PRIZE DRAWING: Because I Have Enough Blue and Enough Hawaii

Marvo 171 Comments

When I first heard about the Pepsi Blue Hawaii being sold only in Japan, I knew I had to try it and review it, so I went about getting my hands on some. It wasn’t a matter of if, because I knew some capitalist soul would be selling some on eBay, but it was a matter of how much I was willing to spend. I ended up paying $22 (US Dollars) for three bottles of it, plus $20 for shipping from Japan. A few days prior to that, TIB reader Fury emailed me and asked if I’d be willing to review some snacks from Japan she wanted to send me. Because I’m not one to turn down free snacks, I told her to send them my way. When the box arrived, it was full of the Japanese snacks she promised, but there was a little surprise at the bottom of the box, which was a bottle of the Pepsi Blue Hawaii.

The bottles of Pepsi Blue Hawaii I purchased on eBay arrived the other day and since I already reviewed it, I don’t have a need for all three bottles, but I am going to keep one for myself in hopes that it will be worth $42 someday on eBay so I can make my money back. But as for the other two bottles, I’m going to give them away to two lucky readers via a prize drawing.

To enter this prize drawing, just leave a comment for THIS post with either your suggestion for the next Japanese Pepsi flavor or whatever else you’d like to say. Please fill out the email field, because I’ll be emailing the winner for their mailing address. The Impulsive Buy will stop accepting entries on Saturday, July 12, 2008 11:59 p.m. Hawaii Standard Time. Only one entry allowed per person. The drawing is open to everyone.

Good luck!

Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you forwards about how Bill Gates wants to give you $1,000. The Impulsive Buy also promises your mailing address will not be used to send you information about how you can get Business Week magazine for the professional rate of $49.95 per year. Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail, damaged mail, or getting a C-List celebrity pregnant.

REVIEW: McCafe Tuxedo Brownie

Marvo 29 Comments

The idea of getting a fancy pastry from McDonald’s is like getting your entertainment from MTV, it’s best to have low expectations because of its source, which should’ve stuck to their roots instead of branching out into other areas.

The Golden Arches has been trying to take advantage of Starbucks’ popularity by introducing in some of their McDonald’s restaurants the McCafe, which offers coffees, coffee drinks, fruit smoothies, and pastries, like the McCafe Tuxedo Brownie.

Just like all Mike Myers’ films after “So I Married An Axe Murderer,” I had low expectations for the McCafe Tuxedo Brownie, which consisted of a fudge top, a chewy brownie middle, and a crunchy bottom that seemed to consist of Oreo crumbs and white chocolate.

It reminded me of something I would find in Chili’s or Applebees, except without the obligatory scoop of vanilla ice cream and the boring restaurant decor. The design on top of the Tuxedo Brownie looked like cappuccino art and brought back memories from those times I spent trying to perfect my curly brackets in trigonometry class.

The box it came in was significantly bigger than the pastry itself and it also came in a fancy schmancy McCafe brown paper bag with paper handles, which will be recycled and used as a gift bag filled with dog poop, set on fire, and given to someone I don’t like.

You know who you are.

The Tuxedo Brownie was as dense as the words that come out of Spencer Pratt’s mouth whenever he opens it. As a matter of fact, it was so dense that I couldn’t eat the whole thing in one sitting, but that denseness made it chewy, which is just how I like my brownies.

Unfortunately, it didn’t really taste like a brownie because the fudge top overpowered the rest of it. Overall, it was good, which surprised the hell out of me, although I could probably do a better job with some fudge, brownie mix, chocolate chips, macadamia nuts, an Iron Chef, and a degree from a half-decent French culinary school.

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to TIB reader Kylie for recommending the McCafe pastries for review. I think I still feel it in my gut.)

Item: McCafe Tuxedo Brownie
Price: $2.75
Purchased at: McDonald’s McCafe
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Good. Chewy. Seems inexpensive. Looks fancy. Comes in a fancy schmancy brown paper bag with handles. “So I Married An Axe Murderer.” MTV when they played music videos.
Cons: Doesn’t really taste like a brownie. Denseness may turn off some. Comes in huge box. Not available at all McDonald’s. Unknown nutrition facts. Spencer Pratt. Trigonometry. MTV today.

