NEWS: Mashed Potato Burger From McDonald’s China Could Be A Knockoff of Another Country’s Burger

Marvo 2 Comments

There are companies in China that make cheap knockoffs of things like iPads, designer sunglasses, Nike shoes, and BMW automobiles. Copyright laws in China are…well, let’s just say copyright in China is copyallright. At first, I didn’t think the new McDonald’s China Mashed Potato Beef Burger sounded like a knockoff of another country’s burger, but after doing some research, it might just be.

Here in the United States Burger King had a burger topped with mashed potatoes and Burger King Taiwan had a burger called the Mashed Potato Beef Burger. Okay, so perhaps it’s not a knockoff of another country’s burger, but it is a knockoff of another company’s burger.

The McDonald’s China Mashed Potato Beef Burger is made up of two 100 percent beef patties, bacon, lettuce, some kind of sauce, and a layer of mashed potatoes. I’m lovin’ it…and I’m hatin’ it at the same time because we can’t get it here in the United States. If you happen to find yourself in China to buy a cheap iPad knockoff, a Mashed Potato Beef Burger will cost you 19.5 yuan (about three US dollars).

REVIEW: Yoplait Lactose Free 99% Fat Free Yogurt (Peach and Strawberry)

Stephanie 37 Comments

Yoplait Lactose Free 99% Fat Free Yogurt (Peach and Strawberry)

Being a hardcore fan takes dedication. It entails joining fan clubs, showing up whenever the thing you’re a fan of makes a public appearance, and devoting a huge portion of your week to enjoying whatever it is. Also a little bit of stalking. I believe the kids have created a delightful portmanteau for that kind of stalker fan: “Stan.”

But can one be a “stan” for a dairy product? I think I may qualify. I freaking love yogurt, man. I eat it every day. I have tried many brands, and I can say with confidence that I’ve settled on Yoplait as my brand of choice. Maybe it’s Yoplait’s high amount of sugar talking, but Yoplait is my jam. That’s not to say that fruit-flavored yogurts are my ultimate faves (see what I did there?) I have my old standbys: Vanilla, Boston Cream Pie, and Banana Cream Pie. These are the flavors that I can’t do without, the ones over which I will seriously get mad if my store hasn’t stocked them or if someone steals them from my fridge. And the stalking… Yes, I will do a drive-by of the dairy section just to see if my favorites are in stock, not even to buy them. I don’t leave scary notes declaring my love, but those little containers know what I’m thinking. They can see it in my steely, meaningful gaze of longing mixed with a touch of resentment.

Now Yoplait has provided a whole new product for me to obsess over by releasing lactose-free versions of the creamy goodness: Yoplait Lactose Free 99% Fat Free Yogurt. (Just in time for Lactose Intolerance Awareness Month! This is actually a thing. Can’t wait for the Hallmark product tie-ins… I’m thinking gassy teddy bears clutching milk bottles.) I’m not even sensitive to lactose, but I will buy this variety.

For now, Yoplait Lactose Free 99% Fat Free Yogurt only comes in Strawberry, Peach, Cherry, and French Vanilla flavors and not in delicious cake/pie flavors… but as a true stan, I don’t hate, I appreciate, and I will kick the faces of anyone who does otherwise. I decided to sample the Strawberry and Peach ones since those are the sweet flavors that got me through my toughest times in 3rd and 4th grade. OK, not really, but they were always on my after school snack list. Lactose Free Yoplait 99% Fat Free Yogurt boasts that it has 50 percent of your recommended daily value of calcium, so we’re off to a good start. Curious about the other ingredients, I read the label and saw that the only ingredients “not found in regular yogurt” were a lactase enzyme, Tricalcium phosphate and Vitamin D3. Interesting. It appears that the yogurt DOES have lactose, but it also contains an added enzyme to help break it down into nothing. But look, it’s a genius addition, and if anybody complains about it they’re just jealous. I’m going to have Vitamin D3 tattooed on my face so everyone will know I’m down with the Yoplait nutrients.

