REVIEW: Jack in the Box Bourbon BBQ Steak Grilled Sandwich

Marvo 3 Comments

Jack in the Box Bourbon BBQ Steak Grilled Sandwich

Indecisive people must HATE Jack in the Box.

If I was indecisive, I’d take one look at the vast menu board, feel completely helpless, and then weep. And if the cashier told me I could also choose something from the breakfast menu at two in the afternoon, I would fall to my knees, put my hands on top of my head while it shakes side to side, and then yell, “There’s so much to choose from, I don’t know what I want! Please help me!”

By the time I stopped yelling, Jack in the Box probably would’ve added something new to the menu since it expands faster than the waistlines of those of us who eat Jack in the Box food. Seriously, Jack in the Box is the Cheesecake Factory of fast food chains. Did you know they have funnel cake?

Anyhoo, Jack’s latest addition to the menu board that makes the indecisive pull their hair out is the Bourbon BBQ Steak Grilled Sandwich, which is made up of steak strips, grilled onions, cheese and Jack’s new Bourbon BBQ sauce in between two slices of grilled artisan bread.

Of course, my first thought when I heard about the Bourbon BBQ sauce was whether or not it contained alcohol. I’m pretty sure it doesn’t, but my extremely low tolerance for alcohol, plus my urge to take off pieces of clothing when alcohol is in my system would be an accurate way to find out.

After eating the entire sandwich, no article of clothing was removed, so it seems there’s no alcohol in the BBQ sauce. Although my taste buds could’ve told me that, since the BBQ sauce tasted like any run of the mill sauce. This was disappointing because I hoped it would taste more like licking a drunk than licking a designated driver.

As for the rest of the sandwich, the steak strips were surprisingly tender and there were a lot of them. The grilled onions were a nice touch and complimented the steak well. The cheese seemed to be there to only to act as a glue to make sure the steak strips and onions don’t fall out of the sandwich. The artisan bread wasn’t crispy, it was a little soggy with chewy edges. But at least it wasn’t as greasy as Jack’s other Grilled Sandwiches.

So if you’re an indecisive person staring at the Jack in the Box menu board, I want to let you know that the Jack in the Box Bourbon BBQ Steak Grilled Sandwich was a good sandwich, but I expected more from the featured ingredient, the Bourbon BBQ sauce.

You know what? After rereading that last sentence, I realized it probably won’t help you come to a decision. I’m sorry. You should start weeping now.

(Nutrition Facts – 595 calories, 206 calories from fat, 23 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 80 milligrams of cholesterol, 2022 milligrams of sodium, 495 milligrams of potassium, 62 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, and 33 grams of protein.)

Item: Jack in the Box Bourbon BBQ Steak Grilled Sandwich
Price: $6.49 (small combo)
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Good, but could’ve been better. Steak strips were tender. Cheese keeps steak strips from falling out. Grilled onion complimented the steak. Bread wasn’t greasy.
Cons: Bourbon BBQ sauce was disappointing. Artisan bread wasn’t crispy. Cheese brings nothing to the table, flavor-wise. An indecisive person staring at a Jack in the Box menu board. The nudity that follows when alcohol is in my system.

REVIEW: Doritos Tapatio and Ruffles Tapatio Limon

Kelley 7 Comments

Doritos Tapatio and Ruffles Tapatio Limon

Oh, Tapati­o Man on the hot sauce label. We’ve been flirting with each other for years. Don’t try to deny it; every time we meet, you’re wearing your best mustard-colored jacket and jaunty red…ascot thing. Don’t even get me started on that impossibly wide sombrero that appears to have the circumference of an ancient Redwood. And above your ecstatic smile, that immaculate mustache that just screams, “Wanna ride?”

Yes, we’ve been meeting up for lunch for years now. Maybe it’s over burgers or pasta. You’ve saved countless pizza crusts from being thrown away when we had a three-way with some ranch dressing. It’s an open relationship; I’ve been with other hot sauces. But when I’m drunk and it’s 3 am, you’re always my booty call of choice.

