturing the flavor of a bygone cereal and even improving on it. Whether you’ve been circumnavigating in vain for a replacement for Sprinkle Spangles, or charting a course towards a Cap’n Crunch flavor that does the classic taste justice, you’ll want to make Cap’n Crunch’s Sprinkled Donut Crunch the flagship cereal in your pantry.

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup – 110 calories, 10 calories from fat, 1 gram of fat, 1 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 200 milligrams of sodium, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 25 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 13 grams of sugars, and 1 gram of protein.)

Item: Cap’n Crunch’s Sprinkled Donut Crunch Cereal
Purchased Price: $3.00
Size: 17 oz. box
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Tastes just like Sprinkle Spangles, except better. Strong notes of Funfetti, snickerdoodle, and glazed donut with all the brown sugar corn and oat crunch of classic Cap’n Crunch. Leaves one of the most amazing end-milk experiences in cerealdom.
Cons: Not the strongest donut flavor. Cereal conspiracy theories. Overreliance on nautical and naval puns to stretch out a narrative that could be summed up as, “this is really freaking yummy.” Doesn’t contain Bavarian crème in the center.

SPOTTED ON SHELVES – 2/3/2014

Here are some interesting new and limited edition products found on store shelves by us and your fellow readers. If you’ve tried any of the products, share your thoughts about them in the comments.

Pepperidge Farm Honey Bun Goldfish Grahams

This flavor seems weird to me because aren’t graham crackers made with honey? (I’m too lazy to look it up on Google and too lazy to combine water with a hot cocoa packet.) (Spotted by Claire G at Target.)

Sara Lee Cookie & Cream Original Cream Cheesecake

Never mind the foreground. Look at the background. I just want to pick up that Sara Lee Cookies & Creme Original Cream Cheesecake like a burger and take a bite out of it. (Spotted by Dubba at Stop & Shop.)

TruMoo Limited Edition Chocolate Marshmallow Lowfat Milk

Want the laziest way to make hot cocoa with marshmallows? Here you go, person too lazy to combine hot water (or milk) with a hot cocoa packet. (Spotted by Lindsay at Family Fare.)

Kellogg's Special K Moments Indulgent Snack Bites

If I want to spend an intimate moment with an indulgent snack, I guarantee it won’t have the name “Special K” on them. I also guarantee some of that indulgent snack will end up on my clothes because I’ll get too intimate with it. (Spotted by Paul at Acme.)

Tastykake Baked Pies Limited Edition Cherry Cheesecake and Chocolate Lover's

These two look a lot more appetizing than this previous Tastykake Limited Edition Baked Pie. (Spotted by Paul at Acme.)

Thank you to all the photo contributors! If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new or limited edition product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email (theimpulsivebuy@gmail.com) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. If you do so, you might see your picture in our next Spotted on Shelves post.

SPOTTED ON SHELVES – 1/31/2014

Here are some interesting new and limited edition products found on store shelves by us and your fellow readers. If you’ve tried any of the products, share your thoughts about them in the comments.

Limited Edition Jelly Bean Trident Layers

If I want a chewy jelly bean-flavored thing, I’m pretty sure I’d eat jelly beans. (Spotted by Brittany at Target.)

Totino's Bold Limited Edition Buffalo Style Chicken Pizza

I’d like to see Totino’s be really bold and make a Party Pizza topped with their Pizza Rolls or an end crust that’s just Pizza Rolls. You’re welcome for the idea, Totino’s. (Spotted by Tori B at Walmart.)

Great American Cookies

I’ve never seen a Great American Cookies store. Are they great cookies? Also, I’d like to mention they have stores in Saudia Arabia, but not here on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. (Spotted by David at Walmart.)

Red Vines Fruit Vines Bites

Bites, eh? I guess I won’t be using these as soda straws or tying them into knots in my mouth using just my tongue. (Spotted by Michael at Schnucks.)

Lucky Charms Limited Edition 50 Magical Years Cereal

Lucky Charms cereal has been around for 50 straight years, and this limited edition Lucky Charms cereal with green clovers has been around for two straight years. (Spotted by Mike at Giant.)

Thank you to all the photo contributors! If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new or limited edition product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email (theimpulsivebuy@gmail.com) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. If you do so, you might see your picture in our next Spotted on Shelves post.

