REVIEW: Cinnabon Pecanbon Center of the Roll

Jasper 7 Comments

Cinnabon Pecanbon Center of the Roll

Ah, Cinnabon. You are the destroyer of diets, the widener of waistlines. You ought to be the adversary of ample alliterators like myself, and yet I have never gained an ounce of weight from your baked goods.

This is because I only eat Cinnabon in airports, and as everyone knows, airport calories don’t count. You get so stressed out from traveling and you have to burn so much extra energy to stop yourself from screaming at the little boy kicking your seat the entire flight that your body allows you to eat whatever you want, and everything still comes out even in the end. Airport calories are close relatives of “It’s finals week and I’ve done no reading all semester” calories, “I’m still at the office way past midnight” calories, and “I just had a breakup and have to eat my feelings” calories. Obviously, none of these calories should be held against you. This was all a very convoluted way of saying thank goodness I had to go to an airport this Thanksgiving break. Otherwise, we’d have no review of the Cinnabon Pecanbon Center of the Roll.
 
Cinnabon offers its new Center of the Roll (CotR from now on) in both classic and Pecanbon varieties, with pecans and caramel added to the latter. Given that the company website describes the CotR as just “the ooey, gooey middle” of a Classic Roll, I had been expecting something the size and shape of a Minibon but with a gooier texture. What I got was… well, it was sort of hard to say what I got at first, as everything had been placed in a big cup and drenched in cream cheese frosting. It seems like they split up the inner layers of a Classic Roll, cut the layers into slightly smaller chunks, and just put a handful of chunks into each cup. The separated nature of the CotR allows the cream cheese frosting to drip naturally through the cracks and get on each individual piece, sparing the eater of having to make the difficult decision of whether to ration the frosting on top or splurge on the extra cup of frosting. (Hint: in that situation, always go with the extra cup. It’s only 99 cents more, and you’re already eating a Cinnabon. As the proverb goes, “in for a penny, in for a pound.”)
 
And yes, the CotR actually does seem to be from the center of the roll.  At the very least, the pieces are too soft to be from the outside of the roll, and the sponginess of the chunks plays really well with the crunchiness of the pecans. The caramel, however, was rather disappointing. There was enough caramel to change the color of the frosting noticeably, yet I could barely catch any hint of its flavor. Upon further review, I suppose it’s not the caramel’s fault. My expectations of its effect were just unrealistic, and the Cinnabon product designer’s intentions are unclear. The cream cheese frosting is so tasty because it adds a tartness that melds with and subdues what is otherwise an onslaught of total sweetness. Caramel is by definition just melted sugar, so to expect it to stand out would be plain silly. The Superman that is the frosting already has super-speed/sugar; why would you bother inviting caramel-as-The Flash to join the Cinnabon’s Justice League? Wow, that analogy was much less terrible in my head, but at least now you can check “comic book reference” off your TIB Bingo Card.
 
All things considered, I really enjoyed the Pecanbon Center of the Roll, and I appreciate Cinnabon’s efforts to introduce new items without straying too far from their core products. If you’re a Cinnabon fan to begin with, make sure to try one the next time you’re at an airport. Even if your body doesn’t believe in the airport calorie theory, I’m sure it’ll agree that “What that TSA agent just did to me might mean we’re married in some religions and I really need to eat something” calories should get a free pass.
 
(Nutrition Facts – Not available on website)

Item: Cinnabon Pecanbon Center of the Roll
Price: $3.49
Size: one cup
Purchased at: Cinnabon (in an airport)
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Frosting on every piece. Gooier than regular whole Cinnabon. Crunchiness of the pecans. Alliteration. Airport calories not counting. Always getting the extra cup of frosting. TIB Bingo.
Cons: Caramel is unnecessary. Airport calories might actually count. Analogies that seem better in your head. New TSA regulations.

ANNOUNCEMENT: New Impulsive Buy Reviewer Jasper

Jasper 8 Comments

Hello readers! I’m Jasper, one of The Impulsive Buy’s new reviewers. I’ll have to keep this introduction short, since I wrote this on Taco Tuesday and I hate typing while sitting on the toilet. “Whoa, a poop joke in his very first paragraph,” you just gasped. Yeah, that’s right. I plan on being a real high-brow writer, so you better get used to it.

