The Impulsive Buy

REVIEW: 7 Up Ten, A&W Root Beer Ten, Sunkist Ten

February 4, 2013February 13, 2023 Adam 40 Comments

According to basic high school chemistry, which I managed to somehow retain despite frequent non-approved nap breaks during 10th grade, a single gram of carbohydrates contains exactly four calories*.

*3.9 if you want to get all technical about it.

According to even simpler preschool math, I have also managed to remember (although in this case, I credit school-sponsored naps) one plus one equals two and four plus four equals eight. So with two grams of total carbohydrates, it’s perfectly reasonable to think the eight calories per can of the new 7 Up, and Sunkist low-calorie sodas would take on names like 7 Up Eight or Sunkist Eight. Likewise, you might think the folks at RootBeer.com would piggyback “Twelve” onto the end of the name for their new low calorie, three carbohydrate version of A&W Root Beer.

Except they didn’t, mostly on account of the FDA having this whole rounding thing going when it comes to calories, but also because saying you’re an “eight” is like wearing a pin that sports how moderately above average but not spectacular you are.

It makes sense when you think about it. I mean, when was the last time you bragged to your friends about scoring that “eight” at the bar or walked into an interview touting the fact that you earned the equivalent of a B- grade point average? Face it. An eight is like losing in the divisional round of the NFL playoffs. It’s not horrible, but nobody really cares or remembers. And 12? Don’t even get me started on 12. Hyperbole might be all well and good for cartoons, but when it comes to superlatives in my food, I can see right through that marketing fallacy.

So we’re left with rounding up on two new sodas and rounding down on one new soda to get us to the magic ten calories which give the new 7 Up Ten, Sunkist Ten, and A&W Ten sodas their names.

It’s not the first time a “Ten” soda has been released. Aside from their calorie (or lack thereof) content, the only thing the new flavors of “Ten” sodas have in common with the previously released Dr. Pepper Ten is that they’re owned by the same company. Otherwise, I would have pegged them as the last sodas to get an upgrade in flavor. Popular Coke or Pepsi products, or something otherwise legendary and iconic? I could see that. Who wouldn’t kill for a Cheerwine 10? But 7 Up, A&W, and Sunkist? This is like the cast of characters that come back for reality shows like Rachel Vs. Guy Celebrity Cooks. But considering this is the most play 7 Up has gotten since Spot Goes to Hollywood hit the Sega Saturn and the most love any flavor of orange soda has gotten since Kel Mitchell went all PG-13 on that bottle in All That, well, I guess it was time for something different.

I started with 7 Up Ten because that seemed like the soda that could be the least offensive of the three. Or as I like to say, boring. Go figure, boring is exactly how it tasted. It has your characteristic diet soda body in that it didn’t leave any syrupy sensation going down, and it lacked the “bite” or harshness which something like Sprite Zero or Diet Sierra Mist has. The carbonation meter on 7 Up is still on the wimpy side, while the taste lacks any zing or pizzazz or other onomatopoeic word you would use to describe soda. It’s terribly typical, and almost indiscernible from Diet 7 Up. I was not a fan.

Next, I moved on to Sunkist Ten because the taste of 7 Up Ten left me feeling pretty plain about my soda drinking and because I thought it would help my self-esteem to be kist by the orange sun of celestial citrus goodness. Of course, I’ve had Diet Sunkist plenty of times in my life and have found it to be about as dull and exciting as getting kist by a grey sun peeking through the fog on a cloudy day.

Sunkist Ten, for some reason completely unexplainable to me, has a much greater intensity and brighter orange flavor than Diet Sunkist, putting it closer to our image of an actual sun kisting you. The carbonation walks the line of being just enough to give you a few quiet burps but not enough to make embarrass you at the office lunch meeting, while the sharper flavor of the orange and citrus do a much better job at covering up the harsh aftertaste of aspartame. Quite frankly, it’s about damn time we got low calorie orange soda that didn’t suck, and would give me cause to consider why someone like Kel Mitchell would kist it back.

With two flavors of ten sodas down (that’s 16 calories, for those keeping track) I moved on to A&W Ten, which prides itself on having aged vanilla flavor. I’m going to have to take their word for it because I don’t think I’ve ever had aged vanilla before, unless you count the pint of nine-month expired Ben and Jerry’s I once bought at a thrift grocery store.

I thought the taste was a moderate improvement over regular Diet A&W, with the actual liquid having a bit more body and the vanilla and sassafras flavor coming across as sharper and better defined. It’s a good low calorie root beer, although it’s still not nearly as good as Barq’s Zero, which has a serious bite and no calories, but is only available through Coke Freestyle machines. I don’t think they sell those in 12-packs though, so I consider A&W Ten an acceptable substitute for the time being.

