The Impulsive Buy

REVIEW: Morningstar Farms Veggie Dogs

August 2, 2012August 12, 2023 Marvo 24 Comments

To ensure you don’t think of me as a devout carnivore, who shuns meatless products, I’m going to preface this review by saying I regularly buy Morningstar Farms products.

Whenever they go on sale, I buy their Meal Starter Grillers Recipe Crumbles to replace ground beef; I usually have a box of their BBQ Riblets in my freezer for those times when I’m too lazy to cook; and I regularly purchase the Costco-sized box of their Original Sausage Patties.

I’ve tried many Morningstar Farms products and they’re all decent or better. Oh, except for their veggie bacon, which is quite disgusting and haunts my taste buds every day.

So would Morningstar Farms’ new Veggie Dogs be a new favorite or something that will torment my taste buds for years?

Oh, should point out it seems weird the Morningstar Farms Veggie Dogs box proclaims, in large sans serif letters, these veggie dogs are new, because they’re not. Morningstar Farms Veggie Dogs were around for years and then disappeared from shelves for a long time, much to the dismay of many people.

But now they’re back, baby!

I know I tasted the original Morningstar Farms Veggie Dogs, but I don’t remember what they taste like. Maybe because they were so horrible that my brain has hidden the traumatic experience deep within my mind. Or maybe I forgot because my knowledge of 1990s hip-hop lyrics wrote over the memory. But after tasting these dogs, I think it’s definitely the latter because these veggie dogs don’t make me want to spit them out.

I guess the nicest word I could use to describe these veggie dogs is tolerable. I mean, what should I expect for something that has just 0.5 grams of fat. They look like hot dogs and have a meat-like flavor, but it’s a fraction of the flavor with regular hot dogs. However, with enough ketchup, mustard, and onions on it, with my eyes closed, and me repeatedly saying “yummy” with my mouth full, I think I could trick my mind into thinking it’s a decent hot dog.

However, they’re skinny and don’t have the same feel as a hot dog. A hot dog’s exterior coating doesn’t give as easily as these Morningstar Farms Veggie Dogs. Putting my fork through one of these dogs feels like putting a fork through unprepared SPAM. It’s a little off-putting, along with them looking like they have some kind of skin disorder.

Also, I would’ve been nice if they came in a pack of eight, like hot dog buns, but instead they came in an inconvenient pack of six.

I’ve had the misfortune of tasting two or three other brands of veggie dogs over the years. I don’t remember the brands, but just thinking of those veggie dogs make me a little nauseous because they were quite horrible. These Morningstar Farms Veggie Dogs are definitely better. But as someone who occasionally enjoys a Costco hot dog after buying a Costco-sized box of Morningstar Farms sausage patties, I can’t say they’re nearly as enjoyable as a regular hot dogs.

However, if you’re a vegetarian, you’ll probably enjoy them a lot more.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 link – 50 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 430 milligrams of sodium, 15 milligrams of potassium, 4 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, and 7 grams of protein.)

Item: Morningstar Farms Veggie Dogs
Purchased Price: $4.99 (on sale)
Size: 6 veggie dogs
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Best veggie dog I’ve had. Tolerable, especially if you pile on the ketchup, mustard, and onions. Didn’t want to spit them out. Only 0.5 grams of fat. 7 grams of protein. My ability to lip-sync with 90s hip-hop.
Cons: Skinny dogs. Box contains six veggie dogs, so if you buy a pack of hot dogs buns, you’ll have two extra. Don’t have the same feel as a hot dog. They look like they have a skin disorder. Morningstar Farms Veggie Bacon.

NEWS: Buying New Tortilla Popchips May Make Katy Perry Happy

August 2, 2012March 2, 2023 Marvo

You know how some people say they were into a band before they got popular?

Well, I was into Popchips before they got famous. I liked these heated, pressurized, and popped potato chips before the magazine articles and appearances on television. I was into them when they were hardly in any stores.

Look at Popchips now. They’re all chic, have Katy Perry to promote them, and have a new line of tortilla chips.