I’m fresh out of college and living in Boston, though I spent my first 18 years in New Jersey. (Yes, I do use a lot of hair gel; no, I’ve never worn sunglasses at night.) Food has always been very important to me, and I’ve always been something of an overeater. I distinctly remember being 6 years old, inhaling one too many ribs at the local Sizzler, and throwing up on the welcome mat on the way out. To be honest, things haven’t really changed over the years: my final semester, I left an exam two hours early because the dining halls were serving a limited number of hand-breaded chicken tenders for only the second day all year, and hell if I was going to prioritize graduating on schedule over gorging myself on those delicious tenders one last time.

But just because I value quantity doesn’t mean I’m unable to recognize quality. On the contrary, I’ve developed a pretty discerning palate thanks to a huge appetite that has allowed me to try both a large amount and a wide variety of foods. If a product tastes terrible, I’ll be able to tell you as much. It’s just that I’ll probably eat the rest of the bag/bowl/box anyway.

In terms of my prose, my only recent experience with “humor” writing has involved spending way too much time crafting hilarious jokes for emails that people probably barely glanced at. Needless to say, I’m very happy to have a bigger platform and hopefully a more attentive audience. I’ll strive to dazzle and delight you, though a more realistic goal would be to keep you occupied for at least a couple minutes after you’ve played all of today’s Sporcle quizzes.

It’s been a pleasure to make your acquaintance, TIB readers. And now, I’m off to the bathroom.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Donuts Sausage Pancake Bites

Drew 14 Comments

Dunkin' Donuts Sausage Pancake Bites

In theory, Dunkin’ Donuts Sausage Pancake Bites should be a guaranteed win.  What’s there to say?  It’s sausage links wrapped in pancakes with maple syrup added.  If our ancestors had invented these, we would today know very little about the extinct animal once called the “pig.” 

But Dunkin’ Donuts has let me down before.  Not with their pumpkin donuts, of course, those marvelous confections that let you know fall is here and it’s time to bust out the expandable pants.  But let’s be honest, those french toast twists were nothing to write home about.  So approaching this new treat, I was hopeful but cautious, like a shark stalking a seal that might actually be a fat surfer.  Turns out I needn’t have worried.

As you can see from this photograph expertly snapped in a parking lot next to the highway, the bites come wrapped in a paper sleeve of the sort you might use for a medium order of fries.  This is unfortunate because it highlights just how small each individual bite is.  The three you get don’t come close to filling up the bag, each being thicker than a cocktail weenie but not nearly as long as a “regular” sausage link.  A lesser man than I would make a joke about sausage size here, but really, that’s not what we’re here for.  Let’s just say they’re perfectly adequate, and besides no one notices that as long as they fill you up.  I mean, that’s what I’ve heard.  All kidding aside, I’m not a massive eater and one serving fell somewhere between a snack and a full meal for me, so take that into account and be prepared to order two if you’re really hungry.  Or decide you’re okay with feeling partially unsatisfied in exchange for a cheap(er) date.  $1.59 buys you 300 calories and no cuddling afterwards.

I had expected a strong smell of sausage from the little bastards, but surprisingly this wasn’t the case; the cornmeal forms an impenetrable force field locking in the scent of cooked meat.  It basically just smells like a corn muffin with a slight whiff of maple syrup — disappointing for the more carnivorous among us, but ideal for not drawing attention in a crowded elevator or for tricking a vegetarian into eating one.  That only holds true until you bite in, of course, at which point the meaty aroma is unlocked like a new character in Street Fighter.  By then you won’t care, though, because you’ll have a bite (a bite of a bite?) in your mouth.

And the verdict is… yeah, they’re pretty good.  The maple syrup taste is understated and so is the pancake, maybe to avoid overpowering the sausage, which to be fair IS cooked well and tastes delicious.  That said, I could’ve done with a little less stinginess on the syrup, maybe even — dare I say it? — a dipping cup.  It has the overall effect of making them seem more like corn muffin sausage bites than pancake sausage bites, which probably isn’t as marketable, so I guess they knew what they were doing with the name.  Really, though, the sausage taste dominates; everything else is just a slight hint on your taste buds, and like that – POOF.  Like Keyser Söze.

