REVIEW: Nature Valley Granola Thins (Dark Chocolate and Peanut Butter)

Marvo 7 Comments

The square-shaped Granola Thins by Nature Valley makes the company look like it has become bored with producing long rectangle granola bars.

Good.

Because I’m bored with eating long rectangle granola bars.

As a matter of fact, screw eating quadrilaterals! How about an enneadecagon granola snack? Or if Nature Valley has the nuts, and the ability to channel the spirit of M.C. Escher, a dodecahedron or apeirogon granola snack.

But I guess until then, I’m stuck with quadrilaterals.

The Nature Valley Granola Thins come in two flavors; they are either partially dipped in peanut butter or dark chocolate, which I’m not 100 percent sure is actual dark chocolate because of the words “naturally flavored” printed on the front of the box.

The folks at Nature Valley describe the snack as, “The uniquely delicate crunch of crispy, toasted granola paired with an irresistible, melt-in-your-mouth taste.”

Unfortunately, I haven’t experienced that “melt-in-your-mouth taste” very often because I live on a tropical rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and the first couple of individually wrapped Granola Thins I opened encountered a phenomenon I like to call “melt-in-its-own-packaging-because-the-temperature-rarely-drops-below-80-degrees.” It causes most of the dark chocolate and peanut butter to stick to the cardboard that’s included in each wrapper.

To overcome this, I suggest sticking a Granola Thins in the refrigerator for a few minutes before opening.

Can’t wait a few minutes? Oh, I think you can, because while the Granola Thins are good, they’re not irresistible like the marketing copy on the box claims. How do I know? Both boxes have been sitting on my desk for the past two weeks. If they’re “irresistible,” why have I consumed only two of the ten 2.5-inch Granola Thins from each box?

But, again, I did enjoy both flavors. The peanut butter one reminds me of a Nutter Butter in flavor and in the fact that the peanut butter doesn’t taste like any peanut butter I’ve ever had. As for the dark chocolate version, the crispy granola is a bit more noticeable than the chocolate. Strangely, the combination of granola with the chocolate makes it taste like a graham cracker. Maybe the fact that the chocolate is “naturally flavored” might have something to do with the light flavor.

As good as they are, the Nature Valley Granola Thins aren’t as satisfying as their long rectangle granola brethren. It would take three or four of these to equal the hunger-crushing power of Nature Valley’s regular granola bars, which come with two per wrapper. Also, I wish the peanut butter and chocolate were baked into the crispy squares, like Nature Valley does with their regular granola bars, so that they wouldn’t be so messy to eat on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 pouch/17 grams – Dark Chocolate – 80 calories, 4 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 75 milligrams of sodium, 11 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 6 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein and 2% iron. Peanut Butter – 90 calories, 4.5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 85 milligrams of sodium, 10 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 6 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein and 2% iron.)

Item: Nature Valley Granola Thins (Dark Chocolate and Peanut Butter)
Price: $3.49
Size: 10 pack
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Dark Chocolate)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Peanut Butter)
Pros: Enjoyable. Crispy. Peanut butter one tastes like a Nutter Butter. Dark chocolate one tastes like a graham cracker. Looking at M.C. Escher pieces. Looking at M.C. Escher pieces while on an illegal substance.
Cons: Seems pricey for what you get. “Naturally flavored” dark chocolate has a weak flavor. Not irresistible to me. Messy if you’re eating it on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. No enneadecagon granola snacks.

REVIEW: Pepsi Strong Shot

Marvo 11 Comments

When I first received the Pepsi Strong Shot from Japan, I instantly noticed the five warnings printed all over it. But because my ability to read Japanese is so poor that my college Japanese professors should deeply bow their heads in shame for passing my Japanese illiterate ass, I didn’t know what they were warning me about.

Perhaps the can contains an evil tengu. Or a tentacled demon that wants to stick its tentacles in every single one of my orifices to torture me. Or maybe it’s a Pokemon. Or perhaps it’s telling me I watch too much anime at Crunchyroll.

After doing some research on the internets, I learned the warnings on the Pepsi Strong Shot tell potential drinkers that it’s HIGHLY CARBONATED and we should wait 15 seconds before opening it.

