SPOTTED ON SHELVES – 3/13/2012

Marvo 7 Comments

New products are released all the time and here are some we found on our most recent shopping trips. We may or may not review them, but we’d like to let you know what new items are popping up on store shelves.

Triscuit Dill on shelf

There’s a new Triscuit flavor and it’s called Dill Sea Salt & Olive Oil. Mmm…dill pickles. I looked all over the box and I couldn’t find the word Dill-icious anywhere. I am disappointed, Nabsico Packaging Copywriter! However, on the back of the box there were ideas on how to top these Triscuit crackers and the wines that would go well with them. Oooh, middle-class fancy. Junk Food Guy has a review of them.

Keebler Dark Chocolate Fudge Stripes on shelf

I grew up with the original Keebler Fudge Stripes. They were my third favorite cookie to eat while watching Tiny Toon Adventures, right behind Oreo and Chips Ahoy! Now they come in a Dark Chocolate variety that consists of a chocolate cookie dipped in dark chocolate and drizzled with dark fudge. They are probably hard to find if you drop them in a poorly lit room.

Smart Ones Waffles with Turkey sausage on shelf

Weight Watchers Smart Ones recently released a whole bunch of new frozen breakfast entrees. We reviewed their new Turkey Sausage English Muffin Sandwich, but there’s also Waffles and Turkey Sausage (shown above), Pancakes with Turkey Sausage, and Three Cheese Omelet. Also, according to the Smart Ones website there are two new lunch/dinner entrees: Chicken in Spicy Peanut Sauce and Chicken Mesquite.

Jimmy Dean Quesadilla on shelf

Jimmy Dean Delights Quesadilla on shelf

Jimmy Dean now has breakfast quesadillas and they come in a regular pork sausage version and a healthier Delights version that uses turkey sausage. How much healthier? Well, the regular Jimmy Dean Quesadilla has 290 calories, 16 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, and 550 milligrams of sodium, while the Delights version has 250 calories, 10 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, and 510 milligrams of sodium. The Delights version is better for you, but more importantly, Jimmy Dean has stopped calling their lite products D-Lights, which was a silly way to spell it.

Blue Bunny 24 Karat Carrot Cake on shelf

Blue Bunny I Do, I Do Wedding Cake on shelf

Blue Bunny has teamed up with Duff Goldman again and released two new ice cream flavors based on cakes: 24 Karat Carrot Cake and I Do, I Do Wedding Cake. 24 Karat Cake is made up of carrot cake flavored ice cream swirled with cream cheese frosting flavored ice cream and carrot cake pieces. I Do, I Do Wedding Cake consists of buttercream frosting flavored ice cream with white cake pieces and ribbons of raspberry sauce. I really hope the next flavor they come up with is fruitcake or one that taste like fondant.

Blue Bunny Cadbury Ice Cream Bars on shelf

Finally, Blue Bunny has also collaborated with Cadbury to come up with a line of ice cream bars. The Blue Bunny Cadbury bars come in four varieties: Double Chocolate, Vanilla Chocolate, Caramello, and Chocolate Almond. All varieties consist of reduced fat Blue Bunny ice cream and a thick Cadbury milk chocolaty coating. There are eight bars that, according to the packaging, come in a snack size. Snack size, really? So does that mean there’s a meal size as well?

If you’re out shopping and see a new product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, email it to us at [email protected], and you might see it in our next Spotted on Shelves post.

REVIEW: Mint Dark Chocolate M&M’s

Jeff 10 Comments

Mint Dark Chocolate M&M's

I should phone in this review like M&M’s phoned in these candies. When I hear dark chocolate and mint in the same sentence, I am thinking angels blowing into trumpets. This is followed by the confetti dropping, balloons floating and marching bands doing their rendition of the Utah Saints’ Mortal Kombat theme song, which is always terrible.

I have a penchant for both flavors and when combined, it is pure ecstasy. Some people hold peanut butter and chocolate as the most perfect union since Morrissey and Marr. Me? It is mint and chocolate.

Even though they are not dark chocolate, I have been known to hoard boxes of creamy Andes. Those foil wrapped miniature packages neatly lined in a row like files, the only candies that satiate my craving and OCD. I know I’m getting ahead of myself so let me slow down and explain. Mars (the company, not the planet continually invading us for all sorts of insipid reasons) brings us Mint M&M’s made with Dark Chocolate. I’m guessing “made” for Mars must mean “let’s pretend”.

