(Editor’s Note: HOLY CRAP!!! A weekend review!!! Yes, a weekend review. I figured since many of you visit The Impulsive Buy on the weekend, I should give y’all a review. However, this weekend’s review is going to be slightly different than the normal product reviews The Impulsive Buy does.

I’ve been wanting to broaden the range of reviews, as you will see here. I don’t know if this will be a permanent thing, but I figured I should try it out. Enjoy.)

Okay. Okay. The focus of today’s review isn’t really named Neato Neato Super Super T-Shirt Fold. I gave it that name because I have no idea what its name is or even if it has a name. However, people in Japan tend to give strange names to their products, so I figured I should give a strange name to this unusual Japanese way to fold a t-shirt.

Now that I think about it, because it’s Japanese, I could’ve called it the Origami T-Shirt Fold.

Nah, Neato Neato Super Super T-Shirt Fold is a much better made up name.

Anyway, last week I read about this unorthodox way of folding a t-shirt from the ReadyMade Magazine website. I thought it was relatively unknown, but apparently it was a really popular blogging topic some time last year.

Aaah, just like the Z Cavaricci pants in high school, Quicksilver t-shirts in middle school, and Underoos in elementary school, I was again late to realize what was popular.

So what makes the Neato Neato Super Super T-Shirt Fold so great?

The most noticeable thing is that it’s possibly faster than most normal ways of folding. I think it’s about a whole second faster.

Sure, you may think that’s not much time, but after folding sixty t-shirts, you save a whole minute. Okay, you may think that’s not much time, either. However, if you fold 3,600 t-shirts, you’re going to save a whole hour.

So the next time you get tricked into going to a timeshare meeting and saying when you get out of it, “That’s one hour of my life I’ll never get back.” Well fold 3,600 t-shirts the Neato Neato Super Super T-Shirt Fold way and you will get that hour back.

Now doing the Neato Neato Super Super T-Shirt Fold looks difficult, but it’s quite easy and once you’ve mastered it, Grasshopper, you may consider yourself a Master of the 100% Preshrunk Cotton.

To obtain t-shirt folding enlightenment with the Neato Neato Super Super T-Shirt Fold, just follow these simple steps:

1. Lay shirt face up on a flat surface, like your bed, the floor, or on Kate Moss’ chest. Make sure the shirt is perpendicular to your body, with the sleeves and neck on your left.

2. Pinch the shirt at the shoulder with your left hand and at the middle of the shirt with your right hand, You should pinch both places at the same level.

3. With your left hand, fold the shoulder over your right hand until you reach the bottom hem. With the left hand, pinch the bottom hem at the same level as the other placed you pinched. Now you should have pinched in your left hand the shoulder hem and the bottom hem.

4. Lift the shirt and uncross your hands, pulling the shirt taut. Then shake it like an 8×10 picture.

5. At this point, a sleeve should be sticking out from the bottom. Just fold the shirt over the sleeve and you’re done, unless you did a load of laundry, then repeat steps 1-5.

6. (Optional) Teach the Neato Neato Super Super T-Shirt Fold to others in your family so you aren’t stuck with doing all the frickin’ folding of clothes.

7. (Optional) Trick your children by saying the Neato Neato Super Super T-Shirt Fold is fun to do.

To see the differences between the old way and the new way I fold t-shirts, take a look at this video. (Quicktime required to view video.)

Then criticize both ways I do it, like my mom does.

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Item: Neato Neato Super Super T-Shirt Fold
Purchase Price: FREE (T-shirts not included)
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Neato. Neato. Super. Super. Seems quicker than normal folding, which will earn you some extra time in your life.
Cons: May form weird creases in clothing. Extra work needed with long-sleeve shirts.

In my head, there’s a mental list called, “Things I Do Not Want To Be Caught Doing.”

Some of the things on that list include:

(1) Buying or listening to a Kidz Bop CD.
(2) Saying I love Yanni’s music to impress a girl.
(3) Pretending I’m an underwear model.

The other day, I almost got caught pretending to be an underwear model, because of these Jockey Next To Nothing Boxer Briefs.

Looking at myself in the mirror in my underwear for long periods of time is not something I do, unless I happen to be in my underwear when I’m doing my weekly affirmation, which I say to myself, “I’m a sexy, sexy beast. Yeah, I am. Oh yeah, you like this? I know you do, baby! Uh-huh.”

I couldn’t stop pretending to model underwear because the Jockey Next To Nothing Boxer Brief made me feel sexy, without the weekly affirmation. Of course, they made me feel sexy, but they didn’t make me look sexy. They didn’t magically turn me into Marky Mark, because my abs more closely resemble a keg than a six-pack.

Although I have to admit, my entire upper body may have not looked too good in them, but my ass, albeit a little flat, looked good. It looked so good, that I had to wonder what it looked like if I shook it.