Tapati­o Man is free to see other foods, too, which is why I wasn’t offended when I found out he’s been hanging with three new Frito-Lay products: Fritos Tapati­o, Doritos Tapati­o and Ruffles Tapati­o Limon. I’ve already checked out how Fritos and Tapati­o work together, which will actually help this review, because Fritos are the only chip that went straight Tapati­o on yo’ ass. The Doritos have a Nacho Cheese base, and the Ruffles get hot and heavy with Tapati­o and Limon. Two accented letters in one chip name, that’s serious business. That’s c/p into a Notepad file so I don’t have to reference the char map 1700 times business.

Tapati­o Man is cool, so he let me get in on this action. I can tell because he’s staring right into my eyes from the packages, giving me that smile that says…

Wait a second, what’s this?

Doritos Tapatio Man

WHO ARE YOU LOOKING AT FROM THE DORITOS PACKAGE, TAPATiO MAN? WHO ARE YOU FLASHING YOUR PEARLY WHITES AT, JUST TO THE RIGHT OF ME?!

Okay, so I still have some jealousy issues. Seriously though, what is up with that? On the original hot sauce label (yes, I actually do have a bottle of Tapati­o on hand at all times, I’m not frontin’) he’s staring straight ahead, just like on the Ruffles bag. Why are his eyes askew on the Doritos bag? Printing error? Were people in the Doritos focus group intimidated by Tapati­o Man’s ability to see into your soul, so they averted his eyes? I love a good food packaging mystery. Can’t dwell on it forever though; let’s take a mustache ride straight to Sabritastown.

Doritos Tapati­o

Doritos Tapatio

At first glance, Tapati­o Doritos look angry. Angry like, I will make you regret eating these when you wake up at 3 am and have to run to the bathroom angry. Fortunately, their bark is worse than their bite. Oh yeah, there’s some heat there, but it’s not out of control. I’ve had Doritos 3rd Degree Burn Scorchin’ Habanero, and those are hot. Tapati­o Doritos bring a good amount of heat, but not enough to make steam come out of your ears. Assuming you’re a cartoon character.

You can definitely taste the nacho cheese base, which works well with the spicy heat of the Tapati­o powder, which, by the way, will stain your fingers so that everyone knows you’ve been eating red-colored chips. My problem with these chips, however, is that they don’t really taste like Tapati­o. I’ve never tried Flamin’ Hot Doritos, but now I wish I had, because I have a sneaking suspicion they would have tasted remarkably similar to Tapati­o Doritos. They just lack that distinct flavor that I love so much in the hot sauce. They could have been called Extra Spicy Nacho Cheese and I would have nodded and said, “Yep, that’s it.”

Ruffles Tapati­o Limon

Ruffles Tapatio Limon

Doritos just gets a picture of a bottle of Tapati­o on its bag, but Ruffles gets a full makeover, running wild with blue and orange and wavy borders and everything. This may seem unusual for Ruffles, but you have to remember that the Tapati­o line of chips also falls under the Sabritas line, which is what I guess you could call a subsidiary of Frito-Lay. I know, it’s confusing. Just know that Sabritas aims at the Mexican market, so they do things a little differently. The Tapati­o Ruffles bag is designed just like the Sabritas Ruffles Queso bag, which you can see here, complete with words you probably don’t understand and some confusing but entertaining spy music. Dios Mio!

Ruffles Tapati­o Limon’s twist is obviously the limon, which I figured meant lime (what with the slice of lime on the bag and all), but Google Translate says means lemon. Maybe they’re Sprite flavored! No wait, that’s lymon. Nevermind.

One of my favoritest snack foods is Flamin’ Hot Cheetos Limon. Unfortunately, that same twang that works on the Cheetos doesn’t seem to work well on Ruffles. There seems to be a little less heat on these chips than were on the Doritos, but it’s impossible to tell if it has true Tapati­o flavor because the limon is too overpowering. The citrus flavor puckered my mouth, which is fine if I’m challenging my palate by sucking on an Extreme Sour Warhead, but not when I’m eating a potato chip.

