Tag: Cereal

REVIEW: Frosted Toast Crunch Cereal

Marvo 12 Comments

Frosted Toast Crunch Cereal

Frosted toast sounds like something Paula Deen created with her greasy, butter coated hands, but I Googled “frosted toast paula deen” and it didn’t show me any results that link the two together. However, Google did show me text ads for Weight Watchers, diet pills, and butter churns.

Frosted Toast Crunch is a cereal General Mills describes as, “baked with the delightful taste of frosted vanilla, then dusted with a delicious dash of cinnamon for a taste that’s pure delight.” So frosted toast is toast with vanilla frosting on top with a little cinnamon? That sounds lower middle class fabulous.

All the previous Toast Crunch cereals have made sense, like Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Peanut Butter Toast Crunch, and French Toast Crunch. But Frosted Toast sounds like something General Mills made up. I don’t know of any human being who has put cake frosting on toast. Putting two tubs of it on my body to make a French-cut frosting Speedo…yes. But, toast…that just sounds really weird.

With its white powdered coating, Frosted Toast Crunch cereal looks like it partied with Tony Montana. Sadly, the sugary layer easily gets washed away when eaten with milk and settles to the bottom of the bowl.

Frosted Toast Crunch Cereal Closeup

Of course, this process causes the cereal to lose a lot of its sweet vanilla flavor and whatever little cinnamon flavor it has, but it makes the milk that’s left in the bowl taste awesome. I’m talking upset Jamie Oliver awesome.

If you happen to buy a box of Frosted Toast Crunch cereal, I suggest you eat it dry. Because when you eat it dry, your tongue will make your brain think it’s eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch, albeit a light version. Vanilla is the dominate flavor, but the cinnamon is a bit more noticeable without the cow/soy/almond/goat milk cockblocking it from your tongue. You should also eat it dry because of the way the sugary coating will melt on your tongue when you drop a few pieces in your mouth.

Frosted Toast Crunch cereal is good, but it’s not that impressive. When eaten with milk it doesn’t have much flavor and when eaten dry it almost tastes like Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Maybe General Mills should grab a stick of butter and Deen-ify it.

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup (cereal only) – 120 calories, 30 calories from fat, 3 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 1.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 50 milligrams of potassium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, 14 grams of other carbohydrates, 1 gram of protein, and a clump of vitamin and minerals.)

Item: Frosted Toast Crunch Cereal
Price: $2.99
Size: 13.2 ounces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Eating the cereal dry. When eaten dry, it kind of tastes like Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Sugary coating makes the after milk taste awesome. Google ads looking out for me.
Cons: Eating the cereal wet. Sugary coating gets easily washed away with milk. Sogginess happens quicker than I’d like. Cockblocking flavors. Putting sticks of butter in everything. Frosting Speedos.

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Caramel Nut Crunchy Nut Cereal

Marvo 9 Comments

Kellogg's Caramel Nut Crunchy Nut Cereal

Kellogg’s new Caramel Nut Crunchy Nut cereal, which shouldn’t be confused with Kellogg’s Caramel Nut Crunch cereal, has no fiber.

If I was a twelve-year-old, I wouldn’t give a damn about it not having fiber. But I’m an adult now, and the woman in the Metamucil ads, who’s also in the Esurance ads and in this 1-800-DENTIST commercial, tells me I need fiber.

Sure, I could get it from fruits, vegetables, nuts, and legumes, but that would involve me buying fruits, vegetables, nuts, and legumes. I can’t keep track of which fruits I need to smell, squeeze, or spin on the floor in order to determine if they’re ripe. Also, even though I love saying the word “legumes” as much as I love pronouncing the word “incestuous,” legumes make me too le-gassy.

I need to get 30 grams of fiber a day and the Kellogg’s Caramel Nut Crunchy Nut cereal is not helping. If you think about it, how can this cereal not have any dietary fiber? It’s caramel flavored corn flakes topped with roasted peanuts. A bowl of Kellogg’s Corn Flakes has a gram of fiber, while peanuts are a good source of fiber. If Dr. Spock ate this cereal, he would say, “This cereal and its lack of fiber is illogical.”