The cynic in me wants to back up the assertion that making sodas out of two of the most hated ingredients – high fructose corn syrup and aspartame – isn’t going to please anyone in the regular soda vs. diet soda debate, and if I was going off of 7 Up Ten alone, I’d probably just tell you to buy regular Diet 7 Up or 7 Up depending on your preference.

But as I lifelong diet soda drinker who occasionally dabbles in the empty sugar rush of HFCS-sweetened beverages, I can say there’s a real improvement of flavor and body in both Sunkist and A&W Ten that makes them highly preferable to their zero calorie predecessors.

(Nutrition Facts – 12 ounces – 7Up Ten – 10 calories, 0 grams of fat, 45 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of carbs, 2 grams of sugars, and 0 grams of protein. A&W Root Beer Ten – 10 calories, 0 grams of fat, 80 milligrams of sodium, 3 grams of carbs, 2 grams of sugars, and 0 grams of protein. Sunkist Ten – 10 calories, 0 grams of fat, 130 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of carbs, 2 grams of sugars, and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: 7 Up Ten, A&W Root Beer Ten, Sunkist Ten
Purchased Price: 25 cents each
Size: 12 ounce cans
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 3 out of 10 (7 Up Ten)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (A&W Ten)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Sunkist Ten)
Pros: Low calorie. Sunkist Ten is like being kist by the sun without the risk of skin cancer. Aged Vanilla in A&W Ten actually tastes more defined and sharper than in diet version. Busting out the Sega Saturn references. School sponsored naps.
Cons: None have heavy bite and carbonation that will get you through the first half of burping the alphabet. 7 Up Ten tastes just like Diet 7 Up. Contains a whole bunch of chemicals that the internet says will give me cancer. Still have Diet Soda body, and not the body you get from abstaining from regular soda, if you know what I mean.

SPOTTED ON SHELVES – 2/4/2013

February 4, 2013December 24, 2020 Marvo 4 Comments

Here are some interesting new and limited edition products found on store shelves by us and your fellow readers.

“No syrup needed!” I am not going to let a frozen food box tell me when syrup is needed or not needed. I am an adult. I am old enough to make my own choices. I am going to smother these Limited Edition Chocolatey Chocolate Chip Eggo Wafflers with Hershey’s syrup. I am also going to go into a sugar coma after, but again, I am an adult who made that horrible choice. (Spotted by Tracy at Target.)

If marshmallows are what it take to make a Kellogg’s “limited edition” cereal, then I look forward to Limited Edition Cocoa Puffs with Marshmallows, Limited Edition Frosted Flakes with Marshmallows, Limited Edition Corn Pops with Marshmallows, and Product 19 with Marshmallows. (Spotted by Cortney at Shoppers Food Warehouse.)

When Special K Pastry Crisps started popping up on shelves, we reviewed a few of the original flavors. Pastry Crisps can’t be put in a toaster, but I think of them as adult Pop-Tarts. Also, you’ll have to eat four of them to get roughly the same amount of calories, fat, and sugar as one Pop-Tart. (Spotted by Marvo at Target.)

I’m not so sure what’s so screamin’ about Yoplait’s Go-Gurt Twisted Screamin’ Green Apple. Does the screaming happen after I tell children they ate something healthy or after I tell them they’re eating green alien blood and red alien intestine? I’m going to be an awesome parent someday! (Spotted by Marvo at Target.)

Thank you to all the photo contributors! If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new or limited edition product on the shelf (or really unusual), snap a picture of it, and send us an email ([email protected]) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. If you do so, you might see your picture in our next Spotted on Shelves post.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Frosted Red Velvet Pop-Tarts

February 1, 2013August 14, 2023 Drew 16 Comments

Here’s your off-the-wall thought for today: if someone was making you a romantic mix CD (for our younger readers, ask your parents what those are), what song would absolutely have to be on it?

It’s not a trick question, and I don’t mean a cheerful, airy ballad. What tune gives you that weak-in-the-knees, smoldering feeling?

For me, I have to go with “Black Velvet” by Alannah Myles. It’s an unconventional choice — she’s not a particularly famous artist, and hell, the song isn’t even really about romance… it’s about missing Elvis. But damn, there’s just something about the twang of that guitar, the slow beat, and the way Myles kicks about fifty extra levels of sultry into her voice as she croons “what could you dooooo?” You can keep your Wicked Games and your Closers, thanks; I’ll take the homage to a dead Southern rocker.

And this is the point where you quite reasonably ask, “What on earth does any of this have to do with food?”

