Tag: Beverage

REVIEW: Orange Tangerine MiO Liquid Water Enhancer with Vitamins

Marvo 15 Comments

MiO Orange Tangerine Liquid Water Enhancer with Vitamins

With it being orange-tangerine flavored, I expected the MiO Liquid Water Enhancer with Vitamins to have some vitamin C. But the nutrition facts clearly state, “Not a significant source of Fat Cal, Sat Fat, Trans Fat, Cholest, Fiber, Vitamin A, Vitamin C, Calcium, and Iron.”

So what is it a significant source of?

Well, after scanning the words and numbers on the bottle and trying this new MiO flavor, I have to say it’s only a significant source of sucralose and the color orange. While it does have B vitamins, an 8-ounce serving of this MiO provides only 10 percent of your daily value of vitamins B3, B6, and B12. Pfff…Me and my gummy multivitamin laugh at that 10 percent.

Having 10 percent of anything makes me wonder, why bother? A bowl of Cocoa Puffs and most other kids cereals provide 25 percent of your daily value of B vitamins. Or if you want to drown yourself in B vitamins, half a bottle of 5-Hour Energy has 75 percent of your daily value of vitamin B3, 1,000 percent of your daily value of vitamin B6, and over 4,000 percent of your daily value of vitamin B12.

Even if you consumed all 24 servings a bottle of this MiO provides, you still wouldn’t get as much vitamins B6 and B12 as a 5-Hour Energy, but at least your pee might turn orange, allowing you to write your name in the snow using a color other than yellow.

If you’ve never made a beverage using MiO, the instructions read as if you’re playing with a Bop-It. First, you flip it, then tip it, then sip it, and then click it.

MiO Orange Tangerine Liquid Water Enhancer with Vitamins CloseupThe Orange Tangerine MiO Liquid Water Enhancer smells as if I walked into an orange Tang dust cloud. It also tastes like the stuff that was once consumed by NASA astronauts on some Gemini space missions, except less tangy. For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure of drinking Tang and want a reference that your grandparents won’t get, it tastes like a much sweeter VitaminWater Essential. And for those of you who have never downed a Tang or VitaminWater, what are you doing reading a blog filled with junk and processed food reviews?

The bottle says it contains “Natural Flavors with Other Natural Flavors,” but it’s artificially sweetastic thanks to it being a significant source of sucralose. Even though it’s artificially sweetastic, I like the orange-tangerine flavored MiO as much as I like the fruit punch version. Although, it almost became undrinkable when I got a little overzealous with the squeezing.

The point of MiO is to encourage us to drink the recommended amount of water and I think the Orange Tangerine MiO Liquid Water Enhancer with Vitamins can motivate me to do so. It’s a fine addition to the MiO line, even though the pitiful amounts of B vitamins are completely bogus additions.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 tsp – 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 30 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 10% vitamin B3, 10% vitamin B6, and 10% vitamin B12.)

Item: Orange Tangerine MiO Liquid Water Enhancer with Vitamins
Price: $3.50 (on sale)
Size: 1.62 fluid ounces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like Tang, but not as tangy. The pleasure derived from destroying a Bop-It because it’s so frustrating to beat. Astronauts. A significant source of the color orange. Gummy multivitamins. Makes 24 8-ounce servings, if you’re not overzealous with the squeezing.
Cons: Amounts of B vitamins are a joke. Artificially sweetastic. It’s orange flavored but contains no vitamin C. Get cloyingly sweet when one gets overzealous with the squeezing.

REVIEW: Dr Pepper Ten

Jeff 16 Comments

Dr Pepper Ten

The fall season is beginning to make itself known here in Orlando. We have traded out 95 degree days (with humidity so thick you can cut slices of it and serve with whipped topping) for temperatures in the mid-eighties. The trees are turning from green to the same green. The air smelling of sweat mixed with citrus perfumes are bowing out for scents of sweat and sandalwood ones. Yep, Fall is here.

