NEWS: New DASANI essence Only Gets to First Base With All-Natural Fruit Flavor

Marvo 13 Comments

Like a Jonas brother wearing a purity ring, the new DASANI essence bottled water doesn’t go all the way. It only has a touch of fruit flavor and it accomplishes this without sweeteners, preservatives or calories. It’s the equivalent of just making out in the back seat of a Trans Am. The DASANI essence (yes, that’s how it’s spelled) is similar to the Hint Water we reviewed years ago.

Some of you might be thinking DASANI already has fruit flavored water, and you would be right, but that line of bottled water has a level of flavor that is equivalent to getting to third base in the back seat of a station wagon.

The DASANI essence comes in three flavors: black cherry, strawberry kiwi and lime. It’s being sold in 18.5-ounce bottles or 16-ounce bottles in a 4-pack.

An 8-ounce serving contains 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 25 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbohydrates and 0 grams of protein.

ANNOUNCEMENT: New Writer Ends The Sausagefest at The Impulsive Buy

Kayla 22 Comments

The glass ceiling has been broken, and I was the one who whipped out her .357 Magnum Lara Croft-style and shattered that sucker into a million pieces. Actually, it’s not that badass, but I will be the first writer sans schlong here at The Impulsive Buy.

And yes, I used the words sans and schlong in the same sentence.

Even though I am of the female persuasion, TIB will not be bombarded with reviews about tampons or other feminine products located in the aisle that has pregnancy tests and condoms.

Now that I’ve cleared that up…

I’m Kayla, a native of New Hampshire (a.k.a. Vermont’s spooning partner) who has been living in Philadelphia for almost three years. I’m pursuing my B.S. in Communications with concentrations in advertising and screenwriting. One day I’d like to be running my own advertising agency, making mad dough and coming up with commercial ideas that involve farting monkeys or other things that parent advocacy groups would deem inappropriate.

I’ve been consuming massive amounts of media since the age of two, which turned me into a pop culture snob of sorts, but not one of those snobs that needs to use Grey Poupon on everything. However, I do have a taste for the finer things in life like strippers, PBR and Warrant’s 1990 magnum opus “Cherry Pie.” Most of the time I’m enjoying these things all at once while wearing a strand of pearls and an adorable argyle sweater. I would like to think of myself as classy on the outside and sleazy on the inside.

I’ve been an avid reader of The Impulsive Buy since 2005, but never posted any comments on reviews since I really didn’t get into the blogging scene until recently when I started my own that focuses on advertising. You can check that out at bourgeoisconsumer.blogspot.com. I’m really excited to be on board here at TIB and I’m even more excited to start buying impulsively and working on my innuendo for reviews.

-Kayla

NEWS: Krispy Kreme Minis Makes Doughnut Dining a Little Lighter

Marvo 11 Comments

This week, Krispy Kreme introduced a line of mini doughnuts that have all the sweet, addictive goodness of their regular doughnuts, but at half the size. The mini doughnuts come in three varieties: original glazed, chocolate glazed and chocolate glazed with sprinkles.

Why did you have to do this Krispy Kreme? It’s so hard to prevent myself from eating just one of your regular doughnuts. Sure it’s probably a way to help sell your doughnuts during these hard economic times, but if I eat one of your mini doughnuts, I’ll think it’ll be okay to stuff my face with another since two of them would equal about one of your regular doughnuts. Unfortunately that extra doughnut could lead to a domino effect, which could cause me to go through an entire box faster than one left in the middle of a police station’s break room.

Thank goodness the only Krispy Kreme location in this state is on another island.

REVIEW: Cinnamon Chex Cereal

Marvo 16 Comments

Cinnamon Chex Cereal is the perfect foundation for something you might find on the blog This Is Why You’re Fat. Now you might be thinking how something wholesome, full of whole grains and provides 12 essential vitamins and minerals can turn into a gut-busting, diet-ruining and nauseating pile of hedonism that you wouldn’t even want to use to sabotage a Biggest Loser contestant. But if you think about it, no food is safe from being This-Is-Why-You’re-Fat-ized.

So how would one turn the Cinnamon Chex Cereal into something possibly worthy of being on a blog that takes other peoples’ pictures of disgusting food mashups, gets super famous and then ends up with a six-figure book deal, while the people who sent the pictures of said disgusting food mashups get almost nothing from that book deal? Well the first thing I would do is give the culinary monstrosity a name. Might I suggest, Cinnamon Chex Mixx. The extra X is for XTREME!!!

What would Cinnamon Chex Mixx consist of? Here’s the recipe:

8 cups of Cinnamon Chex cereal
2 cups of Cinnamon Toast Crunch
2 bags of 1.5 ounce Stacy’s Cinnamon Sugar Pita Chips
2 cups of Cinnamon Jelly Belly jelly beans
2 packs of Quaker Cinnamon & Spice Instant Oatmeal (uncooked)
4 Apple Cinnamon Pop-Tarts split into fourths
4 rolls of Cinnamon Mentos
2 tablespoons of cinnamon
1 dozen Cinnabon Mini Bites (or 3 regular Cinnabons cut into fourths)
1 box of Hot Tamales

Mix everything into the biggest bowl you can find, then place the mixture on top of a Dutch apple pie, take a picture of it while preventing yourself from throwing up at the sight of it, email it to the owners of This Is Why You’re Fat, then try to find someone who would be willing to taste the Cinnamon Chex Mixx, and when no one accepts the challenge, bribe someone to do it. If the photo ends up on This Is Why You’re Fat, congratulations are in order. If it doesn’t, take solace in the fact that the slightest scent of cinnamon will now make you nauseous.

