Tag: Chips

REVIEW: Food Should Taste Good Tortilla Chips

Marvo 10 Comments

FoodShouldTasteGood chips (yes, that’s how it’s spelled and, yes, I did think about writing the entire review that way) aren’t the typical tortilla chips that you would find at a Super Bowl gathering, Mexican Potluck Day at work or at your quarterly swingers party. Their packaging and use of script fonts make them seem a little classier than that. Instead you might find them at a Westminster Dog Show party, a Hispanic Cultural Event or at your annual, invitation-only, anything-goes masquerade orgy.

These classy tortilla chips come in a variety of normal and f’ed-up flavors, shapes and colors: Multigrain, Buffalo (not shown), Jalapeno, The Works, Sweet Potato, Olive and Chocolate (yes, chocolate). The FoodShouldTasteGood chips seem to be a little more durable than their non-classy chip counterparts, making them perfect for dips, toppings and finger kickboxing demos.

FoodShouldTasteGood encourages you to try their chips with a variety of topping and has suggestions on the packaging. Unfortunately, I don’t have access to some of their recommendations, like hummus, goat cheese, feta cheese, roasted garlic salsa, white bean dip, guacamole and I just ran out of human souls. So I decided to try the chips nekkid.

Buffalo (not shown above) is made with cayenne pepper, vinegar and garlic. It had a flavor and color similar to buffalo wing sauces I’ve had in the past. There was a slight heat to it, but not enough that I had to reach for some celery and blue cheese dressing. I definitely enjoyed them, even if they had the highest sodium content among all the flavors, and I could see myself bringing a bag to the next big cricket match on the tele.

Chocolate is made with semi-sweet chocolate, Dutch chocolate and sea salt. Among all the flavors, this one was the most intriguing because it provided me the opportunity to eat two types of snack food in a chip that was so brown, it looked burnt. The salt was the first ingredient I tasted and that was soon followed by, after a couple of chews, a semi-sweet chocolate flavor. I was surprised by how well they turned out and the next time I go to an equestrian competition, I’ll make sure to bring some along with my ASTM-SEI-approved riding helmet.

Jalapeno is made with diced jalapeno peppers and crushed red peppers. The red-ish color of this chip reminded me of the taco shell used for the Taco Bell Volcano Taco and the devil that haunts my nightmares. It was not a spicy as the Buffalo one, but it did have a nice light jalapeno flavor that I would share at an upcoming Scrabble tournament.

Multigrain is baked with flax, sunflower and sesame seeds, oat fiber, brown rice, quinoa and soy. Out of all the flavors, this one tasted and looked the most like regular tortilla chips, but it also had a slight nutty flavor to it. I didn’t like these at first, but after eating more of it, I grew to like them and would probably take them to a bird watching event at the park to snack on and to attract birds.

Olive is made with black, green and Kalamata olives, garlic and sea salt. I really was hoping these chips would come in a dark green color or turn green if I made them mad, but they looked like normal tortilla chips. The olive flavor was noticeable, but not unpleasant and it wasn’t strong enough to make me want to break out the martini kit at the Oprah’s Book Club meeting I would probably take these to.

Sweet Potato is, obviously, baked with sweet potato that give the chips an orange hue, 20% of your daily recommended allowance of Vitamin A, and a good, light sweet potato taste. I was hoping they would have a stronger sweet potato taste, but I figured if they did they would have more sweet potato in them and then they would be considered potato chips, which would not be classy enough to bring to a game of polo.

The Works! is made with poppy and caraway seeds, minced garlic and onion. There were my least favorite among all the flavors. I don’t know if it was the poppy seeds, caraway seeds, or the fact that I don’t know what caraway seeds are, but whatever it was I couldn’t eat an entire bag and I couldn’t see myself offering these at my annual, invitation-only, anything-goes masquerade orgy

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce – (varies between flavors) 140 calories, 6-7 grams of fat, 0.5-1 gram of fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 80-280 milligrams of sodium, 17-18 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 0-2 grams of sugar, and 2-3 grams of protein.)

(Note: Thanks to the folks at FoodShouldTasteGood for sending me their chips to sample.)

Item: FoodShouldTasteGood Tortilla Chips
Price: FREE
Size: 6-ounce & 1-ounce bags
Purchased at: Given by company.
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Buffalo)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Chocolate)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Jalapeno)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Multigrain)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Olive)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Sweet Potato)
Rating: 5 out of 10 (The Works!)
Pros: Most of the flavors were tasty. Sturdy chips, perfect for dipping and finger kickboxing demos. All-natural. Certified Gluten-Free. No trans fats. Crunchy. Chocolate flavor was surprisingly good. Script fonts make them classy. Contains a decent amount of fiber.
Cons: I didn’t care for The Works! flavor. Buffalo flavor has a high sodium content. Might be difficult to find in stores. I ran out of human souls.

REVIEW: Terra Crinkles Yukon Gold Garlic Mashed Potato Chips

Marvo 14 Comments

The Terra Crinkles Yukon Gold Garlic Mashed Potato Chips tasted all right, but they disgusted me. The reason why I found these potato chips to be repulsive was because they committed flavor incest.