Who am I kidding? We would never know Fall has arrived if not for those disgusting cinnamon brooms the supermarkets trudge out that assault our noses. The aroma drives me crazy. Why the hell would anyone want their house to smell like smoker’s sneeze? It’s that unique blend of metal and curdled milk? Sorry dad, when you sneezed, it was the olfactory equivalent of Hiroshima.

So here I was in my local supermarket searching for some pizza rolls and the sickening wafts pillaged my nostrils. I didn’t care if I stretched the neck of my fitted t-shirt but I stuck my nose under the collar. Aware that I looked like I was trying to avoid the avian bird flu while roaming the aisles, I did not care. But then I found it, or maybe it found me (cue the Zamfir).

Dr Pepper Ten! All my friends know I am a sucker for two things: soft drinks with new flavors (I’m still hunting for that elusive mint-tinged Sprite Ice) and women who wear eyeglasses (drool). I am aware of the rules because for every Pepsi Lime there is a Pepsi Holiday Spice. I remember drinking the Holiday Spice and thought there was a demand for paint varnish flavored soft drinks. SCORE!!! I held a cold frosty bottle of the new Dr Pepper Ten.

Just to let you know Dr Pepper Ten also comes in the two-liter bottle (which normally go flat incredibly fast) and the standard case of twelve ounce cans. I decided to play it safe and buy the twenty ounce bottle because I did not want to commit to a dozen cans on the chance they taste like crap.

Dr Pepper is no stranger to different varieties of its flavor. I particularly was a big fan of their Dr Pepper Berries & Cream which was short lived in stores. I have been looking for this Dr Pepper Ten for some time and couldn’t believe they were here in front of me. Since writing this piece, they seem to be widely available now. My assumption is they are preparing for a nationwide rollout.

Just to let you know, the TEN refers to the ten calories per serving the doctor has. The weird thing is the ad campaign is marketing itself as a diet soda for men. I’m not sure if it is manlier to drink a diet soda that has ten calories versus none. I’m also not sure how they came up with ten calories being the threshold for a man’s drink versus eight or eleven calories. Honestly, a man’s drink is a tall glass of cheap scotch.

I am pretty certain if I went to my neighborhood biker bar and ordered a martini straight up with two black olives, holding a Dr Pepper Ten is not going to save me from a beat-down. Also do I think a woman drinking a Dr Pepper Ten is any less feminine because it’s supposedly for men? Nope, especially if she is wearing flirty black thin-rimmed eyeglasses.

Regardless of the stupid marketing, it’s all about the taste. The almost boiling weather couldn’t stop the condensation running from the bottle around my fingers. I twisted the cap and heard that satisfying pffffsssssttttttttttttt!

“Oh yeah,” I thought to myself and that was the last of my happiness.

The more appropriate name for Dr Pepper Ten is Dr Pepper Two. Read on and I will explain because like most underwhelming sequels (Ghostbusters II anyone?), this Dr Pepper rates a two. I give it two points: one for effort and another because it is not hydrochloric acid.

Like some beers, I think soda always tastes better in a pre-chilled glass and so I poured a generous amount. The bouquet (yeah I said bouquet) did not have that unique hint of a “nutmegish” scent that Dr Pepper normally has. In fact, it had no scent.

I took a sip and was instantly depressed. There was very little taste of the famous doctor, in fact there was very little taste. I did appreciate the lack of unpleasant sweet syrup that coats your teeth some diet sodas have. However, this is canceled out by the fact there was little flavor.

In fact, it tasted close to plain seltzer which made me pine for that heavy sweetness. Actually, I wouldn’t care if it tasted like prune juice (as it is rumored Dr Pepper is made from) as my taste buds wanted to grasp on to something. It claims there are Ten BOLD tasting calories but it is no bolder than a grey argyle sweater vest.