I was pleased to find that the enzyme did absolutely nothing to change the flavor of the Strawberry and Peach yogurts. Both were sweet and creamy and had a nice smooth texture. You seriously wouldn’t know whether you were eating regular yogurt or “lactose-free” yogurt if it weren’t for the stylish, bright green packaging that proudly proclaims the latter.

I’m sure all this is welcome news for those amongst us with lactose intolerance. Poor devils. Sure, alternative non-dairy yogurt exists — I’ve tried soy, but it’s just not the same. And it’s expensive. Those little beans can be so hard to milk. So now we have an alternative to the alternative. Works out fine because they’re just imitators of the Originator. And as the Yoplait stan that I am, it pains to me say that, price-wise, Yoplait Lactose Free is only slightly less expensive than the non-dairy brands. One thing to consider is that the label may have the word “Free” on it a lot, but the price is 90 cents, which is a little more than I’ve paid for regular or Light Yoplait yogurt in the past. On the bright side, if my insides decide they suddenly can’t process yogurt anymore then I’ll have a reason to keep living because there’s no replacing Yoplait. EVER.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 container (6 ounces) – Strawberry – 170 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 85 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 26 grams of sugar, 5 grams of protein, 15% vitamin A, 50% calcium, 50% vitamin D, and 4% iron. Peach – 170 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 85 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 26 grams of sugar, 5 grams of protein, 15% vitamin A, 50% calcium, 50% vitamin D, and 4% iron.)

Item: Yoplait Lactose Free 99% Fat Free Yogurt (Peach and Strawberry)
Price: 90 cents
Size: 6 ounces
Purchased at: Ralphs
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Peach)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Strawberry)

Pros: Yogurt stans. No lactose-related tummy aches. Provides 50% of recommended daily value of Calcium. Tastes like normal yogurt. Lactose Intolerance Awareness Month.
Cons: Gassy teddy bears. Stalking dairy. Slightly pricier than Yoplait Light and regular Yoplait. Lack of cake/pie flavors. Milking beans.

REVIEW: Jack in the Box BLT Cheeseburger

Marvo 3 Comments

Jack in the Box BLT Cheeseburger

To best describe Jack in the Box’s new BLT Cheeseburger, I’d like to use some of the lyrics from this Jack in the Box commercial.

First you take the Jumbo Jack with Cheese.
And then you add strips of bacon and take away the ketchup and onions.
Whaddya get?
BLT Cheeseburger! BLT Cheeseburger! BLT Cheeseburger!

Yes, the Jack in the Box BLT Cheeseburger is basically a baconized Jumbo Jack with Cheese. If you’ve never had the burger with the alliterated name because you’re hundreds of miles away from a Jack in the Box, let me break it down for you.

A Jumbo Jack with Cheese consists of a beef patty topped with lettuce, tomato, onions, pickles, ketchup, a slice of American cheese, and onion mayo in between a sesame seed bun. A BLT Cheeseburger is made up of a beef patty topped with lettuce, tomato, pickles, hickory-smoked bacon, a slice of American Cheese, and onion mayo in between a sesame seed bun. If there was such a thing as fast food DNA, I believe these two burgers would be brothers, sisters, brother and sister, or maybe first cousins.

Jack in the Box BLT Cheeseburger Closeup

One of the ways Jack in the Box has been promoting the burger is with their Marry Bacon website, which follows some dude named Neal who married bacon. Of course, the whole marrying bacon brings up several questions in my head.

How does a slice of bacon say “I do”? How does the stripper at the bachelorette party give a lap dance to a strip of bacon when it has no lap? How does a strip of bacon throw the bouquet? Does the bridal party consist of pigs or other strips of bacon? Where does a strip of bacon put a wedding garter? If the newlyweds vacation at a beach resort and go sunbathing, will the bacon shrink as it fries in the sun? Also, how does one consummate a marriage to bacon?

I’ll never know the answer to those questions, but I do know the answer to this question: Does the bacon in the BLT Cheeseburger make me want to marry bacon or, at least, fondle a BLT Cheeseburger whenever I’m at a Jack in the Box?

