QUICK REVIEW: Rockstar Pure Zero Lemonade Energy Drink

Rockstar Pure Zero Lemonade Energy Drink

Rockstar Pure Zero Lemonade Energy Drink is something I’d imagine one would get from a first time lemonade stand owner who’s also using it as a front to distribute cocaine.

I assume when you have a beginner’s lemonade stand/cocaine counter, the two products have to mix. So it has the flavor of mediocre lemonade, but also the ability to make your heart beat like it’s coming out of your chest.

For those of you unfamiliar with the Rockstar Pure Zero line, it consists of energy drinks that have zero calories and zero grams of sugar. Another number I’ve noticed with recent additions to the Pure Zero line is 240, as in 240 milligrams of caffeine per can. The most recent Pure Zero flavors, this beverage and last year’s Pure Zero Watermelon, have that higher amount, which is 50 percent more than the usual 160 milligrams found in most other Rockstar products.

So if you’re looking for a big jolt of energy during the day because you spent all night looking for Pokémon, this beverage in a Pikachu-colored can will definitely help.

As I mentioned at the beginning of this review, Rockstar Pure Zero Lemonade has an average flavor. It’s not horrible by any means, but I wish the lemon had a bit more punch. According to the can, it contains 2 percent juice that comes from lemon juice concentrate, but it seems that wasn’t enough for me. Also, because the lemon flavor isn’t very bold, the artificial sweeteners stand out a bit more than with other Pure Zero flavors.

Again, it’s an okay flavor, but it’s my least favorite of the Rockstar Pure Zero line.

Rockstar Pure Zero Lemonade Energy Drink 2

Purchased Price: $1.50
Size: 16 fl oz
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (8 fl. oz) 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 180 milligrams of sodium, 1 gram of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 1 gram of erythritol, and 0 grams of protein.

QUICK REVIEW: Glaceau Breeze-e Strawberry Watermelon VitaminWater

Glaceau Breeze-e Strawberry Watermelon VitaminWater

Glaceau’s Breeze-e Strawberry Watermelon VitaminWater is the best tasting VitaminWater I’ve ever had.

Okay, I might be exaggerating and the previous sentence could be the heat talking.

It’s frickin’ hot. I’ve gone through my second shirt of the day. I’m sweating like I’m guilty of something I don’t want to admit, like murder, fraud, or enjoying TLC’s Say Yes to the Dress. My body is at the point where it will say anything to get some fluids into it to replace whatever was in those two shirts. Garglepuss whoop whoop meow fart.

Drinking.

Drinking.

Ahhhh.

So I just finished all 32 ounces of it, which I believe now officially makes me hydrated, and I still think it’s the best tasting VitaminWater I’ve had. My taste buds get two flavor vibes from it. Although it supposed to be strawberry watermelon flavored, it reminds me of strawberry kiwi beverages I’ve consumed. Also, at times it tastes like an overripe strawberry. It’s not overly sweet and the flavor isn’t light like some other VitaminWater varieties.

Breeze-e has overtaken VitaminWater XXX as my favorite flavor. But it has not passed XXX as my favorite VitaminWater name.

Speaking of names, what does the extra E in Breeze-e mean? Does it honor rapper Eazy-E? No. Extraneous? No. Easy way to get folks to buy VitaminWater? No. Breeze-e provides electrolytes (It’s what plants crave) and a sad amount of the antioxidant vitamin E.

So if you’re frickin’ hot and you happen to be at a 7-Eleven (it’s an exclusive flavor this summer) looking for something to cool you down, might I recommend my new favorite VitaminWater flavor.

Purchased Price: $2.49*
Size: 32 fl oz bottle
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (12 fl oz) 70 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 19 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 60% vitamin C, 60% vitamin B6, 60% pantothenic acid, 15% zinc, 15% vitamin E, and 60% vitamin B12.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

QUICK REVIEW: Limited Edition TruMoo Cookies ‘n Cream Lowfat Milk

Limited Edition TruMoo Cookies & Cream Lowfat Milk

I’m sure Home Depot has in stock a color that’s similar to the Limited Edition TruMoo Cookies ‘n Cream Lowfat Milk. I’m not sure what the various paint companies call this color, so I shall give it my own name — Underground Villain Hideout Gray.

It’s a depressing color. But it’s an appropriate color for a slightly depressing beverage.

According to its carton, “TruMoo Cookies ‘n Cream Lowfat Milk is more than just delicious. We start with white lowfat milk that provides everyday nutrition. Next we add cocoa and cookie flavor for the creamy cookie ‘n cream combination you love.”

Most of the creamy cookie ‘n cream combinations I’ve loved have been in the form of Oreo cookies, Hershey’s Cookie ’n’ Creme Nuggets, Cookies-n-Creme Twix, cookies ‘n cream ice cream, cookies and cream ice cream, cookies & cream ice cream, and cookie ‘n’ cream ice cream. But this milk’s flavor doesn’t quite match those experiences.