A clean finish for sure, which many sodas do not have, but what does it matter when there is no taste? I haven’t been this disappointed since Fox unforgivably cancelled the show “Drive” with geek approved actor Nathan Fillion. Speaking of amped manliness, I keep hoping he will team up with Bruce Campbell.

You know, if there are ten calories…it has got to be from eating the cap and bottle. Dr Pepper Ten is obviously for boring men (or men with way too sensitive taste buds). It hasn’t affected me since I still shop at Banana Republic, listen to New Order and have different colognes for night or day.

Furthermore, Dr Pepper Ten states proudly “It’s not for women.” Women aren’t missing much because a poor tasting product will fail regardless of which gender they are aiming for. If Dr Pepper Ten is for men, I’ll take a “girly” Diet Dr Pepper instead. Or a scotch.

(Nutrition Facts – 8 ounces – 10 calories, 0 grams of fat, 100 milligrams of sodium, 5 grams of carbs, 4 grams of sugars, and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Dr Pepper Ten
Price: $1.59
Size: 20 ounces
Purchased at: My neighborhood Publix that sells those forsaken cinnamon brooms.
Rating: 2 out of 10
Pros: No sticky film on your teeth. Nathan Fillion. Pleasant clean finish. Women in glasses, especially with their hair pulled back. Did I mention it doesn’t leave a sticky film on your “teeths”? Banana Republic circa 2006. It is only ten calories.
Cons: No Dr Pepper taste. No sweet taste. No taste. Networks canceling shows too early thus giving us viewer blue balls. Ad campaign is moronic. Not one of the ten calories are bold. CINNAMON BROOMS. Men, Women…either way it’s not good for either.

REVIEW: SoBe Pure Water (Watermelon, Black Cherry & Golden Pineapple)

Marvo 11 Comments

Sobe Pure Water (Watermelon, Black Cherry & Golden PIneapple)

According to my computer’s built-in dictionary, the word “pure” is defined as:

1. Not mixed or adulterated with any other substance or material.
2. Without any extraneous and unnecessary elements.

If we were to go by those definitions, SoBe Pure Water isn’t at all pure, since it’s not only made with water, but also erythritol, citric acid, natural flavor, calcium lactate, potassium citrate, sea salt, purified stevia extract, tartaric acid, and lactic acid. With that many ingredients, it’s as if SoBe’s benchmark for pure was a rock band groupie.

Perhaps there’s a third definition in the unabridged Oxford English Dictionary that goes something like this:

3. A BS term marketing folks use for products that have no calories, no colors, no preservatives, and no artificial sweeteners.

SoBe Pure comes in three flavors: Watermelon, Golden Pineapple, and Black Cherry. And they’re available exclusively at Target. If you don’t have a Target nearby, you’re S.O.L., which I believe the unabridged Oxford English Dictionary defines as: Settling for Other Liquids.

Each SoBe Pure is enhanced with “a drop of flavor.” But if my math is correct, which it always isn’t because I’m not a stereotypical Asian, a drop shouldn’t be able to create a level of flavor that these SoBe Pure waters have. Their flavors aren’t as strong as SoBe Lifewater, but the difference between the two varieties of flavored SoBe water isn’t much.

SoBe Pure Watermelon is one of those flavors I’m not sure if I truly enjoy. It doesn’t taste like watermelon, but then again, everything “watermelon-flavored” doesn’t taste like watermelon. However, it tastes as if I was making out with a girl who just finished sucking on a Watermelon Jolly Rancher.

SoBe Pure Golden Pineapple is my favorite of the three flavors. Although its aroma is a bit flowery and artificial, it really tastes like someone grabbed a chunk of fresh pineapple, squeezed it over a 20-ounce bottle of water to extract a couple of drops of pineapple juice, recapped the water bottle, and then shook it to mix.