Guitar Hero: On Tour

Ace 16 Comments

Armed with a $50 gift card and a twisted obsession with anything gimmicky, I drifted into Best Buy with my eyes peeled and my mind open. At every corner, I was ambushed by tall and gawky nerds in bright blue shirts who asked me if I was finding everything okay. I eventually replied, “No, for you see, I’m just an caveman. Your wares frighten and confuse me!” which bemused them and eventually got them off my back.

As I made my way towards the center of the store, I literally stumbled upon the giant display of the new Nintendo DS game Guitar Hero: On Tour. After knocking down roughly half of the boxes, I managed to pick them up in time before any employees could come around to shoot me an angry leer. The game certainly looked intriguing enough, and in the end, the box art’s promise of turning me into a meth-addicted white trash rocker was too much to pass up.

Fifty dollars is a lot for a DS game, but it does have plenty of extras included. The contents of the package are as follows: a four-button fret with an adjustable strap that fits into the DS’s Gameboy slot, a plastic “skin” for the device, a pick-shaped stylus that fits in the contraption, an adapter for players with an old DS, and the video game itself. I must warn you that the device is a bit small. Since I have tiny little girl hands, however, I had no problem with the size.

For those uninitiated with Guitar Hero, you simply match your fingers to the notes displayed on the screen and strum at the moment that they reach the bottom. You would typically do this with a guitar controller that looks like a Fisher Price toy, but in this version you move your fingers on the attached frets and “strum” with your pick stylus on the touch screen. It works surprisingly well with near-perfect accuracy, meaning that you have no one to blame but yourself when you are booed off the stage.

The downside, of course, is that you are actually playing a simulation of a simulation. The creators of Futurama have already parodied this paradox, but little did they know that it would come true 992 years earlier than they predicted. You won’t get the enjoyment of pretending that you’re Slash or any of your other favorite drugged up guitarists, but you will get a great portable music game with enough tracks (26 in all) to keep you entertained until your parents kick your slacker ass out of the house.

If you want more info, check out my poorly narrated video for a content and game play demonstration.



Item: Guitar Hero: On Tour
Price: $49.99
Purchased at: Best Buy
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Comes with fun and gimmicky fret controller that is sure to impress the ladies in public. Game works surprisingly well for a portable version. Other than Elite Beat Agents, this is the only good music game currently released for the DS.
Cons: Much pricier than regular DS games, which typically retail for $30. Can’t pretend that you’re actually playing a guitar. Controller might be a bit small for people with adult-sized hands. Overbearing employees.

Burger King Ketchup & Fries Potato Snacks

Marvo 18 Comments

From my front door, it takes a few hundred steps for me to get to the Burger King down the street. Sometimes it takes more, if I stop at the Moonlight Massage parlor along the way, which are open during the hours of 10 p.m. and 4 a.m., and sometimes it takes less, if I take my car or if I stop by the Moonlight Massage and ask my masseuse, Persia, to replace the usual “Happy Ending” with a trip to Burger King, because really, getting a Whopper delivered to you is truly a happy ending. Sometimes I wish the Burger King was much closer, but thanks to the Burger King Ketchup & Fries Potato Snacks I can experience Burger King without leaving my apartment and without asking Persia to walk in her five inch heels down the street.

To be honest, I’m not a fan of Burger King french fries so I didn’t think I’d like these. However, the good news is that these potato snacks didn’t taste like Burger King french fries. The bad news is that these potato snacks are worse than Burger King french fries. To sum up how I feel about them, I came up with this simple equation:

Burger King Ketchup & Fries Potato Snacks is less than Burger King french fries is less than a slap in the face

Its tangy ketchup flavor came in the form of a powder that is Homeland Security Red in color and sticks to your fingers, making them look like they caught something from being in Paris Hilton’s disarrayed va-jay-jay. Sucking the flavor off my fingers is usually a pleasurable experience that I pay for at the Moonlight Massage, but that wasn’t the case with the bright red powder since it made my fingers smell like Thousand Island dressing, one of the least erotic salad dressings, right next to blue cheese. The flavor of the Burger King Ketchup & Fries Potato Snacks had a strong vinegary smell and taste, which bordered between bad ketchup flavored Pringles and bad barbeque flavored potato chips.

