The Impulsive Buy

  • NEWS: Jack in the Box Rolls Out New Sourdough Cheesesteak Melt

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    If you live in Philadelphia, it’s easy to get a decent cheesesteak. But if you live in Philadelphia, it’s a bit harder to try Jack in the Box’s new Sourdough Cheesesteak Melt since there aren’t any locations in Pennsylvania and the closest one is in West Chester, Ohio.

    The new sandwich features thinly sliced steak, grilled onions, fire-roasted red and green pepper, melted cheese, and mayo onion sauce on Jack’s Sourdough bread. The Sourdough Cheesesteak Melt isn’t the first Jack in the Box cheesesteak sandwich, they made a Philly Cheesesteak in the 90s.

    The Jack in the Box Sourdough Cheesesteak Melt has 456 calories, 24 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 53 milligrams of cholesterol, 1385 milligrams of sodium, 39 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 6 grams of sugar, and 22 grams of protein.

    The sandwich is available for a limited time at participating restaurants.

    Here’s the commercial for the new sandwich.

  • NEWS: Pizza Hut Middle East Proves Once Again It’s More Awesome Than Pizza Hut USA With Kit Kat Pops and Stuffed Cone Crust Pizza

    Hey, Pizza Hut USA, I really enjoyed your Garlic Bread Pizza, but what have you done lately?

    Nothing.

    But your Middle Eastern counterpart has recently come up with some crazy shit. How crazy? How about a pizza with cones as the edge crust, each of which is stuffed with either cream cheese, honey mustard chicken, or chicken & cream cheese. They’ve also have Kit Kats wrapped in pizza dough. Heck, I wouldn’t be surprised if next month they introduced a pizza with Kit Kat stuffed crust.

    Come on, Pizza Hut USA! Grow some culinary balls!

  • REVIEW: Post Oreo O’s Cereal with Marshmallows (Korea)

    Post Oreo O’s Cereal with Marshmallows (Korean Edition)

    Sometimes, late at night, after I’ve had a really hard day and am in the mood for a good pity party, I get on the Internet and Google “Oreo O’s.”

    I don’t do it because I find the sight of ambiguously gendered marshmallow things performing synchronized swimming within milk to be aesthetically pleasing, nor do I Google the cereal because I hope to brush up on my Korean language skills.  Mostly, I Google it because reading comments about how much other peoples’ lives suck now that Oreo O’s has been discontinued makes me feel better about myself.

    So you can only imagine how I felt when Internet searches began yielding strange and life-changing news earlier this summer.  According to the bastion of all things verifiable and trusted (Wikipedia) Oreo O’s were going to come back into stores sometime in early August.

    Message board and Ask.com chatter — leaked, supposedly, from researchers in the the top secret skunkworks of cereal development known as Post — began appearing on a nightly basis, while videos were uploaded on YouTube to promote the supposed relaunch.

    Yet, like that whole 2011 apocalypse deal, the date came and went, and now, nearly two months later, I’m stuck eating regular Oreo’s and regular cereal instead of cereal that tastes like Oreos.

    Like I said, life sucks.

    Unless you live in Korea, where Oreo O’s are not only available, but apparently making life just totally freaking awesome for anyone lucky enough to get their hands on them. Fortunately, the holy grail of childhood cereal nostalgia and lost Saturday mornings — a box of Oreo O’s — arrived on my doorstep last week.

    Post Oreo O’s Cereal with Marshmallows (Korean Edition) Writing

    To a certain extent, I considered myself unworthy as I picked up the blue box with writing entirely in Korean. A serious cereal eater I may consider myself, but it shames me to say I can’t exactly remember if I ever had Oreo O’s before. I probably did at some point during those developmental years known as middle school, but thanks to a diet based almost exclusively around Golden Grahams and Cinnamon Toast Crunch, I really can’t remember.

    While it certainly detracts from my credibility, my relatively blank slate of completely unrealistic expectations does keep me somewhat objective. At the very least, it keeps me capable of opening the box without hyperventilating and going into cardiac arrest due to sheer excitement.

    Post Oreo O’s Cereal with Marshmallows (Korean Edition) Dry

    That sheer excitement kicked into full gear once I opened the box and took a whiff of pure, unadulterated Oreo smell (which I was able to confirm by also opening up a snack pack of Oreos I just so happened to have on hand for testing purposes.) The speckled rings had a solid crunch and cocoa heavy flavor only bolstered by a sweeter vanilla aftertaste which comes along with each bite.

    Post Oreo O’s Cereal with Marshmallows (Korean Edition) Side by Side

    Taking a handful of the rings and chucking them into my mouth, and then stepping back to bite into my actual Oreo, it occurred to be that this might actual be the kind of cereal which civilizations are founded on. Even the marshmallows, at first thought extraneous, have a vanilla flavor not completely dissimilar to Oreo cream, with their soft bite and slightly smooth mouthfeel doing an admirable job at filling in for said Oreo cream. Heck, if I was the kind of disgusting person who chewed up my food and swooshed it around in my mouth, I might even conclude, with authority, that the partially digested Oreo O’s cereal and an actual Oreo were one and the same.