It’s difficult to rate Doritos Tapati­o. On the one hand, it works perfectly well as a spicy, cheese tortilla chip. On the other hand, that heat is supposed to come in the form of Tapati­o hot sauce flavoring, and I can’t really say it delivers on that point, so they technically failed, which is ultimately how I have to judge them. Ruffles Tapati­o Limon are easier to pass judgment on; I had high hopes for them, but instead of a spicy Tapati­o-flavored chip with a hint of limon, I got an overly citrus-flavored potato chip with a little heat on it. I don’t mind Tapati­o Man hanging out with other foods, but I wish he’d pick better company.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce – Doritos Tapati­o – 1 ounce, 140 calories, 70 calories from fat, 8 grams of total fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 3 grams of sugars, 2 grams of protein, 4% vitamin A, 0% calcium, 0% vitamin C, 2% iron, 2% Thiamin, 2% vitamin B6. Ruffles Tapati­o Limon – 160 calories, 90 calories from fat, 10 grams of total fat, 1 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 320 milligrams of potassium, 15 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 1 grams of sugars, 2 grams of protein, 0% vitamin A, 0% calcium, 10% vitamin C, 2% iron, 4% Thiamin, 8% vitamin B6, 6% vitamin E, 4% niacin.)

Item: Doritos Tapati­o and Ruffles Tapati­o Limon
Price: $0.99 each
Size: 2 1/8 ounces (Doritos Tapati­o)
Size: 1 3/4 ounces ( Ruffles Tapati­o Limon)
Purchased at: Circle K
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Doritos Tapati­o)
Rating: 3 out of 10 (Ruffles Tapati­o Limon)
Pros: Doritos had a nice cheese/heat combination. Tapati­o Man and his sexy mustard jacket. Ruffles had okay heat. Mustache rides.
Cons: Ruffles had overpowering citrus flavor. Red flavor powder staining fingers. Couldn’t detect any real Tapati­o flavor. Tapati­o Man making bad partnership choices.

NEWS: Jack in the Box’s New Grilled Sandwich Has What Men Crave – Bourbon, BBQ, and Steak

Marvo 3 Comments

Update: Click here to read our Jack in the Box Bourbon BBQ Steak Grilled Sandwich review

Grunt. Grunt. Grunt. Grunt.

You hear that? I’m grunting like a manly man. Don’t believe I’m a manly man, I’ve got the voluptuous chest and back hair to prove it. Because I’m a manly man, the new Jack in the Box Bourbon BBQ Steak Sandwich makes my voluptuous chest hair stand up with excitement.

The sandwich is made up of steak strips, grilled onions, cheese and Jack in the Box’s new Bourbon BBQ sauce in between two slices of grilled artisan bread. The sandwich is the fourth in Jack’s Grilled Sandwich line, joining the Turkey, Bacon & Cheddar, Deli Trio, and Grilled Breakfast Sandwich.

Jack in the Box’s Bourbon BBQ Steak Grilled Sandwich will be available for a limited time starting Monday, April 25th. However, it won’t be available at locations in Austin, Houston and Kansas City. So the manly men there won’t be able to have their chest hair tickled by it.

REVIEW: Ben & Jerry’s Late Night Snack

Nichol 4 Comments

Ben & Jerry’s Late Night Snack Ice Cream

Pot smokers, couch-dwelling sports fans, and menstruaters rejoice! Sweet and salty have been reduced to their lowest common denominators and magically recombined to form the freaky wonder that is Ben & Jerry’s Late Night Snack ice cream.

Hell, provided it’s available in your immediate area and you’re as curiosity-driven as I am, you’ve probably already tried the stuff. It has been a little while, and this ice cream is a smidge high profile, on account of the late night talk circuit involvement. I, for one, am willing to throw caution to the wind and try anything Stephen Colbert claims is tasty. I see this as one fun and easy way to fulfill my monthly patriotic acts quota. I’m now just one eagle cuddle away from being done for April!

Sorry to be late for 420 day, too, but I’m guessing most of the dedicated celebrants out there will understand. Any time can be munchies time. It’s all relative, and it’s all good.

I’ve been jogging my ass off to make up for all these ice cream reviews. Somehow Late Night Snack just feels more hip-widening than Ben & Jerry’s other offerings, even though it really isn’t any worse. Every pint they produce is already verging on a caloric supernova. If they tried adding any more, I’m pretty sure their products would explode, and then slowly begin absorbing everything else in the freezer aisle, from the neighboring Häagen-Dazs all the way to the Hungry Man entrees. Anyone brave enough to try a spoonful would instantly blow up like the Stay Puft marshmallow man. As is, it takes at least two pints of the stuff to attain that kind of comical weight gain. Not that I know.

