The Best of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog DVD

Triumph DVD

While browsing though the DVD new releases section at my favorite national brick and mortar music and video store chain that has filed for bankruptcy due to online shopping and illegal downloading, I came upon several interesting titles.

For example, the Olsen twins’ “New York Minute,” which I would’ve gotten, but I’m not a teenage girl or a lonely, scary middle-aged man, who gets Victoria’s Secrets catalogs delivered to his mailbox under a female alias.

I also happen to come upon a DVD I was hoping they would put out someday, The Best of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.

Holy crap! All of my favorite Triumph moments are on this DVD.

Let me tell you, buying this DVD is a lot easier than trying to illegally download Triumph clips via Kazaa or Limewire. To download these clips is sooo slow sometimes and not every clip is available. Plus, the Hollywood Squares clip is kind of fuzzy, like someone recorded the clip on a television that gets its reception from a cheapo antenna.

Not like I do that kind of illegal downloading, Mr. Recording Industry Association of America and Ms. Motion Picture Association of America.

Um…like I said before, all my favorite Triumph moments are on this DVD.

From the classic Attack of the Nerds, where Triumph harasses the nerds waiting in line at the Star Wars: Attack of the Clones premier to his appearances on the previously mentioned Hollywood Squares to all his Westminster Dog Show segments to his trashing of Bon Jovi.

As with all DVDs there are some never-before-seen extras, like more footage on Triumph’s Attack of the Nerds. There can never be too much of harassing of nerds. If I have to go through the constant harassment, every nerd should go through it.

There’s approximately 150 minutes of laughter for you and many minutes of steamy dog-puppet-on-dog action your pooch might enjoy.

Item: The Best of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog DVD
Purchase Price: $14.99 (on sale)
Rating: 5 out of 5
Pros: Damn funny! All of Triumph’s classic comedy bits are on this DVD, which makes illegally downloading them unnecessary. Possible pooch porn.
Cons: Not everyone’s cup of tea, like my parents and your parents. Possible pooch porn.

REVIEW: Peanut Butter M-Azing & Crunchy M-Azing

Peanut Butter M-Azing & Crunchy M-Azing

Usually here at The Impulsive Buy we try to have reviews done a week in advanced, but last week we let our Labor Day vacation start really early, like around Tuesday.

So on the real Labor Day, The Impulsive Buy staff had to scramble for a review.

Okay, let me rephrase that. I had to scramble for a review, since I’m the only one who came into The Impulsive Buy Laboratory on Labor Day. Those bastards!

I checked The Official Impulsive Buy Cabinet, where we keep the stuff we’re going to eventually review and our lunches, but the only items in there were a container of one-year-old Tang, a can of refried beans, and four three-year-old cans of cream of mushroom soup.

Thank goodness for the national convenience store chain down the street. Open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and 365 days a year.

With only a dollar and some change, I felt like I was Rachael Ray on the Food Network. She has this show called $40 A Day, where she spends a day in some town and only has a $40 budget to eat breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a snack. Some of us at The Impulsive Buy watch the show religiously, because she’s a little dorky and really hot. Grrrowl!

Someone, who I won’t name, even has a shrine dedicated to her that consists of several 8 x 10 photos, her cookbooks, and a television/DVD combo that plays a continuous loop of her shows.

With very little money, I couldn’t buy much. Fortunately, I came upon something M-Azing in the candy aisle, Peanut Butter M-Azing and Crunchy M-Azing. Okay, I didn’t know if they were M-Azing or not because I did try them yet, but the price for them was M-Azing. They were on sale for 59 cents each, so I bought both.

M-Azing is basically M&M’s Minis in a chocolate bar. Not just any M&M’s Minis though, crunchy and peanut butter M&M’s. I was wondering if there was a plain and a peanut version, but then I realized how silly it would be to put plain chocolate M&M’s Minis in a chocolate bar and how hard it must be to make peanut M&M’s Minis.

After eating both in one sitting, because I was so bored and lonely in The Impulsive Buy Laboratory, I think M-Azing isn’t that M-Azing. Maybe it’s because I’ve been mixing M&M’s for years with other things like, putting them in chocolate pudding, in a peanut butter sandwich, on top of ice cream, mixing them with Yoo-Hoo, in trail mix, stuffing them into Twinkies, etc.

Don’t get me wrong, they are good, but like I said before, it just isn’t that M-Azing.

Item: Crunchy M-Azing & Peanut Butter M-Azing
Purchase Price: $0.59 each (on sale)
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Cheap price. Good.
Cons: Not that M-Azing. If you’re going to call something M-Azing, it should be amazing.

Jack in the Box Natural Cut Fries

Natural Cut Fries

“Bigger and thicker” is how Jack in the Box is promoting their new Natural Cut Fries. I’m sure the same phrase has been used to promote other things. I won’t list them here, but I’ll let you use your imaginations…your dirty imaginations.

These new Natural Cut Fries replaces Jack in the Box’s previous fries, which honestly made me think, “This REALLY was a potato at some point?”

Jack in the Box is also promoting their Natural Cut Fries by saying they leave on the skin of the potato.

In case you didn’t know, the most nutrient part of a potato is the skin. However, when you cut up a potato with the skin and deep-fry it in extremely hot oil, the most nutrient part becomes the paper French Fry sleeve they come in.

After watching the Jack in the Box commercial on television, I was so looking forward to trying these fries.