My only response is that we’re reviewing Red Velvet Pop-Tarts today, and I can no longer hear the word “velvet” without thinking of that song. (Makes coat shopping uncomfortable, let me tell you.) Also, nearly every single flavor of Pop-Tart has already been reviewed on this site and we’re kind of running out of intros; the next one will consist entirely of the phrase “All blog and no play makes our editor-in-chief something something” just typed over and over again.

But putting that aside, Red Velvet is the latest in Kellogg’s Pokemon-esque quest to capture every flavor known to man in tart form, then make them battle for supremacy. The front of the box has the standard picture of the Pop-Tart itself, but also one of a red velvet cupcake, the kind you might find in an upscale bakery or a pretentious grocery store. It’s pretty effective at making your mouth water, since both images look downright tasty and will probably sell more than a few units on visual impulse purchases alone. (Don’t laugh, that’s Maxim’s entire marketing strategy.) The package also emphasizes that these are limited edition, so depending on how they taste, it might be time to clear out your pantry and start stockpiling.

The Pop-Tarts come inside the standard foil wrappers with random sayings/”jokes” on them. Nothing particularly interesting there, although in keeping with the romance theme, I noticed one of the word balloons telling me I’m so easy to open up to, and another one just says “Oooooh. Ahhhhh. Yummm!” Keep it in your pants, Kellogg’s. Pressing ahead, opening a packet reveals fairly aesthetically appealing Pop-Tarts. Nothing spectacular, but the red sprinkles make it pop and it’s slightly neat seeing a rust-colored tart. Breaking one open reveals the white creme filling you’ve encountered before in so many of its pastry predecessors.

Which is all well and good, but at the end of the day, are you taking a first class flight to Flavortown? Well… somewhat. The creme filling and the frosting on top are the exact same as what you’ve had on plenty of other Pop-Tarts before; you already know whether you like it or not. In addition to visual appeal, the sprinkles actually do provide a little bit of added crunch, which is nice from a texture standpoint — nothing major, just the sort of minor element that can sometimes tip the scales in one direction or the other. Assuming you toast yours, the filling melts nicely and forms a nice soft contrast with the flaky shell.

But that leads me to my biggest disappointment: while these tarts are appropriately sweet and gooey, they just don’t deliver enough red velvet taste. I’m not a glutton for red velvet or anything (again: go black or go home), but if you’re going to make that the name of the pastry, you’ve gotta deliver the goods. The flavor isn’t completely absent; there are faint undertones that pop up here and there, like living right on the edge of a radio station’s broadcast radius. When it’s there, it’s nice, but a lot of the time you’re just eating a sugar and creme filling Pop-Tart. Still good, but not nearly as distinctive as it should be.

And that about sums it up. You may want to buy these if you’re a Pop-Tart completist, or if they simply look like the best of all the available options. I don’t think anyone who has a taste for toaster pastries is going to be disappointed in these; they taste good, as long as you’re willing to live with all the sugar and sodium. It’s just that there are far more distinct flavors available, and red velvet fans in particular are liable to judge these and find them wanting.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 pastry – 190 calories, 40 calories from fat, 4.5 grams of total fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 220 milligrams of sodium, 36 grams of total carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 16 grams of sugars, 2 grams of protein.)

Other Limited Edition Frosted Red Velvet Pop-Tarts reviews:
Foodette Reviews

Item: Limited Edition Frosted Red Velvet Pop-Tarts
Purchased Price: $2.79 (with BonusCard discount)
Size: 8 toaster pastries
Purchased at: Giant
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Mississippi in the middle of a dry spell. Among the more visually-interesting Pop-Tarts. Sprinkles + melty creme make for good texture. Hard to complain too hard about a taste that is, really, pretty good. Price is right.
Cons: n a flash he was gone, it happened so soon. Very faint red velvet taste. Foil wrappers coming on to me. You’ll forget these existed a month after eating them.

REVIEW: Jack in the Box Hot Mess Burger

January 31, 2013September 5, 2023 Marvo 19 Comments

Jack in the Box’s Hot Mess Burger is possibly the messiest fast food burger my hands and mouth have ever wrapped themselves around, so I guess Hot Mess is an appropriate name.

How messy was it?

Six napkins and a pair of shorts soaking in water messy. Unfortunately, the bag I brought it home in only had four napkins so my burger entrails covered hands had to scramble for more disposable cloths.

What makes this burger so messy?

It’s not the seasoned beef patty, deep fried onion rings, or sliced jalapeños. What was to blame for my excessive use of paper products was the greasy, toasted sourdough bread and the melted white cheddar and pepper jack cheeses.