While the cereal is clearly illogical, it does taste very good.

Kellogg’s Caramel Nut Crunchy Nut cereal smells like Cracker Jack, and it should because they’re pretty much made from the same ingredients: corn, peanuts, and molasses. For those of you who are too young to know what Cracker Jack is, according to Wikipedia, some consider it to be the first junk food, so your grandparents might’ve gotten cavities from it.

Kellogg's Caramel Nut Crunchy Nut Cereal Closeup

The cereal’s strong sweet aroma made me believe the cereal was going to have a teeth-hurting sweetness, but it didn’t. Initially, the cereal had more of a molasses flavor than caramel, but the caramel does pop up. Not every flake has bits of peanuts attached to it, but I could definitely taste a nuttiness. Overall, the cereal tastes kind of like Cracker Jack, so if you miss Cracker Jack Cereal, Kellogg’s Caramel Nut Crunchy Nut cereal might be a worthy replacement.

But just don’t expect it to give you any dietary fiber.

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup (cereal only) – 120 calories, 10 calories from fat, 1 gram of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 45 milligrams of potassium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 10 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.)

Item: Kellogg’s Caramel Nut Crunchy Nut
Price: $2.99
Size: 13.4 ounces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Really good. Tastes and smells like Cracker Jack. The blue eyes of the woman in the Metamucil and Esurance commercials. Doesn’t get soggy too quickly. Saying the word “legumes.”
Cons: Provides no fiber. Having to figure out whether a fruit is ripe or not. Having to make sure I’m getting enough fiber. Eating too many legumes.

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Cinnamon Almond Raisin Bran

Jeff 9 Comments

Kellogg's Cinnamon Almond Raisin Bran

I outgrew a lot of things, shedding interests like Beat Takeshi dispatches bodies in his awesome Yakuza films. I outgrew “yo mama” jokes. I outgrew my obsession with INXS. I even outgrew prank calling Chinese people claiming I was a pizza delivery guy and someone better Goddamn pay me or else (sorry Yen Sun wherever you are). To be honest, *69 proved to be my Kryptonite and effectively stopped me from my misdemeanant hobby. But you know? I have never outgrown cereal.

Hopping off my glorious Vespa, I arrogantly parked my scoot right by the side of the automatic double glass doors. Walking past the scowls of employees and customers, I was in Target looking for two things: some plug-in air fresheners and Frosted Flakes. Even though I enjoy eating the occasional fancy lad food (shaved truffles may have lost some of its allure thanks to the nouveau riche infection but they sure are tasty), a simple bowl of cereal comforts me like none other.

I can eat a bowl for any meal or a late night snack. I love eating “mini-wheats” out of the box as if they were cookies. Is it the perfect comfort food? No, but it is close since cereal is so familiar and convenient. And if you’re a faithful reader of The Impulsive Buy, you can tell that we have more choices than ever for cereal.

My selection for cereal is shameless. As an adult man who favors blazers, I feel like I should really be ordering a proper drink (and I do! Chin, chin!!) regardless if I act like an adult at the end of the night. An adult man ordering a Jägerbomb is plain embarrassing. Don’t even get me started on the Red Bull and vodkatinis…I’d rather be caught drinking a can of Four Loko wearing a shiny shirt with a spiky fade.

Ah, but cereal! Lovely sexy cereal with milk and the silver spoon, I lurve you. I would be happy with a bowl of Lucky Charms as I would be with a bowl of fart inducing Weetabix topped with blueberries. I have no problem eating Froot Loops while watching something responsible where everyone speaks in English accents. My love affair with all things cereal is one of the few constants in my life.

You know suicide sodas? Mixing all the flavors from the dispensers to create an amalgam of sugary fizzy goodness? I’m like that with cereals. Like a chemist, I would mix some Corn Flakes with Alpha-Bits and some puffy Kix to top it off. So just when I thought I couldn’t top off my cereal porn anymore, I found a box of Kellogg’s Cinnamon Almond Raisin Bran.