    It’s at this point that I begin to develop a midbowl crisis. Realizing this may just be the best single cereal ever constructed by the wheels of food industry, it dawns on me that my life is going to suck once I get through this box and go back to having to eat Oreos and cereal separately.

    Post Oreo O’s Cereal with Marshmallows (Korean Edition) Wet

    I pondered moving to Korea, but luckily, the addition of milk to my bowl makes me rethink this location change. Great as it is plain, Oreo O’s is actually just above average in milk. It’s crunchier than I’d like, but mostly, it just fails to transfer its unique cookies and cream properties to the milk, making the end-milk slurp akin to a bellyflop into the kiddie pool.

    Does Oreo O’s taste like Oreos? Well, not exactly, but it tastes pretty damn close, as least much closer than Cookie Crisp tastes like an actual chocolate chip cookie or Apple Jacks tastes like an apple. The ironic – and truly heartbreaking – corollary is that both Cookie Crisp and Apple Jacks will never be discontinued, allowed to perpetuate in “kinda sorta but not really” taste equivalence while Oreo O’s may never come back to these golden shores. And that is more depressing than any long, tiring day at the office will ever be.

    2012-09-19 02.23.05

    (Nutrition Facts – 30 grams? – 119kcal, 1.9 grams of fat, 1.3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 115 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 12 grams of sugar, 1.5 grams of protein)

    Item: Post Oreo O’s Cereal with Marshmallows (Korea)
    Purchased Price: $13.98
    Size: 500 grams
    Purchased at: eBay
    Rating: 10 out of 10
    Pros: Tastes remarkably like an actual Oreo. Rings have good cocoa flavor and stay crunchy in milk. Chewed up and swooshed around in your mouth, might just be identical to an Oreo (hypothetically speaking) Presumably healthier for me than an actual Oreo. Bridging the cultural gap one one cereal bowl at a time.
    Cons: Unverifiable internet rumors that ruin peoples’ lives. Ambiguously gendered white things. Not available in America. Leaves average end-milk. Bellyflopping into the kiddie pool. Feeling crappier about myself than I did before. Not for twisters.

  • NEWS: OMG Campbell’s Tries To Appeal To Youngins LOL With Their Go Soup Pouches TTYL

    Campbell's Go! Soup - 3

    Soup is soooo uncool.

    Well, I don’t think so, but it appears that’s what Campbell’s thinks and it’s trying to change that with a new line of soups marketed to Millenials. The new soups are called Campbell’s Go and feature ingredients with fun names to say, like chorizo, quinoa, madras, gouda, poblano, and shiitake.

    The soup doesn’t come in an old fogey can, because that would be uncool. Instead it comes in a microwaveable pouch. So if you’re feeling particularly lazy, which is what Millenials have sometimes been called, you can eat it straight out of the pouch. Or you could heat it up on the stove like your grandma. Or you could heat it up like your great great great grandma did and do it over a fire.

    Campbell's Go! Soup - 1

    Campbell’s Go Soup comes in six fancy pancy flavors:

    Moroccan Style Chicken with Chickpeas – spicy chicken and whole chickpeas with vine-ripe tomatoes. An 8-ounce serving has 160 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 790 milligrams of sodium, 6 grams of fiber, and 13 grams of protein.

    Golden Lentil with Madras Curry – golden lentils, tomatoes, and savory spinach with spicy madras curry. A serving has 160 calories, 7 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 770 milligrams of sodium, 5 grams of fiber, and 4 grams of protein.

    Creamy Red Pepper with Smoked Gouda – Tomatoes and sweet, roasted red peppers with smokey gouda cheese. An 8-ounce serving has 220 calories, 15 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 780 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of fiber, and 6 grams of protein.

    Coconut Curry with Chicken & Shiitake Mushrooms – Chicken in a coconut curry broth with shiitake mushroom slices. A serving has 160 calories, 6 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 830 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of fiber, and 9 grams of protein.

    Chicken & Quinoa with Poblano Chilies – Chicken chunks and quinoa with poblano chilies. It has 160 calories 2 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 790 milligrams of sodium, 5 grams of fiber, and 12 grams of protein.

    Spicy Chorizo & Pulled Chicken with Black Beans – Chorizo slices, sweet corn, black beans, and pulled chicken. A serving has 210 calories, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 710 milligrams of sodium, 6 grams of fiber, and 11 grams of protein.

