REVIEW: Nature’s Path Organic Cherry Chocolate Stripes Frosted Toaster Pastries

Marvo 11 Comments

Nature's Path Organic Cherry Chocolate Stripes Frosted Toaster Pastries

Nature’s Path Organic Cherry Chocolate Stripes Frosted Toaster Pastries

Nature’s Path Organic Cherry Chocolate Stripes Frosted Toaster Pastries

Nature’s Path Organic Cherry Cherry Stripe Fristed Toaster Pastries

Nature’s Path Organ Cherry Chocolate Chripes Strosted Choaster Tastries

Nature’s Path Organ Sherry Chocholate Chripes Strosted Chocho Tas???

Oh! Hello there. I was just trying to say Nature’s Path Organic Cherry Chocolate Stripes Frosted Toaster Pastries five times in a row as fast as I can. As you can see, it’s quite the tongue twister and now my dreams of becoming an auctioneer have been crushed under the nine words that make up the name of this product.

Oh, I’ve let you down, Mr. John Moschitta Jr.!

The Nature’s Path Organic Cherry Chocolate Stripes Frosted Toaster Pastries, which I will call NPOCCSFTP for short, is the latest Pop-Tart lookalike from the organic foods manufacturer. The combination of tart cherries and sweet chocolate is a flavor that’s usually found in the candy clusterfuck known as a Whitman’s Sampler, whose multitude of choices has turned me over the years into an indecisive moron. I’m not too fond of the cherry/chocolate combo due to the number of times I’ve wrongfully picked the very tart cherry-filled Whitman’s chocolate, which my mother forced me to eat since I already touched it.

Because of my dislike for the cherry/chocolate combination, I didn’t have high expectations for the NPOCCSFTP, but Nature’s Path made the combination much more palatable than Whitman’s. The organic cherries didn’t overpower the organic chocolate, instead they blended well together because the cherries weren’t too sour. There’s also a little organic pomegranate juice, which I’m surprised didn’t enhance the sourness of the filling. Inside the pastry, the two fillings were supposed to be in alternating stripes, but because they’re both dark in color it’s like two bikini-clad girls in a filthy mud wrestling match where you can’t tell who’s who.

The crust had a grainy texture to it, just like the other Nature’s Path toaster pastry I tried. It’s also a little darker than the other one, so I’m wondering if there’s chocolate baked into it. It toasted up nicely, giving the pastry a nice crunchiness. The dirty white coloring of the frosting was a little off-putting since I demand my white toaster pastry frosting to be brighter than my smile.

Overall, the NPOCCSFTP was better than I thought it was going to be, but I can see people not enjoying it because of the cherry and chocolate combination. Nature’s Path Toaster Pastries are a good alternative, albeit a bit more expensive, for Kellogg’s Pop-Tarts. If you care about eating organic foods, then this would be an obvious choice. But if you don’t care about organic foods and you like toaster pastries with simple, short names like Kellogg’s Frosted Cherry Pop-Tarts, then the NPOCCSFTP is probably not the product for you.

(Nutritional Facts – 1 pastry – 200 calories, 4.5 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 125 milligrams of sodium, 38 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 19 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein, 2% calcium and 6% iron.)

Item: Nature’s Path Organic Cherry Chocolate Stripes Frosted Toaster Pastries
Price: FREE
Size: 6 pastries
Purchased at: Given by PR Firm
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Decent cherry/chocolate flavor. Cherry wasn’t overpowering. USDA organic certified. Vegetarian. Uses fair traded ingredients. Mud wrestling.
Cons: Cherry/chocolate flavor might be a turnoff for some. Same nutritional values as a regular Pop-Tart. Only six in a box and pricier than Pop-Tarts. Could make out the stripes in the filling. Off white frosting was a little off-putting. Long name.

NEWS: Wrigley Releases Two More 5 Gum Flavors and Continues The Trend of Giving Them Names You Would Probably Find On A Rave Flyer

Marvo 15 Comments

Read our reviews of the other Wrigley’s 5 Gum flavors here and here.

Wrigley’s 5 Gum line, which is marketed towards teens and strokes all five of their senses hard, recently got two new additions. The new flavors, Solstice and Zing, joins Lush, Elixir, Rain, Flare and Cobalt in the Wrigley’s 5 line and in the list of names you should not name your children.

