The Impulsive Buy

REVIEW: Burger King BK Bacon Burger

August 10, 2012September 4, 2023 Adam 12 Comments

Believe it or not, long before the days Burger King became Smoothie Queen and BBQ Pork Noble, the chain actually focused most of its attention on hamburgers. And, what’s more, that creepy looking, high-as-a-kite King mascot of theirs actually cooked up a few tasty options for a buck. The Whopper Jr., anyone? Or how can we forget the Buck Double. A meal for a King, these items were not. But when it came to the dollar menu hierarchy of the Fast Food Court, they commanded some high praise.

Flash forward to the Burger Renaissance. The feudal days of cheap, dollar-menu burgers have all but disappeared, with burgers from the Big Three blurring the definition between fast food and fast casual. A few holdovers still exist on the value menus, but with beef prices rising at staggering rates, the dawning of a new burger age seems to have all but triumphed over the cheap burger nostalgia of a decade ago.

Burger King’s new Bacon Burger looks to recapture some of that nostalgia, mostly at the expense of former $1 offering like the Single Stacker and the Whopper Jr., which at my local BK were priced at $1.19 and $1.49, respectively. At a buck, the new Bacon Burger ditches the cheese in favor of “naturally smoked thick-cut bacon” and “creamy mayonnaise.” Why don’t they just say it? Food prices are going up, so we’re cutting back. LIVE WITH IT.

The burger is nothing if not “value” sized, with your standard puny Whopper Jr. hamburger patty. The bun to burger ratio obviously favors the bun by a substantial margin, but what the puny patty lacks in girth it makes up for with taste. Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve always found Burger King’s flame-broiled patties to be beefier, sweeter, and just more satisfying than the likes of McDonald’s and Wendy’s, even when shrunken to Lunchables-sized portions. It’s that flame-grilled, sweet aftertaste which affords me to overlook the unfortunate laws of fast food value burgers, which, if you didn’t know, don’t exactly come at a temperature of your choice.

The beef might be good by fast food value standards, but problems abound. Let’s start with the mayo, which covers up that small patty and drowns out the flavor in an insipid cloud of white. Good God, what a worthless condiment!

Don’t get me wrong, it serves its place on a BLT and the like, but here it just manages to turn the otherwise soft and malty sesame seed bun to a soggy mess on the interior, in the process drowning out the salty-sweet-acidic kick you’d normally get from the ketchup.

The onion is almost nowhere to be found, and despite loudly proclaiming this as their “Bacon Burger,” the bacon comes up short. It’s not bad – smoky, crisp, admirably meaty by fast food standards – but it’s underrepresented. What appears to be two halves of a single small slice don’t give you the kind of diameter-spanning coverage you’d want in such a small burger, while the lack of chewy and grassy fat limits its flavor. And can we talk about why lettuce and tomato were left out of the party? You have bacon. You have mayo. Seems to make sense to me to add some relief from at least a little herbage.

I don’t know about you, but if you’re going to name something a Bacon Burger, I’d expect bacon to be exploding out of the damn thing, much like the horribly unrealistic promotional photo hung in the windows. That, or I’d expect you to go all Slater’s 50/50 on us.

Be that as it may, the BK Bacon Burger serves a purpose for cheapskates everywhere who cling to the idea of that American right of cow munching for just a buck. Likewise, for those of us who could care less for the worthlessness of a barely melted half of American cheese, it makes sense to take any bacon where you can get it. If anything is wrong with the BK Bacon Burger, it’s the fact that it’s an unfortunate reality of market forces, forcing the downsizing of the beefy goodness and smoky brilliance that otherwise could pass for a Hamburger with Bacon.

My suggestion for the cheapskate braving this brave new burger world? Nibble, and bring your own tomatoes.

(Nutrition Facts – Bacon Burger – 320 calories, 17 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 500 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of carbohydrates, 1 grams of fiber, 7 grams of sugar, and 14 grams of protein.)

Item: Burger King BK Bacon Burger
Purchased Price: $1.00
Size: 105 grams
Purchased at: Burger King, albeit, not in the Burger Castle
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Flame grilled burger taste on the cheap. Good beefy flavor. Surprisingly smoky and crisp bacon. Sesame Seed Bun lovage. Keeping the dollar menu memories alive.
Cons: Too much mayo overpowers small patty. Bacon lacks full burger coverage. Bun is too big for the beef, while lettuce and tomato would be nice. Economic reality. Missing the creepy King mascot.

