The Impulsive Buy

REVIEW: Nestle Nesquik Chocolate Sandwich Cookies

Margaret / August 28, 2013 / Reviews / 5 Comments

Historians speak of a time when sandwich cookies didn’t exist. A time when T. rexes and carnivorous, boulder-sized iguanas scoured the land, all crazy-eyed and hungry to fill the five empty sugar chambers of their reptilian, soon-to-be-extinct hearts. I hypothesize the true reason for these animals’ disappearance was neither a comet nor a great flood, but the absence of a cookie and a cold glass of milk.

It is with this in mind that I become grateful to live in a time when cookie sandwiches not only exist, but seem to generate from some enchanted, dextrose-enhanced geyser in Yellowstone Park. With Oreo flinging Banana Split and Watermelon sandwiches all over the place, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that Nesquik’s taking the dive for the caboose of the cookie sandwich train, holding tight to the cabin car as it offers up these new double chocolate goods.

Upon ripping open my first bag, I was astonished to find that this is not just a tray of cookies, but 12 individually wrapped packs of cookies (I should’ve read the package’s front first), and, while Ziplocs and overpriced FoodSavers have made individual wrapping seem like no big thang, I can’t help but appreciate the gesture.

I like to cram cookies in my maw at my leisure, not under the unspoken pressure to shove them down before they become stale, tragic discs, and, as many know, for every moment after you open that big Family Pack of Oreos, those cookies get just a little less fresh. Here, the task of stale-prevention has not only been done for me, but all the text on the packets have been printed in English and Spanish, so I have the freedom learn some Spanish while scarfing cookies down, which is exactly what I’m gonna do now.

Hola, friendly, anthropomorphic bunny, Quiky! I am going to eat you!

One of the marks of a good sandwich cookie comes with the dynamic of The Twist. Do the cookies separate easily? Does one wafer come off clean? Or is it a wrestling match? Does it leave a slab of cream on one biscuit? Or does the cream just plunk off on to the floor? And these Nesquiks stood up to the test. While not performing the super smooth, Triple-Axel clean sweep that an Oreo might provide, the Nesquiks perform a fairly good separation, usually leaving a smidge of frosting on one biscuit while keeping a large chunk on the other. Some twists are more successful than others. Luckily, each pack, or “pacquet,” gives you four (yes, four) cookies to wrestle with, so, if one twist fails, you have the freedom to try, try again.

But at the end of the journey, The Twist stands secondary to The Taste, and, while not an Oreo, this little packet of cremed-up discs holds its own. The crunchy wafer harkens back to some distant hot chocolate mixed with a touch malt, while the thin layer of creme serves as a gritty, sugary, milk-chocolate version of palm oil goodness, a bit more chalky than the Oreo middles, but still a respectable representation in its own right.

Taken as a whole, the cookies are straight-up sweet cocoa and perfect for those who enjoy a subtle milk chocolate and malt flavors. Would I have liked more taste contrasts between the creme and cookie? Sure, but they fulfill my craving for midday milk chocolate and that’s good enough for me.

Having swept through three packs now, I’ll admit: these surprised me. In the mess of evaporated milks and hot chocolates, Ovaltines and Alba powders, I’ve often pushed Nesquik aside, leaving it as the forgotten, distant, frumpy, and chalky cousin to Hershey’s syrup. I say it’s high time I amend this loss, resurrect the Forgotten One in all its mild cocoa regalia and declare my love for it through this new cookie form. These sandwiches have taken the qualities of Nesquik powder (a milky, malty cocoa) and smooshed it into a cookie sandwich, and that is a noble deed.

While they may not be made from imported, single-sourced, organic 73 percent cocoa picked from the tree this morning, they’re just chocolate-y enough, leaving behind a whiff of that dusty, cheap cocoa that I’ve come to love/hate, and that is enough to keep me trundling back with eager, empty hands, needing nothing more than a glass of milk and a cookie to fill my grumbly stomach.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 pack/4 cookies – 160 calories, 50 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 50 milligrams of sodium, 0 milligrams of potassium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 13 grams of sugars, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Nestle Nesquik Chocolate Sandwich Cookies
Purchased Price: $2.98
Size: 1 box/12 packs
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: That distinct cheap cocoa taste. Crunchy biscuits. Good twist qualities. Generous gestures to prevent staleness. Learning Spanish and eating cookies at the same time. Reasons to eat anthropomorphic bunnies.
Cons: That distinct cheap cocoa taste. Chocolate flavor gets a bit one-note. Arguably thin creme layer. Grumbly stomachs. Carnivorous, boulder-sized iguanas.

