Welcome to my first non-food-related review! In this post, I’ll be putting chemicals into my hair instead of my stomach.

I happened to notice TRESemme’s new Fresh Start line via a commercial that caught my attention due to several lines that were said about the product. To give you a bit of context, the point of Fresh Start products is to make your hair look like you washed it when you really haven’t. We’ve all had those days – your groggy brain hits the “off” button instead of “sleep” on your alarm clock, and something in your brain tells you to wake up ten minutes before you’re supposed to be at work. You race around frantically, culling your list of usual morning rituals down to deodorant, teeth-brushing and making sure you don’t make the classic nightmare scenario of going to work with no pants on a reality. The whole shower thing is out of the question; at this point you’re just trying to get to work on time before you get fired for excessive tardiness. Perhaps you should invest in a Clocky.

According to the commercial, women are deeply ashamed of second-day hair. They will swathe themselves in scarves and hang their heads in shame. I have never had anyone comment on my second-day hair, probably because a.) nobody notices or cares, b.) everyone has done it at some point, and c.) most people know that that would be intrusive and rude. Also, instead of hanging my head in shame, I’d probably just say “fuck you, I woke up late”, and that would be that.

But TRESemme obviously feels differently about this. So they created a dry shampoo for your “going hobo” days (as it is referred to in my household). According to them, “Fresh Start dry shampoo for oily and straight hair uses a mineral clay and citrus formula that removes oil and odor while injecting volume…getting refreshed, full-bodied hair has never been so simple.” They also go on to say that you can get “salon healthy hair on the days you skip without the salon price.” This sentence confuses me. Are they implying that most women go to the salon every day before work? That is crazy. The only women who would possibly do that are incredibly rich and don’t have to be anywhere to begin with. TRESemme, you crazy.

TRESemme offers products for both oily, straight hair and curly, dry hair. I chose the former because I am an oily motherfucker. I feel odd describing my hair in such detail on the Internet, but I suppose it’s necessary for the context of this review. My hair is straight and has been long enough to reach my waist for almost my entire life. I used to live 20 minutes from the Pacific Ocean, and the humidity brought out my natural oiliness so much that I really couldn’t afford to go hobo, because my hair was greasy within 24 hours of washing. Then I moved to the desert, and my oil levels seem to have gone down to “normal people” levels, so I can go a day without washing my hair, but that’s about it.

Oh, and I also have never used products on my hair, my hair is not dyed, and I let my hair air-dry every day, so it’s pretty much a blank slate on which to experiment. Most guys probably take more time doing their hair than I do.

I was intrigued by this product, so I decided to see how well it actually works. I decided to perform an experiment: how many days, if any, could I get away with JUST using Fresh Start Dry Shampoo? How long would it work? Would all my hair fall out? I will now answer these questions by documenting my process. I have devised a 0-10 system, 0 being “fresh out of the shower” and 10 being “I have the flu and have been bedbound for two weeks with no bathing”. Let’s get started.

Day One
Before shampoo oily/dirty factor: 2
After shampoo oily/dirty factor: Uh…2?

I want to interject something before I even say anything else: DO NOT USE TRESEMME FRESH START DRY SHAMPOO IF YOU ARE AN ASTHMATIC OR HAVE ANY PULMINARY ISSUES. Read on to see why, if you haven’t already figured it out.

Okay so my hair didn’t feel that much different after spraying. I thought maybe I hadn’t sprayed enough on, so I decided to try it again. Recalling memories of watching my mom hose her hair down with hair spray, I attempted to emulate her motions, and sprayed far more vigorously the second time.

Oh. My god. First of all, Fresh Start Dry Shampoo has a VERY strong odor to it, like a mix between hair spray and a really strong perfume. I am allergic to perfume. Second of all, I should have thought to hold my breath, but it wouldn’t have mattered, because a cloying cloud of dry shampoo hung over the sink of my bathroom well after I was done spraying.. I had to stumble out, choking, and actually needed to use my rescue inhaler. I considered stopping this project right then and there, but I only plan on doing this for a few more days, and I’d already done it once, so I figured I’ll stick with it.