Raisin Brain is like your old standard, like Tony Bennett. It’s not something I want to listen to all the time but when I do, it’s pretty damn good. I like Raisin Bran but need to be in the mood for it. I engulfed a box of it when I recuperated from my car accident. I always thought it made my skim milk creamier and I loved the sweet chewiness from the slightly soggy raisins. So this version reminds me of the Michael Bublé take of Raisin Bran.

The box eschews any thoughts that this is your Grandfather’s Raisin Bran with “Cinnamon Almond” blazed on to the box with a yellow brown background. The famous “Two scoops!” tagline and the earnest looking sun holding exactly two scoops beckons you to open that box.

Kellogg's Cinnamon Almond Raisin Bran Closeup

Upon ripping the cellophane bag, the waft of toasted wheat and sweet raisins welcomed me. There is a pleasant but very faint smell of baked cinnamon rolls that emanates way in the background but this is cereal not wine. The cereal had quite a few raisins sans “plump” but there were seldom any almonds in my bowl. I dumped the bowl back into the package. This time I shook up the box like I’d shake any convicted bastard in a shaken baby case to see how they like it and poured another. The result was the same, a good amount of raisins but the thin slivers of almonds were so few.

The almonds were supposedly toasted as well but I couldn’t taste it. Eating a few without milk confirmed my suspicions. The cinnamon is so faint that it basically whispers “Hey don’t forget about me.” Knowing that most people eat their cereal in milk, I went ahead and proceeded to dine like the normals do hoping that the cinnamon taste would be more prevalent.

Kellogg's Cinnamon Almond Raisin Bran GlassThe milk did indeed emphasize the slight cinnamon taste. In fact, I think the cinnamon was now whispering, “Here I am. See? Why didn’t you believe me? You have trust issues.” Definitely, the cinnamon smell was stronger than the taste. While it does state that the cinnamon is dusted but damn…I think there is more cinnamon flavor if I sucked on the box. Most of the cinnamon taste was in the milk left after you’ve eaten it all.

Regarding the line that breaches the crunchy/soggy measure, if it takes you more than a few minutes to eat a bowl you are either: eating too big of a bowl or you don’t like the cereal. I’ve never done formal tests but I’m assuming most people take a couple of minutes or so to eat cereal.

I went ahead and let the bran sit in milk for exactly 120 seconds and it stayed crunchy. The raisins rehydrated slightly which is good but plumpness is overly optimistic. Another plus? The good news is that if you like Raisin Bran you will not be disappointed because it tastes like Raisin Bran with some almonds your jerky younger brother threw in there to be funny. Now I like Raisin Bran but I really was hoping for a different spin on the cereal.

My love for cereal is still strong but I would not buy this again. I can only eat so much Raisin Bran and I can only listen to so much Rat Packy/Swing Jazz standards. Now please tell my wife to turn off the Michael Bublé. My ears are bleeding.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 1/4 cup (cereal only) – 200 calories, 15 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 grams of cholesterol, 220 milligrams of sodium, 260 milligrams of potassium, 47 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of dietary fiber, 18 grams of sugars, 4 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.)

Item: Kellogg’s Cinnamon Almond Raisin Bran
Price: $2.99
Size: 14.5 ounces
Purchased at: Super Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: It tastes like Raisin Bran. Stays crunchy and makes your milk slightly cinnamony. Prank phone calls. People scowling at you. Beat Takeshi’s films.
Cons: It tastes like Raisin Bran. The cinnamon taste is barely there. Few measly slivers of almonds. Taste wise, the only toasted thing were the flakes. Justifying prank calling by telling myself I’m only goofing on my own nationality so I won’t feel guilty…Damn you *69! Michael Bublé.

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Frosted Mini-Wheats Cinnamon Roll Little Bites

Marvo 14 Comments

Kellogg's Cinnamon Roll Frosted Mini Wheats Little Bites

The Kellogg’s Frosted Mini-Wheats Cinnamon Roll Little Bites is like a sexy librarian.

The wholesome shredded wheat on the outside is like its conservative dress and tight hair bun, and the frosting is like its cute black rimmed Lisa Loeb glasses. But behind the frosting and within the shredded wheat is its sexy cinnamon ready to be unleashed so that it can rock my tongue and punish me for talking in the library, turning in books overdue, or not knowing how the Dewey Decimal System works.