The new flavors may have names similar to their older siblings and raves, but their taste isn’t as straight forth. Lush has a fruity flavor, Elixir has a berry taste, Rain is like spearmint, Cobalt has a peppermint flavor and Flare has a cinnamon taste, but according to Wrigley, the new flavors will have a “unique, game-changing flavor experience,” which is marketing speak for it starts out as one flavor and ends up as another. Solstice starts off warm and ends up as a cool winter mint, while Zing begins sour and ends up sweet.

Look for the new flavors at your local convenience store or with all of the other impulse buys lined along the checkout counter at your favorite mega-superstore.

(Note: TIB reviewed the previous flavors. Click here to read the Lush and Elixir review. Click here to read the Rain, Flare and Cobalt review.)

NEWS: Cold Stone Creamery Jumps on the Iced Coffee Bandwagon With a Sweet Litter of Beverages

Marvo 6 Comments

Last week, Cold Stone Creamery began selling iced and blended coffees made with its proprietary ice cream mixes in five flavors that sound like members of an all-girl pop group: Sweet Cream Latte (the cute one), Vanilla Creme Latte (the shy one), Milk Caramel Latte (the sporty one), Rich Mocha Latte (the spoiled one) and Raspberry Truffle Mocha Latte (the bad one). Each beverage is also topped with whipped cream and decorative sweets, from raspberry to caramel.

These caffeinated coffee drinks sound decadent and they probably are. So if you don’t want to feel guilty after consuming one of these, you can either not drink them or order the “light” versions of them, which use skim milk and have a third less calories.

They will be available at all Cold Stone locations nationwide starting at $1.99 for a limited time. Also, don’t forget, if you leave something in the tip jar they will probably sing to you while making it. And if you take something from the tip jar you will have a little more money to spend.

REVIEW: Method Kid Squeaky Green Fuzzy Peach 3-in-1 Shampoo

Marvo 14 Comments

As some of you know, I have a tendency to do things with the sexy, curvy bottles from the eco-friendly personal care and home cleaning product company Method that in all human cases would force me to have to register as a sex offender.

I will admit that I’m a little too friendly with them and I’ve been seeking help for it, but I would’ve never thought I’d find help in the form of a Method product bottle. The Method Kid Squeaky Green Fuzzy Peach 3-in-1 Shampoo is the first Method product that I have no desire to be playful with or to rub gently between my thighs, even though the toy-shaped bottle looks like it has a huge mouth waiting for something huge to fill it.

The bottle is curvy like most Method products, but it’s not a sexy curvy. It’s more like a cute curvy and I don’t feel comfortable fondling something the reminds me of my childhood friend, Totoro. So like Nicorette gum eventually weans people off of cigarettes, this cute, but not sexy bottle is slowly getting rid of my desire to molest other Method bottles.

The Method Kid Squeaky Clean Fuzzy Peach 3-in-1 is a tear-free shampoo, conditioner and body wash all wrapped into a bottle that I don’t want to touch in a way that makes it feel uncomfortable. The orange cream colored product inside has a consistency that’s a little more watery than most shampoos and body washes and it also doesn’t lather up as much. It’s 99% natural, hypo-allergenic and it’s never been tested on animals.

Its scent didn’t smell very peachy at first, instead it was a little more tropical, like a pina colada. So if your kid likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. If they’re not into yoga. If they have half-a-brain. If they’d like making love at midnight in the dunes on the cape. Then this product is the love that they’ve looked for. Pick it up and escape.

The best part of the Method Kid Squeaky Green Fuzzy Peach 3-in-1 Shampoo is the way it doles out its product. Its dispensing mechanism is on the bottom of the bottle and it doesn’t need a cap, because it has been engineered to have the leak prevention power of well Kegel exercised muscles on steroids. Or a more appropriate way to explain it, since where it’s dispensed is located at the bottom of the toy character-shaped bottle and between its legs, would be to say that it’s like an asshole (and I’m talking anatomical not Christian Bale). This bit of technology, I assume, makes it easier for parents to wash their little children because they don’t have to worry about flipping bottle tops or anything bothersome like that.