So they’re not quite the slam dunk they might initially appear to be, but I can still recommend the sausage pancake bites, and I’m not just saying that because the counter girl at my local DD once said I had really pretty eyes.  (I do, they offset my widow’s peak.)  As expected, the pancake side of things had to be downplayed because that would be just too much awesome for one dish, but they’re still tasty.  And while I’d stop short of calling three little mini-corndogs for a buck and a half a bargain, they won’t exactly break the bank either.  Except in your eventual gym membership fees if you routinely get two servings.

(Nutrition Facts – 3 pieces – 300 calories, 180 calories from fat, 20 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 550 milligrams of sodium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 7 grams of sugar and 7 grams of protein.)

Other Dunkin’ Donuts Pancake Bites reviews:
Grub Grade

Item: Dunkin’ Donuts Sausage Pancake Bites
Price: $1.59 per serving; two for $3.00
Size: 3 bites per serving
Purchased at: Dunkin’ Donuts
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Relatively inexpensive.  Tricking vegetarians.  Easy to eat while driving.  Tasty seal.
Cons: Syrup deficiency.  Olfactory deception.  No matter what your girlfriend told you, size matters.

ANNOUNCEMENT: New Impulsive Buy Writer Drew

Drew 11 Comments

Greetings, fans of food and, possibly, casual swearing!   I’m Drew, your latest guide on this magical tour of things that are bad for you.   A little background: I’m from New Jersey and will fiercely defend it to anyone, because the smell isn’t THAT bad and those Jersey Shore kids aren’t even from Jersey. (Okay, one of them is, but not the goblin.)   I currently live in eastern Pennsylvania and will concede it offers some advantages, such as lower taxes, a major league baseball team, and… no, I guess that’s it.   I grew up on a steady diet of sugary breakfast cereals and may be the only person living who still mourns the loss of E.T. Cereal.   I’m also old enough to remember when Roy Rogers was a dominant fast food chain in the east and you couldn’t find a Wendy’s to save your life.
 
In college I double majored in English and Swim Team, which turbocharged my metabolism and allowed me to eat any and all junk food that didn’t run away from me.   Little did I know this would provide excellent practice for a future with The Impulsive Buy.   Prior to joining TIB, my main blogging experience has been with cult movie website Mutant Reviewers From Hell; so if I ever get confused and start bitching about the weak direction and shoddy acting in those Four Cheese Hot Pockets, you’ll know why.   In my spare time I enjoy reading and not having any spare time because I have an adorable 2-year-old daughter and another on the way.   They will someday read this and wonder why daddy uses all those words they’re not allowed to say.
 
That’s about it, except to say I’m excited to be writing for The Impulsive Buy, and I hereby vow not to wuss out in my reviewing duties.   The way I see it, if there isn’t a decent chance I’m going to regret having eaten it afterward, it probably isn’t worth reviewing.   Join me, won’t you?

NEWS: Tostitos’ New Artisan Recipes Tortilla Chips Sound Like They’re Inappropriate for Sports Watching

Marvo 3 Comments

Read our review here

The new Tostitos Artisan Recipes Tortilla Chips don’t sound like an awesome chip to snack on while watching the Houston Texans completely collapse during the last moments of a game. Instead, its name sounds like they should be served on a platter at a book club meeting in someone’s living room, or at an orgy.

However, if it were named Tostitos Extreme Recipe Tortilla Chips, then I could see them being a great snack to nosh on while watching the Miami Heat be an underwhelming basketball team. Although, the chips are made from a nine grain blend, which makes them sound like they should be served in Oprah’s green room.

The Tostitos Artisan Recipes Tortilla Chips come in two flavors: Fire-Roasted Chipotle and Roasted Garlic and Black Bean. A one-ounce serving size has 150 calories, 8 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 4.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 2.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 90 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 2 grams of protein and minuscule amounts of vitamins and minerals.