The Coconut M&M’s are decent but the pretzel ones made me want to feed them to my neighbor’s yappy dogs that bark non-stop (shut up damn you!!!). I buy the dark chocolate peanut ones when I find them because those are chocolate heroin. So hit or miss, I’m always going to try any variety M&M’s releases. However, I may amend my decision after eating these.

You know that feeling when you’re in class or a meeting, and voices start to melt into a
numbing drone? The only thing keeping you awake is your urge to pee so you continue to drink that warm bottle of water for survival. You realize the notes you are scribbling are in reality a bunch of geometric shapes or stick figures doing dances (maybe something worse). Your daydreams start to lull the brain to shut down and take a nap. Well that is what happened to my taste buds when I ate these things.

That is correct, they passed out. As if they stole a couple of tabs of Ambien, my own taste buds freaking signed off and fell asleep. I swear I saw the old color pattern and heard the long tone when stations used to go off the air at night.

Are they bad? Are they good? Like my wife’s reaction to Giorgio Moroder’s version of “Metropolis”, indifferent. The M&M’s are neither minty enough nor bitter for my liking. They taste like the normal ones a half hour after you brushed your teeth and Listerined your mouth.

Mint Dark Chocolate M&M's Closeup

Upon biting the familiar candy shell, you are left tasting chocolate with a very limp mint flavor. The chocolate is a tad buttery which is normal for M&M’s but I could not detect any of the dark chocolate. The weakness of the mint is an understatement. The weakness of the dark chocolate is worse as it hardly makes its presence. The aftertaste is a strange sweet mint pastiness that remains there like an unwelcome guest that won’t go home already.

It’s like rebound sex after a crushing breakup or eating “Chinese” at Panda Express. It fills the need but will ultimately leave you dissatisfied. There were no rewards, no emotion, no enjoyment and worse, my desire for those flavors were still screaming at me.

“What happened?” my stomach asked.

“Shit if I know.” I whispered quietly to myself. “My tongue flatlined yo.”

“Yo?”

“Shuddap stupid stomach.”

“You both shut up!” screamed my kidney.

Annoying, the M&M’s are shades of dark and light green as if to remind me they were supposed to be minty. These didn’t suck if you love the normal M&M’s but if you wanted that clean and roasted flavor, you will be disappointed. I’m not sure if disappointed really expressed what I am going for. I think betrayed is more like it.

Speaking of betrayal, my wife likes them but agrees the dark chocolate seems to be missing. She thinks the mint is at an even level but I want somewhere near the vicinity of Junior Mints. Additionally, she dated and married me, so what does my wife know about taste?

I’m not going to go as far to say these are awful because they are not. What they are is misleading. You are better off chewing a piece of spearmint gum for a minute or crunching a peppermint hard candy and then eating some regular M&M’s. That seems more trouble than necessary, which is the overwhelming message I got from eating these, “Why bother?”

(Nutrition Facts – 1 pack (1.50 ounce bag) – 210 calories, 10 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 20 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 26 grams of sugars, and 2 grams of protein.)

Other Mint Dark Chocolate M&M’s:
Candyblog

Item: Mint Dark Chocolate M&M’s
Price: $1.29
Size: 1.50 ounce bag
Purchased: A Non-Descript 7-Eleven
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: That candy shell is still fun to bite into. The chocolate is buttery and slightly rich. Satisfying your mental quirks and cravings in one quick stroke. Finally peeing and shouting “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” after holding it for so long. Mars Attacks!
Cons: The mint is weak. The dark chocolate is weaker. Having conversations with your own organs. White Hen Pantry was gobbled up by 7-Eleven, booooo to corporate synergy. Ghosts of Mars.

NEWS: Bigger and Thicker Doritos Jacked Chips To Debut This Month

Marvo 8 Comments

Doritos Jacked on shelf

Update: Click here to read our Doritos JACKED review

Thank goodness the folks at Frito-Lay didn’t call their upcoming Doritos Jacked variety, Doritos Xtreme, because that would’ve been cliche. It would’ve been as cliche as me saying their new Doritos Jacked, which are 40 percent bigger in size and thickness than regular Doritos, are like regular Doritos on steroids.

