Wind, rain, sleet, or snow will not prevent a postal worker from delivering the mail. Those things also will not prevent my mouth from burning after eating the habanero beef jerky from Jerky By Art.
Impulsive Buy reader Chuck was kind enough to send me a package of habanero beef jerky. I think he sent it because he’s a sadistic bastard, but then again, I’m a masochistic bastard, so I was happy to receive it.
I believe the only way you can tell if something is really spicy is if it goes in spicy and it comes out spicy. Using this criteria, the Jerky By Art Habanero Beef Jerky was definitely spicy.
While chewing on the jerky, it feels like there’s a party going on in my mouth, a Fourth of July party with lots of fireworks. Many hours later that fireworks party moves to my anus.
Once you stop eating the habanero jerky, the burn stays in your mouth for about 10 to 15 minutes.
Of course, 10 to 15 minutes seems like a lifetime when your mouth feels like you’ve just made out with Pele, the Hawaiian Goddess of Fire.
For some, this may seem like torture. But think of it this way, some people actually pay a few hundred dollars to be tortured by some woman in a tight leather suit who tells people they’re a good for nothing piece of crap that should be stepped on with her six inch heels.
Unfortunately, thinking of it this way didn’t help me. So while my mouth was burning, I looked for some quick relief.
I tried water, milk, cubes of ice, vanilla ice cream, and Pepto Bismol. (Warning: Annoying music will play on the Pepto Bismol site.)
None of them worked, but I think my masochistic side was happy with that.
The habanero jerky also made me cry and sweat at the same time, so for the past couple of weeks I’ve been only eating a couple of pieces every day, because I can only sweat and cry at the same time for a short period of time.
If I sweat and cry at the same time for long periods, I believe I will turn into dust.
Despite the burning sensation from the habanero, the jerky is actually pretty good and it’s not extremely tough like some beef jerky are. Plus, the jerky comes in nice little bite sizes.
However, the greatest thing I found out about the Jerky By Art Habanero Beef Jerky is the fact that it makes for a great pick me up. Forget Mountain Dew or any energy drink.
Need to stay awake to cram for an exam? Need to finish a review for a quasi-product review blog? Put away the NoDoz and start chewing on some habanero beef jerky. The burn will make you forget about sleep.
Item: Jerky By Art Habanero Beef Jerky
Purchase Price: FREE (Given by Impulsive Buy reader Chuck)
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Really hot. Tasty. Not tough. Bite-sized pieces. Great pick me up.
Cons: Really hot. Burn lasts for 10-15 minutes. My masochistic side.