But not everything is bad about the Burger King Ketchup & Fries Potato Snacks. They are healthier than a small size of Burger King french fries and contain no trans fats, but if that’s all they’ve got going for them, it’s not good. Well, it looks like my Happy Endings will continue to end with a Whopper.

(Nutrition Facts – Approx. 16 chips – 150 calories, 8 grams of fat, 1 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 240 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 1 grams of dietary fiber, 1 grams of sugar, 1 grams of sugars, and 5 red powdery fingers.)

(Editor’s Note: Snack You Silly also reviewed this package of red, vinegar goodness.)

Item: Burger King Ketchup & Fries Potato Snacks
Price: $1.49 (3 ounces)
Purchased at: PriceBusters
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: A Happy Ending and those that end with a Whopper. Zero trans fat. Healthier than Burger King fries. A slap in the face compared with Burger King fries.
Cons: Worse than Burger King fries. Strong vinegar smell and taste. Leaves red powder on fingers that smell like Thousand Island dressing, the least erotic salad dressing. Walking in five inch heels. Burger King fries.

REVIEW: Pepsi Blue Hawaii

Marvo 29 Comments

Last summer, Pepsi in Japan introduced the very limited edition Pepsi Ice Cucumber, which sold out in less than a month and helped Japan maintain their title of Country Most Likely Not To Use Focus Groups. This summer, they gave the finger to focus groups again and released the limited-edition, Japan-only, Pepsi Blue Hawaii.

The beverage is based on the Blue Hawaii cocktail, which is made of rum, pineapple juice, blue Curacao, sweet and sour mix, and sometimes vodka. Despite living in Hawaii and being of drinking age for the past decade, I have yet to consume a Blue Hawaii, because I’m allergic to cocktail umbrellas and drinks that make me look like a drunk sorority girl ready to flash her boobs when a video camera and Joe Francis come by.

The color of the Pepsi Blue Hawaii could best be described as Smurf-like, which makes sense since the idea of the Pepsi Blue Hawaii made me feel the same way I feel about the future Smurfs movie — it’s probably going to suck, but it has a certain allure to it that tickles my smurfs. After tasting it, I have to say that the Pepsi Blue Hawaii isn’t so smurftastic, but it is just a little smurfy.

The pineapple and lemon flavor combination was really smurfing sweet and artificial, especially the pineapple. I really didn’t enjoy it at first, but just like my experience with the Pepsi Ice Cucumber, I got used to its flavor and somewhat enjoyed it. I think its fruity flavor would make it a smurftastic mixer if you want to get totally smurfed off of something blue and can get your hands on some Pepsi Blue Hawaii.

I’m not sure what the smurf is so mutha smurfing appealing to my taste buds with the Pepsi Blue Hawaii, but for some smurfing reason, companies in Japan seem to know how to make smurfing products that sound and look unsmurfy, but in the end, turn out to be kind of smurfy. So I look forward to a new mutha smurfing flavor next summer from Pepsi in Japan. My money is on Pepsi Ice Carrot or Cherry Blossom Pepsi.

(Editor’s Note: TIB would like to thank reader Fury for sending a bottle of Pepsi Blue Hawaii from Japan, along with a bunch of other goodies to review. Domo arigato gozaimasu!)

Item: Pepsi Blue Hawaii
Price: FREE (only available in Japan)
Purchased at: Received from TIB reader Fury
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Just a little smurfy. Comes in a Smurf color. After a few sips, I got used to the flavor and somewhat enjoyed it. Might make a good mixer. Using focus groups. Getting my smurfs tickled.
Cons: Pineapple and lemon flavor was smurfing sweet and artificial. Didn’t like the flavor at first. Available only in Japan. Limited edition. Drinks that make me look like a drunk sorority girl. Cocktail umbrellas.