Yup, the pop-happy folks over at Popchips have figured out how to pop tortillas.

Tortilla Popchips come in four flavors — nacho cheese, ranch, salsa, and chili limon.

Like all other Popchips varieties they contain nothing artificial, have no trans fat, and are gluten free. A one-ounce serving of Tortilla Popchips has 120 calories, 4 grams of fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 190 or less milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, and 2 grams of protein. All flavors also have 190 or less milligrams of sodium per serving.

NEWS: New Yoplait Simplait Yogurt Is Redait To End Up In Your Tummait

August 2, 2012March 2, 2023 Marvo 8 Comments

Update: Click here to read our Yoplait Simplait Strawberry Yogurt review

Here’s the ingredients list for Yoplait’s Strawberry Yogurt: cultured pasteurized Grade A low fat milk, sugar, strawberries, modified corn starch, nonfat milk, Kosher gelatin, citric acid, tricalcium phosphate, colored with carmine, natural flavor, pectin, vitamin A acetate, and vitamin D3.

That’s 13 ingredients.

I don’t think that’s a lot, but Yoplait is cutting that number in half with their new Yoplait Simplait Yogurt. The new variety is made from a combination of six ingredients, which include cultured pasteurized grade A milk, fruit, sugar, corn starch, natural flavor and a vegetable or fruit juice or extract or pectin.

Yoplait Simplait will start appearing on store shelves this month and come in four flavors — strawberry, vanilla, peach, and blackberry. The six-ingredient yogurt will be available in six-ounce containers, have a suggested retail price of 90 cents, and provide seven grams of protein.

Seven grams?

So if I workout, maybe eating Yoplait Simplait will help make me sexait.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Donuts Oreo Vanilla Bean Coolatta

August 1, 2012August 29, 2023 Drew 6 Comments

So I’ve had cookies on my mind lately.

It started when I volunteered to review Dunkin’ Donuts’ latest summer creation, the Oreo Vanilla Bean Coolatta, which I’ve had at least four of in recent weeks. Then we brought Chips Ahoy! to my family reunion, always a massive affair thanks to my great-grandparents being really great at procreating. Finally, my wife had me watch Cookie Monster’s cover of “Call Me Maybe” because one of her old sorority sisters is a background dancer in it. Now every day I find myself humming, “Hey, me just met you, and this is crazy / But you got cookie, so share it maybe?” (On the plus side, he harmonizes better than Carly Rae Jepsen.)

As you might surmise from my multiple trips to the well, there are a lot of good things to say about the Oreo Coolatta. It’s always nice when I’m able to review something I was planning to try anyway, and this for sure qualifies. Non-coffee drinkers sometimes struggle to find something at DD to wash down a nice chocolate glazed, and the vanilla bean Coolatta was the answer to my prayers, so long as I don’t mind having the shakes for the rest of the day. Which I don’t. Still, I’ve always believed variety is the spice of life, as long as it’s an incredibly minor modification of something you already know you like. And I was pretty sure this would essentially be just a Vanilla Bean Coolatta with Oreo pieces mixed into it.

Which, as it turns out, is pretty much what it is. There are two new Coolatta varieties, Oreo Coffee Coolatta and Oreo Vanilla Bean Coolatta. I didn’t try the coffee variety, though one might infer that it would taste a bit like a mochaccino with a different, grittier kind of chocolate. But if you’ve ever had a standard Vanilla Bean Coolatta before, you have a pretty good idea what to expect, which is to say: pure awesomeness. They have (at least at the beginning) a great consistency, not too thick to slurp through the straw, but not so liquid-y that it’s like drinking a soda. Except in terms of sweetness, because damn. I know I joked about it earlier, but seriously, you need a hearty sweet tooth to enjoy this beverage. People content with an apple as their main sweet for the day need not apply.

So with the excellent Vanilla Bean Coolatta as its base, it was just a matter of making sure the addition of Oreo didn’t throw things out of whack, right? Potential problems might’ve included the Oreo pieces being too large to comfortably fit through the straw, leading to blockages or making the overall consistency too thick. But that wasn’t an issue — the Oreo bits, while easily visible, are small enough that the overall consistency remains the same.

