These make me wish all potato chips were called crunch tators — it’s such a better name. Oh, um, from what I read, Crunch Tators were available in the 80s and 90s, and they were pretty much what we consider kettle cooked potato chips today. So if you want Lay’s Kettle Cooked Potato Chips in retro bags, which Frito-Lay seems to love nowadays, here you go. (Spotted by @TheJoshCatlett at Dollar General.)
I’ve never thought about finding out if there are actually seven layers with every 7-layer dip that comes my way. I just blindly shovel tortilla chips with a Tex-Mex rainbow of ingredients on them.
My mind is on this stupid tangent because Taco Bell’s new 7-Layer Nacho Fries technically has eight ingredients smothering a bed of the chain’s Nacho Fries — seasoned beef, black beans, guacamole, nacho cheese sauce, reduced-fat sour cream, creamy chipotle sauce, tomatoes, and shredded cheddar cheese.
I understand that combining the two cheese products will make seven. But, if we’re using Taco Bell math, shouldn’t the Beefy 5-Layer Burrito be the Beefy 4-Layer Burrito since it comes with seasoned beef, beans, sour cream, nacho cheese sauce, and cheese? Yeah, I’ve spent too much time thinking about this.
Also, because I’ve been thinking way too much about 7-layer dip purity, what we have with this Taco Bell menu item aren’t layers like with a dip at a party. It’s more like various colored bloops, gloops, glops, and blops on the fries.
But enough with my seven layers of insanity. How does this new menu item taste? As expected, it tastes great. It also tastes familiar since there’s no new sauce, and it has ingredients that have seen each other so many times in other products.
Since the toppings weren’t in layers, I dipped fries in various ingredients, but that was inefficient. So I thought it was best to mix everything. That resulted in consecutive forkfuls not tasting the same and the least appetizing photo in this review. The somewhat spicy creamy chipotle sauce, nacho cheese sauce, and tomatoes stand out the most. But everything else blends to create a pot of flavor that you’d taste at the end of a Tex-Mex rainbow.
If you’ve been enjoying all of these loaded Nacho Fries varieties, I’m sure you’ll also enjoy all the bloops, gloops, glops, and blops the Taco Bell 7-Layer Nacho Fries have to offer.
Purchased Price: $5.99*
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 610 calories, 39 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 1420 milligrams of sodium, 50 grams of carbohydrates, 10 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 15 grams of protein.
*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.
Despite its godawful name, I liked the Ch’King. While it wasn’t Popeyes-level delicious (I mean, what is), it was better than many other fast food chicken sandwiches. But, as with my appreciation for McDonald’s short-lived Arch Deluxe, I was in the minority and the Burger King fat cats 86’d it. So it goes. In its place is the Royal Crispy Chicken line, which, I guess is “Royal” because of the whole “King” thing.
Between us, it just seems to be a pretty standard chicken sandwich patty.
First, I’ll tell you some things I liked about Burger King’s new Italian Royal Crispy Chicken Sandwich.
The chicken patty was quite large. Two of its edges hung off the side of the bun, which, as we all know, is a generally agreeable quality in a chicken sandwich. (Well, okay, provided you want to actually EAT said chicken patty.)
Further, this large chicken patty was not dry. I’d stop short of calling it juicy, but I’ve had much drier chicken patties from the King and his many competitors.
And finally, the “marinara sauce” that lightly adorned the sandwich was definitely recognizable as an Italian red sauce, and not just like ketchup with some oregano.
That’s it. Those were the three things I liked: the big piece of chicken wasn’t bone dry and it had a little Prego on it.
Not exactly a ringing endorsement, I know. But then again, if I didn’t like it, I guess I shouldn’t give it a ringing endorsement, right?
Here’s my main complaint with this chicken sandwich: it was completely uninspired. Yes, it was problematic that the execution and ingredients were lackluster; the big-and-not-dry patty was bland and void of any real flavor; the marinara was indistinguishable from a jarred supermarket spaghetti sauce; and the long slice of mozzarella was, for lack of a better word, floppy and tasted like white American cheese.