NEWS: 5-Hour Energy Adds a Pink Lemonade Flavor and Gives Away Five Cents For Each One Sold

August 9, 2012August 14, 2023 Marvo

5-Hour Energy now has a pink lemonade flavor, joining berry, lemon-lime, orange, grape, and pomegranate.

Holy crap! I didn’t know there were that many 5-Hour Energy flavors. So if I wanted to stay up for 30 hours straight, I could do so drinking every flavor.

However, Pink Lemonade 5-Hour Energy isn’t just a new flavor, the kind folks that make the pick-me-up are donating five cents to the Avon Foundation for Women Breast Cancer Crusade for every bottle of Pink Lemonade 5-Hour Energy that’s sold. The minimum donation they’ll contribute is $75,000.

According to their TV commercial, 5-Hour Energy is used nine million times a week. So if one million of those were Pink Lemonade sales, that’s $50,000 per week. Donations from sales will be running from the beginning of October 2012 to the end of the year. So that’s $50,000 times 14 weeks, which equals…Ugh, I can’t focus and all this math is making my brain tired. I could sure use some 5-Hour Energy.

Source: Foodbeast

Image via flickr user mscaprikell / CC BY SA 2.0

REVIEW: Shaun White’s Mintacular Stride Gum

August 9, 2012December 24, 2020 Margaret 6 Comments

Public Service Announcement: a fever is creeping among us.

Its symptoms include staying up far to late with a box of Peanut Butter Crunch, biting at the bit to watch the landing of a back tuck into a needle kick with a full turn, and a spontaneous desire to trade one’s career path for one in a highly competitive world of a sport one has never tried (badminton, bobsledding, competitive handball…the list goes on). Sometimes, these idealistic visions result in actually pursuing said sport for a concentrated period of time. Reports say that attempts by those infected with the fever have resulted in strangers breaking into cartwheels on the sidewalk and poorly executed forehands on multiple tennis courts around the globe.

Yes, Olympic fever is among us and it races through the pulse of six continents (poor Antarctica…) every two-and-a-half years, mercilessly infecting the homes of millions and accounting for 73 percent of all trampoline-related accidents.

If you find yourself experiencing symptoms of Olympic fever, please know there is a cure. It involves a ratio of 87 percent hope, 12 percent time, and 1 percent mint.

Thus, it is with great relief that I find Stride bringing a new minty flavor (sponsored by an Olympian, no less) in our nation’s time of great need.

Mint can do spectacular things. I used to bring a pack of mints in to every standardized test to chew on during breaks between the math and literature sections. It unquestionably provided me with the endurance to fill in all those tiny bubbles and, thus, I credit mint for allowing me to pursue a solid 1/3 of my academic career. Supposedly, there are over 6,700 different species of mint, and Stride is hot on the trail in mint innovation, hoping to bring out the latest and greatest in its new Shaun-White-sponsored “Mintacular” flavor they’re pulling out in a few months.

As evidence by my stash of Costco-sized packs of Stride Spearmint 2.0, I believe that Stride can make a solid piece of gum, but what of this latest sorbitol-and-glycerin-infused innovation?

It’s a pleasant little white rectangle the color of the snow just before you race down the double black diamond at 84 miles per hour.

Now, to the chew test: prefaced with the name, “Mintacular,” I braced myself for a plunge of the sinuses, one of those overwhelming 10-second shocks of peppermint-infused pain that some gums hurtle upon the unsuspecting consumers only to rip the flavor away after 3 chews. I am grateful to announce that a) Mintacular lasts longer than three chews and b) doesn’t pull a merciless chimney sweep on the sinuses. (Thank you, Stride, for sparing my nostrils.)

Quite to my surprise, Mintacular’s mint is quite subtle, holding a similar taste to those little soft dinner mints that grandma would leave out on the counter after dinner. There’s even a bit of a bright (verging on fruity…is that a hint of watermelon?) spark that blends with the mint. If “Level of Mintiness” were on the same scale they use to measure snowboarding slopes, I would say this is an intermediate blue square (or red if one is using the European slope scales). The fruitiness can somewhat mask the mint qualities, which is a bit of a bummer for the mint-lover in my heart.