Also, just like with a sexy librarian, I would totally read L. Ron Hubbard’s ten-volume Mission Earth science fiction novel series and scan through dozens of old newspapers on microfiche just so I could be with the Kellogg’s Frosted Mini-Wheats Cinnamon Roll Little Bites.

Opening the bag released an aroma that made me wonder who’s baking cinnamon rolls and why aren’t they offering some to me. According to the side of the box, cinnamon makes up less than two percent of the ingredients, but this cereal has a pleasant, almost potent cinnamon flavor that makes it taste like the person who complied the ingredients list has horrible math skills. Two percent? Bitch, please. Tastes more like 22 percent.

Combined with the frosting on the outside, the cereal comes close to tasting like a cinnamon roll, albeit a crunchy cinnamon roll. I have to say that the Kellogg’s Frosted Mini Wheats Cinnamon Roll Little Bites is now one of my favorite ways to get 25 percent of my daily recommended intake of dietary fiber in one sitting.

Kellogg's Cinnamon Roll Frosted Mini Wheats Little Bites Closeup

However, it has a slight flaw that may prevent me from eating too much of it.

A serving provides 90 percent of our daily recommended intake of iron. That’s fine for people who suffer from anemia and menstruating women, but not fine for a virile man, like myself, who likes to put meat into his mouth. I’m no doctor, I just play one when I land on it in the Game of Life, but I’ve read on the internet, and maybe in an old Reader’s Digest in a dentist’s office, that too much iron can be bad for men.

If that’s really the case, a part of me wishes I bled on the monthly basis so that I can enjoy the Frosted Mini-Wheats Cinnamon Roll Little Bites without any fear. Seriously, this cereal is as addictive as the chocolate version of Frosted Mini-Wheats Little Bites, and just like the Chocolate Little Bites, it’s great with or without milk. Although, with milk, it gets soggy quickly, just like all other Frosted Mini-Wheats varieties.

I thought the cereal had a high iron content because cinnamon is a good source of iron, which I also read on the internet or in a Sunday Parade Magazine. But, after scanning the Kellogg’s website, it turns out all Frosted Mini-Wheats varieties provide 90 percent of our daily value of iron, even my beloved Chocolate Little Bites. Sad panda.

Nevertheless, I think Kellogg’s Frosted Mini-Wheats Cinnamon Roll Little Bites crushes every other cinnamon flavored cereal I’ve ever had. Apple Cinnamon Cheerios? Pfff. Simply Cinnamon Corn Flakes? Simply no. Cinnamon Burst Cheerios? Yeah, right. Chex Cinnamon? More like cinNOTmon. Cinnamon Toast Crunch? (farting sound)

(Nutrition Facts – 47 biscuits (cereal only) – 190 calories, 10 calories from fat, 1 gram of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 200 milligrams of potassium, 46 grams of carbohydrates, 6 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar, 5 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.)

Item: Kellogg’s Frosted Mini-Wheats Little Bites Cinnamon Roll
Price: $2.99 (on sale)
Size: 15.8 ounces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Damn tasty. Best cinnamon flavored cereal I’ve had. It’s great dry or wet. Pleasant and strong cinnamon flavor. Great source of dietary fiber. Low fat. Addictive. Being a doctor in the Game of Life.
Cons: High iron content might be bad for some. Gets soggy in milk quickly. Doctor’s offices with old magazines. Getting hit in the face with microfiche.

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Krave Chocolate Cereal

Jasper 47 Comments

Kellogg's Chocolate Krave

Like so many 20-somethings, I often feel like I’m not a girl, not yet a woman. I have my own job, apartment, and 401k, but I also still play video games, don’t know how to sew buttons back on my shirts, and am totally fine with appropriating Britney Spears lyrics to describe my existential circumstances.

I think my relationship with breakfast cereal is emblematic of this condition of emerging adulthood. I’ve finally realized that two cups of coffee don’t pass as breakfast for proper, health-minded adults, so I dutifully eat some Shredded Wheat or Kashi most mornings. But anytime I have ready access to children’s cereals, I’ll spend all day plotting my next foray into the break room for another bowl of sugary goodness.

