Tag: Chips Ahoy

REVIEW: Chips Ahoy! American Summer

Marvo 12 Comments

Chips Ahoy American Summer

When I bought the Chips Ahoy! American Summer cookies, I thought I was about to get my America on. But, my raging patriotism turned into dismay when I found out the cookies were made in Mexico.

Mexico? Really?

If your name has America in it, you better be made in America, just like Los Angeles-born actress America Ferrera. If these cookies wanted to truly be American, they should’ve been made in the good ol’ U-S-of-A…or where many American products are made — in China. Now some of you might be preparing blog comments in your head that include the words, “Mexico is in North AMERICA,” but that’s not the America I’m talking about, I’m talking about the good ol’ Red, White, and Blue, and not the good ol’…whatever colors make up the Mexican flag.

And…I just lost the four TIB readers that live in Mexico. You’re next, the two readers in South Korea.

On the Chips Ahoy! American Summer packaging, it says it’s “Crammed with Joy,” but it’s really chocolate chips; red, white, and blue candy coated fudge pieces; and disappointment crammed into a cookie that’s the same size as the regular version.

Chips Ahoy American Summer Naked

My displeasure with these cookies stem from the fact that they don’t taste any different from regular non-patriotic Chips Ahoy!

(See Nabisco. The previous sentence is why you shouldn’t use an exclamation point in your product’s name. People will see that exclamation point and think I’m really mad about Chips Ahoy! American Summer tasting like the regular version, but I only feel a little gypped.)

If you were to blindfold me with an American flag or blind me with the light from 50 stars, then tie my arms together using 13 stripes, and then have the ghost of Betsy Ross feed me Chips Ahoy! American Summer and regular Chips Ahoy! cookies using her sewing needles, the only way I could tell which is which is by the crunch of the candy coated fudge pieces, which is different from the crunch of the cookie. But, those two crunches combined with the rudeness of chewing with my mouth open, makes my maw sound like there are Fourth of July fireworks going on in there.

Yeah, that last sentence was a bit of a stretch, but I’m trying to make these cookies sound more American than they truly are. Because if you think about it, the red, white, and blue candy pieces could easily confuse people into thinking these cookies are Chips Ahoy! French Summer, Chips Ahoy! North Korea Summer, Chips Ahoy! Serbia and Montenegro Summer, or Chips Ahoy! Faroe Islands Summer.

Again, with these Chips Ahoy! American Summer cookies, you’re just eating something that tastes like regular Chips Ahoy! chocolate chip cookies. There really isn’t anything really spectacular about them. But, if you’re having a huge Fourth of July barbeque with excessive red, white, blue themed items, like napkins, plates, cups, balloons, types of tortilla chips, and inflatable outdoor playground bouncers, then Chips Ahoy! American Summer is perfect for you.

(Nutrition Facts – 3 cookies – 160 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 2.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 110 milligrams of sodium, 40 milligrams of potassium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein, and 6% iron.)

*uses partially hydrogenated oils

Item: Chips Ahoy! American Summer
Price: $3.99 (on sale)
Size: 12.2 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Resealable packaging. Contains poly- and monounsaturated fats. Fourth of July barbeques. Outdoor playground bouncers.
Cons: Tastes like regular Chips Ahoy! Nothing spectacular about them. Could easily be confused as Chips Ahoy! Serbia and Montenegro Summer cookies. Chips Ahoy! having an exclamation point in its name.

REVIEW: Chips Ahoy! Made With Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups

Marvo 15 Comments

Combining Chips Ahoy! chocolate chips cookies with Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups sounds like the kind of trickery that only magical asexual elves living in the Hollow Tree Factory could come up with. But, of course, due to patents and trademarks owned by Nabisco, the magical asexual elves who get off on baking packaged treats, instead of woodland creatures, couldn’t have made the Chips Ahoy! Made With Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups cookies.

Through my decades of eating Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, I know fusing peanut butter with chocolate makes an excellent combination, much like bringing together five crazy bitches from New Jersey makes for an entertaining train wreck on The Real Housewives of New Jersey. But merging that awesome combination of peanut butter and chocolate with the equally awesome Chips Ahoy! cookie has the potential to be mind-blowing and belt-busting.

But mostly belt-busting.

The merging of the two makes sense, much like a dinner between the women from The Real Housewives of New Jersey and the cast from The Real Housewives of Atlanta makes sense for the Bravo Network. It would be the Big Bang of Bitchiness, and I believe ratings would go through the roof because hair weaves would be pulled out left and right, police officers would get involved and profanity would be spewed out as verbs, nouns, adjectives and pronouns.