However, I’m thinking if I were skiing down a mountain, defying physics in sub-zero temperatures, perhaps this more subtle mint might be a good choice as I wouldn’t need a “cold burst of minty freshness” if I’m already clomping around in -2 degrees Fahrenheit weather. For my regular gum-chewing habits, it’s a bit too gentle on mint flavor, but I appreciate it for its unobtrusive nature. It’s quite akin to the experience of looking out on untouched snow as it falls from the sky at 6:00 a.m.

And it lasts a long time without tasting like a car tire. In the spirit of the gum’s Olympic sponsor, I chewed as I watched my Olympic coverage. The taste of this little bugger lasted through a full two gymnastic routines, a commercial break, at least two legs of the running trials, and a personal celebration dance. And fear not, avid chewer, for even after the flavor dwindles away like a cowboy into the sunset, you may chew on as this little noble piece of gum stays soft for a fair amount of time.

I have a fairly high standard of mint and Mintacular proved itself to be a pleasant contender, and, while it may not replace the ol’ reliable Spearmint, if Mintacular sticks around, I’m sure I’ll be chewing it as I witness Shaun White flip something amazing in the halfpipe.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 piece – less than 5 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 1 gram of carbohydrates, 1 gram of sugar alcohol, and less than 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Shaun White’s Mintacular Stride Gum
Purchased Price: $1.00
Size: 1 pack/14 sticks
Purchased at: A new products show
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Long chewing time. Doesn’t get rubbery. Sugar-free. Grandma’s bowl of after-dinner mints. Watching the Olympic Games. Looking out on untouched snow. Imagining yourself as an Olympic snowboarder with the wind whooshing in your face as you dart-and-weave through pines while trying not to crash into Sasquatch.
Cons: Melon flavor muddles the mint a bit too much. Antarctica has never competed in the Olympic Games. Trying to snowboard in -2 degrees Fahrenheit weather. Standardized tests.

REVIEW: Kellogg’s 2012 Team USA Cereal

August 8, 2012August 14, 2023 Adam 11 Comments

Ah breakfast. The most important meal of the day if you ask any medical professional, and the fuel that gives athletes around the world the competitive edge when competing in the 2012 Summer Olympics. Team USA, par usual, has been dominating this year’s London Olympics, with golden boy swimmer Michael Phelps taking center stage once again. And what, praytell, fuels Phelps’ dolphin like speed?

Funny you should ask, because according to a Google search, it’s actually three fried egg sandwiches, three chocolate chip pancakes, a five-egg omelette, three buttered and sugared pieces of French Toast, and a bowl of good old fashioned grits. It’s just step one in a 12,000 calorie day feeding frenzy that would make Great White Sharks feel bloated.

Of course, for someone like me, whose most celebrated athletic accomplishment is breaking an eight minute mile, Kellogg’s has introduced 2012 Team USA cereal.

Don’t be fooled by the multicolored loops. This is no Froot Loops knockoff or Apple Jacks wannabe. No, these are red, blue, and yellowish rings of these here United States and its athletic prowess. Taking a look at the Collector’s Edition box, one can’t help be swept up in a mural of amber waves while imagining the sweet, seductive smell of victory over the Russian women’s gymnastics team.

Maybe that’s how the cereal smells in London, but on my couch watching the Olympics, I’m instead struck by the unmistakable smell of slightly cardboardy and artificial vanilla flavor. Clearly, Team USA had a slow surge off the blocks.

But that’s okay, right? I mean, even the Dream Team fights it out with Lithuania, but eventually Coach K gets Kobe, Durant and the boys to lay the hammer down on the road to Gold. That’s it, I figure. The smell is just the pregame warm-ups. Wait ‘till the hand goes down into the box. Then we’ll get down to business.

Or maybe not.

The texture makes about as much of an impact on my taste buds as Nova Scotia makes in the sport of beach volleyball. That’s to say it hardly registers. The dry crunch is virtually nonexistent, while there’s no glazed coating to provide that crisp, Froot Loops-like sweetness. A mediocre and artificial vanilla flavor hovers in the background, but overall, the sweetness seems to lack any pop. I find myself wanting some kind of fat in the ingredient list to crisp up the cereal, and something other than plain old sugar to give the cereal sweetness.