If I had a kid, I would probably pick up Method Kid Squeaky Green Fuzzy Peach 3-in-1 Shampoo because I would only need one product to clean my kid, I can use the fun-shaped bottle to entertain him or her, it’s 99% natural, it’s hypo-allergenic and it would help prevent me from fondling the Method hand soap bottle next to the sink.

Item: Method Kid Squeaky Green Fuzzy Peach 3-in-1 Shampoo
Price: $7.49
Size: 10 ounces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: A body wash, shampoo and conditioner all in one. Nice tropical scent. 99% natural. Hypo-allergenic. Really cool dispensing mechanism. Kegel exercises.
Cons: Doesn’t smell peachy at first. Kind of pricey. Doesn’t lather up very well. Watery than most body washes and shampoos. My problem with fondling Method bottles.

REVIEW: Nabisco Wheat Thins Artisan Cheese Crackers

Marvo 19 Comments

Wheat Thins Artisan

If you don’t want friends, co-workers bothering you or don’t want to lose your virginity, I believe one of the easiest ways to make either of those things happen is to eat the Nabisco Wheat Thins Artisan Cheese Crackers. They come in two flavors — Wisconsin Colby and Vermont White Cheddar — but it really doesn’t matter which one you choose because they both will make your mouth a noxious hole that some dentists wouldn’t even dare to explore.

I’m no sophisticated, snobby cheese connoisseur, so I can’t claim I’ve tried either the Wisconsin Colby or Vermont White Cheddar in their curdled block form and I also don’t know if these cheeses are as pungent as these crackers. All I really know about them is what’s printed on their respective boxes, which say Wisconsin Colby cheese is, “…known for its mild, gentle flavor and smooth texture,” and Vermont White Cheddar cheese is, “…famous for its high quality, creamy texture and just a hint of sharpness.”

Just to let you know, about 45 percent of my cheese consumption comes in the form of individually wrapped slices of processed cheese, 15 percent comes from Mexican/Taco Bell food, 10 percent comes from pizza, another 10 percent comes from other fast food, 5 percent comes from Cheez-Its, another 5 percent comes from Doritos, another 5 percent comes from Cheetos, and the last 5 percent of my cheese consumption comes from accidently drinking milk that expired three months earlier.

The Wheat Thins Artisan Cheese Crackers don’t come in the same square shape as all the other Wheat Thins. Instead these cheesy crackers come in a shape familiar to beekeepers and those who play the board game The Settlers of Catan — a hexagon.

Both flavors were covered in a cheesy powder, which ended up on my fingers. I thought the flavors of both were weird when I first tried them, I guess because I thought they were a little strong, but a few crackers later I found myself enjoying them. The cheesy flavors were different than what I’m used to with the radioactive orange cheese snacks I usually consume, but these crackers were just as crunchy as my normal cheesy snacks. The Vermont White Cheddar had the stronger cheesy flavor and it was my favorite between the two. The Wisconsin Colby was tasty too, but I felt like it made my mouth stinkier.

The Wheat Thins Artisan Cheese Crackers seem to be marketed as fancier than their regular square counterparts, which makes me question my belief that putting slices of American cheese on top of regular Wheat Thins and sticking them in the microwave for 20 seconds is fancy. If cheesy crackers that make your breath smell like you made out with a mousetrap is considered snazzy, then I’m going to need some strong minty chewing gum.

(Nutrition Facts – 14 crackers – 140 calories, 5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 220 or 230 milligrams of sodium, 45 milligrams of potassium, 21 or 22 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 6% calcium and 6% iron.)

Item: Nabisco Wheat Thins Artisan Cheese Crackers
Price: $3.00
Size: 8 ounces
Purchased at: Star Market
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Tasty. No trans fat or high fructose corn syrup. Provides 5 grams of whole grain. Minty chewing gum. Putting American cheese on regular Wheat Thins and sticking them in the microwave for 20 seconds.
Cons: Cheesy flavor may taste weird at first. Some people may not care for the cheesy flavors. Cheesy powder will end up fingers. Will make your breath smell. Drinking expired milk. My cheese consumption. Making out with a mousetrap.