SoBe Pure Black Cherry smells decent, but it tastes vile. Imagine trying to get mo’ ‘tussin by putting some water in a bottle of cough syrup, shaking it, and then drinking it. That’s what SoBe Pure Black Cherry tastes like. I’ve gone through a fourth of the bottle and I won’t finish the rest because it’s quite disgusting.

Overall, SoBe Pure may be “natural with zero calories” and it may have electrolytes, but it doesn’t electrify me. If you’re looking for a lightly flavored water with no calories, no colors, no preservatives, and no artificial sweeteners that isn’t available everywhere, might I recommend Hint Water. They’re definitely a lot more natural tasting than SoBe Pure.

(Nutrition Facts – 8 ounces – 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 30 milligrams of sodium, 4 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.)

Other SoBe Pure reviews:
Thirsty Dudes: Watermelon & Black Cherry
Drink What

Item: SoBe Pure Water (Watermelon, Black Cherry & Golden PIneapple)
Price: $1.00 (on sale)
Size: 20 ounces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Watermelon)
Rating: 2 out of 10 (Black Cherry)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Golden Pineapple)
Pros: No calories, no colors, no preservatives, and no artificial sweeteners. Has electrolytes. Golden Pineapple was good. Watermelon was decent.
Cons: Black Cherry was vile. Target exclusive. Watermelon doesn’t taste like real watermelons. Scent of Golden Pineapple was flowery and artificial. Not really pure. Carrying an unabridged Oxford English Dictionary.

REVIEW: MiO Liquid Water Enhancer (Berry Pomegranate, Fruit Punch, Mango Peach, Peach Tea, Strawberry Watermelon & Sweet Tea)

Marvo 54 Comments

MiO Liquid Water Enhancer (Peach Tea, Strawberry Watermelon & Sweet Tea)

MiO Liquid Water Enhancer enhances water in two ways. It turns it into a festive color, and it makes water taste less like water. Sure, there are lots of water enhancers on the market, like Tang, Kool-Aid, Metamucil, and Crystal Light, but all of them come as powder.

Ugh, if you’re lazy like me, you probably hate powder, because we don’t have time to stir and dissolve crystals. We’re parched and our thirsts needs quenching right now.

MiO come in an orchard of flavors: Berry Pomegranate, Fruit Punch, Mango Peach, Peach Tea, Strawberry Watermelon, and Sweet Tea. Like plain ol’ water, MiO flavored waters have no calories and no sugar. But unlike water, MiOed water looks FABULOUS, thanks to the following food colorings: Blue 1, Red 40, Yellow 5, and Yellow 6.

Each bottle makes 24 eight-ounce servings, but how much MiO does it take to turn eight-ounces of regular water into MiOed water? Half a teaspoon. But there lies the conundrum. The mechanism that dispenses the MiO from the bottle is activated when the bottle is squeezed. Yes, I just used 16 words to tell you that the MiO comes in a squeeze bottle.

Because the fruity moneyshot is quite violent, it’s hard to determine how much of it is coming out per squeeze. Also, “a squeeze” is subjective. An aunt of mine thinks a 15 second bear hug is just a squeeze, while another aunt thinks a hug beyond three seconds pushes up against her tolerance to how long someone can invade her personal space.

Sure, we could grab a spoon and squeeze half a teaspoon into it, but only squares who also use a Pyrex measuring cup to measure the eight ounces of water needed to make a serving of MiO flavored water would do that.

As I mentioned earlier, when MiO is squeezed out of the bottle, it’s powerful. So much so that it disperses itself in the water, making it unnecessary to stir. This is possible because of physics and fluid dynamics, but let’s just say it’s because of magic. After the magic happens, you’re left with something better tasting than what you began with, and again, it looks FABULOUS.

MiO Liquid Water Enhancer (Berry Pomegranate, Fruit Punch & Mango Peach)

Strawberry Watermelon was the worst tasting of the six. I could taste both fruits, along with a slight floral flavor, but it all was extremely artificial tasting and, at times, hard to drink. It’s a flavor that I think would be more suitable for a kid’s toothpaste or mouthwash, and it makes me want to settle for plain water.