And I’m not talking about the good kind of incest.

I find it wrong when one potato product tries to taste like another potato product and because these potato chips have the flavor of garlic mashed potatoes, I believe this product breaks one of the Ten Culinary Commandments — thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s flavor. It’s like if pork chops tasted like bacon, or if wheat bread tasted like white bread, or if all the things people say tastes like chicken tasted like chicken.

The Terra Crinkles Yukon Gold Garlic Mashed Potato Chips seemed like normal potato chips, but by committing flavor incest who knows what might’ve happened with them. There might’ve been defects, like square-shaped chips, excessive crinkles, non-crunchiness, or they might’ve had the level of brain damage only found in those who have the desire to become a D-List celebrity and whore itself to any reality show willing to pay it for its ability to be a total douchebag on television.

Like I wrote earlier, I think these potato chips were all right and they really did taste like garlic mashed potatoes. But it wasn’t good garlic mashed potatoes, like the kind you would find as a side dish for a delicious medium rare filet mignon at a top-notch steakhouse. Instead the potato chips were like the garlic mashed potatoes you would find in its own compartment in a Salisbury steak TV dinner. The garlic flavor tasted a little burnt, it had a strong onion flavor and there was a little tanginess, thanks to the buttermilk powder.

The Terra Crinkles Yukon Gold Garlic Mashed Potato Chips was not a case of something so wrong being so right. The flavor incest it engaged in made something so wrong be so-so.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce – 130 calories, 6 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 1 gram of sugar, 2 grams of protein, and 2% Iron.)

Item: Terra Crinkles Yukon Gold Garlic Mashed Potato Chips
Price: $4.99
Size: 6 ounces
Purchased at: Whole Foods
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Tasted like garlic mashed potatoes, but not good garlic mashed potatoes. Crunchy. No trans fat. No defects. The good kind of incest.
Cons: Garlic flavor tasted a little burnt. Flavor incest. Being a D-List celebrity. Being a douchebag. The bad kind of incest. Breaking one of the Ten Culinary Commandments.

REVIEW: Kettle Chips Death Valley Chipotle Potato Chips

Marvo 20 Comments

Oh my God! The Kettle Chips Death Valley Chipotle feels like someone is pouring liquid chlamydia into my mouth! It burns! It burns! It burns!

Okay, it’s not really that hot to me, but others might feel that way.

The winner of last year’s Kettle Peoples’ Choice contest is quite possibly the spiciest potato chip I’ve ever had, although I might’ve in the past had a potato chip that was so spicy that it traumatized me and caused me to lose any memory of it. Eating something so disturbing and losing my memory of it has happened before.

The Kettle Chips Death Valley Chipotle contains the Five Peppers of the Hotpocalypse: chili, chipotle, cayenne, habanero, and jalapeno. Thanks to those spices, each chip looks like it’s burnt rather than golden brown and they also look like scabs. The heat from the Five Peppers of the Hotpocalypse does not instantly hit you, like walking out of a Las Vegas casino on a hot summer day after 24 hours straight of debauchery, instead it’s a slow burn that builds up to a medium heat that sticks with you for a while.

While it may contain a spectrum of hot spices, the chipotle is the pepper that stands out the most and also provides a nice smoky flavor, which fortunately isn’t overwhelmed by the heat of the other peppers. Its smokiness combined with its spiciness makes for one delicious chip, although its heat will probably agitate some peoples’ palates. I’m not surprised I enjoyed them because I like spicy and I also believe Kettle Chips makes some of the best tasting potato chips on the planet.

So if you like spicy, I’d definitely recommend the crunchy Kettle Chips Death Valley Chipotle potato chips. But if you don’t like spicy, I’d definitely recommend staying away from these chips because it really will feel like someone is pouring liquid chlamydia into your mouth.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce – 150 calories, 9 grams of fat, 1 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 7 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 410 milligrams of potassium, 16 grams of carbs, 2 grams of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 2% Vitamin A, 20% Vitamin C, and 4% Iron.)

Item: Kettle Chips Death Valley Chipotle Potato Chips
Price: $3.29
Size: 5 ounces
Purchased at: Foodland
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Nice smoky, spicy flavor. Crunchy. Lots of spices. No trans fat. Spices don’t overwhelm the chip’s flavor. Me likey the spicy. Winner of the last year’s Kettle Peoples’ Choice contest
Cons: Its dark color makes them look like scabs. If you don’t like spicy, it will feel like someone is pouring liquid chlamydia into your mouth. Might not be a permanent addition to Kettle Chips lineup. Eating something so traumatic that you forgot you ate it.

REVIEW: Popchips

Marvo 24 Comments

Let me tell you what sucks about getting old; it’s not being able to eat things that I used to eat in the quantities I want to eat them in. I remember when I could eat an entire can of Pringles in one sitting and the only consequence would be constipation. Today, if I were to eat an entire can of Pringles in one sitting not only would I have constipation, I would also increase my blood pressure and make it harder for me to fit into my waist 32 jeans.

