Tag: Cereal

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Limited Edition Disney Pixar Cars 2 Cereal

Marvo 7 Comments

Kellogg's Limited Edition Cars 2 Cereal

If you truly love your children, you will not make them shave a particular area on your body as one of their chores and you will not buy them Kellogg’s Limited Edition Disney Pixar Cars 2 Cereal.

Even if they beg, whine, cry, threaten to run away, tell you they don’t love you anymore, or refuse to shave that small patch of hair on your back you have trouble reaching, you shouldn’t buy this poor excuse for a sugary kids’ cereal.

I don’t care if the cereal would be perfect in your child’s Disney Pixar Cars 2 bowl on top of their Disney Pixar Cars 2 placemat, which is next to their Disney Pixar Cars 2 backpack that has their Disney Pixar Cars 2 folders and Disney Pixar Cars 2 pencils. If you want your children to experience sugary cereals that they’ll be slightly ashamed of eating when they’re in their 30’s, please don’t try to do it with Kellogg’s Limited Edition Disney Pixar Cars 2 Cereal.

There are so many better sugary kids’ cereals you can give your child, like Cocoa Pebbles, Froot Loops, Apple Jacks, Fruity Pebbles, Smorez, Cocoa Puffs, Honeycomb, Trix, Frosted Flakes, Count Chocula…Oh dear, I think I just got a cavity and gained a pound from typing that list.

So what’s wrong with Kellogg’s Limited Edition Disney Pixar Cars 2 Cereal? It’s as boring and confusing as the description printed on its box, which reads, “Frosted Multigrain Cereal with Red-Circled Fun.” I know the “red-circled fun” they’re talking about is the red-colored cereal, but is that really the best way to describe it? Because the only other red-circled fun I can think of are hickeys, and they’re a lot more fun than red-colored cereal.

Kellogg's Limited Edition Cars 2 Cereal in Bowl

The cereal stays crunchy in milk for a decent amount of time, but it tastes kind of like Cheerios, which isn’t a good thing since when it comes to good sugary kids’ cereals, the boring-flavored Cheerios doesn’t come to mind.

I thought with the red-colored cereal it would have a flavor from a red-colored fruit, like cherries, apples, strawberries, watermelon, raspberries, cranberries, pomegranate…Oh dear, I think I just met the new USDA dietary recommendations by typing that list. However, the Red #40-dyed cereal tastes exactly like the Red #40-less tan cereal.

This is disappointing to me, but I think it’s going to be more disappointing for a child. If they’re regular eaters of sugary kids’ cereals, they’re used to the idea that red-colored cereals have a fruity flavor. So when they put this cereal in their mouth, they’re probably not going to like it and say so using whatever new words they learned on the school playground.

Best case scenario: Crap.

Worst case scenario: What the fuck is this shit?

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup (just cereal) – 100 calories, 10 calories from fat, 1 gram of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 50 milligrams of potassium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 10 grams of sugar, 11 grams of other carbohydrates, 3 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.)

Item: Kellogg’s Limited Edition Disney Pixar Cars 2 Cereal
Price: $3.29
Size: 10.9 ounces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: 12 grams of whole grain per serving. Stays crunchy in milk for a decent amount of time. Fortified with vitamins and minerals. If you like Cheerios, it kind of tastes like Cheerios. Giving hickeys.
Cons: It tastes like Cheerios. Red cereal tastes like the tan cereal. Poor excuse for a sugary kids’ cereal. You children learning new vocabulary words on the playground. Won’t satisfy those who like their cereals sweet. Trying to hide hickeys.

REVIEW: Post Cocoa Pebbles Treats

Marvo 7 Comments

Post Cocoa Pebbles Treats

I think Cocoa Pebbles is better than Cocoa Krispies. If you think Cocoa Krispies tastes better than Cocoa Pebbles, we can either agree on our differences or we can determine which is better like gentlemen by filling a kiddie pool with several gallons of milk and a whole lot of Cocoa Pebbles and Cocoa Krispies and wrestling in it. And after I put you in a milky submission hold, I’ll make you say Cocoa Pebbles is the greatest chocolate flavored rice cereal on the face of the Earth.