But aside from the poor ingredients, were we as consumers really clamoring for another burger baron’s take on an Italian chicken sandwich? It feels like everyone trots theirs out every couple of years and none of them are ever very well received, and they eventually fade into the lost land of LTOs, where they silently remain for a handful of years before bursting back onto the scene with an un-triumphant flourish.
I mean, if you’re gonna do it, maybe try something interesting like Wendy’s with its Deep Fried Mozzarella Disc. Or what about doing something with Alfredo sauce instead? But also, do I really want to eat Alfredo sauce from Burger King? And why am I asking so many questions?!
In the end, this sandwich will fade from memory, just as the universe intended. If you liked it, I’m sorry. Take solace in the fact that it will be back again in a year or two, just the way you remembered it.
Purchased Price: $5.49
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 533 calories, 21 grams of fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 5.4 grams of saturated fat, 78 mg of cholesterol, 1641 milligrams of sodium, 57 grams of total carbohydrates, 8 grams of sugars, 9 grams of fiber, and 33 grams of protein.
Here are some interesting new products found on store shelves by your fellow readers. If you’ve tried any of them, share your thoughts in the comments.
(Spotted by Sarah R at Trader Joe’s.)
My gym’s cardio room stares directly at a Wendy’s – dead central, right in your face, can’t miss it.
There’s no better cardiovascular inspiration than accepting that you’re almost certainly getting fast food the minute your workout is over. It’s embarrassing how many times I’ve tricked my brain into pretending a 6-piece nugget is just as good as a protein shake.
It’s all good, though, because staring at that building has propelled me to run* 12 miles** at a time in preparation. (*walk **1.5 miles.)
Anyway, a few days ago, while plodding along at breakneck speeds upwards of 4, and fighting the inevitable call of that redheaded siren, I noticed Wendy’s had an entirely new seasonal menu. There were new burgers, chicken sandwiches, fries, and the pièce de résistance – a Peppermint Frosty.
That’s… kinda like a protein shake. There’s milk, right? Naturally, I immediately fired up my app and had one ready and waiting.
While I found Wendy’s recent Strawberry Frosty to be “mid,” I gotta say, its Peppermint Frosty is a Yuletide miracle. Whereas “mid” meant “meh” in Strawberry’s case, I’ll use it here as the ultimate compliment. The Peppermint Frosty is a perfect middle ground between vanilla and mint-flavored ice creams.
I’m a mint ice cream lover, but I feel it can sometimes start to taste like you’re chewing gum after a couple of scoops. This had just enough peppermint flavor to balance off the vanilla base.
The texture was everything I wanted a Frosty to be – not quite shake, not quite ice cream, with enough tiny ice crystals for that distinctly gritty Frosty consistency.
The faint pink color is even a midway point between a Vanilla Frosty and the Pepto-esque Strawberry.
This Frosty is perfectly balanced, as all things should be. If Thanos had one, he would’ve never snapped. I genuinely think everyone will enjoy this. Some might say the peppermint flavor isn’t big enough, but ya know what I say? If you want a mint bomb, brush your teeth!
Actually, brush your teeth anyway. Proper hygiene is always encouraged, and this is so good even the 5th dentist agreed he enjoyed it.
I’m ready to put the Peppermint Frosty on my Wendy’s Mount Run-more. There’s no doubt I’ll have a few more of these after my rigorous sprints (slightly inclined walks), but I won’t even feel guilty about it.
This will almost certainly be a limited holiday release, which is a shame, but the recent new Frosty flavor drops are very encouraging. I hope Wendy takes a cue from the Oreo and Kit-Kats of the world and puts out a unique Frosty flavor every month moving forward. I know international Wendy’s have dabbled. Give us a Peanut Butter Frosty. Salted Caramel. Banana! Whatever! Just keep ’em coming.
Add a topping bar while you’re at it. I’m still waiting for Wendy’s HQ to hit me up about my brilliant “Wendy’s Blendies” idea. This Peppermint Frosty is an all-timer, but it may be even better with little crunchy candy cane bits.
Ok, time for me to get back to “the gym.”
Purchased Price: $1.89
Size: Small
Rating: 10 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 330 calories, 7 grams of fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 35 mg of cholesterol, 130 milligrams of sodium, 58 grams of total carbohydrates, 50 grams of sugars, 0 grams of fiber, 7 grams of protein.