(Last year, I lived across the street from my office, and if I ever saw Cinnamon Toast Crunch in the break room late in the week, I’d go into work on the weekends for breakfast. I once got into the elevator with a coworker on a Saturday morning, and I felt compelled to stick around for an hour pretending to have non-Cinnamon Toast Crunch-related business to handle so he wouldn’t think I was a huge weirdo like all of you do right now.)

All of this is a very roundabout way of asking: does Kellogg’s new Krave Chocolate Cereal pass muster as an adult cereal? Before actually eating any, I ran through the evidence:

Uh, it’s CHOCOLATE for breakfast. Not adult.

That being said, it’s actually not bad, health-wise – whole grains, no high fructose corn syrup, and less sugar than a lot of other cereals. Adult.

Kooky fonts on the box and krazy spelling in the name. Not adult.

Absence of an anthropomorphic animal mascot. Adult.

There’s a visual on the official website of an anthropomorphic piece of Krave cereal that, judging by the chocolate around its mouth and its “CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE YUM YUM” sign, may have recently committed an unspeakable act of cannibalism while serving on a picket line of some sort. Unclear, but kind of disturbing.

Based on my completely arbitrary set of criteria, there’s no definitive proof that Krave is an adult cereal. That also means there’s no definitive proof that it’s not an adult cereal, so I will proceed to the review with no qualms about setting back my slow march towards adulthood once again.

A very pleasant smell of chocolate wafted out as soon as I opened the bag. Each piece of cereal was a bit larger than a Chex, and many pieces either had flecks of chocolate on the outside or were somehow transparent enough for me to see the chocolate on the inside.

Kellogg's Chocolate Krave Innards

I started by eating a couple pieces dry. Krave is crunchy without being exceedingly so (think Chex or Lays potato chips rather than Cap’n Crunch or kettle chips), and the outer shell’s lightly crunchy texture and its lightly sweetened taste work well together. I was disappointed at first with the amount of the signature ingredient — when I bit pieces in half, I could see that there was relatively little chocolate within the shells, and the taste of chocolate in each individual piece was underwhelming, too.

Kellogg's Chocolate Krave Closeup

However, when I added milk to a full bowl of Krave and ate whole spoonfuls, the chocolate flavor began to shine. Each bite tasted more chocolaty than the last, yet at no point did it ever get to be too chocolaty. (Sidenote: did you know Microsoft spellcheck will suggest “chocolatier” instead of “more chocolaty”? And then tell you that “chocolatier” is not actually a word?) I also detected a slight hint of hazelnut, though the list of ingredients actually makes no mention of that. The cereal retained its crunchiness fairly well in the milk, but I was irritated that none of the chocolate leaked out to provide me with a bowl of chocolate milk at the end.

Is Kellogg’s Krave an “adult” cereal? No. Would I pretend to have work to do on a Saturday morning just to eat a bowl? No. Still, I definitely enjoyed it and would recommend you grab a box. Krave doesn’t fit into my adult cereal rotation, nor is it really sweet enough to qualify as a childish indulgence, but Amazon would only sell me Krave in a pack of four. I guess I’ll have to take the adult path of not being wasteful and eat many, many more bowls of Krave in the near future.

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup (cereal only) – 120 calories, 30 calories from fat, 3.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 100 milligrams of sodium, 70 milligrams of potassium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamin and minerals.)

Item: Kellogg’s Krave Chocolate Cereal
Price: $5.00 per box (4-pack for $20)
Size: 11.4 ounce box
Purchased at: Amazon
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Nice chocolate smell. Appropriately crunchy. Lightly sweetened. Chocolate flavor builds as you eat more. Retains its crunchiness fairly well in milk. Has whole grains and no high fructose corn syrup. Eating chocolate for breakfast. Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Britney Spears’ first album.
Cons: Amount of chocolate may be disappointing if you’re only eating a small serving. Doesn’t leave behind chocolate milk. Kind of pricey, now that I think about it. Amazon not allowing me to buy a single box. Cereal cannibalism. Not living across the street from the office.