Okay, so we’re clearly falling behind here, but Team USA always rallies. So it’s time to go back for one final try and reach down deep, this time with milk.

Ugh. The results aren’t any better. Milk just turns the already light cereal soggy in a hurry, and not in that good soggy way that Life cereal gets. Little, if any, sweetness is transferred to the milk, and while the vanilla flavor is more pronounced, who has ever bought a Froot Loops-looking cereal for Vanilla flavor, anyway? Michael Phelps, in all his calorie laden breakfast glory, would not approve.

If Team USA cereal was competing in the mythical (but currently patent pending) Cereal Olympics, it wouldn’t even qualify in the prelims. Actually, I’m not sure it would even be allowed to compete. Masquerading as Froot Loops in much the same way that the 2004 U.S. Men’s basketball team masqueraded as the Dream Team, Team USA cereal does American breakfast eaters a disservice. With arguably half the calories per box as Michael Phelps’ breakfast, I think it’s safe to say it’s not the breakfast of champions, and won’t be leading me to athletic glory anytime soon.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 cup – 110 calories, 5 calories from fat, 0.5 grams of fat, 0 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein)

Other Kellogg’s 2012 Team USA Cereal reviews:
Time for Cereal

Item: Kellogg’s 2012 Team USA Cereal
Purchased Price: $1.99 (on sale)
Size: 8-ounce box
Purchased at: Weis Markets
Rating: 3 out of 10
Pros: Collector’s Edition Box. Fun Olympic athlete trading cards on the back-of-the-box.Only 110 calories and nine grams of sugar per serving. Decent vanilla flavor in milk. Imagining all the crap I could eat if I had Michael Phelps’ calorie needs.
Cons: More disappointing than the 2004 USA Men’s basketball team. Lacks pop in sweetness. Smells like cardboard. No fruit flavor. Lackluster crunch. Leaves skim milk end-milk that tastes too much like Skim Milk

SPOTTED ON SHELVES – 8/8/2012

August 8, 2012December 24, 2020 Marvo 12 Comments

Here are some new products found on store shelves by us and your fellow readers. We may or may not review them, but we’d like to let you know what new items are popping up. We’ll also occasionally throw in an unusual product.

Only now Heinz has mayonnaise? I could’ve sworn I’ve eaten Heinz mayonnaise somewhere. Maybe it was in a dream? But then, why would the mayonnaise in my dream be so specific? Maybe my subconscious was trying to tell me something. Perhaps it was warning me that I may face a Heinz dilemma soon. Or maybe my subconscious was craving a chicken salad sandwich.

Yes, astute shopper, there’s already a frozen CPK White Pizza. Although, that one uses the crispy thin crust, which I’m not really a fan of. This one uses their restaurant style crust. Preparing it takes significantly less time than the wait time to get a table at a CPK restaurant during lunch and dinner time.

Usually, I’m excited about new products. Sometimes too excited, according to the strange looks on the faces of my fellow grocery shoppers. However, seasoned steamed Brussels sprouts that’s prepared in a microwaveable steamer bag that has the word “NEW” on it doesn’t at all excite me. I dislike Brussels sprouts that much.

I wonder if these Marie Callender’s Comfort Bakes warm me up by giving me a hug from the inside. The flavors Savory Chicken & Rice, Mac & Cheese, and Cheddar & Bacon Potato Bake sound like they could give me temporary comfort from life’s hurdles and then back to stress and sadness after I’ve eaten it all and licked the tray clean to prolong the comfort.

I really wish the bottle said, “Horny Goat Weed with Caca.” That would’ve been a more ridiculous name. What does horny goat weed do? The first word of its name says it all. What about the maca with it? It guess it makes one hornier. Personally, I don’t need an aphrodisiac. All it takes for me is a little bit of a bra strap and collarbone and I’m good to go. Thanks for the picture, Nancy!

If you’re out shopping and see a new product on the shelf (or really unusual), snap a picture of it, email it to us at [email protected] with “Spotted” in the subject line, and you might see it in our next Spotted on Shelves post.

Basic