While Cinnamon Chex Mixx on paper sounds unappetizing, Cinnamon Chex Cereal by itself is quite delicious because it has real cinnamon. While not every piece of rice and corn cereal has a cinnamon coating, combining the pieces that do with the pieces that don’t equals a cereal that has the right amount of cinnamon flavor. Just imagine a cereal with three-fifths the cinnamon flavor as Cinnamon Toast Crunch and you’ll get an idea of what this cereal is like. The cinnamon coating also helps keep the cereal from getting soggy too quickly.

Cinnamon Chex Cereal follows in the footsteps of Strawberry Chex and Chocolate Chex. All of them are tasty cereals with just the right amount of flavor; they give consumers an opportunity to eat a Chex cereal without having to eat it in Chex Mix form, which was once the only tolerable form when it was just Rice, Corn and Wheat Chex; and they all can be the beginning of a frickin’ Frankenstein-ish Chex Mixx that will make you sick.

(Nutritional Facts – 3/4 cup – 120 calories, 2 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 35 milligrams of potassium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, 17 grams of other carbohydrates, 2 grams of protein and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.)

Item: Cinnamon Chex Cereal
Price: $5.79
Size: 13.5 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tasty. Has real cinnamon. Right amount of cinnamon. Cinnamon coating helps cereal from getting soggy too quickly. Contains at least 8 grams of whole grains. Vitamins and minerals. This Is Why You’re Fat makes me lose my appetite sometimes.
Cons: Might not have enough cinnamon flavor for some. Pricey for me. Making Cinnamon Chex Mixx. Trying to convince someone to eat Cinnamon Chex Mixx. Bribing someone to eat Cinnamon Chex Mixx. Trying not to throw up while taking a picture of Cinnamon Chex Mixx.

REVIEW: Colgate Cinnamint Wisp

Marvo 16 Comments

Call me an old man who wants those darn kids to get off of my lawn and to stop skateboarding on the sidewalk, but I don’t understand this newfangled Colgate Cinnamint Wisp thingamajig, which is a mini one-time use toothbrush that doesn’t need water or rinsing. It seems like it has created its own level of oral hygiene somewhere in between brushing your teeth and chewing gum, which are two perfectly fine degrees of oral hygiene and I don’t think we need any more.

The Colgate Wisp is for people who want to freshen up on-the-go and it’s somewhat similar to the Oral-B Brush-Ups, except less environmentally-friendly and it doesn’t look like a Barbie oven mitt. Wisps are also not meant to replace regular brushing or to make your Troll Doll look respectable.

A Wisp is 3.5 inches long and is slightly unwieldy. Each end has a tool to help you clean your teeth; a mini plastic brush head on one end that brushes away food particles on and around your teeth and on the other end is a pointy tip, which I can only assume is used to clean your teeth by threaten dentists with it for free cleanings and check-ups.

In the middle of the brush head is a “freshening bead” that provides the nice, mild cinnamint flavor and dissolves as you brush. There’s no foaming involved or need to spit. The freshening bead takes a long time before it completely dissolves, but its flavor stops after a minute or two. Its bristles are quite stiff, so if you’re one of those people who plays hard, works hard and brushes hard, I’d suggest avoiding this product.

After using the Colgate Cinnamint Wisp a couple of times, I feel it does a decent job of freshening my mouth, but I also feel it isn’t very lasting or practical. Why should I replace my Orbit Gum, which claims to give me a “just brushed clean feeling” for a mini toothbrush that not only doesn’t satisfy my oral fixation, but is also kind of inconvenient to use. With sugar-free gum I can just pop a piece in my mouth and be on my merry way to a meeting, party or dealer. And I can keep that piece in my mouth for 15 minutes or more, throughout which it’s helping me produce saliva that helps fight decay-causing bacteria…or at least that’s what the interwebs told me because I have no formal or informal dental training under my belt.

With the Wisp I feel I have to go somewhere private in order to use it. I think it would be rude to use it in front of someone in public. I can’t just walk around with it in my mouth like I would with a piece of gum. It’s also another thing to carry around and I don’t have room for that. I don’t think Gap makes a cargo pants with enough pockets for all the crap I have to carry. I know what you’re thinking — man purse. But I already have to worry about too many “man products” like my mirdle, manziere and mthong.

(NOTE: Everyview gave their opinion on it and so did Plus/Minus.)

Item: Colgate Cinnamint Wisp
Price: $2.36
Size: 4-pack
Purchased at: The-Superstore-Behemoth-Which-Must-Not-Be-Named
Rating: 3 out of 10
Pros: Doesn’t need water or rinsing. Does a decent job of freshening my mouth. Nice, mild cinnamint flavor. Pointy tip comes in handy when threatening dentists for free services. Gum.
Cons: Stiff bristles. Inconvenient. Another thing to carry around. Freshness doesn’t seem to last very long. Slightly unwieldy. Not environmentally friendly. Seems weird to use it out in the open, unlike gum. Trying to make a Troll Doll look respectable.