How much do I think Cocoa Krispies suck? Well, let me drop a little freestyle rap on its ass.

Snap, Crackle and Pop, more like Sucka, Crackhead, and Punk.
I don’t understand why people eat that Cocoa Krispies junk.
It makes Boy Scouts lie and birds fall out of the sky.
It’s the reason why ties go awry and why babies cry.
A spoonful of Cocoa Krispies brings despair and displeasure.
Cocoa Pebbles isn’t just a cereal, it’s a chocolatey treasure.
Ya heard!
Big up!
Word!

Yup, that’s how much love Cocoa Pebbles, so you can imagine how hard my nipples became when I heard about Post releasing Cocoa Pebbles Treats, which was something that was long overdue. It’s as if Post saw the dozens of Cocoa Pebbles treats recipes on the internet and thought, “Hey. We can probably make some money if we did it ourselves. Let’s ask the legal department if we can call them Cocoa Pebbles Treats without
getting Kellogg’s panties in a knot.”

Post Cocoa Pebbles Treats Naked

Each box of Post Cocoa Pebbles Treats comes with eight individually-wrapped marshmallow cereal squares, each of which weighs 22 grams, which is the same as a Kellogg’s Rice Krispies Treat. Its chocolate flavor not only comes from the Cocoa Pebbles cereal, but also the chocolate drizzle on top.

I could see myself getting Fred Flintstone fat eating these Cocoa Pebbles Treats. Although it would take several boxes for me to do so since each one has only 90 calories. But I’m getting there, since I consumed seven of the eight treats over the past 48 hours.

Its texture has the same gooeyness and satisfying crunch as Rice Krispies Treats. The cereal has that familiar chocolatey flavor I know and would wrestle you for, but the marshmallows used as the glue to keep everything together enhances the flavor of the cereal. Its flavor makes me, if I were feeling extra gluttonous, want to grab a box of Cocoa Pebbles Treats, break apart each bar into smaller pieces, stick them in a big bowl, add some milk, grab me the biggest spoon I can find, and then go to town on it like Fred would with a brontosaurus burger or Wilma.

Post’s Cocoa Pebbles Treats are almost everything I hoped they would be. I do wish they were a bit bigger, but what should I expect since they’re made for kids who have small hands and think this is cool. I also wish they didn’t contain partially hydrogenated oils, which gives them trans fats, but less than 0.5 grams, which, according to the FDA, allows them to label them as containing 0 grams of trans fat. Oh crap! I’ve eaten seven of the eight treats over the past 48 hours.

Geez, those last two sentences were such a serious downers. I’ll end with a little freestyle rap instead.

Yo. Post Cocoa Pebbles Treats are crazy delicious.
But trans fat makes them not so nutritious.
Maybe I’ll write a letter to Post and get seditious.
Naw, I’m too lazy. I ain’t that ambitious.
Ya heard!
Big up!
Word!

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bar – 90 calories,15 calories from fat, 2 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 110 milligrams of sodium, 25 milligrams of potassium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein, and sad amounts of vitamins and minerals.)

*contains partially hydrogenated oils

Item: Post Cocoa Pebbles Treats
Price: $3.29 (on sale)
Size: 8 bars
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Really good. Chocolatey. Has the same gooeyness and satisfying crunch as Rice Krispies Treats. Gluten free. Chocolate drizzle. No high fructose corn syrup. Wrestling in a gigantic bowl of Cocoa Pebbles and milk. Cocoa Pebbles.
Cons: Contains partially hydrogenated oils. Could’ve been bigger. What kids think are cool. My freestyle rap skills. Cocoa Krispies.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches & Honey Bunches of Oats with Banana Bunches

Marvo 7 Comments

Limited Edition Honey Bunches of Oats with Banana Bunches and with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches

Just come out and say it, Post.