Of course, this meant I needed the appropriate booty-shaking music. The only song on my iPod that could truly fit the bill was Wreckx-N-Effect’s “Rump Shaker.”

While shaking my ass, I liked the way the Jockey Next To Nothing Boxer Brief hugged the curves of my lower body, which was a much different feeling than the boxers I usually wear. It also provided good support of my twig and berries, kind of like tighty-whities, but not too tight and not as white, which means no skidmarks.

One problem I had with the underwear was its name, Next To Nothing, because I can think of a few other things I could wear that are closer to next to nothing, like a thong or a fig leaf. Of course, wearing a thong or a fig leaf are other things I do not want to be caught doing.

Unfortunately, when I went back to the Jockey store to pick up more, I found out that Jockey discontinued the Next To Nothing line, which explained the reason why the price was discounted by over 50 percent.

After I found that out, I wondered, “How will I feel sexy now? Because the effects of those weekly affirmations only lasts for a few minutes.”

Thanks, Jockey.

(Editor’s Note #1: Sure, I could show you what the Jockey Next To Nothing Boxer Brief looks like on me with pictures, but that would be a little too risque and I don’t have clean socks to stuff down my crotch.)

(Editor’s Note #2: Instead I’m going to show you something a little less spicy. An old video of me ripping my shirt off.)

(Editor’s Note #3: Warning video may contain images not suitable for children, or anyone else.)

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Item: Jockey Next To Nothing Boxer Brief
Purchase Price: $7.99 (on sale)
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Made my ass look good. Good support of my undercarriage. Made me feel sexy, without affirmations.
Cons: Discontinued. Doesn’t come in a size smaller than medium. Pretending to be an underwear model when you don’t have the body of an underwear model.

(Editor’s Note: This review contains references to bowel movements and many different forms of the word “poop.” If you are uncomfortable with this, please do not continue. If you are comfortable with this and have a laptop, this review would make great reading material while backing a big brown caddie out of the garage. Enjoy.)

They say death, taxes, and our doo-doo stinking are the only three things that we can be certain of in this lifetime.

By now you’re probably used to the smell of your own dookie, but sometimes, depending on what you ate, the smell of your own Lincoln Logs can overwhelm you. Of course, there are many products out there that help with the smell of your brown torpedos, like aerosol spray air fresheners, scented candles, matches, and clothespins.

But there are problems with each of these things. With aerosol sprays, unless you want a shower of it coming on you, you can’t spray it while making a deposit at the porcelain bank. Scented candles take a while before its scent is in the air, and by that time, you might be done with giving birth to a buttsnake. With matches, you could possibly burn your fingers or have the urge to light your farts. As for clothespins, they just plain hurt when you pinch your nose with them.

Over the past year, I’ve noticed that many households here on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean have been using Poop Water, which is brought to us by our friends in Japan, who have also given us such great products as the Sony PSP, Toyota Camry, and anime porn.

Okay, the product’s name isn’t actually Poop Water, I just gave it that name because I don’t know how to translate its real Japanese name, Toire Sonoatoni Kyoryokuittekisyosyu. You would think two years of college Japanese classes would help me translate that, but the only complex sentence I can put together in Japanese is, “Geri ga arimasu,” which means, “I have diarrhea.”

My poor Japanese language abilities also made it impossible to translate the Poop Water’s instructions. Fortunately, there were diagrams on the packaging which explained how to use it.

Anyway, this product is basically a deodorizing liquid for those times when the upside down volcano is erupting. Adding two drops of Poop Water into the toilet before, during, or after taking a Number Two, will destroy the smell of your Winnie the Poohs. After days of testing, the Poop Water almost instantly got rid of the smell coming from my butt nuggets.

It should also help when taking a leak after eating asparagus. Unfortunately, I hate asparagus, so I couldn’t test this theory out.

At first, the clean, fresh, but slightly chemical smell of the Poop Water annoyed my nose, but by the third use, I was used to it. But then again, almost anything smells better than when I download some brownware.

After initial testing, the only reoccurring problem I’ve had with the Poop Water was remembering to use it while making a Madonna movie. Since the Poop Water bottle is very small (holds 20 mL), I sometimes don’t notice it, so I don’t use it, because as they say, “Out of sight, out of mind.”

Although the Poop Water bottle is very small, a bottle of it should last four to six months, depending on how much fiber you eat.

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Item: Poop Water
Purchase Price: $3.99 (on sale)
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Only two drops needed. Works almost instantly. Clean, fresh, but slightly chemical smell. Better than using a clothespin to combat the smell of caca.
Cons: Pricey for such a small bottle. Might be hard to find for most people. Might not remember to use it while building ass rockets.