The Impulsive Buy

  • REVIEW: Macadamia Nuts with SPAM

    Macadamia Nuts with SPAM

    To Hawaii residents, macadamia nuts are like flowers and most of the stuff at Spencer’s, they’re not something they would buy for themselves.

    However, that may change thanks to these Macadamia Nuts with SPAM, which combines the canned nut tourists love to buy with the flavor people in the other 49 states don’t understand why Hawaii residents enjoy.

    Even for me, someone who enjoys the taste of SPAM, the combination made me scratch my head. When I first saw a picture of the can, I thought it was a heavily Photoshopped creation, like Tara Reid’s recent spread in Playboy. But even when I saw it with my own eyes and held a can in my hand, I still couldn’t quite believe it and thought fake snakes were going to jump out when I opened it.

    But that didn’t happen. The only thing that jumped out was the scent of macadamia nuts with a noticeable amount of SPAM. Each nut has a slight pink powdery coating, which makes sense since a SPAM product wouldn’t be one if it didn’t come in the pink hue that even disgusts the pink-loving Hello Kitty.

    While looking at them, all I could think about was whether they would be gross, like the Playboy pictorial of former WWF wrestler Chyna, or disappointing, like Olivia Munn’s safe-for-work Playboy photos.

    Macadamia Nuts with SPAM Closeup

    Fortunately, they were neither.

    While there’s definitely a SPAM flavor, it’s not overpowering and the combination of the mystery meat and macadamia nuts was surprisingly tasty. While I prefer to have my macadamia nuts dipped in sweet chocolate, the SPAM coating is a good savory option, even though the idea of SPAM in pink powdered form is kind of unsettling, like Marge Simpson posing in Playboy.

    But, again, I enjoy the taste of SPAM.

    If you don’t like SPAM, you’ll probably avoid these Macadamia Nuts with SPAM, much like how I avoided the issue of Playboy with Heidi Montag on the cover.

    (Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce – 200 calories, 20 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 145 milligrams of sodium, 4 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 2% calcium and 4% iron.)

    Item: Macadamia Nuts with SPAM
    Price: $4.99
    Size: 4.5 ounces
    Purchased at: Longs Drugs
    Rating: 6 out of 10
    Pros: Mystery meat and macadamia nuts are a surprisingly tasty combination. SPAM flavor isn’t overpowering. My knowledge of celebrities who have been in Playboy. The monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fats in macadamia nuts. Makes a great WTF gift. Olivia Munn.
    Cons: Not for those who don’t like SPAM. Pink powder on them makes them look a little frightening. Marge Simpson, Chyna and Heidi Montag in Playboy. Olivia Munn’s non-nude Playboy photos. Only available in Hawaii.

  • NEWS: Vitaminwater Connect Gives Facebook Users Something Appropriate To Spit Out When They Find Out Via Facebook The Ex They Still Think About Is Now Married

    Last year, Vitaminwater allowed their Facebook fans to create a new flavor and the result of that is Vitaminwater Connect. The newest beverage from the Coke-owned company is a black cherry-lime flavored water that contains eight “key nutrients” and caffeine. Sadly, none of the ingredients in the beverage were grown via FarmVille.

    As with all flavors of Vitaminwater, it contains the obligatory light-hearted copy in all lowercase letters:

    “we caught you. no use denying it. your fingerprints are all over this bottle. after connecting on Facebook, you voted on the flavor & designed the label—it was great having you do all the work! and since you’ve been so busy pretending not to notice friend requests for about 3 days, posting pics of events (that you’re still at), and clicking through photos of ‘friends’ you barely know (ever get nervous they can tell?), better crack open this bottle. it’s got 8 key nutrients from vitamin a to zing plus caffeine to give you some extra energy… because based on last night’s pics, it looks like you’ve got some serious untagging to do.”

    It won’t be available until March, but you can kill some of that time by playing Mafia Wars or Bejeweled Blitz.

  • REVIEW: Mr. Coffee Cafe Frappe

    Mr. Coffee Cafe Frappe

    It seems like the holiday season came and went faster than an unsuspecting family who hoped to pick up a pet rabbit at the infamous Nevada establishment known as the Moonlite BunnyRanch. After trying to find a proper place to dispose of your Christmas tree or Hanukkah bush, it’s time to go through your loot and decide what you’re going to keep, what you’re going to regift and what is heading back to store.

    When I received the Mr. Coffee Cafe Frappe, I was happy. However, I wasn’t as excited as I was Christmas 1993 when I received an amazing 16-bit gaming console known as the Sega Genesis. But needless to say, over the years I’ve become jaded, bitter and a crotchety woman. That is, of course, if I don’t have my coffee. Once I have at least one cup in my system I’m ready for the day.

    The Mr. Coffee Cafe Frappe seemed like it was the perfect countertop machine for me because I love the icy treats from Starbucks and Dunkin’ Donuts, but I’m cheaper than an elderly man who insists on getting senior citizen discounts at the Moonlite BunnyRanch. In fact, I’m so cheap that when I found out Dunkin’ Donuts gives senior discounts, I was tempted to buy a Wilfred Brimley mask and go to the nearest location so that I could get my coffee fix for 50 cents cheaper. But I didn’t because I’m too cheap to buy the mask.

    The Cafe Frappe is pretty easy to operate; after the coffee brews, you add two cups of ice, milk and whatever else your caffeine-powered heart desires. The pitcher makes one large serving or two smaller servings, but that is if the unit works. After making my first frappe (a coffee and mint concoction with chocolate soy milk) and cleaning the pitcher, the machine would not turn on again.