Maybe.

Jack in the Box BLT Cheeseburger Innards

Last year, Jack in the Box started using a different type of bacon and I have to say that it’s an improvement over the old stuff. And thank goodness it is because there’s a lot of bacon in this burger. It’s crispier and its flavor doesn’t get lost behind all the other ingredients, which means it actually makes a meaningful contribution to the flavor of the burger.

This new-ish bacon combined with Jack in the Box’s new beef patties that are seasoned while they cook make the BLT Cheeseburger a decent sandwich. Although, perhaps, the person who made my sandwich went a little overboard with the seasoning because it was awfully salty. The American cheese seems to be there just to keep the bacon from falling out of the burger, since it doesn’t provide much flavor. The pickles and tomatoes make up for the lame vegetation that is the chopped lettuce.

The Jack in the Box BLT Cheeseburger is a good burger, but it’s around only for a limited time. If you miss out, who knows when or if they’ll bring it back again. Although, if they don’t, you could just purchase a Jumbo Jack with Cheese and order it with bacon.

(Nutrition Facts – 649 calories, 326 calories from fat, 36 grams of fat, 15 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 100 milligrams of cholesterol, 1,658 milligrams of sodium, 520 milligrams of potassium, 42 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, and 37 grams of protein.)

Item: Jack in the Box BLT Cheeseburger
Price: $4.99
Size: Small combo
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Good. Better bacon. Better beef patties. Lots of bacon. American cheese keeps the bacon from falling out. Part of a decently priced combo.
Cons: It’s pretty much a baconized Jumbo Jack with Cheese. Lettuce is pale and falls out easily. A bit too salty. Marrying bacon.

NEWS: Ritz Crackerfuls To Be Filled With Peanut Butter and/or Chocolate

Marvo

IMG_1408

We’ve reviewed several Ritz Crackerfuls varieties over the past few years and they’ve all been filled with cheese. But Nabisco is stuffing their oversized Ritz crackers with something sweet instead of savory.

Ritz Crackerfuls will come in three new varieties: Peanut Butter, Peanut Butter & Chocolate, and Ritz Crackerfuls Big Stuff Extreme Peanut Butter, which has 75 percent more filling than the regular Peanut Butter Ritz Crackerfuls. Ooooh, 75 percent more peanut butter is sooooo “extreme.”

A pack of Peanut Butter Ritz Crackerfuls has 140 calories, 6 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 190 milligrams of sodium, 3 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein. A pack of Peanut Butter & Chocolate Ritz Crackerfuls has 140 calories, 6 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 160 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein. A pack of Extreme Peanut Butter has 180 calories, 9 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 220 milligrams of sodium, 4 grams of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.

*made with partially hydrogenated cottonseed oil

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Wildlicious Wild! Fruit Fusion Pop-Tarts

Jeff 6 Comments

Kellogg's Wildlicious Wild! Fruit Fusion Pop-Tarts

Pop-Tarts are just friggin’ weird. They resemble a tart as much as I look like actor Tom Cruise, or even pre/post-drug fiend Tom Sizemore. The pastry is exactly two ninety degree angles that form an exact rectangle scarier than the black monolith in Kubrick’s classic. Instead of being filled with stars, Dave, it is filled with jam, calories, carbohydrates and sodium. The frosting is shiny like nail polish and is harder than fondant. So yes, this is not health food but its shape does scream convenience.

You won’t find Pop-Tarts in a bakery. When you give them to a child, you can’t help but make the “sorry face.” All the cool kids have the Toaster Strudels but Pop-Tarts have persevered through all of it. These ubiquitous things have remained a part of our existence and I am sure when the Sun starts expanding in its death, the waters on Earth have dried up, all mammals have become pieces of tasty jerky, those Pop-Tarts are still going to survive. I know so.

And as weird as they are, like Tom Sizemore and his old drug habit, I have a strong compulsion to buy any new flavor of Pop-Tarts I see. I just have to. I don’t care if I get mostly disappointed when I eat them. I just need to have them now. It’s the same exact feeling I get when I buy supermarket sushi or when I watch German art films.

