NEWS: Cream of Wheat Introduces What Could Possibly Be The Least Appealing Way To Enjoy Cinnabon

Marvo 10 Comments

Cream of Wheat hot cereal is promoted as “good nutrition for all ages.” Cinnabon is known as what negates whatever exercise you did the day before. So combining the two to create the new Cream of Wheat Cinnabon flavor is a bit odd, but I’m not surprised by it.

Recently, Cinnabon has been on the march to place their cinna-stamp on whatever products they can get their hands on, like Cinnabon Snack Bars, Cinnabon Cereal, Cinnabon pancakes, Pillsbury Cinnabon Cinnamon Rolls and Cinnabon Lip Balm. With all of these products, it seems Cinnabon is doing whatever it can to stay relevant. Too bad Cinnabon can’t make a celebrity sex tape, because I believe that would help and get it a show on the E! Network.

A Cinnabon Cream of Wheat packet contains 130 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 1 grams of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein and a bunch of vitamin and minerals.

NEWS: Pepsi Japan To Release Another Limited Edition Flavor, Pepsi America Still Won’t Re-Release Crystal Pepsi

Marvo 10 Comments

Next month, Pepsi Japan will release the limited edition Pepsi Mont Blanc, which, sadly, will not taste like Montblanc pen ink.

The soda’s sweet chestnut flavor is inspired by the Mont Blanc dessert, which is made with pureed chestnuts and whipped cream.

At the rate Pepsi Japan pumps out limited edition sodas, if the Japanese get a limited edition version of Crystal Pepsi or Holiday Spice Pepsi before the United States does, I’m going to punch a Japanese man in the face.

And since I’m the closest Japanese man near me, I’ll be punching myself like the bullies made me do in elementary school.

Pepsi Mont Blanc will be made in limited numbers and available in Japan in 490 ml bottles for 140 yen starting on October 26th.

Or if you live in the United States, they will be available in 490 ml bottles for five to seven US dollars plus shipping on October 25th on eBay.

REVIEW: Dannon Activia Dessert Strawberry Cheesecake

Marvo 7 Comments

Activia Dessert Strawberry Cheesecake

(NOTE: Please don’t do this. Thank you.)

Dear YouTubers,

You know what YouTube needs? No, not more cute cat/dog/turtle humping videos.

There needs to be videos of people attempting to eat dozens of containers of Activia consecutively. I’m not talking three or four cups of Activia, I’m talking Sam’s Club-sized cases of the stuff.

Why do we need these videos? Because, currently, there isn’t any video documentation of the effects of someone eating a shit-ton of Activia.

So which one of you daring amateur internet video producers will meet this challenge for a chance at viral video history? No matter how far you get or how many pieces of furniture you might soil, you’ll be internet famous, and could possibly be featured on Web Soup, tosh.0 or the offbeat news section of the USA Today.

Not willing to put your digestive system in harm’s way, you say?

C’mon. Several of you kings and queens of consumption have done it before by trying to either down a gallon of water, chug a gallon of milk, quaff an entire bottle of tequila, guzzle a bottle of pancake syrup or drink a two liter bottle of soda. There are many more but I don’t want to make you chug down YouTube videos of folks chugging down various liquids because I want you to chug a case of Activia.

If one of you attempts this digestive endeavor, might I suggest calling the video: The Activia 14 Minute Challenge. Might I also suggest that if you get tired of eating whatever Activia flavor you end up with from Sam’s Club, you should mix it up with the Activia Desserts Strawberry Cheesecake.

Activia Dessert Strawberry Cheesecake 2

If you thought regular Activia made eating digestive bacteria taste good, then you’re going to really love cups of the Activia Desserts Strawberry Cheesecake yogurt…until you eat about a dozen of them in a row. But for the first couple of containers, you’d probably enjoy their sweet and tangy flavor, along with the smoothness of the yogurt. Although you might be disappointed that the yogurt tastes more like regular strawberry yogurt than strawberry cheesecake flavored yogurt, but it’s quite good for regular strawberry yogurt.

Why is it so good?

Because the yogurt doesn’t contain any artificial sweeteners, has real pieces of strawberries and has more sugar than a Frosted Ice Creme Sandwich Pop-Tart. So the Activia Desserts Strawberry Cheesecake yogurt is good for you because of the digestive bacteria, but it’s also bad for you because it’s like eating candy.

Activia is supposed to help with “slow intestinal transit.” But if one of you takes The Activia 14 Minute Challenge, Activia could help you reach a level of internet celebrity that’s equal or greater than the sneezing baby panda bear…and it could also help you achieve quick and violent intestinal transit.

I look forward to seeing the videos soon.

Love,
Marvo

(NOTE: Again, please don’t do this. Thank you.)

(Nutrition Facts – 1 container/4 ounces – 140 calories, 35 calories from fat, 4 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 100 milligrams of sodium, 240 milligrams of potassium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 17 grams of sugar, 6 grams of protein and 20% calcium.)

Item: Dannon Activia Dessert Strawberry Cheesecake
Price: $3.00 (on sale, $3.50 reg.)
Size: 4 pack
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Good if you like strawberry yogurt. Contains probiotic cultures. Contains pieces of fruit. Smooth yogurt. Good source of calcium. Sneezing baby panda bears.
Cons: Doesn’t really taste like strawberry cheesecake. Great source of sugar. Eating a case of Activia. Slow intestinal transit. Quick and violent intestinal transit.

NEWS: Panda Express To Add Korean Dish, But Unfortunately It’s Not Grace Park

Marvo 10 Comments

On September 22, Panda Express will release Kobari Beef from their gigantic woks.

It’s the first quasi-Korean dish available from the quasi-Chinese fast food joint.

The Korean-style barbeque beef dish is being described as sweet, smoky and spicy. It combines slices of marinated tri-tip beef, seared mushrooms, freshly cut leeks, onions, and red bell peppers with a “Kobari sauce.”

Kobari Beef will be available for a limited time.

NEWS: Listerine Introduces A Mouthwash for Wusses

Marvo 12 Comments

Are you one of those weaklings who can’t stand the burning sensation of Listerine?

Before, you had two options: grow a pair or not use the mouthwash that kills germs and bacteria in your mouth that cause bad breath. But now, probably thanks to your crying and whining, you have another option — Listerine Zero.

Listerine Zero is alcohol free, which makes it less intense and impossible for people to get drunk off of it, but it’s still able to kill millions of bad breath germs in your mouth.

It only comes in a Cool Mint flavor and is available in two sizes: 500 mL and 1 liter.