Maybe, and I’m just throwing this hypothesis out there, the riotously calorie-rich issue at hand is the chocolate covered potato chip clusters. Similar to a rice crispy treat in texture, fresh deer poo in appearance, and a chocolate drenched kettle chip in flavor, they’re sprinkled liberally and fairly evenly throughout the ice cream like little treasure nuggets. I have a feeling South Park’s Chef would either highly approve of these salty balls or sue the company for stealing his lucrative vision.

Ben & Jerry’s Late Night Snack Ice Cream Bowl

The clusters are surrounded by a protective chocolatey armor roughly the texture and thickness of the outside of a Butterfinger bar, which sometimes manages to preserve a good crunch but more often than not fails, allowing the sogginess to creep in as the ice cream thaws. This is sad, because the crunchy clusters are far tastier than their squishier friends. I felt compelled to shovel the ice cream in faster and finish the pint in one sitting just to preserve the little balls of joy.

The base for this tour de force is vanilla ice cream, with a salty caramel swirl which I found to be kind of thin in places. I would happily eat these two elements on their own, but that flavor would probably be a store brand, gallon-size-only offering in this Xtreme day and age. If wanted to go that route, I might as well buy a Costco-sized drum of Neapolitan and softly lull my taste buds into an eternal frozen slumber. Ben & Jerry’s leads the pack, time and again, ratcheting the ice cream norm up about ten notches, I suspect through controlled exposure to sandalwood essence and the tunes of Iron and Wine, plus a pinch of good, old-fashioned stoner ingenuity. No spoon? No problem. You’ve got Fritos. They’re sturdy AND 100 percent more edible. BAM. A food revolution is born.

Ben & Jerry’s Late Night Snack Ice Cream Container

Initially, the flavor is a nice blend of chocolate, vanilla, and caramel with a salty edge. But the aftertaste? As long as you manage to scoop up a cluster or two, it’s pure potato chip. Somehow the two never clash or overlap. They just peacefully and deliciously co-exist. The world could learn a thing or two from this ice cream. Namely, that the key to harmony lies in coating everything in chocolate and then adding salt. Lots of salt. I apologize again to the lactose intolerant community. Attaining world peace is going to be a bit tougher for you guys.

The biggest problem arises when you stop eating this ice cream, because the sweet amalgam is no longer there to continuously balance out the potato chip essence, which lingers. Everything about this flavor practically begs for continual consumption. If you notice my giant pasty form lumbering through the streets of New York sometime soon, sporting a jaunty sailor’s cap and little else, well, you know who to call. What? Wait, no. The authorities. Call the authorities.

(Nutrition Facts – ½ cup – 270 calories, 140 calories from fat, 15 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 60 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 21 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein, 10% vitamin A, 10% calcium, 0% vitamin C, and 0% iron.)
Item: Ben & Jerry’s Late Night Snack
Price: $3.99
Size: 1 Pint
Purchased at: Albertson’s
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Salted caramel. Eagle cuddling. Fresh, unthawed chocolate covered potato chip clusters. Ice cream by the drum, in theory. Stoner ingenuity. Jaunty sailor caps. Ben & Jerry’s not skimping on the clusters. Frito-based revolutions.
Cons: Deer crap ice cream. Caloric black holes. Soggy potato chip balls. The lingering, persistent aftertaste of soggy potato chip balls. Ice cream by the drum, in practice. Becoming the Stay Puft mascot. Caramel swirl thins out in places. Lactose intolerant community unable to participate in my vision of world peace.

NEWS: Goldfish Sandwich Bread Totally Freaks Me Out

Marvo 6 Comments

Why do Goldfish crackers smile?

I’ve always wondered this because their smiles freaks me out as much as clowns do.

They have no reason to smile, because I’m going to crush their fragile cracker bodies with my teeth, then let their mangled, saliva soaked bodies travel through my digestive system, and then I’m going to poop them out of my body. How can a Goldfish smile knowing that fate?

So if tiny smiling Goldfish crackers freak me out, I believe I’ll have nightmares forever if I come face to face with the new Pepperidge Farms Goldfish Sandwich Bread. Yes, bread shaped like smiling Goldfish crackers.

They’ve been available for several weeks and come in packs of eight in either white or whole wheat. The freaky crust-free bread has 120 calories, 3 gram of fiber, and 18 grams of whole grains per serving. They also don’t contain high fructose corn syrup. Pepperidge Farms Goldfish Sandwich Bread has a suggested retail price of $3.49.