I habitually stop by the Pop-Tarts section when I go to down the cereal aisle. To my delight, I saw a box of Wildlicious Wild! Fruit Fusion Pop-Tarts. With a title like that, I was expecting this to rival the KY Jelly Fire and Ice. I could blame The Impulsive Buy and say I bought these because I am obligated to review them. In truth, I would have bought them anyway because I just need to.

From gumdrops to Sunkist, I love all things orange flavored. The fact there is an orange pictured amongst the fruits pictured on the box will probably be the closest thing I will ever get to a marmalade Pop-Tart. To be specific, there is a strawberry and cherry pictured as well. I’m assuming this is the fruit fusion which doesn’t seem that wild but it’s Pop-Tarts we’re talking about here.

Kellogg's Wildlicious Wild! Fruit Fusion Pop-Tarts Burnt

Amusing to me, the only fruits listed in the ingredients are cherries and apples. Even more fascinating are the instructions on how to toast your goodies. I’m not sure what it says about its target audience. They even have a diagram to emphasize how to toast these things. More depressing is what does this say about me? I had to toast another because I burned my first pastry.

I normally eat these untoasted but I will review these Pop-Tarts in both the raw and the cooked form.

Kellogg's Wildlicious Wild! Fruit Fusion Pop-Tarts Closeup

Unsheathing the treat out of its silver wrapper, it was a bit comical to me how vibrant the colors of the frosting were. It looked like someone slathered mustard on it and then zig zagged ketchup (in true 1950’s kitsch) all over the tart. This thing could double as Jem’s truly outrageous maxi-pad.

In the simplest form, without toasting, the crust is dry as expected. The frosting is the same vague sweet flavor that can be found on all Pop-Tarts with that unnatural sugar shell. The bite is surprisingly a bit tart and not overly sweet. I like it because it is not an abundance of immediate sugar that will numb your tongue.

The jam itself has a strong cherry flavor but I’m not sure if it overwhelmed the orange and strawberry. Not really a surprise since they aren’t listed in the ingredients. I ended up taking a couple more bites and only the tart cherry jam shines through. That is kind of disappointing but the fact that this (let’s face it, these things are really big cookies) is not as sweet as the other flavors is a plus.

Toasted, it smells like baked sugar but not in a welcoming bakery way. It’s just baked sugar. I hate that smell which is why I never toast them, but I’m also lazy. Texture wise, the frosting adds a nice crispness and the jam is even more intense. The taste is improved but not enough for me to bother toasting these things. I’m making a “lazy face” here.

Let’s be honest and come to an agreement that nobody really craves these things. There are better ways to spend 200 calories and the sodium is high enough to offset my blood pressure meds. I can’t tell you how many unfinished boxes of Pop-Tarts I have chucked out. I liked this one despite the repulsive color frosting but will probably not finish the box.

I would still make the “sorry face” if I had to give one to my little niece or any other kids looking for a snack. Yet, I (in a non-committal way) would eat these again as I made the “yeah, I know” face. So yeah reader, I know.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 pastry – 200 calories, 5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of Saturated fat, 2 grams if Polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 mg of cholesterol, 170 mg of sodium, 36 grams of carbohydrates, less than one gram of dietary fiber, 15 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein)

Item: Kellogg’s Wildlicious Wild! Fruit Fusion Pop-Tarts
Price: $1.99
Size: 14.1 ounces/8 toaster pastries
Purchased: Publix
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: The tart sweetness is a nice change. Easy to hold. Tom Sizemore in Heat. Tom Cruise in Collateral (Michael Mann is the man). Making faces. If you love cherry, you cannot go wrong. Toasting it has a nice texture. 2001: A Space Odyssey.
Cons: No orange flavor. Easy to burn if you’re a dummy like me. Crust is dry but that’s to be expected. Wild frosting does nothing for the Pop-Tart. The color is a bit gross looking. Tom Sizemore in that sex video. Tom Cruise in MI:2. Loaded with sodium, unless you love sodium! 2010: The Year We Make Contact.