You’re not 100 percent sure you like Honey Bunches of Oat with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches and Honey Bunches of Oats with Banana Bunches. They probably didn’t test well internally, but you’re going to put them out there as limited edition products to see if the general public likes them, and if they do, you’re going to distribute a press release that says they were so popular that you decided to make them permanent members in the Honey Bunches of Oats line.

Or, of course, I could be completely wrong because I’ve got my head so far up the ass of convenience food news that I think I’m able to read between the lines of every new product a company introduces.

I guess I just don’t understand why these two varieties are limited editions because both are much tastier than many of the current permanent Honey Bunches of Oats varieties. **cough** Pecan Bunches **cough** Real Peaches **cough** Real Strawberries **barf**

Both flavors are similar to others from Honey Bunches of Oats’ past. In 2004, Post released Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Bananas, which has been discontinued. If the term “EPIC FAIL” was part of my vernacular in 2004, I would’ve called Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Bananas an EPIC FAIL for its disgusting, milk-absorbing banana pieces. As for a close relative of Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches, there’s current flavor, Honey Bunches of Oats with Cinnamon Bunches.

Like most Honey Bunches of Oats varieties, these two limited editions come with the standard crispy flakes that quickly get soggy in milk, crunchy oats, and a touch of honey. I’ve never been a fan of getting a touch of honey, and I really wish these two had an inappropriate massaging of honey instead.

Limited Edition Honey Bunches of Oats with Banana Bunches and with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches Naked

The Limited Edition Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches have a pleasant cinnamon flavor, but not overpowering. That cinnamon flavor, along with the oat clusters, make the cereal taste like a Nature Valley granola bar. I was pleasantly surprised the dried apple pieces didn’t soak up milk faster than a chubby, thirsty cat on a hot summer day and that there were a decent amount of them. Although, they didn’t provide as much apple flavor as I hoped, but what can I expect from dehydrated versions of their former selves. Overall, I enjoyed it and think it should be a permanent member of the Honey Bunches of Oats lineup.

As for the Limited Edition Honey Bunches of Oats with Banana Bunches, I also liked it and think it should be a regular variety available to all, all the time. The bananas are baked into the oat clusters and they give the cereal a mighty good banana flavor. If you like how banana chips taste, then you’re going to like this cereal. Honey Bunches of Oats with Banana Bunches is what the banana-flavored Honey Bunches of Oats should’ve been in 2004.

I may want both these cereals to become regular additions to the Honey Bunches of Oats line, but, of course, it’s not up to me, it’s up to Post. To help, I could create a Limited Edition Honey Bunches of Oats Should be Regular Varieties Facebook Fan Page, but I’m lazy, and I only like these cereals, I don’t LOVE them, which is just like how I imagine Post feels about them.

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup (just cereal) – with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches – 120 calories, 10 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 125 milligrams of sodium, 60 milligrams of potassium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, 15 grams of other carbohydrates, 2 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals. with Banana Bunches – 120 calories, 15 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 60 milligrams of potassium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 7 grams of sugar, 18 grams of other carbohydrates, 2 grams of protein, and a whole lot o’ vitamins and minerals.)

Item: Limited Edition Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches & Honey Bunches of Oats with Banana Bunches
Price: $4.49 each (on sale)
Size: 17.5 ounces (with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches)
Size: 18 ounces (with Banana Bunches)
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10 (with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (with Banana Bunches)
Pros: Tasty. Bananas are baked into the bunches. Decent amount of apples. LEHBOOWRAACB tastes like a granola bar. LEHBOOWBB tastes like banana chips. Should be permanent members of the Honey Bunches of Oats lineup.
Cons: Needs inappropriate massaging of honey instead. Soggy flakes. Being too lazy to create a Limited Edition Honey Bunches of Oats Should be Regular Varieties Facebook Fan Page. Limited Edition. My head being so far up the ass of convenience food news.