Mango Peach has a strong artificial peach scent. I tasted peach at the front and a little bit of mango at the back. At first, I thought it was as bad as the Strawberry Watermelon, but it grew on me a little bit. Peach Tea has a much weaker artificial peach scent and noticeably lighter peach flavor than the Mango Peach. The tea flavor lingers in the background. It’s not bad, and I like it as much as the Mango Peach. Both have a peach flavor that’s might be too fake for some.

Berry Pomegranate smells nice, but then again, so do midday strippers. It has a pleasant flavor that almost tastes like grape, and it’s not as artificial tasting as the peach flavors. It’s definitely a step better than the previous three. Sweet Tea is the weird one of the group because it’s the only one that’s not fruity. It tastes like sweetened Lipton iced tea, but not as strong. It also doesn’t taste as artificial as some of the others. I like it as much as Berry Pomegranate.

Fruit Punch was the least offensive smelling of the bunch, and it tastes similar to other fruit punch beverage I’ve had. I thought it had a nice fruity flavor, and the least artificial tasting of the six flavors. It’s definitely my favorite of the six.

Unfortunately, not even the Fruit Punch flavor can escape from what’s common found with drinks that contain artificial sweeteners. The sucralose and acesulfame potassium sweeteners leave behind a temporary coating in your mouth for you to enjoy.

According to the bottle and the MiO commercial, you can add more flavor by squeezing a little more of it into the water. But, I found with the ones that already have a strong artificial flavor, it makes them taste even more so, which in turn makes them less palatable.

Overall, I do think the MiO flavors that I enjoy could encourage me to drink more water, which is a good thing since I probably get half of what I’m supposed to drink each day. Although, I squeezed some MiO Fruit Punch into my Pepsi Max and turned it into a tasty fruity cola, so instead of water, I might just be drinking more Pepsi Max.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 tsp. – 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: MiO Liquid Water Enhancer
Price: $4.29
Size: 1.62 fluid ounces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Berry Pomegranate)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Fruit Punch)
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Mango Peach)
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Peach Tea)
Rating: 3 out of 10 (Strawberry Watermelon)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Sweet Tea)
Pros: Portable. No calories or sugar. Fruit punch is tasty. Sweet Tea and Berry Pomegranate are good. Can add it to other beverages. No need to stir. Colors are FABULOUS. May make me drink more water. Awesome white t-shirt stainer.
Cons: Strawberry Watermelon is the opposite of tasty. Peach flavors might be too fake for some. Midday strippers. Artificial sweeteners leave a temporary coating in your mouth. Hard to measure a squeeze. Making powder dissolve.

REVIEW: Glacéau VitaminWater Zero Drive & VitaminWater Zero Glow

Marvo 11 Comments

VitaminWater Zero Drive and Glow

Ugh. I don’t know whether my bladder and mind can take drinking anymore VitaminWater flavors.

Because of my excessive VitaminWater consumption, I’ve been having dreams that involve me standing at a public restroom urinal and peeing a rainbow. Standing at the urinal next to me is the Double Rainbow guy, who’s also peeing a rainbow. Because there isn’t a divider between the urinals, we stare at each other’s rainbow and then we look into each other’s eyes and simultaneously say, “Cross the streams.”

I scoot over a little bit at my urinal to make room for him, and without stopping his rainbow, he moves over to my urinal, spraying some of his rainbow onto the floor. When we both end up peeing into the same urinal, we cross our streams and he says the six words that made him famous, “Whoa. Double rainbow all the way.” I jump up and down with glee, causing me to spray some of my rainbow on the floor, wall, and on the Double Rainbow guy, who, after this happens, pulls out his iPhone and enters a new definition for the term “rainbow showers” into Urban Dictionary.