I also remember a time when I could eat an entire pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream during a viewing of the movie The Notebook. But thanks to the pints of ice cream I’ve consumed over the years, not only are my arteries clogged, but apparently so are my tear ducts, which makes it extremely hard to express my sadness through crying when Noah and Allie die peacefully together holding each other’s hand at the end of The Notebook.

Because of my ever-slowing metabolism, ever-expanding waistline and the ever-deepening indentation in my couch, I’ve been having to choose healthier snack choices and eating them in reasonable serving sizes. That’s why I’ve been eating these Popchips, which I’ve seen at every Jamba Juice I’ve been to. They’re all-natural potato chips and they contain no preservatives, artificial flavors, cholesterol, saturated fat and trans fat. What separates these from regular potato chips is that they aren’t fried. Instead they’re “popped,” which according to the company involves applying heat and pressure to the potatoes until they pop. The Popchips are slightly greasy, but that’s due to their use of safflower and sunflower oil in the seasoning.

Popchips come in flavors for a variety of palates: original, barbeque, parmesan garlic, salt & pepper, and sea salt & vinegar. I’ve tried every flavor and I enjoyed all of them. My favorite out of the bunch was the parmesan garlic.

Are they better tasting than regular fried potato chips?

The short answer.

No.

The long answer that’s long due to too many adjectives.

There’s something about thin, round slices of potato placed in a huge, scalding oil bath that warps them into deformed, golden shapes that tastes so good and makes them extremely crunchy and crack-addictive, which the Popchips can’t match.

They may not be addictive and as crunchy as regular potato chips, but they’re quite delectable and make Lays Baked Potato Chips, which was my previous guilt-free potato chip alternative, taste even more like cardboard. I do wish I could find bags bigger than the one-ounce ones I can get from Jamba Juice because I finish the entire bag at around the 35 minute mark in The Notebook, when Noah and Allie are trying to make sweet, sweet love for the very first time but are interrupted by Noah’s friend.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bag – (some nutrition values varies between flavors) – 120 calories, 4 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 250-310 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbs, 1 gram of fiber, 0-2 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.)

Item: Popchips
Price: FREE
Size: 1 ounce
Purchased at: Given by nice PR people
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Delectable. Crunchy. Healthier than regular potato chips. No saturated and trans fats. Better than Baked Lays. Comes in a number of flavors. The Notebook.
Cons: Not as tasty or crunchy as regular potato chips. Hard to find bigger bags of it. Constipation from eating a can of Pringles. My ever-slowing metabolism, ever-expanding waistline and the ever-deepening indentation in my couch. Being interrupted while trying to make sweet, sweet love for the very first time.

REVIEW: Tohato Ninja Snacks

Marvo 29 Comments

(Editor’s Note: I’m pretty sure they’re not called “Ninja Snacks,” but because there’s a frickin’ ninja on the packaging I’m calling them that.)

I’m not sure what ninjas like to snack on, but I can only assume it’s the blood and souls of their victims…and possibly Doritos, because the pointy chips are not only awesomely cheesy, they can also kill. Actually, ninjas could probably turn any food into a weapon, whether it be whole carrots, a half-eaten Twinkie, bananas, cooked spaghetti noodles, a Swanson fried chicken TV dinner, a stale roll from a soup kitchen, broccoli, scraps from a school cafeteria, whatever supermodels throw up, and these Tohato Ninja Snacks.

But do ninjas even need snacks? Aren’t they satisfied with the snaps of necks or the smacks they lay across an enemy’s face?

If ninjas do decide to use the Tohato Ninja Snacks as a food instead of a weapon, I’m not sure it would be wise to take them on a mission for several reasons. First off, they have a crunch to them, although it was a pretty unsatisfying crunch, like soggy popcorn, but a crunch nonetheless, which would affect any ninja’s stealth abilities no matter how slow they chew. A ninja without the capacity to not be seen or heard is like Tyra Banks without the capacity to not be seen or heard, both will bring certain doom.

Another reason why the Tohato Ninja Snacks wouldn’t be good for a ninja on an assignment is because they will make their fingers greasy. How is a ninja suppose to scale walls or hang out in a ceiling’s cranny or accurately throw shurikens with greasy fingers?

I’m not too sure what the Ninja Snacks are supposed to be shaped like, either ninjas, grappling hooks, or if you look at the two Ninja Snacks by themselves on the packaging, breakdancers. What I do know is that they taste like Fritos with a buttered movie theater popcorn aftertaste. It actually wasn’t too bad, but ninjas need something that won’t make them say, “Blech! My mouth tastes like I licked the floor at a showing of Pineapple Express.” Because doing so will get them killed.

Item: Tohato Ninja Snacks
Price: FREE
Purchased at: Given by TIB reader Fury
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like Fritos. Can be used as a weapon by a ninja. Not being able to hear Tyra Banks. Being a ninja.
Cons: Buttered movie theater popcorn aftertaste. Might be difficult to find. Makes fingers greasy. Unsatisfying crunch. Not good for ninjas on missions. Hearing Tyra Banks. Being killed by a ninja with supermodel barf.