REVIEW: Post Honey Bunches of Oats Raisin Medley

Marvo 6 Comments

Post Honey Bunches of Oats Raisin Medley

Raisins are the dark, shriveled Post-It Notes that remind me what happens if I spend too much time in the sun without sunscreen. So I like to have raisins around in the forms of Raisin Bran, Raisinets, and, of course, plain Sun-Maid raisins to ensure I put on some SPF before I go out to do a bit of nude sunbathing.

Thankfully, the folks at Post have given me something new to help remind me to rub on some sun protection — Honey Bunches of Oats Raisin Medley.

The latest Honey Bunches of Oats variety is made up of multi-grain flakes, oat clusters, a touch of honey, and three kinds of raisins. What are the three types of raisins included? Well, in the ingredients list, the three are lumped together into the generic term “raisins.” However, without using any knowledge I gained from my Journalism 151 in college, which I earned a D in, I learned the cereal has three different types of raisins — natural seedless, jumbo seedless, and flame (red grapes).

Basically, Honey Bunches of Oats Raisin Medley tastes almost like what would happen if you were really bored and decided to separate a box of raisin bran into raisins and bran flakes, and then throw the raisins into a box of Honey Bunches of Oats Honey Roasted cereal and feed the bran flakes to the birds that hang out near the car of someone you do not like.

Oh wait, that wasn’t very basic. But this is: Post Honey Bunches of Oats Raisin Medley is damn good.

The multi-grain flakes and oat clusters bring the crunchy, while the raisins bring the chewy. Although, the flakes in Honey Bunches of Oats are notorious for getting soggy quickly, but the oat clusters don’t and they provide a nice crunch when the flakes get milklogged. There were a lot of plump raisins in the box I purchased, and while eating through the box one bowl at a time, I found that most of my spoonfuls had a raisin in it. The three types of raisins pretty much look and taste the same, but that’s fine with me. However, all is not perfect with this cereal. I do wish it was a little sweeter and that instead of having a touch of honey, it had an inappropriate fondling of honey.

Post Honey Bunches of Oats Raisin Medley Closeup

Honey Bunches of Oats Raisin Medley is now my favorite Honey Bunches of Oats variety, and it might be one of my favorite cereals of all time. No, Post is not paying me to say that, although if they were willing to pay me for saying that, I’d gladly accept a check made out to “Cash” in an amount somewhere in the neighborhood of $100,000 and the $2.99 I paid for the box.

Personally, I don’t why this marriage between cereal and raisins didn’t happen sooner because Honey Bunches of Oats have been around for over two decades and raisins have been around since someone got drunk on wine and left grapes out in the sun.

During those years of not having Honey Bunches of Oats Raisin Medley, I’ve had to tolerate lame attempts at combining Honey Bunches of Oats with fruits, like Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Strawberries, Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Bananas, and Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Peaches. I have so much disdain for those varieties that they’ve made me want to throw some Honey Punches of Oats at Sugar Bear’s Grape Nuts.

Although I’ve had to wait for it, Honey Bunches of Oats Raisin Medley was worth it.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 cup (cereal only) – 200 calories, 20 calories from fat, 2 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 120 milligrams of potassium, 42 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, 26 grams of other carbohydrates, 3 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.)

Item: Post Honey Bunches of Oats Raisin Medley
Price: $2.99 (on sale)
Size: 17 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Awesome combination of Honey Bunches of Oats and raisins. My favorite Honey Bunches of Oats variety. Lots of raisins. Being the number one Google result for the phrase “Honey Punches of Oats.” Contains a bunch of vitamins and minerals. Sunscreen.
Cons: Could’ve had a little bit more honey flavor. Getting a D in Journalism 151. Didn’t come out sooner. No real taste difference between the three types of raisins. Feeding birds bran flakes. Sunburn.

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Frosted Mini Wheats Touch of Fruit in the Middle Mixed Berry

Stephanie 11 Comments

Frosted Mini Wheats Touch of Fruit in the Middle

Among the many things that I’ve learned to appreciate as I’ve gotten older (e.g. quiet time, foreign beer, green leafy vegetables, a good deal on car insurance), Kellogg’s Frosted Mini Wheats is the newest entry to the list. Believe me, this is a big deal. I HATED THIS CEREAL when I was a kid.