While the Chips Ahoy! Made With Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups cookies don’t make me want to pull out someone’s hair extensions, they do make me want to spurt out profanity in the form of verbs, nouns, adjectives, and pronouns. However, I would be cursing with delight and a smile on my face, and not in anger with crazy eyes, because the Chips Ahoy! Made With Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are the muthafuckin’ shit.

Actually, let me take that back. Not the profanity, but how much I enjoyed these cookies.

I’m downgrading how much of the shit it is because it’s hard to detect the unique flavor of the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup’s peanut butter in the cookie. There’s definitely a pleasant peanut butter flavor, which is nicely balanced with the chocolate and the rest of the crunchy cookie, but it’s not what I expected. I can see chunks of peanut butter cups in each cookie, but it’s hard for me to believe they’re actual pieces of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.

Thankfully there’s an ingredients list, which tells me that there are actual Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup pieces. But it’s near the bottom of the list, which tells me there isn’t much. However, there are other ingredients ahead of it on the list that relate to peanut butter cups: peanut butter baking cups, peanut flavored chips, and something called Reese’s Peanut Butter Drops. Since there are more of these ingredients, they might be the cause of the cookie’s unexpected flavor.

Although I’m disappointed Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups aren’t noticeable in the cookies, I do think they’re really good. They’ve got the same crunch as regular Chips Ahoy! cookies and are also hard to put down. While I don’t think they’re the muthafuckin’ shit, I do think they are the shit.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 160 calories, 9 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 3 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 85 milligrams of sodium, 35 milligrams of potassium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 9 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein and 4% iron.)

*may contain less than 0.5 grams of trans fat due to use of partially hydrogenated oils

(NOTE: Thanks to TIB reader Alex for letting us know about these cookies.)

Item: Chips Ahoy! Made With Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Size: 9.5 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: It is the shit. Really good. Nice balance of chocolate and peanut butter. Crunchy like regular Chips Ahoy! Being able to use profanity as verbs, nouns, adjectives and pronouns.
Cons: The unique flavor of the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup isn’t noticeable. Getting caught in the middle of a fight between the casts of Real Housewives shows. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup pieces is listed near the bottom of the ingredients list. Getting hair weaves pulled out. Not the muthafuckin’ shit.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Chips Ahoy! Fudge Bites

Marvo 22 Comments

Limited Edition Chips Ahoy! Fudge Bites

Seriously, the Limited Edition Chips Ahoy! Fudge Bites was the best idea that came out of some brainstorming meeting at Nabisco to come up with new cookies. That must have been one short meeting because it looks like a product that took five seconds to come up with.

For a limited edition cookie, it’s really unimaginative, because it just looks like a Hershey’s Kiss fell on top of a small Chips Ahoy! cookie and melted. It also sort of looks like two frogs mating, but that might just be me. Heck, I thought the easy opening resealable packaging was more exciting than the cookie itself. I think a roomful of college-aged stoners with a bunch of cookies, candies and other snacks could’ve come up with at least ten good cookie ideas by the time the weed was gone, unless they got distracted by episodes of Wow! Wow! Wubbzy!

The cookie used for these Fudge Bites are significantly smaller than regular Chips Ahoy! and measure about 1.5 inches in diameter, but I guess if they were bigger, they couldn’t be called “bites.” The fudge is place smack dab in the middle of the cookie in an indentation. If you want to make a monster out of cookies, you would probably use these as its eyes. Or you can use them as its nipples.

I feel sorry for the chocolate chips in the cookie because they seem unnecessary thanks to the fudge, which overwhelms them. The fudge isn’t of a high quality, but it does give the crunchy cookie a really strong chocolate taste. With the fudge being as big as it is, it ensures there will be fudge in every bite. But then again they’re small enough that most of you could easily fit an entire cookie in your mouth without the need for opening your jaw like you’re deep throating a banana.

The Chips Ahoy! Fudge Bites are good, but they should be for an easily conceived concept that combines two things people love and doesn’t take much risk. They’re limited edition and I’m fine with that, because I don’t think I’ll miss them when they’re gone. Although it will be hard to find a replacement for my cookie monster’s eyes and nipples.

(Nutrition Facts – 4 cookies – 170 calories, 8 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 110 milligrams of sodium, 45 milligrams of potassium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein and 6% iron.)

Item: Limited Edition Chips Ahoy! Fudge Bites
Price: $3.50 (on sale)
Size: 10.2 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Good, but they should be! Fudge in every bite! Resealable packaging! Small enough to stick a whole cookie in my mouth! Making a monster out of cookies!
Cons: Not an imaginative idea! Chocolate chips were meaningless thanks to the fudge! Smaller than regular Chips Ahoy! Having to put an exclamation point after Chips Ahoy!

100% Whole Grain Chips Ahoy!

Marvo 28 Comments

100% Whole Grain Chips Ahoy!