To be more accurate, 90 percent of the mess was from the cheeses. The white cheddar and pepper jack didn’t appear to be slices placed on the burger. Instead they were more like a cheese sauce because as they sat on my burger they didn’t harden much and it oozed all over the place. It’s as if the person who made my sandwich thought it was a smothered chicken-fried steak or wanted my sandwich to look like it was throwing up cheese after I opened its wrapper.

But the cheeses weren’t there for just looks, they, surprisingly, provided a lot of flavor. In fact, I’ve never experienced a cheesy flavor level like this with a burger before. I’m not surprised Jack in the Box used white cheddar because it appears to be the new black. Burger King and McDonald’s have used the pale cheese in some of their recent burgers. As for the pepper jack, it’s hard to notice any flavor from the peppers in it because of the jalapeño.

Speaking of the jalapeño, if you love canned jalapeño peppers, then you’ll love how this burger tastes. When I peeled back the sourdough bun, it looked as if S.S. Jalapeño sank in the White Cheese Sea. There were so many peppers that, on the drive home from the restaurant, the bag that contained my Hot Mess Burger became a chili pepper air freshener, filling my car with the aroma of jalapeño. Every bite I took from this sandwich had at least a slice and they gave this burger a nice spicy kick and a lot of flavor.

The beef patty was tasty, but dry (which is par for the course). The onion rings, while a nice addition, were noticeable in only a few bites, but I’m fine with the Hot Mess Burger being mostly a cheese and jalapeño show.

Even though the Jack in the Box Hot Mess Burger was extremely messy and is quite unhealthy (which is expected), it’s so good that I think they should call it the Hot Mmmmess Burger.

(Nutrition Facts – 846 calories, 528 calories from fat, 59 grams of fat, 20 grams of saturated fat, 2 grams of trans fat, 108 milligrams of cholesterol, 1201 milligrams of sodium, 388 milligrams of potassium, 49 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 6 grams of sugar, and 34 grams of protein.)

Other Hot Mess Burger reviews:
Junk Food Betty
Man Reviews Food

Item: Jack in the Box Hot Mess Burger
Purchased Price: $4.99
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: A very fine Jack in the Box burger. Strong cheesy flavor. Lots of jalapeño slices. Has a fondue fountain’s worth of cheese. Toasted bun. Jalapeño bring lots of flavor and a bit of heat.
Cons: Very messy. Onion rings didn’t add a lot of flavor. Dry beef patty. Having my computer’s autocorrect automatically change every “jalapeno” to “jalapeño.” Has two grams of trans fat.

REVIEW: McDonald’s Steak & Egg Burrito

January 30, 2013February 13, 2023 Marvo 7 Comments

By bringing together steak and egg together into a burrito, it sounds like McDonald’s is stepping into undiscovered breakfast menu territory. But it turns out McDonald’s is the Christopher Columbus of fast food steak and egg burritos, while Jack in the Box, Sonic Drive-In, Del Taco, Carl’s Jr., and McDonald's Steak & Egg Burrito Closeup

Now with that said, the shredded beef was tender, each burrito had beef from end to end, and it had a nice meaty flavor. It’s not bad for something that’s not steak. However, what gave this burrito most of its flavor was the salsa roja, which was a nice tomatoey and slightly garlicky sauce with a little spicy kick.

Including American cheese, which is the same stuff you’d find in a Big Mac, was surprising, and perhaps pepper jack or cheddar would’ve been better, but the American cheese was fine. As for the scrambled eggs, they really didn’t have any noticeable flavor. All they seemed to do for this burrito was give it some girth and allow this small breakfast item to have a double protein punch.

As much as I ragged on the McDonald’s Steak & Egg Burrito in this review, it’s tasty enough that I would order it again, and I prefer it over McDonald’s Sausage Burrito. If you decide to try it, I’d recommend buying two to fill you up (or maybe order an oatmeal), because it really is quite small.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 burrito – 280 calories, 13 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 125 milligrams of cholesterol, 790 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of sugar, 1 gram of fiber, 15 grams of protein, 8% vitamin A, 15% calcium, and 10% iron.)

Item: McDonald’s Steak & Egg Burrito
Purchased Price: $3.59 (for two)
Size: N/A
Purchased at: McDonald’s
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Shredded beef has decent flavor. Salsa roja provides most of the flavor. Cheese, surprisingly, added flavor. A good source of protein. Lessons taught at the end of cartoons.
Cons: Its size makes a Taco Bell soft taco look bigger than it really is. Shredded beef isn’t really steak. Small. Awesome source of sodium. Eggs were almost flavorless. It’s more like a burito than a burrito. One isn’t filling.

Basic