I’d beg my parents to buy the variety packs of Kellogg’s cereal, strictly for the miniature boxes of Frosted Flakes, Froot Loops, and Apple Jacks, but every once in a while, we’d get one that also included a box of Frosted Mini Wheats. That small orange box would remain untouched for weeks until someone (usually my dad) finally ate them.

I was never tempted to eat the Frosted Mini Wheats, mostly because the flavor and texture were too mature for my sugar-addicted tastes. That, and my common-law marriage to Toucan Sam. But now, as an adult, I can appreciate Frosted Mini Wheats for what they are – just sweet enough to be palatable and chock-full of fiber. I even eat them dry. I know, that sounds terrible, like choking down miniature wicker baskets encrusted with powdered sugar. It is almost a thoroughly boring flavor experience, but you can’t beat the crunchiness.

I didn’t really pay much attention to the Frosted Mini Wheats line before, but now that I’ve tasted the Touch of Fruit in the Middle Mixed Berry variety, I’m curious about the others. The new addition has a filling made with “a touch of real fruit.” Don’t worry, it’s the good kind of touch, not the bad kind, and it happens to be mixed berries. It really is a small amount, so don’t expect it to be “jam-packed” with fruit filling (no pun intended… or WAS IT???). The cereal’s overly descriptive and awkward name makes me wonder if Kellogg’s intends to release a series of fruit flavors soon, and if so, have raspberry and blueberry already been represented here? I nominate strawberry and apple next. Peach and lemon can go to hell.

Frosted Mini Wheats Touch of Fruit in the Middle In A Bowl

As I mentioned before, the texture of the cereal is VERY crunchy, almost like eating twigs, which would totally gross me out if it weren’t for that fact that I topped mine with vanilla almond milk and stevia crystals. The boost of sweetness really helped take the edge off, especially once the shredded wheat biscuits themselves starting soaking up the milk and softening. The mixed berry-flavored filling reminded me of the filling in Kellogg’s Raspberry Nutri-Grain cereal bars. In other words, it was nothing really special. The sensation of biting into the crispy, fibrous shell and tasting a soft, jam-like center was unusual, to say the least. Maybe this is what happens in the wild when animals chow down on tree bark to find sticky sap and grubs. Disgusting visual, for sure, but in those animals’ minds, how different is that from this cereal?

Frosted Mini Wheats Touch of Fruit in the Middle Middle

Despite the strangeness of the whole experience for me, I didn’t hate my bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats Touch of Fruit in the Middle Mixed Berry cereal. In fact, I went back for more. It’s clear to me now that my palate has matured to the point of being able to tolerate the crispy-bordering-on-tough texture and the low level of sweetness, both of which I firmly rejected as a kid. Maybe the fruit filling is Kellogg’s way of throwing the sugar-addicted child in all of us a bone and saying, “Hey, you may be spending hundreds and hundreds of dollars paying off utility bills and smartphone data plan charges every month, but at least your taste buds still work!”

(Nutrition Facts – 21 biscuits/1.9 ounces – 190 calories, 10 calories from fat, 1 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 0 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 10 milligrams of sodium, 200 milligrams of potassium, 45 grams of carbohydrates, 6 grams of fiber, 10 grams of sugar, 5 grams of protein, 2% calcium and 90% iron.)

Item: Kellogg’s Frosted Mini Wheats Touch of Fruit in the Middle Mixed Berry
Price: $2.99
Size: 18 ounces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Quiet time. Cereal that is chock-full of fiber. Common-law marriages to cartoon mascots. Touch of real fruit enhances what would probably be a very boring cereal. Great at soaking up milk.
Cons: Awkwardly-named breakfast item. Eating twigs. Mixed Berry filling tastes like same filling in Nutri-Grain bars. Sticky sap and grubs. The Bad Touch. Bills, Bills, Bills. Don’t expect a lot of fruit filling.