    Campbell's Go! Soup - 2

  • REVIEW: Taco Bell A.M. Crunchwrap (Bacon & Sausage)

    Taco Bell A.M. Crunchwrap

    There are many terrible things I am more likely to do before I ever again eat the latest addition to Taco Bell’s signature FirstMeal menu:

    Walk barefoot in an Irish bar on St. Patrick’s Day.

    Get some fillings when I don’t really have cavities, “just for the heck of it.”

    Watch Paranormal Activity by myself in an empty house and then leave the bedroom door open when I go to bed.

    Steal my boss’s corporate card to buy myself an expensive lunch and defiantly say it’s because “they owe me.”

    Accidentally swallow a goldfish.

    That is how little I enjoyed these pudgy little artery-cloggers they call the Taco Bell A.M. Crunchwraps. Speaking of which, let’s break down the title of this new breakfast item: “Taco Bell” – OK, so we know where we can buy this. “A.M.” – Only available in the morning. Check. “Crunchwrap” – Woah, now… slow your roll. There wasn’t anything crunchy inside these wraps. Just chewy, oily, and rubbery things.

    The A.M. Crunchwrap comes in two inexpensive, standard breakfast varieties, Bacon or Sausage. I tried both, and let me tell you that while the grilled flour tortilla is warm, toasty and crisp around the edges, the insides do not crunch. Both A.M. Crunchwraps come with the meat on top of a layer of scrambled eggs and cheese paired with a once-crispy hash brown. Unfortunately the hash brown patties inside of the two A.M. Crunchwraps I got were soggy with grease and excess moisture from being trapped in between a jacket of melted cheese and a flour tortilla, so what had probably been a nice, hot golden exterior was now golden mush. They get some points for even thinking of including hash browns though. It’s the idea of hash browns that counts.

    Taco Bell Bacon A.M. Crunchwrap

    That still isn’t the worst of it. Let’s talk specifically about the Bacon A.M. Crunchwrap. Contrary to my preconceived notions, there were no crisp, savory strips of bacon in this breakfast contraption, just bacon bits — the kind you’d probably find in a pre-packaged Cobb salad sold for $10.95 at the airport sandwich express counter right next to the case of SoBe and Evian. If Taco Bell were being really honest, they would’ve named this thing the “Bacon Bits A.M. Crunchwrap.” And if Taco Bell were being really, really honest, they would call it the “Chunks of Rubber A.M. Gushwrap.”

    The hash brown made everything excessively oily. The bacon bits were tough. I imagine ground-up eraser tips from #2 pencils would taste like those bacon bits. Furthermore, they were stuffed inside one corner of the wrap instead of sprinkled throughout, so when I sliced it in half, all the bacon bits spilled out onto the plate. I can’t imagine what would’ve happened if I had been eating this straight out of the wrapper. Best case scenario, I would’ve ended up with a final bite filled with nothing but bacon bits. Worst case, a shower of bacon bits on my lap. The decent flavor of the scrambled egg and cheese was the only factor that kept the Bacon A.M. Crunchwrap from being 100 percent garbage.

    Taco Bell Sausage A.M. Crunchwrap

    The good news is that the Sausage A.M. Crunchwrap is better. Not excellent, but better. The Sausage A.M. Crunchwrap is sufficiently savory. Ironically, it wasn’t dripping with grease like the Bacon one. I’d think that a thick sausage patty would be oozing with the slick stuff, but alas, no. The sausage patty inside the Sausage A.M. Crunchwrap was of a decent diameter, too, and it was thick — a nice meaty counterpart to the egg, cheese and fried potato inside the tortilla. It also had some heft and felt like more of a substantial meal than the Bacon A.M. Crunchwrap.

    The Sausage A.M. Crunchwrap seems like the final draft while the Bacon A.M. Crunchwrap was the shitty rough draft Taco Bell churned out in 30 minutes because they were working under deadline and hadn’t slept a wink after watching Paranormal Activity by themselves the night before.

    If you’re in the mood for something relatively cheap and quick that’s not the worst fast food breakfast you’ll ever eat, then the Sausage A.M. Crunchwrap is for you. But if you’re interested in flavor, texture and experiencing complete satisfaction with your breakfast, then why are you eating at Taco Bell?

    (Nutrition Facts – Bacon – 680 calories. Sausage – 720 calories.)

    Item: Taco Bell A.M. Crunchwrap (Bacon & Sausage)
    Purchased Price: $2.50
    Size: N/A
    Purchased at: Taco Bell
    Rating: 2 out of 10 (Bacon)
    Rating: 5 out of 10 (Sausage)
    Pros: Tortilla is warm and crisp around the edges. Sausage A.M. Crunchwrap has nice heft to it. Sausage patty is savory and thick. The idea of hash browns.
    Cons: Greasy. Bacon tastes like #2 pencil erasers. Something totally slamming that bedroom door shut in the middle of the night. Soggy hash browns.