I was thinking it was going to be like In-N-Out Burger fries, where they have some dude chopping up the potatoes in the kitchen, but then I remembered that this is crappy fast food and that the fries were probably chopped in some big factory, then flash frozen, then dumped into large brown bags, shipped across the United States in a 16-wheeler, and poured frozen out of the large brown bags into a waiting basket that will be dipped into a tub of boiling oil.

The Natural Cut Fries are bigger and thicker than Jack in the Box’s original fries and after trying them; I have to say they’re definitely better. However, their taste doesn’t stack up against the 800-pound gorilla of the French Fry world, McDonald’s French Fries.

I guess sometimes “bigger and thicker” doesn’t mean better.

Also, “average and I know how to use it,” always means better.

Right, ladies?

Item: Jack in the Box Natural Cut Fries
Purchase Price: $2.29
Rating: 2 out of 5
Pros: Potato skin!!! Bigger and thicker than Jack in the Box’s original fries.
Cons: Still doesn’t beat out McDonald’s fries in taste. Bigger and thicker, doesn’t mean better.

REVIEW: Burger King Angus Bacon & Cheese Steak Burger

Burger King Angus Bacon & Cheese Steak Burger

Honestly, there’s something slightly wrong with eating a burger whose name is a dropped letter “g” away from being called something that’s a part of my own ass.

I actually tried the original Angus Steak Burger when it first came out and I really didn’t think much of it. However, due to the influx of annoying Angus Diet advertisements I felt compelled to try it again, hoping it would please the Advertising Gods and make those commercials go away. Unfortunately, my theory didn’t work.

I think if I ate a heart attack’s worth of Angus Steak Burgers, only then would I be able to get away from those damn commercials, unless heaven has basic cable.

So what exactly is Anus…I mean Angus beef? What makes it so special?

Apparently, only 8 percent of the beef in the United States can be considered Angus beef. It’s known for it outstanding juiciness, tenderness, and flavor. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find out if the Angus beef comes from the ass of a cow, since I think that’s how Angus got its name.

Enough with the slaughterhouse lesson, let’s talk about the rest of the burger which consists of fire-grilled onions, cap leaf lettuce, red ripe tomatoes, freshly toasted corn-dusted buns, signature steak sauce, juicy bacon, and slightly melted cheese.

I don’t know whose signature is on the steak sauce, but they should definitely erase their signature, because this peppery sauce isn’t very good. Not as peppery as the Salt and Pepper Pringles Potato Chips, but it doesn’t add much to the burger. Besides, if the Angus beef is so damn good, why add some weak sauce to cover it?

Despite the sauce, the Angus Bacon and Cheese Steak Burger isn’t a bad burger. It’s big and thick, like all burgers should be and the Angus beef is actually pretty tasty, when the sauce doesn’t get in the way. The burger is kind of pricey, but I guess if you’re getting beef that consists of only 8 percent of all the beef in the U.S., there should be a premium on it.

Then again, should there really be a premium on a burger that I might accidentally (or purposely) order as the Anus Steak Burger.

Item: Burger King Angus Bacon and Cheese Steak Burger
Purchase Price: $5.39 (Value Meal)
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Big, thick burger. Angus beef.
Cons: Signature steak sauce isn’t very good. A little expensive. I wish they would change the name, because I don’t like the images of shaking cow butts in my head.

REVIEW: Mountain Dew Pitch Black

pitchblack

Sometimes it sucks having The Impulsive Buy Laboratory on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

Why?

(1) Can’t jump into The Impulsive Buy Mobile and take a long road trip, unless we want to circle the island a few times. (2) We sometimes get new products slightly later than everyone else.

This was the case with the new Limited Edition Mountain Dew Pitch Black.

Kelly, an occasional Impulsive Buy reader, asked us if we had a chance to try the new variation of Mountain Dew. We told her no and she immediately started rubbing that fact into our face.

The taunting started with emails that contained lines like, “Nanny, nanny. Boo, boo. No Pitch Black for you.” Later she started emailing us pictures of her drinking Pitch Black. Then she sent us a picture of her standing in front of a refrigerated case stocked with Pitch Black and giving us the finger. That was the last straw and we frantically attempted to find some, but we couldn’t find any.

This taunting went on for a week. Finally, the national convenience store chain down the street got their stock of Pitch Black.

After trying it, it was time for our revenge on Kelly, which involved rolls of toilet paper and rotten raw eggs. Unfortunately, she lives in the state of Washington. So we can add one more reason why it sometimes sucks having The Impulsive Buy Laboratory in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

(3) Can’t get revenge on those who live in the Continental United States.

As for the Mountain Dew Pitch Black, it’s pretty good, now that we finally got to try it.

What makes it black is the blast of black grape, which also makes it grapey. (Holy crap! “Grapey” is an actual word! We thought we were making up a new word.) It was good to drink a grape soda again, because it’s been awhile since anyone of us drank one. (Does anyone even make grape sodas?)

We feel Pitch Black is just as good as the other Mountain Dew flavors, like LiveWire, Code Red, and the original Mountain Dew. Or maybe that’s the caffeine talking.

There are two disappointing things about the soda. One, is the fact that Pitch Black really isn’t black. If you look at it in the light, you will see it really is purple or plum-colored, if you will. And, two, Mountain Dew Pitch Black will only be around until Halloween. So get yours now.

Item: Limited Edition Mountain Dew Pitch Black
Purchase Price: $0.99
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Good grape taste. Same amount of caffeine goodness as regular Mountain Dew.
Cons: Not really pitch black, more like purple. Wish it wasn’t limited edition. Wasted a good carton of eggs. At least we can still use the toilet paper.