All that said, after the second dousing, I got a vision in the mirror of what my hair will look like in about 30 years. There were streaks of grey in it from the shampoo. I let it sit for the recommended 1-2 minutes and then brushed it out, which turned out to be a little harder than I thought since I’d sprayed a pretty high concentration of it in some places. Ladies, if your co-workers don’t notice the strong odor emanating off your head, they probably will notice the sudden grey in your locks. Somebody’s gonna piece it together and figure out you didn’t shower today!

Day One, after shampoo oily/dirty factor (take two): 0

TRESemme may wind up killing me, but I’ll go out with people thinking I’d washed my hair today. I discovered that you have to give it a few minutes, but after that, my hair really didn’t feel oily at all, and there was a noticeable fluff to it that it was lacking beforehand.

TRESemme wins day one in the hair department, loses in the “I can breathe” department. We shall see how things go on day two.

Day Two
Before shampoo oily/dirty factor: 3
After shampoo oily/dirty factor: 2

I remembered to hold my breath this time, which helped things immensely. I also got shampoo spray all over my shirt and hands. I was pretty amazed at how long the shampoo held out from yesterday. I noticed a diminish in returns on day two, but I still felt like I could get away with going to work in a professional environment. I felt like my hair had a strange texture, though, like it was a little oily but dry at the same time. I wonder if Fresh Start Dry Shampoo is actually a desiccant. I understand that the powder is supposed to soak up and wick away the oils, but the idea that my hair is being treated like a bag of beef jerky is disturbing.

Day Three
Before shampoo oily/dirty factor: 6
After shampoo oily/dirty factor: Data not available

I decided to end my experiment on day three because my hair was getting pretty oily and yet the texture was still like hay. The build-up of powder was enough that I could actually feel it on my hands when I touched my hair. It brought back memories of a very traumatic time in my life. I spent a week with friends at a beach house after I graduated high school. I thought it would be a great idea to dye my hair with a temporary black-with-blue undertones dye. I have blonde hair. This all turned out to be a very bad idea, since instead of being black, it turned my hair bright blue. At the end of the week, I was starting a job at a very large amusement park with a very strict dress code, and blue hair wasn’t exactly on the list. So I had to cover the temporary dye with permanent black dye. My mother did not talk to me for days. Eventually, she dragged me to the salon. Three days and 16 hours later, my hair was blonde again, but it had the texture of hay and I couldn’t even get a brush through it. I cried. That is how my hair felt on day three, and I didn’t like remembering those days.

So, I took a shower. It was the best shower ever. I got my real hair back!

So what’s the verdict? TRESemme never explicitly says that this product is only to be used for one day, but I think they convey that idea pretty well in the commercial. You can’t use Fresh Start Dry Shampoo forever. So, judging on day one’s results, the shampoo does its job, but it makes the texture of your hair kind of freaky. Plus, it’s strongly scented, can give you an asthma attack, gets everywhere, and can leave grey streaks in your hair if you aren’t careful. Personally, I’d rather just go hobo, but if you’re dead serious about having “shower fresh” hair, I guess it accomplishes that pretty well in the end.

Oh, and one last word of caution: don’t smoke while using this product!

Item: TRESemme Fresh Start Dry Shampoo
Price: $5.29
Size: 5.7 ounces
Purchased at: Albertson’s
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Does make second-day hair look refreshed. Will reduce shame in women with second-day hair concerns. Clocky. Easy to use and faster than a shower. Getting to see what my old woman hair will look like.
Cons: Very strong smell. Can get everywhere if you’re not careful. Feeling like beef jerky. Will irritate sensitive lungs if inhaled. Traumatic salon memories. Will leave grey streaks if you don’t brush it out enough. Creepy hay hair feeling.