Really? Honto ni?

Does extra carbonation really warrant the five warnings printed on the can that’s four and a half inches tall? Because, seriously, the best case scenario from opening the can would be thirst quenching. The worst case scenario? A little more burping.

However, if the can’s warnings said it contained a tentacled demon, I believe the multiple warnings would be justified. Because the worst case scenario from opening the can would be a tentacle entering every hole in my body at the same time. The best case scenario? A tentacle entering every hole in my body at the same time, but leaving a three dollar tip after it’s done.

The Pepsi Strong Shot not only contains extra carbonation, it also includes extra caffeine. However, I’m not sure how much caffeine, since, again, I’m quite illiterate when it comes to Japanese. But I did get a small energy boost from it. Although, I have to admit, tentacles slithering into every hole in my head would do a better job of waking me up.

Even with a small energy boost, the Pepsi Strong Shot isn’t worth it, whether you pay 120 yen for a can in Japan or five dollars a can plus shipping via eBay from an expat living in Japan. It tastes just like regular Pepsi and the extra carbonation is probably the worst Japan Pepsi gimmick ever. I expected something spectacular from the company that developed cucumber and baobab flavored sodas.

The only thing the extra carbonation did was provide a little more pressure than usual when opening the can. If I want a Pepsi that provides a little more pressure when opening it, I’ll just get a regular can of Pepsi and shake it a bit. Even after it explodes, it’ll still probably have more soda left than what’s in the Pepsi Strong Shot’s small can.

(Nutrition Facts – 100 ml – 47 kcal, 0 grams of protein, 0 grams of fat, 10 milligrams of sodium, 11.7 grams of carbohydrates.)

(NOTE: Thanks to Orchid64 from Japanese Snack Reviews for sending me the Pepsi Strong Shot.)

Item: Pepsi Strong Shot
Price: 120 yen (about $1.35 US)
Size: 190 ml
Purchased at: A store in Japan
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like regular Pepsi. Caffeine gave me a small energy boost. 0 grams of fat. Tentacled demons leaving a tip. Crunchyroll.
Cons: Nothing spectacular from the company that made cucumber and baobab flavored sodas. Extra carbonation is the worst Pepsi Japan gimmick ever. Excessive amount of unnecessary warnings. A demon’s tentacle entering every hole in my body at the same time. Available only in Japan. Being Japanese illiterate despite 2.5 years of college Japanese.

REVIEW: P.F. Chang’s Home Menu Shanghai Style Beef

Marvo 15 Comments

I don’t dine regularly at P.F. Chang’s because the horse statues in front of their restaurants freak me out. I swear they’re watching me with their blank stone eyes. I’m also afraid, while during the 30-45 minute wait time to be seated, the statues will start glowing, come to life and then chase after me like I’m in an episode of Scooby-Doo.

But I don’t have to face possible horse spirits anymore because I can now enjoy P.F. Chang’s at home with only my personal demons, thanks to their Home Menu line of frozen meals. There are eight varieties: Beef with Broccoli, Orange Chicken, Sweet & Sour Chicken, Ginger Chicken & Broccoli, Shrimp in a Garlic Sauce, General Chang’s Chicken, Shrimp Lo Mein and Shanghai Style Beef.

However, with the Shrimp Lo Mein and Shanghai Style Beef, you won’t be experiencing the frozen versions what you would get at a P.F. Chang’s restaurant since they don’t appear on the menu. The Shanghai Style Beef contains slices of beef with a sweet and savory sauce, onions, string beans and red bell peppers. Unfortunately, unlike the Wanchai Ferry frozen meals, the P.F. Chang’s Home Menu Shanghai Style Beef doesn’t include a starch, like rice or noodles.

To prepare the meal that foolishly doesn’t include rice, you have the option of either preparing it on the stove top or in the way that would’ve made Percy Spencer elated. Since he’s dead and I don’t expect what’s left of his body to start glowing, come back to life and chase after me, I decided to shun Percy Spencer’s invention and kick it stove top style, which involved dumping the contents of the bag into a skillet and letting everything cook for several minutes.