Hey! Whole Grain! Yeah, I’m talking to you!

You don’t think I notice you invading our breakfast cereals with your whole graininess? Turning our sacred sugary cereals into semi-healthy sunrise suppers. And now you’re slowly creeping into our snacks, like with these new 100% Whole Grain Chips Ahoy!

It’s not just me who’s noticing your sneaky acts. Impulsive Buy reader Allison let me know about you putting yourself into WHITE BREAD. WTF!?! You’ve created wheat white bread. It’s like frickin’ Frankenbread.

Is nothing sacred to you?

It’s like you’re the male town slut and you’re just going around town, dropping your seed into as many things as possible, leaving behind a bunch of illegitimate children, who aren’t very bright, attractive, or tasty, and will probably end up in prison.

Sure, you made the Chips Ahoy! slightly healthier, but I don’t eat cookies for dietary fiber, I eat them because I need to indulge or need to forget the new Ashlee Simpson song or need something to throw when the video of the new Ashlee Simpson song is being played on TV.

Because of you, junk food will lose its luster and I will need a new vice for those times when I’m sitting in front of the TV and watching G-String Divas or Taxicab Confessions on HBO. Maybe I’ll resort to drugs or alcohol or licking envelopes.

If there’s nothing wrong with you dropping your seed into Chips Ahoy!, then why does it say on the packaging, “Real Chocolate Chip Cookies”? Why do I need to be convinced that they’re real chocolate chip cookies?

To be honest, the 100% Whole Grain Chips Ahoy! don’t look like chocolate chip cookies, they actually look like oatmeal raisin cookies. As for the taste, it’s okay, but regular Chips Ahoy! taste better. There’s also that whole grain texture. I think I actually felt whole grains in my mouth.

See, like I said, you’re producing children that aren’t attractive or tasty.

At least the cookies came in two individually wrapped packs, or as I like to call them, a double barrel of cookies. This made it easier to take cookies with me, just in case I need to feed a bum or Nicole Richie.

I don’t know what else you plan to put your whole grain member into, but let me tell you, if you drop your seed into an Oreo, I will find you and personally castrate you.

Item: 100% Whole Grain Chips Ahoy!
Purchase Price: $4.00 (slightly on sale)
Rating: 2.5 out of 5
Pros: All right tasting. Baked with 100% whole grain. Two grams of dietary fiber. Individually wrapped barrels of cookies.
Cons: Not attractive, looks like oatmeal raisin cookies. Weird whole grain texture. Healthier than regular Chips Ahoy! Not a good snack to indulge with. Nicole Richie’s weight.

REVIEW: Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky Cookies

Marvo 29 Comments

I remember those days when I was soft and chunky. I would wear husky clothing, be called a geek or dork on a daily basis by girls who could beat me up, and cry when those girls took my lunch money.

Oh, but how I’ve grown.

I’m no longer soft and chunky, instead I’m now sensitive and slightly overweight. I don’t wear husky clothing anymore, it’s now baggy clothing. I’m no longer called a geek or dork on a daily basis by girls who can beat me up, instead I’m called weird or scary on a daily basis by girls who have cans of pepper spray and use them to take my lunch money.

Oh, if only I was a cookie during my soft and chunky days, then I would’ve been just like the Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky cookies, big cookies with big chocolate chunks.

Oh, I wish I were a Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky cookie.
That is what I’d truly like to be.
Cause if I were a Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky cookie,
everyone would be in love with me.

But then again, if I was a Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky cookie, I would be an ordinary prepackaged cookie, placed into plastic packaging with other cookies like me, and we would placed on top of each other, like we were prisoners posing for pictures at Abu Ghraib prison<. I guess being a Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky cookie would suck. Besides, they really weren't that big. They're only about three inches in diameter, which to me was still pretty small. Of course, my way of determining if a cookie is big is by seeing if I can stick the whole thing into my mouth. If the cookie fits into my mouth, it's not a big cookie. However, if I say the line, "If the cookie doesn't fit, you must split," then I consider the cookie to be big. The cookies may not have been big, but they were bigger than regular Chips Ahoy! and they also had lots of chocolate. Along with the usual chocolate chips, these cookies also had chocolate chunks. So dare I say it had an orgy of chocolate? I'm such a perv. Anyway, because of the orgy of chocolate, I liked these better than regular Chips Ahoy!, but despite the the bigger size and the orgy of chocolate, I didn't think there was anything special about the Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky cookies. I just think they're just plain and ordinary Chips Ahoy! cookies on steroids. Item: Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky Cookies
Purchase Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Bigger and better than normal Chips Ahoy! cookies. An orgy of chocolate.
Cons: Nothing really special about them. Chocolate chips and chunks looked alike. Is the exclamation point at the end of Chips Ahoy! really necessary?