The texture, however, is a bit grittier, as you’d expect. And the taste is understandably similar, though not identical. Still extremely sweet, but with that highly distinctive chocolate flavor that I’m struggling to describe other than “tastes like an Oreo.” It’s not quite as rich as an actual Oreo cookie, but it still makes the Coolatta a bit more nuanced than the regular Vanilla Bean variety. It also creates a distinct aftertaste, leaving you tasting the chocolate well after the vanilla bean has faded from your tongue.

I should clarify that I can’t say for a fact that this is just the standard Vanilla Bean Coolatta with Oreo bits in it. Oreos obviously have a creme filling too, and it’s possible DD has added a little of that creme to the vanilla base. I honestly can’t swear to it one way or the other, but if they have, it’s fairly subtle. Which should not in any way dissuade you from trying what has turned out to be one of this summer’s best treats. The price is a bit steep and it goes without saying you’re not allowed to drink one without an insulin IV, but you can’t quibble with the taste. Om nom nom!

(Nutrition Facts — 1 small Coolatta — 420 calories, 80 calories from fat, 9 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 230 milligrams of sodium, 88 grams of carbohydrates, 75 grams of sugar, 1 gram of fiber, and 3 grams of protein.)

Item: Dunkin’ Donuts Oreo Vanilla Bean Coolatta
Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: 16 fl. oz.
Purchased at: Dunkin’ Donuts
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Doesn’t taste like coffee. Oreo bits are just the right size. Chocolate is a nice addition but doesn’t overwhelm the beverage. Very minor variety. Let’s get skim milk flowing, we’ll start this snack going, baby.
Cons: A little pricey. Really, really, just crazy really sweet. Not nearly as enjoyable when it starts melting. Family reunions where they order about 8 mushroom pizzas and only one plain, like, WTFingF?

SPOTTED ON SHELVES – 8/1/2012

August 1, 2012December 24, 2020 Marvo 4 Comments

Here are some new products found on store shelves by us and your fellow readers. We may or may not review them, but we’d like to let you know what new items are popping up. We’ll also occasionally throw in an unusual product.

Oh yeah, 43 percent of our daily value of fiber! Fiber One Nutty Clusters & Almonds have a great nutty taste and if I eat too much, any sudden moves may make me accidentally fart in someone’s face. Forty-three percent may sound like a lot, but original Fiber One cereal provides 57 percent of our daily value of fiber. I really hope in my lifetime we see Fiber One break the 60 percent barrier.

Lean Cuisine Veggie Cuisine have been around for over six months, but only in select regions. I’ve been looking forward to trying them for the past six months, but they only showed up recently at my local Safeway. The fake meat used in the entrees are from a company called Gardein. I’ve tried some of Gardein’s products and I thought they were tasty, although they were also a bit pricey. These Lean Cuisine Veggie Cuisine entrees are also expensive. I hope they go on sale soon.

Simple Mornings? They probably won’t seem so simple if I’m trying to make them in the morning while getting ready for work. Along with Cinnamon Streusel, Simple Mornings also comes in Apple Cinnamon, Blueberry Streusel, Chocolate Chip, Triple Chocolate Chunk, and Wild Maine Blueberry.

Oooh, more meat-free frozen entrees from a company whose products I usually see next to the tofu at the supermarket and completely avoid. Along with the Bella Portabella Tuscan Chik’n and Amaz’n Asian Sesame Chik’n you see above, Lightlife also offers Ole Santa Fe Chik’n and Perfecto Penne Primavera with Meatless Crumbles.

It may be good for my prostate, but it sounds like it would be horrible for my taste buds. (Thanks for the photo, Canton!)

If you’re out shopping and see a new product on the shelf (or really unusual), snap a picture of it, email it to us at [email protected] with “Spotted” in the subject line, and you might see it in our next Spotted on Shelves post.

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