The new thick variety of the triangular chips will come in two flavors: Enchilada Supreme and Smoky Chipotle BBQ.

Doritos Jacked will make their debut this week at the South by Southwest (SXSW) Conference in Austin, Texas, and will be available nationwide the week of March 26. The hefty chips will be available in three sizes: a 2.62 oz. bag for a suggested retail price of $1.09; a 3.375 oz. bag for a suggested retail price of $1.49 and a 10.5 oz. for a suggested retail price of $4.29.

REVIEW: Cheetos Crunchy Salsa Con Queso

Marvo 18 Comments

Cheetos Crunchy Salsa Con Queso

Cheetos Crunchy Salsa Con Queso es la mejor variedad de Cheetos!

Yes, I really do think Cheetos Crunchy Salsa Con Queso is the best variety of Cheetos I’ve ever had, and you should go buy some.

Now, I could just end the review right here, drop my wireless keyboard on the floor, and walk away with two Cheetos dust-covered fists in the air, but I have to elaborate because as I learned in high school debate, I can’t win an argument by only yelling, “I’m right, you’re wrong. So suck it!”

For those of you who didn’t take Spanish at any education level or don’t watch Dora the Explorer, “queso” is Spanish for “cheese,” “con” is Spanish for “with,” and “salsa” is Spanish for “salsa.”

If you’re not familiar with the different varieties of Cheetos, regular Cheetos Crunchy has a radioactive orange cheesy coating, while Cheetos Crunchy Flamin’ Hot has an evil red cheesy and spicy coating which makes the snack look as if the Devil used them as cotton swabs to clean his ears.

If you look at the closeup photo below, you’ll see these Cheetos Crunchy Salsa Con Queso look like they have a level of seasoning somewhere between the two. There’s some evil red flavoring, but it’s mostly harmless orange flavoring. Because of the dark red seasoning on these Cheetos, I thought they would be somewhat spicy, but they’re not. There’s a slight chile pepper heat to them, but if you hate the spicy, Cheetos Crunchy Salsa Con Queso plays nicely. (I’m sorry, that last sentence sounded better in my head.) At first, I was disappointed about its lack of spiciness, but the more I ate; the more I realized the heat would’ve overwhelmed the wonderful flavor of this crunchy snack.

Cheetos Crunchy Salsa Con Queso Closeup

I’ve never tasted salsa con queso, nor have I tasted the messy result of me with an open bottle of salsa in my hand tripping into someone else carrying a bowl of melted Velveeta who also tripped, leading to a “you’ve got salsa in my Velveeta and you’ve got Velveeta in my salsa” conversation, but if it tastes anything like these Cheetos Crunchy snacks, I’m going to have to clog my arteries by experiencing some real salsa con queso.

Cheetos Crunchy Salsa Con Queso’s flavor has a bit of everything Chester Cheetah is throwing into the bowl of low viscosity cheese on the packaging — tomatoes, chile peppers, and limes. Those three flavors are equally balanced and back up the cheesy flavor perfectly. They’re so good that they’re, by far, my favorite Cheetos variety, and I think, since Taco Bell and Frito-Lay have already put Fritos in a burrito and used Doritos as a taco shell, I’d like to see these Cheetos stuffed into a Gordita or Chalupa.

On the back of the bag it says, “Salsa Con Queso snacks, a flavor that will leave your taste buds begging for more,” and I have to agree with that statement. Even before I finished the first bag, I bought another. As a matter of fact, I’m eating that second bag right now as I type with just my right hand.

Oh dear, these Cheetos Crunchy Salsa Con Queso are so addictive that they’re forcing me to use my computer with only one hand. It’s as if I’m an internet porn addict.

Please take this bag away from me!

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce/21 pieces – 150 calories, 90 calories from fat, 10 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 220 milligrams of sodium, 13 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Cheetos Crunchy Salsa Con Queso
Price: $2.99 (on sale)
Size: 9.25 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Addictive. Balanced flavor of cheese, chile peppers, lime, and tomato. Crunchy. Would be nice in a Taco Bell menu item. Learning Spanish via Dora the Explorer.
Cons: Needs to come in a bigger bag. Perhaps too addictive. Typing with one hand because the other hand is covered in Cheetos dust. Contains MSG.