When prepared, the P.F. Chang’s Home Menu Shanghai Style Beef is a very pretty dish. The string beans are a healthy green, like alluring green eyes; the bell peppers are a nice bright red, like luscious red lips; and the beef comes in an edible shade of brown, like perfectly tanned skin. It’s so pretty that if it were a woman in a nightclub, I’d go up to her and say, “You have a beautiful face. I hope it’s the first thing I see when I wake up tomorrow morning.” After that line, I’d expect her to pour her Cosmopolitan on top of my head, laugh at me and yell “jerk” as she storms away.

While it looks pretty on the outside, making out…I mean, eating it out…I mean, consuming it helped me discover that it might be better to look at than eat. The sauce is supposed to be sweet and savory, and it is. But it’s also too mild for my tastes. As for the beef, the slices are a nice size, but I was disappointed I couldn’t really taste the flavor of the beef.

The only things the P.F. Chang’s Home Menu Shanghai Style Beef really has going for itself are the serving sizes, which I thought were ample for two people, and the fact I don’t have to make eye contact with eerie stone horses to eat P.F. Chang’s food.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 package (312 g) – 320 calories, 12 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 1010 milligrams of sodium, 38 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 23 grams of sugar, 17 grams of protein, 10% vitamin A, 10% calcium, 20% vitamin C and 30% iron.)

Item: P.F. Chang’s Home Menu Shanghai Style Beef
Price: $7.00
Size: 22 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Quick to prepare on the stove. Looks really good. Good sized portions for two people. Allows me to eat P.F. Chang’s food without having to make eye contact with scary stone horses. Knowing who the inventor of the microwave oven is. Scooby Doo.
Cons: Sauce is too mild for my tastes. Lacks rice or noodles, which other Asian frozen meal competitors have. Can’t really taste the flavor of the beef. Awesome source of sodium. Waiting for a table at P.F. Chang’s. The horse statues outside of a P.F. Chang’s restaurant.

PRIZE DRAWING: Because AXE Offered Me Stuff To Give Away To TIB Readers

Marvo 120 Comments

We’re right in the middle of summer travel season and whether you’re traveling to another state or another country by air, you’ll want to pack light because those damn airlines will charge your ass for checking in baggage, which, by the way, used to be free for decades.

The folks at AXE want to help you pack light, unless you’re traveling to a nudist colony, then you probably won’t need any help. But for those who do need help, they’re offering the opportunity for five lucky TIB readers, via a prize drawing, to win a set of AXE travel-size body sprays, deodorants and shower gels that meet TSA standards.

To enter The Impulsive Buy’s AXE Twist Travel Pack Prize Drawing, leave a comment with THIS POST. You may say whatever you like, but your comment MUST include where you would like to go for your next vacation.

It can be specific, like “a nude beach in Hawaii with Marvo serving me cocktails with paper umbrellas in them,” or less specific, like “anywhere, but here.”

Please don’t forget to fill out the email field because I’ll be emailing the five winners for their mailing addresses. The Impulsive Buy will stop accepting entries on Sunday, July 25, 2010 11:59 p.m. Hawaii Standard Time. Only one entry allowed per person and it’s only open to those who live in the United States and are 18 years old or older. (I’m sorry to my non-US readers, those in the US Military living overseas and high school boys who love the smell of AXE)

Good luck!

Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you spam about how you can get generic erection drugs from Canada. The Impulsive Buy also promises your mailing address will not be used to send you requests for donations from my alma mater, the University of Hawaii. Bribes will not be accepted. Sending pictures of your boobs (male or female) will not help your chances. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail, damaged mail, or you getting trapped in a YouTube vortex of dudes getting hit in the nuts and puppy videos.

REVIEW: Quaker Life Soft Baked Nutrition Bars For Adults (Cinnamon Roll Raisin Pecan & Banana Walnut Bread)

Marvo 5 Comments

Oh, I wish I knew where Mikey was now. I want to know so that I can find out what he thinks of the Quaker Life Soft Baked Nutrition Bars For Adults.

He’d be the perfect person to ask because he likes Life Cereal and he’s now an adult. But he’s probably too busy with real life, which may include a wife, and maybe a young Mikey Jr. or a daughter he wanted to name Mikey, but the wife shot him down. He probably works in insurance sales or is a financial planner and drives an 2001 white Toyota Camry nearing 100,000 miles with the vanity license plate ILIKEIT.