SPOTTED ON SHELVES – 8/28/2013

Marvo / August 28, 2013 / Spotted on Shelves / 6 Comments

Here are some interesting new and limited edition products found on store shelves by us and your fellow readers. If you’ve tried any of the products, share your thoughts about them in the comments.

Target has two new exclusive flavors with music-themed names: Rockin’ Blondies and Peanut Butter Jam Session. I’m disappointed there isn’t a third musical flavor called I-Raisin Reggae Big Up. (Spotted by Lindsay at Target.)

I figure the Spotted posts should be like my actual diet and include salad once in a while. (Spotted by Sylvia at Ralph’s.)

If you think about it, Berry Affair and Coconut Love could also be stripper names. (Spotted by Sylvia at Target.)

If you think about it, Butterscotch and Banana Split could also be stripper names. (Spotted by Marvo at Safeway.)

Thank you to all the photo contributors! If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new or limited edition product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email (theimpulsivebuy@gmail.com) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. If you do so, you might see your picture in our next Spotted on Shelves post.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Smothered Burrito

Jeff / August 27, 2013 / Reviews / 22 Comments

Certain words repulse me and “smothered” is one of them. There’s pork chops smothered with onions; a mother smothering her child with kisses before she heads to school; a needy boyfriend who smothers his girlfriend; John smothers his father with a pillow so he can inherit the business…and now, Taco Bell’s Smothered Burrito. I don’t care how you use the word “smothered”, I hate the word.

Why couldn’t the product developers use Taco Bell-speak and call it a Mega-drencharrito or Hurricanarito complete with a limited edition Storm Surge High Pressure Front (or whatever they are calling it now) Mountain Dew? Ah but what do I know? I’m just a jerk who can scrawl a few words together.

I feel sorry for Taco Bell. With fast food being caught in the pretzel roll rage, what can they do to make their mark? And no, I doubt anyone is clamoring for a pretzel shell taco. Taco Bell’s solution is to take a burrito and drown it in delicious condiments as if it were on trial during the Salem witch hunts. Mmmmm….Salem witch hunts.

The burrito looks like a normal sized burrito which is relative depending who in the back makes it. I’ve had large ones, small ones and some that look like a malformed tumor. For arguments sake, let’s pretend it was a normal burrito we all picture in our minds.

Also, you get a choice of shredded chicken, seasoned beef or marinated thick cut steak. For whatever reason, the official website is really pushing the shredded chicken. I chose the seasoned beef because chicken is blandly ubiquitous and their steak makes me want to cry and punch golden retriever puppies in the face (not really but you get the point). You also get a plastic fork and napkins because you’re going to need them.

Initially, I was a bit queasy when I opened the lid because the scent combination of warm dairy from the sour cream and the vinegar’s acidic notes have the faint essence of vomit. It gets better, trust me. Way better.

The appearance reminded me of those 1970’s suburban mom casseroles that scream “It’s Mexican Night!!!” for dinner. A generous amount of cheese is dumped (not sprinkled) all over. Then to add a dash of faux-fancy, low fat sour cream is zig-zagged on top.

Secret: I’ll always love you Taco Bell but you’ll never be fancy to me. That’s why I love you.

Finally, the burrito sits in a well of the trademark tangy Taco Bell red sauce like a victim in a Brian De Palma movie.

The wet burrito (Wet-rrito) tastes so much better than it smells. Don’t worry, when you first cut into those layers of the burrito, the smell dissipates because that beef just overtakes it and whispers, “This is gonna be delicious.” It’s like bourbon, you just have to power through the oaky and woodsy notes some find unpleasant.