Now let me just state kids will probably say they love it, even though I feel that’s the liquid sugar in it that’s doing the talking. But it’s not the same cookies ‘n cream that I know and love and have gained several pounds from. It has a mild cocoa flavor that isn’t too sweet and there’s a nice balance between it and the “cream” part. It’s not bad tasting, but it’s not a flavor that’s so good that it makes me want to go out and buy another carton.

It’s a great source of calcium and vitamin D, has 11 grams of protein per cup, the milk comes from cows that haven’t been treated with artificial growth hormones, it doesn’t contain high fructose corn syrup, and it might go great with a bowl of chocolatey cereal, but it’s a less satisfying take on cookies ’n cream.

Limited Edition TruMoo Cookies & Cream Lowfat Milk 2

Purchased Price: $5.89*
Size: Half gallon
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 cup) 160 calories, 25 calories from fat, 2.5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 540 milligrams of potassium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 24 grams of sugar, and 11 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

QUICK REVIEW: Rockstar Ginger Brew Energy Drink

Rockstar Ginger Brew Energy Drink

I took a deep breath and braced myself before my first sip of Rockstar Ginger Brew Energy Drink. With the name “Ginger Brew,” I expected the beverage to burn like every ginger beer I’ve tried.

And I expected I’d say “Mmmm” and pretend to be cool because I was drinking a ginger beer, but screaming internally from the ginger burn going down my throat.

But there was no burn, grimaces, silent screaming, tensing of muscles, or calls out to mommy, because I should’ve realized that “Ginger Brew” could also mean ginger ale. Yes, Rockstar has created an energy ginger ale. So while the ginger may help settle your stomach, the caffeine will do the opposite to your heart.

Actually, ginger isn’t listed as an ingredient. Instead, it’s under the mysterious “natural flavors.” But that’s also the case with big brand ginger ales, like Seagram’s and Canada Dry.

The ginger flavor is as light as an elf’s breath. It’s so light that if I didn’t know it was a ginger ale, I would’ve thought it was a regional citrus soda with a silly name like Quenk. I wouldn’t be surprised if Rockstar Ginger Brew is a slightly tweaked version of Rockstar Revolt Killer Citrus.

Rockstar Ginger Brew Energy Drink 2

Overall, it’s still a decent tasting energy drink that’s not overly syrupy like other Rockstar varieties. If the ginger flavor was slightly more intense, I would’ve like it more. It’s easy to drink and I’d definitely buy it again if I need to slam down 160 milligrams of caffeine and settle my tummy.

Purchased Price: N/A
Size: 16 oz. can
Purchased at: Purchased on eBay (currently an amp exclusive flavor)
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (8 ounces) 140 calories, 0 grams of fat, 10 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 32 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 100% niacin, 100% vitamin B6, 100% vitamin B12, and 100% pantothenic acid.

QUICK REVIEW: Rockstar Revolt Killer Citrus Energy Drink

For years I’ve wanted a caffeinated 7Up or Sprite. YEARS.

But despite my best efforts, which included whining under my breath to a cooler that was filled with 7Up and Sprite and begging on their Facebook pages, I haven’t had the chance to guzzle a clear lemon-lime soda with my favorite stimulant.

But that’s no longer the case thanks to Rockstar Energy and its new Revolt Killer Citrus.

Update: I forgot 7Up had dnL.

A 16-ounce can has 240 milligrams of caffeine, which, if my math is correct, is 240 milligrams more than 7Up and Sprite combined. The heart-thumping beverage doesn’t taste exactly like either big brand soda, but it does have a crisp and clean lemon-lime flavor that could easily be mistaken for a store brand soda with a name like Sprittee or 7Lemon.

I’m not sure why the can has camouflage, but I also don’t know why folks who aren’t hunters or in the military wear camouflage. Maybe it is meant for hunters and the “killer” in Killer Citrus, represents what hunters do to their prey. Also, if I had to wait all day for some deer or bird to show up, I’d need something to keep me awake too.

Also, I’m trying to figure out why it’s called “Revolt.” The word could mean rising up against something or it could mean feeling disgust. I mean, the beverage doesn’t make me feel disgusted, but why give it a name that could mean that? I dunno.

Overall, thank goodness for Rockstar’s Revolt Killer Citrus Energy Drink. Because now I don’t need to put in more than the 0.5 percent of effort I was making to help make a caffeinated lemon-lime soft drink a reality.

Purchased Price: $2.29
Size: 16 fl oz
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (8 fl oz) 130 calories, 0 grams of fat, 45 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of carbohydrates, 32 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 100% niacin, 100% vitamin B6, 100% vitamin B12, and 100% pantothenic acid.