For many years, the license plate was probably one of the few reminders of his past celebrity, because the VHS tape recordings of his commercials were eaten up by a VCR with heads that were never cleaned. Fortunately, YouTube was invented and someone posted his Life Cereal commercials online. He is probably responsible for half of the 450,000+ views of his most popular commercial on YouTube.

Mikey probably doesn’t eat Life Cereal anymore because he’s become lactose intolerant and it’s hard to eat the cereal without milk. If he has a wife, he loves her, but feels she only married him because he was “the guy from the Life commercials.” He feels this way because she introduces him to people as, “My husband, the boy from the Life commercials.” He thinks his wife is cheating on him, because she bought a lot of lingerie from Victoria’s Secret that he’s never seen her wear. But he also has a mistress, who has no idea Mikey has a place in pop culture, because she was born many years after the commercials stopped airing.

Although doing those Life Cereal commercials brought him some fame, when he looks at where his life has gone, he probably sometimes wishes his parents never forced him into auditioning for those commercials. If he didn’t, he probably wouldn’t be Mikey, he would be just Mike, or perhaps Michael.

If Mikey were here and tried the Quaker Life Soft Baked Nutrition Bars For Adults, I think he would like them, even though there’s nothing that resembles Life Cereal in them. The chewy adult bars come in two varieties: Banana Walnut Bread and Cinnamon Roll Raisin Pecan.

The Banana Walnut Bread flavor actually smells like banana bread. The banana flavor is noticeable, and thankfully isn’t artificial tasting. However, it tastes more like banana chips, which have a slight greasy flavor to them. The chopped walnuts yield little flavor and they seem like they’re mostly there to provide vitamins, minerals and to compliment the crunch of the whole grain oats and rice crisps in the bar.

The Cinnamon Roll Raisin Pecan bars have a sweet cinnamon aroma. The cinnamon and frosting drizzle on top overpower the rest of the ingredients, which might make this bar too sweet for some. Even the chopped raisins got lost in the sweetness. Perhaps using whole raisins might’ve helped. As for the pecans, they play the same role the walnuts do in the other flavor, provide some nutritional value and add some crunch, but not deliver much flavor.

The folks at Quaker suggest warming up their Life Soft Baked Nutrition Bars For Adults by sticking them in the microwave for 10 seconds, which seems to soften them. Does warming them up make them better? No. Is warming them up worth the 10 second wait? No. If you were immortal, would you wait the 10 seconds? Maybe. It would depend on how hungry I am.

Overall, the Quaker Life Soft Baked Nutrition Bars For Adults are decent tasting, a good source of B vitamins and provides 5 grams of fiber per bar. But I’m not sure why they’re under the Life Cereal brand, since they’re not made with Life Cereal, and why they’re labeled “For Adults.” Because unlike other things I’ve bought that were “For Adults,” I didn’t have to pull out my driver’s license to prove my age when I bought them.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bar – Cinnamon Roll Raisin Pecan – 150 calories, 4 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 140 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, and 6 grams of protein. Banana Walnut Bread – 150 calories, 4 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 140 milligrams of sodium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 10 grams of sugar and 6 grams of protein.)

Item: Quaker Life Soft Baked Nutrition Bars For Adults (Cinnamon Roll Raisin Pecan & Banana Walnut Bread)
Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Size: 5 bars
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Banana Walnut Bread)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Cinnamon Roll Raisin Pecan)
Pros: Both flavors were good. Banana Walnut Bread smells like banana bread. Banana isn’t artificial tasting. Contains 5 grams of fiber. Cinnamon Roll Raisin Pecan bar have a sweet pleasant cinnamon scent. Good source of B vitamins. Full of other nutrients. Didn’t have to pull out my driver’s license to buy these adult bars.
Cons: No Life Cereal in them. Don’t know what Mikey thinks of them. Nuts don’t provide much flavor. Raisins got lost in the sweetness of the Cinnamon Roll Raisin Pecan bars. Cinnamon Roll Raisin Pecan bar might be too sweet for some. The sad world I imagine Mikey lives in.