    Nothing that a trip to Bed Bath & Beyond couldn’t fix, right?

    Wrong.

    Apparently this smoothie coffee maker hybrid was the hot item this year for people who buy random kitchen appliances and use them once. So a gift turned into a hunt to find a Mr. Coffee Cafe Frappe within a 50-mile radius. After finally finding one, I was able to make unique and sinful frappes like The Lady Godiva, which is tiramisu flavored coffee and a few shots of Godiva chocolate liqueur. The Cafe Frappe is a great machine to impress party guests, but it would take a lot of time to make enough for a group of people, like all of the women one can choose from at the Moonlite BunnyRanch.

    Just like that Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine I had when I was just a wee little girl, I’m sure the novelty of the Mr. Coffee Cafe Frappe will wear off and become the coffee lover’s version of the Margaritaville Margarita Maker, Power Juicer and every As Seen on TV appliance.

    Item: Mr. Coffee Cafe Frappe
    Price: Received as gift but retails for $79.95
    Purchased at: Bed Bath & Beyond
    Rating: 6 out of 10
    Pros: Easy to set up. Easy to make. Coming up with your own recipes that Starbucks or Dunkin’ Donuts can’t make due to legal reasons. Wilfred Brimley Masks. Sega Genesis.
    Cons: Quality of the machine isn’t the best. Doesn’t make a large quantity of frozen delicious beverages. No College Student Discount at Starbucks or Dunkin’ Donuts. Driving around to return gifts.

  • PRIZE DRAWING: Because None of My Carl’s Jr.’s Are A Participating Restaurant

    I have a coupon for a free Carl’s Jr. Grilled Chicken Salad, which I received from the fine folks at Carl’s Jr.

    I was going to use this coupon to purchase one of the new three salads in order to review it, but none of the Carl’s Jr. restaurants in my area offers them. Now I could give this coupon to a homeless guy as a cruel joke, since he also can’t use it, but my karma is at an all-time low and I need to improve it, so when I’m reincarnated I don’t come back as a cockroach or an even lower life form — a cast member on MTV’s Jersey Shore.

    So to help with my karma, I decided to give away this coupon to a lucky Impulsive Buy reader who lives near a Carl’s Jr. If you don’t know if a Carl’s Jr. is nearby, visit their website. But also make sure they offer the salads. This coupon can’t be used at a Hardee’s.

    To enter this prize drawing, leave a comment with THIS post. Say whatever you like.

    Please don’t forget to fill out the email field because I’ll be emailing the winner for their mailing address. The Impulsive Buy will stop accepting entries on Sunday, January 17, 2010 11:59 p.m. Hawaii Standard Time. Only one entry allowed per person and it’s only open to those 18 years old or older, who, again, live near a Carl’s Jr.

    Good luck!

    Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you stupid press releases that you don’t even care about. Not even a little. The Impulsive Buy also promises your mailing address will not be used to send you my credit card bills. Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail, damaged mail, or not have a participating Carl’s Jr. near you.

  • REVIEW: Hot Pockets SideShots Mini Cheeseburgers

    Hot Pockets SideShots Mini Cheeseburgers

    Like Lucky Charms marshmallows, bongs and Kardashian sisters, Hot Pockets come in an array of shapes.

    There’s the regular rectangular Hot Pocket, the triangular Panini Hot Pocket, the circular Deep Dish Pizzeria Hot Pocket and you can now add the strapless bra-shaped Hot Pockets SideShots Mini Cheeseburgers.

    Unlike most Hot Pockets, these SideShots don’t involve a crisping sleeve. But just like all Hot Pockets, utensils aren’t necessary and they make me say to myself, “What wrong turn have I taken in my life that has led me to eating Hot Pockets?”

    The Hot Pockets SideShots Mini Cheeseburgers are made up of bits of seasoned ground beef, cubes of cheese and some kind of sauce enclosed in a soft bun. They come attached in pairs, hence the strapless bra shape, and each pair is as long as a normal rectangular Hot Pocket.

    While warming up a pair in the microwave for the recommended time of 1 minute 45 seconds, they made my apartment smell like a bakery, something no other Hot Pocket has ever accomplished. I took that as a sign of good things to come.

    Hot Pockets SideShots Mini Cheeseburgers Innards

    The buns turned out surprisingly well for something that came out of a microwave oven. They were mostly soft and only a little chewy. But what was even more astonishing to me was that they tasted just like a McDonald’s Double Cheeseburger (or McDouble) — pickles and all.

    While the Hot Pockets SideShots Mini Cheeseburgers do taste great, I didn’t think they were very filling and, at three dollars a box, they seem kind of pricey since one can get three heartier McDoubles for the same price. But then again, I guess they shouldn’t be as hearty since I consider consumption of a Hot Pocket as settling for something less than the real thing.

    (Nutrition Facts – 2 buns – 300 calories, 10 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 640 milligrams of sodium, 40 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, 12 grams of protein, 10% calcium, 20% thiamine, 10% vitamin B12, 20% folic acid, 15% iron, 15% riboflavin, 15% niacin and 10% phosphorus.)

    Item: Hot Pockets SideShots Mini Cheeseburgers
    Price: $3.00
    Size: 4 pack
    Purchased at: Safeway
    Rating: 7 out of 10
    Pros: Tastes like a McDonald’s Double Cheeseburger — pickles and all. Buns came out surprisingly well. No trans fat. Contains vitamins and minerals. Made my apartment smell like a bakery. Shaped like a strapless bra.
    Cons: Not very filling. Kind of pricey. Taking a wrong turn in your life, which leads you to eating a Hot Pocket. Shaped like a strapless bra.