FAST FOOD FIVE – 1/30/2014

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Here are five recent fast food news bites:

Are you drunk right now? Well, tell your designated driver to go to Jack in the Box because they have two new Monster Tacos. (via Jack in the Box)

Spend the extra money for the meal with this sandwich, get a bag of Fritos, and make the sandwich Fritos-ier. (via Grub Grade)

To experience chicken and waffles, you could heat up Banquet frozen chicken and toast some Eggo waffles. Or you could do slightly better (or worse). (via Foodbeast)

I’m not impressed with this flower-shaped pizza to celebrate the Chinese New Year. It’s the Year of the Horse, so shouldn’t the pizza be shaped like one? (via Brand Eating)

Are your hands cold? You could put on gloves. Or you could put a Sonic Chili Cheese Pretzel Dog in both hands. (via Grub Grade)

REVIEW: Breyers Gelato Indulgences Raspberry Cheesecake

Breyers Gelato Indulgences Raspberry Cheesecake

“Gelato.” It’s a fun word to say. Go ahead, say it out loud. I don’t care if you’re at work. Everyone already thinks you’re a weirdo. Yep, that’s right, your paranoia is not unfounded. You know the way everyone stops talking when you enter the break room? That’s because they’re talking about you.

“Gelato” also sounds super fancy, like maybe I should put some pants on before I start eating this Breyers Gelato Indulgences Raspberry Cheesecake. In reality, though, gelato is just the Italian word for ice cream. It’s generally softer than your normal ice cream and, according to Wikipedia, “contains a relatively small amount of air. By statute, gelato in Italy must have at least 3.5% butterfat, with no upper limit established.”

No upper limit established, eh? I’m pretty sure 99 percent butterfat gelato wouldn’t go over so well with the general population, even in Italy. In fact, I’m grossing myself out just thinking about it, so let’s move on.

The lineup of Breyers new Gelato Indulgences includes Triple Chocolate, Vanilla Caramel and Tiramasu as well as my choice, Raspberry Cheesecake. I’m fond of all of these flavors, but there’s a special place in my heart for cheesecake, and an extra special place in my heart for cheesecake drizzled with berry-flavored syrup.

Given this, at least I didn’t have to stand in the frozen treats aisle for ten minutes trying to decide which flavor I wanted, which happens far more often than it should for the normal human being.

Breyers describes this flavor as “Cheesecake gelato with luscious raspberry sauce & gourmet graham crumble.” You do know how to make ice cream sound sexy, Breyers.

Breyers Gelato Indulgences Raspberry Cheesecake Closeup

I love that Breyers went through the trouble of making Raspberry Cheesecake look like an Indulgence even when I took the lid off. I’ve never seen an ice cream make an effort to look fancy when you take the lid off, as opposed to just the container. Just look at those swirls and crumbles. Beautiful.

Appearances can be deceiving, however. Fortunately, that was not the case here. The gelato was super smooth straight out of the freezer, which I love. I hate when I have to chip away at ice cream until it melts enough to get half a spoonful out, which has sometimes resulted in my spoon acting as a lever that flings a bit of ice cream halfway across the room.

The gelato also captured an authentic cheesecake flavor. It would have felt like something was missing without the raspberry swirls, though. The swirls of sauce were evenly spaced and ran right down to the bottom of the carton. The thick sauce had a delicious, rich raspberry taste that complimented the gelato perfectly. It reminded me of Knott’s Berry Farm syrup.

The one part where this Raspberry Cheesecake Gelato failed was in the graham cracker crumbles. They were rather definitively not gourmet. Unlike a good cheesecake, the crumbles were soggy, which makes sense given that they’d been sitting on top of ice cream, but still took away from the authentic cheesecake experience.

Furthermore, the crumbles you see are the crumbles you get – they look nice on top, but that’s the only place they are, so you’re not going to wind up with some in every bite. While they had a so-so graham cracker crust taste, they didn’t add much flavor or texture.

For Breyers Gelato Indulgences Raspberry Cheesecake, the real stars are the cheesecake gelato and the raspberry sauce swirls, which, frankly are the most important parts. The smooth texture of the gelato and the rich sauce that was there in every bite without being overwhelming complimented each other perfectly.

I can forgive the way the graham cracker crumbles pretty much disappeared, but the $5.49 retail price seems a bit steep to me. If I see it on sale in the future, however, I’ll definitely be picking this up again.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – 170 calories, 45 calories from fat, 5 grams of total fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of total carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 22 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein, 6% vitamin A, and 8% calcium.)

Item: Breyers Gelato Indulgences Raspberry Cheesecake
Purchased Price: $4.49 (on sale)
Size: 28.5 oz. carton
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Gelato has smooth texture right out of the freezer. Saying the word “gelato.” Raspberry swirls are rich and in every spoonful. Breyers took the time to make it look nice in the carton.
Cons: Graham cracker crumbles are soggy and only on top. Being right about your co-workers talking about you behind your back. Price is a little steep. Thinking about 99 percent butterfat gelato.