The first thing to hit my taste buds was the vinegary red sauce but it gives way to the rich beef and the smokiness of the creamy chipotle sauce. In addition, the Latin rice and beans add an earthy tone that’s needed to ground the deep flavors (Flavo-rrito!).

I don’t know what makes the rice Latin, but I’m not sure what any item in Taco Bell makes it Latin either. Who cares because the sauce the burrito is washed in tastes so good, it just lingers in the back of your throat well after you swallowed each bite. The burrito is complex in flavors, hefty, and has a dense texture.

But lest I forget, the melted cheese and the colder (not cold) creamy trails of sour cream really bring it all together. The cheese was actually stringy and had weight we are not normally accustomed to with Taco Bell’s melted cheeses (Melta-rrito!).

I’m aware it’s Taco Bell, but this burrito reminded me of honest home cooking. I was really shocked by how good it was. You know when you have to pee so badly and when you finally do, there’s that tingle that hits your tailbone? What I experienced with this burrito was the gastronomic equivalent sensation.

The only negative I can think of, besides the initial smell, is the strong vinegar lick of the red sauce. I loved it, but I’m the type that would drink Tabasco straight. Yet, I’m aware that the average person doesn’t have a strong penchant for it like I do. Oh, and if you’re health conscious (and why are you eating at Taco bell?), you may be floored that the sodium level is a gigantic 2,260 milligrams (Sodium-rrito!)

In the end, all we want is something that tastes good regardless of what it’s called. Taco Bell has achieved this. As much as I cannot stomach the word “smothered,” I’ll eat the hell out of a Taco Bell Smothered Burrito again.

(Nutritional facts – 710 calories, 35 grams of fat, 13 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 75 mg of cholesterol, 2260 mg of sodium, 70 grams of carbohydrates, 10 grams of dietary fiber, 4 grams of sugars, and 28 grams of protein.)

Other Taco Bell Smothered Burrito reviews:
Grub Grade
Brand Eating
Man Reviews Food

Item: Taco Bell Smothered Burrito
Purchased Price: $3.19
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Taco Bell
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: The red sauce, the melted cheese was stringy, the rich beef and the red sauce again. The texture of the burrito. The feeling when you finally go pee. The zig zags of sour cream. The earthy heady beans. Brian De Palma’s Mission: Impossible.
Cons: The initial smell of the burrito when you open the lid. Salem Witch Hunts. The red sauce may be too vinegary for some. The word “smothered.” Colossal sodium amount. Brian De Palma’s Mission to Mars.

Fast Food Taco Bell

ANNOUNCEMENT: The Nosh Show Episode 11

Marvo / August 26, 2013 / Announcement / 1 Comment

In this episode, Dubba goes crazy over Taco Bell Dessert Kits, I admit I’m a Yoplait Pumpkin Spice yogurt hater, Ryan won’t eat grapes that don’t taste like grapes, Eric eats chocolate that pops, and we all try SpaghettiOs CheeseburgerOs.

Links to many of the products and reviews we refer to in the episode can be found on The Nosh Show’s blog.

You can listen right now using the player below:

You can also download the episode, subscribe to the show on iTunes, subscribe on Stitcher Radio, or, if you want to listen in the podcast player of your choice, subscribe to the show’s feed. If you enjoy the show and subscribe to it on iTunes, we would greatly appreciate it if you took the time to rate us or write a review.

To rate or write a review, click this link, which will open The Nosh Show’s iTunes page in your browser. Then click the blue “View in iTunes” button, which will open iTunes (if you have it installed on your computer). Then click the “Ratings and Reviews” tab. There you can either click to rate or write a review.

Thanks for listening!

REVIEW: Ben & Jerry’s Peanut Butter Jam Session Ice Cream

Matt / August 26, 2013 / Reviews / 3 Comments

Peanut butter and jelly is the quintessential childhood favorite – a sandwich loved by all.

I love it, you love it, Jay-Z loves it. There’s no denying it: the peanut butter and jelly sandwich is more popular than a Princess Leia slave cosplayer at a Star Wars convention. Despite the sandwich’s apparent fame and esteem, surprisingly few people are aware of its origins. How exactly did PB&J come to be?