Then Dr. Egon Spengler busts into the restroom and tells us to not cross streams, but we continue to do so, and as a result, we’re all sent to an alternate universe where there’s no color. Then, the Kool-Aid man breaks through a brick wall and yells the two words that made him famous, “Oh yeah!” He’s followed by Bob Ross who also says, “Oh yeah” but more calmly. Then, Bob Ross uses his magical brushes and paint palette to bring color to the alternate universe, saving the day.

Then, I wake up and go take a leak, which is, sadly, just one color.

The rainbow’s colors differ in my dreams, and depend on which VitaminWater flavors I’ve recently guzzled. The rainbow was primarily orange and pink in my latest dream, because of my consumption of the new VitaminWater Zero Drive and VitaminWater Zero Glow.

VitaminWater Zero Drive, which is blood orange and mixed berry flavored, gets its name because it has natural caffeine and yerba mate, which should give drinkers the “drive” to do something ambitious, but will mostly be used to keep people awake at work or school. A bottle contains 75 milligrams of caffeine, which is slightly less than a skinny can of Red Bull, and significantly less than what caffeine junkies would need to prevent withdrawals.

Drive has an aroma that reminds me of an orange popsicle. Its flavor starts off orange and ends with berry. However, I’ve had blood oranges, and I wouldn’t describe the orange flavor Drive has as blood orange. Instead, I’d consider it just plain orange. Overall, I think for a VitaminWater Zero flavor, it’s good and I’d probably buy it again.

As for the strawberry and guanabana flavored VitaminWater Zero Glow, it contains biotin and vitamins A, C, and E, which are supposed to help support and maintain healthy skin, hair, and nails. So just like movies starring Meryl Streep, it sounds as if it’s meant for women. It has a tropical scent, which I thought was kind of strange until I did some research and found out guanabana has a flavor that, according to Wikipedia, “has been described as a combination of strawberry and pineapple with sour citrus flavor notes contrasting with an underlying creamy flavor reminiscent of coconut or banana.”

I could definitely taste the strawberry and a little bit of citrus in this VitaminWater, but overall I think its flavor tastes like what I imagine the color pink would taste like, if one could taste colors or if shredded Hello Kitty sandwiches existed. VitaminWater Zero Glow has an artificial sweetener aftertaste that I’ve had with beverages containing sucralose or aspartame, but it doesn’t contain either of them. Overall, I think it’s a decent VitaminWater flavor, but I’m skeptical the biotin and vitamins it contain will help one’s looks, unless you drink a bottle regularly.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to pee.

(Nutrition Facts – 8 ounces – VitaminWater Zero Drive – 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 1 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 100% vitamin C, 40% vitamin B6, 40% vitamin B5, 40% vitamin B3, and 40% vitamin B12. VitaminWater Zero Glow – 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 1 gram of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 20% vitamin A, 20% vitamin E, 40% vitamin B6, 20% biotin, 40% vitamin C, 40% vitamin B3, 40% vitamin B12, 40% vitamin B5 and 10% zinc.)

Other VitaminWater Zero Drive and Glow reviews:
Foodette Reviews
Drink What

Item: Glacéau VitaminWater Zero Drive & VitaminWater Zero Glow
Price: $1.27
Size: 20 ounces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Drive)
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Glow)
Pros: Drive is tasty, contains sweet, sweet caffeine, and is an excellent source of vitamin C. Zero calories. Glow has a decent strawberry/citrus flavor. Peeing rainbows. Both are good sources of B vitamins. Bob Ross bringing color to my dream.
Cons: Peeing rainbows. Glow probably isn’t effective if not consumed on a regular basis. Drive’s orange flavor doesn’t taste like blood orange. Glow also has an artificial sweetener aftertaste. Shredded Hello Kitty sandwiches. Having dreams of sharing a urinal with someone else. Crossing the streams. Waiting for Ghostbusters 3.