Late one night, fruit preserve salesman Barnabas B. Goobersworth broke into the laboratory of George Washington Carver. When Goobersworth refused to leave, the situation escalated. What began as a chase around the laboratory developed into a full-fledged food fight, with Goobersworth slinging jelly and Carver tossing peanut butter. After the fiasco, the laboratory was a complete mess. Unfortunately, Carver had forgotten to purchase paper towels at the local Walmart. As a result, he was forced to clean up the peanut butter and jelly debris using a loaf of white bread. The rest is history.

Okay, maybe that never happened, but sometimes history needs to be spiced up a bit. Contrary to popular belief, Napoleon wasn’t that short, Marco Polo didn’t actually bring back pasta from China, and John F. Kennedy never called himself a jelly donut. Shocking, right?

In fact, it seems George Washington Carver wasn’t even the first man to create peanut butter. Marcellus Gilmore Edson of Montreal, Quebec patented a technique to manufacture peanut paste way back in 1884, only twenty years after Carver was born. Those dang Canucks beat us again!

In 1998, ice cream behemoth Ben & Jerry’s decided to produce a Peanut Butter and Jelly flavor. It lasted but a single year on the market and now resides in the Ben & Jerry’s Flavor Graveyard in Waterbury, Vermont.

Nevertheless, Ben & Jerry’s is giving a peanut butter and fruit spread ice cream another go. Peanut Butter Jam Session features peanut butter ice cream with raspberry and crunchy peanut butter swirls. I picked up a carton at Target, where the flavor is being sold exclusively.

Ben & Jerry’s Peanut Butter Jam Session Ice Cream Top

In appearance, Ben & Jerry’s Peanut Butter Jam Session is a creamy, white color tinged with the swirls of light brown peanut butter and red raspberry. The ice cream carries the heavy scent of peanuts, but any presence of raspberry remains undetectable to the nose.

The white ice cream base provides a creamy, nutty flavor and houses the peanut butter and raspberry swirls. The swirls exquisitely complement the ice cream, providing for a delicate balance of sweet and nutty flavors that serve to tantalize the taste buds. Neither flavor manages to overwhelm the other.

The raspberry swirl offers a modest fruity quality to offset the creamy nuttiness of the peanut butter ice cream. The light berry taste pleases the palate with its sweet and toothsome tartness while not crossing over to achingly saccharine.

However, the true star of this ice cream is the “crunchy” peanut butter swirl. When I first tasted Peanut Butter Jam Session, I expected my taste buds to be hit with an all too familiar artificial peanut butter flavor — the kind frequently found in snacks such as Reese’s Cups and peanut butter Ritz Bits. Surprisingly, the peanut butter swirl presents a natural nutty taste without seeming too bold.

Texturally, the swirl is spot-on: the globs of crunchy peanut butter scattered throughout the ice cream introduce a slightly grainy consistency similar to chunky peanut butter. After consuming a bowl of Peanut Butter Jam Session, you will actually feel like you’ve recently eaten peanut butter.

In the past, I’ve experienced numerous Ben & Jerry’s varieties where the flavors contributed by the add-ins become drowned out by the richness of the ice cream base. Fortunately, the assortment of flavors housed inside a pint of Peanut Butter Jam Session can be experienced without hindrance, as no single flavor outdoes the others. The ice cream’s balance of nutty and sweet flavors has been executed with remarkable finesse, and I highly urge peanut butter fans to rush to their nearest Target to pick up a carton. I would happily purchase this flavor again.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – 270 calories, 160 calories from fat, 18 grams of total fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 110 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of total carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 19 grams of sugars, and 6 grams of protein.)

Other Ben & Jerry’s Peanut Butter Jam Session reviews:
On Second Scoop

Item: Ben & Jerry’s Peanut Butter Jam Session Ice Cream
Purchased Price: $3.84
Size: 1 pint
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Flavor swirls complement each other well. Balanced nuttiness and sweetness. Princess Leia slave cosplayers.
Cons: Goobersworth. Food fights in laboratories.

Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream